Tips

We're entering into holiday season - which is full of parties, good food, alcohol - and couples. Sure, there are plenty of unattached people in the world, but when you're at social events or family gatherings sometimes you can feel like the obvious single, standing by yourself next to the punchbowl in a room surrounded by couples. So what can you do to keep yourself from feeling isolated and down?

Following are some tips to help get you through those difficult couple-filled gatherings:

Focus on the positive. Being single comes with assets, like the freedom to come and go as you please and live your life exactly as you'd like on a day-to-day basis. Make a list of all the things you enjoy in your life right now, like having your own space to decorate, going out when you want (as well as staying in), making last-minute travel plans when the mood strikes, or planning that great adventure overseas next spring. Enjoy this time to yourself and truly savor it.

Know that this is temporary. Sure, it might feel like you've been single forever, but you haven't, and you won't be single for the rest of your life, either. You are always between relationships, unless you actively don't want to date anymore in your life. Remember, being single is just your situation right now, so don't give in to those feelings of doom and gloom.

Don't assume your coupled friends are happy. Do you think all your coupled friends are totally ecstatic in their relationships? Think again. Being with someone or even being married doesn't mean that they are happy, fulfilled, or that it's right in the long run. It's better to be looking for the right guy than realize you're in a relationship with the wrong one. Take your time and be patient. Love isn't something that is timed to your plan, but something that happens when your heart is truly open.

Enjoy what you love. If you like to travel, make plans to go somewhere exotic (or a road trip, or camping - whatever moves you) by yourself. Don't deny your happiness because you can't share it with someone - besides, don't you want adventures to talk about when you meet your next boyfriend?

Remember, you are not alone. About 50% of adults in the U.S. are single, so you're in good company despite the fact that friends, family, and commercials and ads can make you feel like an outsider. Don't let the opinions of others determine your satisfaction with your life. Enjoy yourself now, and be open to possibilities in the future. Love will find its way in.

I'm a big fan of online dating, but I like to advise people to keep their options open because you never know where you might meet the love of your life - at a friend's party, at the grocery store, on Match.com, or at the bar across the street from work. There are many opportunities we don't take every day, so now is the time to let go of the endless list of chores that need to get done in favor of a little spontaneity.

What I mean by spontaneity is - instead of going to the grocery store or going home after work to do laundry, why not try going solo to a bar in your neighborhood? If you're more comfortable bringing a friend, be my guest, but don't let that stop you from getting out there and letting go of some of your fears. It's important in life, and especially in dating, to try things outside of our comfort zones every so often. And that means striking up a conversation with someone sitting next to you at the bar, or saying hello to the woman in line behind you at the coffee shop. A few extra risks in life may be worth it.

Following are some tips to help you strike up that first conversation at a bar:

Sit next to someone. Don't hide away in the far corner at the end of the bar to avoid looking like you're alone - instead, put yourself in the center of the action. It's much easier to talk to people when they are closer to you.

Talk to the bartender. I've rarely met an unfriendly bartender, especially when I'm flying solo. Be friendly and introduce yourself, and strike up a conversation if it's not too busy. They can help you warm up to talking to the guys sitting next to you. (And sometimes you might get a free appetizer or drink...shhh.)

Put the phone down. I know it's easier to have your phone in your hand when you're by yourself. But don't expect anyone to start talking to you - would you approach someone who was wrapped up in an email or text? It closes you off to the people around you, so don't rely on your phone to make you feel less alone. Be ok with putting it down for a while, and pay more attention to what is going on around you, where the opportunities really exist.

Make eye contact. If someone catches your eye at the other end of the bar, don't look away. Make eye contact and smile back. There's nothing wrong with being friendly or approachable, even if you're not initially attracted.

Putting yourself out there means warming up to the people around you. Who knows - one of them might have a friend who will be the love of your life. Why not take a chance and strike up a conversation?

Sometimes we receive advice and do our best to follow it - whether it's having good manners on a date, being respectful, putting the cell phone away, or being honest about who we are in our profiles. After all, we would want to be treated the same way.

But what happens when your dates don't return the same courtesy?

One of the toughest things about dating is that we expect others to treat us with the same respect and consideration that we put forth. It's the Golden Rule that we all learned in kindergarten: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So why don't people follow this in their twenties, thirties, or even forties or more?

Some dates we meet seem rude, some clueless, some just ego-centric or mean. So, what do you do - speak your mind, stay silent and endure it for another half hour, or cut your losses and get out?

Unfortunately, you can't change the behavior of others. You can only change your reaction to them. Which means that the decision about how you handle this type of date says more about you than it does about your date's overall behavior.

Following are some guidelines to help you cope the next time your date isn't behaving so well:

Don't judge so quickly. Instead of jumping to conclusions that your date is so awful, poor-mannered, or just plain unattractive, stop yourself. It's possible - probable even - that they are nervous, especially if it's a first date, and it's not an accurate picture of how they are in real life. Consider giving them a second chance.

If they make racist or sexist remarks, let them know it offends you. There's no need to sit through a date who's spewing hatred at every turn. That's not what you signed up for, so politely excuse yourself and let them know that you're not a match and you want to save both of you some time.

If you have to cut the date short, do it politely and truthfully. Tell them you're not interested, or you don't feel connection. You don't have to lie and say you're not feeling well or something has come up at work.

Accept that bad dates come with the territory, but you will have some good dates, too. Not every date is going to meet your expectations. This is part of dating, and part of life in general, so it's best to shake it off and move on, instead of endlessly analyzing what went wrong or how horrible it was. The sooner you do, the sooner you can move on to a better date.

Accept that this isn't something "being done" to you. There's nobody out there preventing you from meeting someone special. You can't predict people, and you can't predict dates, either. Accept that you will meet good dates, too - even if you've had a streak of bad ones.

Move on past your anger. It's important to maintain perspective when dating. Embrace the fact that love is out there, and that you will find it. Don't judge the timing.

Going through a divorce is a major life shift, and it's not something that you can get over by rushing to get back out there and date. It's important to resist jumping back in, even if you're lonely and just want some company. Give yourself some time to be alone and process everything you've been through. Allow yourself to date when you're ready - there are no time limits, and the process of letting go is different for everyone, and may take longer if you have children.

Another point to consider when dating after divorce - depending on how long you were married, the dating atmosphere has changed significantly over the past decade, so you might find yourself in unfamiliar territory. Don't worry, it will just take some time to understand how it works.

So if you're ready to dip your toe into the dating pool and see what happens, there are a few steps to take to prepare yourself for the ride.

Take baby steps. If you want to date, start off slow. Don't join three different sites and make plans to meet your dates four nights a week, hoping to get to the relationship faster. Dating doesn't really work that way, so pace yourself so you don't have burnout and you're not in over your head.

Ask friends for help. If you'd like to revamp your wardrobe, or get help with your profile, call on a friend to help. If you have other divorced or single friends who are currently dating, even better to get their input. Friends can help with your online profile, too. Often they are better cheerleaders on our behalf than we are.

Utilize technology. There aren't many "rules" anymore - like waiting three days to call someone back so you don't look eager. Let go of your preconceived notions, because they aren't true anymore. Also, start using technology. Sign up for online dating. Text your dates to schedule when and where to meet, or to keep flirtations going after a first or second date.

Refrain from conversations about your ex. This is hard to do, especially if you're dating another divorced person, but refrain from ex talk - even if you have things in common as far as your divorce. You want to start off on a new foot, not rehashing the past, which can put off a date and make you feel worse. Keep the conversation light and focus on just having a good time without all the heaviness and expectations.

Understand what you want. Be aware of what you've learned from your past relationships, and know what you want in your next relationship. Don't be afraid to just have fun or want something serious. Set your intention, whether it's another long-term thing or just some company. Be honest with yourself.

Have fun! Don't take dating too seriously. This is a good time to just have fun and get to know yourself in a new way. Happy dating!

This is my favorite time of the year - the air is turning a little cool in the evenings, new shows are starting to premiere on TV, and the best part - Halloween is around the corner. Fall is a fun time in my opinion, and a good time to actively date.

Fall brings many possibilities for new and different date ideas to help you get over the lingering effects of summer and prepare for the holiday season. So take advantage and go outside your dinner and a movie comfort zone to try some once-a-year activities.

Following are some seasonal ideas to get you started:

Costume shopping - If you want a little creativity and inspiration, ask your date to go shopping for Halloween costumes with you. Instead of renting or buying those pre-fab expensive ones, try local thrift stores and come up with your own designs. It's much more fun, and it shows off your creative side. (Even if you already planned a costume, it can't hurt to look together.)

Haunted things - whether it's a hayride through an old cemetery or a haunted theme park or shopping mall, taking your date to a spooky event can be fun and will definitely give you something to talk about - even if it was kind of lame. You can share a drink afterward and calm your nerves.

Pumpkin carving - Visited a pumpkin farm lately? If not, you might want to take your date along with you. Grab a couple of pumpkins and show off your carving skills, maybe while you're watching some scary movies. Most farms offer some carving tool kits if you want to get detailed about it.

Farmer's markets - I love strolling through these on weekend mornings - the produce changes depending on the time of year. It's a different kind of date - you can gather a few items for a picnic at a nearby park.

Art shows - I'm not sure why this is, but the fall seems to be the best time for catching new art shows that come to town - whether it's a museum or art gallery. Check your local listings and wander through a new exhibit. If you're feeling the chemistry, stick around for a drink or bite to eat nearby.

Host a themed gathering - Even if you live in a small place, it's fun to invite a few people over along with your date to watch scary movies and create some Halloween-inspired drinks and food. Decorating a little helps to set the mood, too. Happy Halloween!

If you're online dating, chances are you'll encounter a divorced man. If you've never been married yourself, does this thought make you a little uneasy? Before you go running for the hills, have a little perspective.

It's good to start by asking yourself some simple questions - ones you'd be asking with any man you date. Is he a good person? Does he treat you well? Is there chemistry? These are important things to notice, and these kind of questions can help guide you through dating. After all, not every person who's right for us comes in the package we expect.

Of course, divorced men may come with more complications than a man who's never married, but they also have been in a committed relationship and know what it takes. So I've put together a few tips to keep in mind as you're dating, so you know what to expect and what to look forward to:

Let the relationship flow. Maybe you're interested in a committed relationship, marriage, etc., but take don't delve into this subject on your first or second date. Refrain from asking him if he's willing to marry again. He has to get comfortable with you first. Give him a little time to get to know you before you put him on the spot about what he wants in life. It didn't work out the first time, so cut him some slack. If he really wants to make sure it works with you, it means getting to know you and letting the relationship take its course.

Don't become his therapist. Men and women can be bitter after a divorce, especially if they are the ones who were left. Don't put yourself in the position of therapist, constantly analyzing what went wrong of how poorly his ex treated him. Create a new relationship together without constantly rehashing the old. If he remains stuck in the past, then it's time for you to move on.

Know his complications. Divorced men have ex wives who may figure into their lives, especially if there are children. If he takes a phone call from his child in the middle of a romantic dinner, or has to cancel an evening because his ex needs him to take the kids, have some understanding of these extra demands on his time. Give him space to take care of his business and recognize that you don't always come first.

Appreciate his experience. Sure, he might have been married before, but that doesn't make him scared of relationships. In fact, he knows better what a commitment takes. And a real plus - he's probably more realistic and willing to compromise.

Maintain your sense of self. It might be easy to get wrapped up in his world, but don't put yours on hold. It's important to maintain your friendships and make your own plans. Have fun, and let the relationship move forward at its own pace.