Moving Past the Bad Dates

Sometimes we receive advice and do our best to follow it - whether it's having good manners on a date, being respectful, putting the cell phone away, or being honest about who we are in our profiles. After all, we would want to be treated the same way.

But what happens when your dates don't return the same courtesy?

One of the toughest things about dating is that we expect others to treat us with the same respect and consideration that we put forth. It's the Golden Rule that we all learned in kindergarten: "do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So why don't people follow this in their twenties, thirties, or even forties or more?

Some dates we meet seem rude, some clueless, some just ego-centric or mean. So, what do you do - speak your mind, stay silent and endure it for another half hour, or cut your losses and get out?

Unfortunately, you can't change the behavior of others. You can only change your reaction to them. Which means that the decision about how you handle this type of date says more about you than it does about your date's overall behavior.

Following are some guidelines to help you cope the next time your date isn't behaving so well:

Don't judge so quickly. Instead of jumping to conclusions that your date is so awful, poor-mannered, or just plain unattractive, stop yourself. It's possible - probable even - that they are nervous, especially if it's a first date, and it's not an accurate picture of how they are in real life. Consider giving them a second chance.

If they make racist or sexist remarks, let them know it offends you. There's no need to sit through a date who's spewing hatred at every turn. That's not what you signed up for, so politely excuse yourself and let them know that you're not a match and you want to save both of you some time.

If you have to cut the date short, do it politely and truthfully. Tell them you're not interested, or you don't feel connection. You don't have to lie and say you're not feeling well or something has come up at work.

Accept that bad dates come with the territory, but you will have some good dates, too. Not every date is going to meet your expectations. This is part of dating, and part of life in general, so it's best to shake it off and move on, instead of endlessly analyzing what went wrong or how horrible it was. The sooner you do, the sooner you can move on to a better date.

Accept that this isn't something "being done" to you. There's nobody out there preventing you from meeting someone special. You can't predict people, and you can't predict dates, either. Accept that you will meet good dates, too - even if you've had a streak of bad ones.

Move on past your anger. It's important to maintain perspective when dating. Embrace the fact that love is out there, and that you will find it. Don't judge the timing.