Advice

You’ve done it; you’ve met someone who seems great online and agreed to get together face-to-face. What do you do now that you won’t have the comfort and anonymity of your computer monitor to hide behind? How do you take that great chemistry and witty banter from IMs and emails to real life?? Taking online dating offline can be exciting and nauseatingly nerve-wracking at the same time, but it can and must be done. So is life as an online dater.

Taking online dating offline will be a lot easier if you’ve been honest with the other person up until that point. If you’ve made the mistake of lying about your appearance or anything else, then meeting face-to-face pretty much guarantees that the jig will be up and you’re in for a little embarrassment to say the least. If you have exaggerated the truth in terms of your height, weight or appearance in general, then you might want to come clean before your first meeting to save you both the added awkwardness since first dates are already hard enough without any unwanted surprises.

Another must when taking online dating offline is let go of any preconceived notions or over-inflated expectations that you may have where the other person is concerned. If you spend enough time chatting with someone before meeting it’s not uncommon to end up with certain expectations of what you think that person is like or how the date should go. The thing is; you can’t predict or force chemistry and you can’t expect someone to live up to an image that you have created in your mind. Go on your date with an open mind and don’t put pressure on yourself or the other person to be anything more than friendly. Even if you go on your date knowing full well that you are the same person online as you are offline; you can’t say for sure that they will be. Everyone reacts differently to different situations and circumstances and you can’t expect that things will go your way just because you want them to. Keep an open mind and go with the flow. Be yourself and see how it goes.

That’s pretty much all you need to do when it comes to taking online dating offline—that and using some common sense. Endless hours online doesn’t guarantee that you know the person well enough to trust them quite yet and you need to remember that when making plans. Taking online dating offline requires putting safety first, so agree to meet in a public place and arrange your own ride to and from the date. Don’t share details about where you live until you’ve had a chance to really get to know the other person. If you keep all of these things in mind, then taking your online dating to the next level will be a breeze.

If you’re considering giving online dating a shot or have already been using online dating, then you’ve probably wondered about the difference between free and paid dating sites. While I personally don’t believe you should put a price on love or your quest to find it, I can tell you that some great things in life really are free, just like some things are worth paying for.

The difference between free and paid dating sites really depend on each site individually since I can think of a free site or two that are stellar in terms of selection and features and give some of the paid sites a run for their money. This doesn’t mean that I’m not a fan of the paid sites though as some are worth every penny they charge and then some. The difference between free and paid dating sites, a lot of times, comes down to personal preference. If aesthetics as far as site design go are important for you, then a paid site may be the way to go. The money you pay for some of the better known dating sites goes into the design and appearance of the site. You get the pretty colors and font, great graphics and then some great features like live chat/instant messaging, an online magazine and more. These things can help make your experience with the site a little more pleasant and entertaining, and again, these things are important to some people. A lot of these sites are also free for women to join, but require you to pay for a membership in order to enjoy some of the more elaborate features or even to contact someone directly. Then there are also the more “upscale” paid sites which use a match up process based on a series of questions to help you come up with potential matches based on your answers. These generally cost more than other paid sites but do seem to give you a lot for your money—especially if you’re in need of a little more guidance than others.

For those who don’t care about all of the bells and whistles like instant messaging with lots of emoticons, then a free site is likely to give you what you’re after, which I’m guessing are dates. Many sites start out free in order to gain popularity and attract members. Then you’ve got sites, like Plenty of Fish which are completely free for men and women. When you log on to a site like POF you’ll see the difference in appearance right away. There’s no bright red background, fancy logos or much else but, there are millions of members that you can contact for free. The site is also easy to navigate because it’s so simple. And, for those looking for something more, POF now also offers a chemistry questionnaire to help you make better matches.

Many people wonder if the difference between free and paid dating sites is somehow reflected in the quality of members that they attract. While it does make sense that those in a better financial situation can better afford the paid dating sites or those that are considered more ‘upscale’, this doesn’t mean that the free dating sites are only being used by the down and out! Most people who use online dating will use more than one site and many admit to having a paid and free membership on the go.

So in the end, while there is a difference between free and paid dating sites; one isn’t necessarily better than the other if what you care about is just meeting people and finding someone.

The most popular paid dating sites are Match.com and eHarmony.com. The most popular free dating site is Plentyoffish.com

One thing I always say with regards to online dating profiles is that it's really, really difficult to be funny. Flat sarcasm is often taken seriously, and jokes seem to have a darker undertone when there's no facial expression or light tone of voice to balance it out. Still, the other day I was taken aback by something I had never considered: shock humor.

I was helping someone check out potential guys on a dating site. We'd IM each other links and essentially say, “Check out this guy.” We'd been sending links for quite some time, and I was beginning to scan them a little more quickly. I spotted a guy who seemed compatible enough from a quick read-through of his profile. Rather than click on his separate page of pictures, I moused over his default pic to see the first three. They were bog-standard, and he looked pleasant. I passed along the link.

There was a lull in the conversation as she clicked on the link, and two minutes later this popped up on my IM screen: “OH MY GOD APRON PICTURE!”

Confused, I hurriedly clicked on the page of pictures. There were seven or eight of them, all completely innocuous... and then in the last picture, the guy was wearing an apron that was printed with a muscular, naked man. If you glanced at the picture quickly, it looked like he was naked. Really, really naked.

I'm not sure how I feel about this brand of humor. Clearly it struck out with the girl I was working with, but I can think of others for whom this spark of humor would make him more appealing. Like every other brand of humor, the shock approach is incredibly hit-and-miss – but on the other hand, if it's a hit you might have someone who really “gets” you. If you're thinking about using this route to spice up your own profile, tread with caution (and make sure you're not breaking any site rules). It's a gamble, to be sure – and even though gambles occasionally pay off, you generally lose more than you win.

While finding love is definitely something you should take seriously, you’re going to get a lot more out of your search if you can learn to have a little fun along the way. Without wanting to sound like I’m ranting; there are far too many people who get uptight about their search for love and see it more as a chore or race to get to the alter by a certain age. Dating shouldn’t be about finding someone—anyone—as quickly as possible! The journey to love should be as fun and enjoyable as love itself! That’s why I’m here to teach you about having fun with online dating.

Having fun with online dating won’t only help you to enjoy the process but it will also help you find love. When you come across a member online who you’re interested in and would like to date, you can pretty much kiss your chances of a love connection goodbye if you’re going on your date with unrealistic expectations and putting pressure on your date to be ‘the one’. No one enjoys spending time with someone who is uptight or pushy. The most that you should be expecting from your date is that they be respectful and that the coffee is good—that’s about it for the first date. If you go in expecting an instant relationship or violins and movie romance then you’re doomed for disappointment. Your date will feel the pressure whether you voice it or not. And, how can you relax and really have fun if you’re trying to force things along? Your date shouldn’t be about making something happen but rather about enjoying the moment and the company.

Having fun with online dating is also about enjoying meeting new people. Yes, if you’re looking for something special then you should try to connect with people who you really believe that you’ll click with, but don’t expect it to happen with the first person you meet. Line up a few dates and enjoy the experience of making new acquaintances and trying potential dates on for size. Have a laugh, make jokes, keep things light and enjoy the moment. Choose places to meet that you enjoy, like your favorite cafe that’s ideal for people watching or even an arcade! Being able to really relax on a date and share a laugh makes for a great date whether things move forward with that person or not.
Online dating is what you make it so do what you can to make it fun for you and the people you go out with.

In the world of online dating, you're hoping for a few things when it comes to finally meeting the person you've seen online. You hope they look like their pictures, have the personality of a prince or princess and make your toes tingle and that you can carry on a conversation with them without all of those uncomfortable gaps. Not so much to ask for, right? Instead of sweating it out and planning a whole day together for a first meeting, why not try a pre-date?

Pre-dates are as honest as honest can be. Find time to meet at a coffee shop, a park, for a *censored*tail...something with less stress that allows the two of you to get to know one another without committing to an entire meal, movie or day together. There are many benefits to setting yourself up on a pre-date (for you and your date!) and they go way beyond scheduling.

By allowing yourselves an "out," you've already taken the pressure off to be tolerant of a person you may not end up clicking with. If you click, great! Then it's onward to dinner or lunch and whatever else you might feel like doing. If you don't click, however, you can each go your separate ways without that lingering obligation to eat your dinner or pay for someone's dinner.

Another benefit to the pre-date is that you can explore places that may not be suitable for a whole date. Quirky bookstores or dive record shops, give yourself the opportunity to be who you are in an environment that's meaningful. The pre-date gives you way more flexibility and lets you share something important with your date without the burden of wondering if he or she prefers milk or soy milk in their latte.

So, give yourself permission: set the date before the date! Add some adventure into the online dating process and let your date know that you're open to meeting new people and look forward to a pressure-free beginning.

Many young couples struggle with insecurity, asking themselves whether the other person really likes them or is just playing around. Just like the true love of long-time partners, the couple must feel for each other in thought, word, and deed. Of course, the level of commitment is vastly different in the mature couple, but we can still learn about positive, encouraging behavior even from a simple example. What does it mean to love in thought, word, and deed? There are a few signs that you can look for to see if this true type of relationship is developing, or to test whether your long-term partner is really committed to the relationship.

1. Loving or Caring for Someone in Thought

This sentence implies that the person thinks about your welfare and your happiness. He or she will not do anything to purposely hurt you. That may seem obvious to you but it can also be demonstrated by some nuances in behavior. When you are with friends, for example, will that person always stick up for you? Will he or she ensure that nobody does anything to tear down your confidence or show you disrespect? Let me give you a simple example. Bob and Jennifer went out with friends to go skating. Bob had never skated before and was stumbling around and falling all over the place. Jennifer was proud, however, of the effort that Bob was giving to the afternoon. Despite difficulties with the activity, and laughs from onlookers, he kept at it. Jen, a good skater, thought to herself, “Bob is really showing strong character and determination today, I think I like him.” Here, we see that she liked him “in thought.” Of course, we are not mind readers so how would he know.

2. Loving or Caring for Someone in Word

What do we mean by loving in Word? There is more to the expression than saying “I love you.”

Let’s continue with the story.
Later that evening while Bob was driving Jen home she said to him, “Bob, I was really proud of the way that you skated today. You had never skated before, but you kept at it. Thank you.” Bob proceeded to give Jen the biggest smile of his life. He felt built up, and confident.

3. Loving or Caring for Someone in Deed

Jen, seeing the positive reaction her comment had on Bob, was overwhelmed with affection and emotion. Then, without giving it a second thought, she leaned over in the car and gave Bob a gentle kiss on the cheek. Finally, Bob said “thank you Jen, what a wonderful complement and day,” affirming and receiving the act of love.

We see in this simple example, that the thought of respect, gave way to words of affection, followed by a deed of action; the innocent kiss. Jen expressed love to Bob in thought, word, and deed and it was received gladly.

Other simple examples from everyday life could be, does your partner wish you a pleasant and successful business trip? Is there a telephone call to you when you return to ask how it went? Does your partner wish you good luck on an important exam and follow this up afterwards in asking you about it? The examples are endless and the signs are always there.

Many in a young and even a not so young relationship, struggle with the question about the sincerity of their partner. An easy way to find the answer to this question is to examine whether your partner, regardless of the level, demonstrates love in thought, word, and deed.

Remember, “Life and Death are in the Power of the Tongue.”
Proverbs 18:21