Advice

Do you have a type? By type I mean a very clear picture of what it is you want in a mate? We all do even if we think that we don't. To be honest, my type was always a guy well over 6 foot with longish dark hair and eyes and from a European background. Kind of like a freakishly tall soccer player on steroids who also had a bit of a gut! Along with these physical traits I also, much to my chagrin, realized long ago that I was attracted to guys who were also complicated, macho and arrogant. Was this working for me? Only on a very superficial level at best. Did I stray from my type? Not for a loooooooooong time! Once I did though, I was pleasantly surprised by what was out there and by how attracted to other 'types' I could be.

One of the greatest things about dating and online dating especially is the endless opportunities that you are privy to. Just think, when you use a dating site that has hundreds and even thousands of members, you have the chance to have all kinds of dates with all kinds of different people! Look at how many shots at love that is-if you're willing to try. Keeping an open mind is so important when it comes to dating. While you should never lower your standards and date people who repulse you just for the sake of dating; straying from a very specific type could pay off. You may have a list of things that you find attractive, but what harm would it do to maybe look past one or two of those things and go for a coffee with someone who could prove to be incredible? And, as much as you may believe that certain characteristics will make you happy in love, the reality is that most of us don't know what's out there if we don't stray from our comfort zone a little. As hot a large boobs or a six pack may be, they certainly don't guarantee chemistry, compatibility or love.

Next time you're browsing the members on a dating site, try increasing or decreasing the age range you browse, or maybe leave the height and body type open when you search. Even better, why not just limit it to the gender that you're interested in and just browse all of the listings for your location? Check out the pictures, read the profiles and keep an open mind because you just never know when someone's profile is going to speak to you and resonate in a way that you might not have expected. Live a little! There's no better way to find true love than to give yourself a good shot at it to begin with!

Nobody walks into an online dating site and thinks, "Wow! I'll bet this is a great place to make friends!"

But why not?

We meet people every day - at work, school, events - that we get along with just fine but don't want to date. While it may not be your goal, don't close the door on the possibility that the person sitting across from you, while not the perfect date, just might be a perfect friend.

I'm fortunate in that some of my best male friends have come from my online dating experiences. While my long-term boyfriend and I did not meet on an online dating website, he's met pretty much every one of the awesome guys that I met in those places. Why? Because they're awesome people. We dog sit for one another, play trivia on Sunday nights together, watch the Super Bowl together...they're great guys. He knows where my heart is and without all of those dates that showed me what I didn't want, I wouldn't have found the man that I actually do want. When you invest yourself in online dating, you already know more about someone you're seeing for the first time than maybe many of that person's coworkers. Take advantage of that. If you can talk for hours but there's just no chemistry, ask your date if they'd be open to being friends.

Granted, not everyone is looking for more friends, but look at the scenario this way: you liked one another enough to meet. What's to say that you won't like each other one enough later on to share time with them as a human being, too? It's almost hilarious when one of my guy friends brings a double date with my boyfriend and me. They invariably ask, "How do you guys know each other?" Well, we're always honest and there's always a chuckle.

"We met online." And then I lean over and squeeze my boyfriend's hand and give him a kiss. I'm glad he can share my friends with me.

Before meeting Mr. Right on Plenty of Fish, I was on a mission to chronicle 50 blind dates on a blog and in a book. To find these 50 days I began scouring the internet for all kinds of dating sites as recommended by friends and yes, even this very site. One of the sites that a couple of friends had recommended was LargeFriends.com. I figured it was a good fit since I am by no stretch a skinny gal, along with the fact that I've always found teddy bear-big guys to be kind of endearing.

Largefriends.com, in case you haven't figured it out, is a plus size dating site that caters to bigger members and the people who love them-also known as BBWs (Big, Beautiful Women) and BHMs (Big, Handsome Men). The plus side to a site dedicated to the plus size is not having to worry about how you describe your size so that it doesn't scare off the guys who are put off by the chub. You know that any guy on the site is open to meeting women who fall to the curvier or heavier side of the spectrum which is kinda' nice.

The site itself is very easy to navigate, packed with members of all shapes and sizes, and not very expensive. My profile got a lot of attention and was pleased by the caliber of men I chatted with as well; polite, positive and employed. There was one in particular who was witty and gave good chat-a must for me as a writer! We decided to meet and I had every reason to believe that we would hit it off, which we seemed to throughout the course of our date. That is until he began to make reference to my size. The thing is he wasn't referring to my being too big for his liking but rather too small! If I recall correctly he said that I "ate one fry too little to be big enough for a plus size dating site"! It seems that while I was plus size by a store's standard at the time, I was not nearly big enough for what this guy deemed to be plus size. He had marveled during many chats about my "gorgeous face", but a pretty face wasn't enough as he was looking for a woman of at least 200LBS. The experience led me to doing a little bit of research amongst the members I was in contact with and it turned out that many of the men on the site were indeed looking for a much bigger gal!

So, if you're a big girl and are looking for a plus size dating site where the members are open to a much larger or even supersize figure, then LargeFriends.com is it!

As you might have heard, there's a whole lot of basketball going on right now – the NCAA Championships, to be exact. Everywhere I went last weekend, people were cheering at TV screens, discussing schools.

The fun thing about it is that everyone has their hopes for who will win, but they all know that it could go to anyone – probably some school that nobody expected. A game is capable of going any way, at any time. I find this refreshing; compare this to the Superbowl, where the outcome of just one game was tied to the hopes and dreams of New Orleans, the validation of the career of Archie Manning... It was a little ridiculous, really.

I find online dating – and maybe all dating – is the same way. When you look at an online dating site, there's a vast pool of prospects. Sending emails and going on dates is a way of narrowing the brackets of potential matches; sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn't. Eventually it will get narrowed down, but you're meeting people who are really strangers. There aren't really any winners or losers when you're simply incompatible.

The problem comes when you look at dating – at meeting, really – as a Superbowl situation. When you place tons of meaning on one email or one first date, you'll be crushed if it doesn't work out, plain and simple. Sure, you don't want to consider dating a complete lark – you want to recognize something good when it comes along, and be ready to act accordingly – but if one email is not returned, it will not be the end of the world.

The best way to combat the Superbowl mentality is to send more than one email a week. You don't need to send out 32 copy-and-paste emails, but several short, personalized emails per week are usually more than enough to keep anyone from dwelling too much on any single email. And remember: an email, a first date, is just a meeting! Unlike sports, it's not a competition. It's just a search for the best person for YOU. There's no losing in dating.

Occasionally we'll hear a story where someone has found the love of their life through online dating – only to find out that they've actually lived down the street the entire time. While this story is certainly touching and plausible, what does it say about how we live today?

I completely understand the plight of those living in a big city like Los Angeles or New York; there's thousands of people crammed into a tiny space, and it would be impossible to know everyone. Similarly, those living in rural areas might go months without encountering a neighbor, and they'd have to go out of their way to have a conversation.

But most people live in suburban areas, in subdivisions or apartment complexes or neighborhoods. They live in situations where neighbors are easily accessible, and there's not as much turnover as you'd expect in a city. Most new developments place houses so close together you have to avoid looking into each other's windows. And yet, the days of block parties and borrowing sugar seem less likely than they were ten, even five years ago.

How can we expect to find love when even meeting the neighbors is an insurmountable task? How can we lament about the lack of local prospects when we don't even know what the local prospects are?

I am all for utilizing technology, and that includes online dating. But really we are at our best when we are well-rounded, and I think that applies to our social skills as well. Some can deliver witty jokes via email, but are tongue-tied in person, and if we want our relationships to jump the hurdle from virtual to reality, we've got to have the skills to make it happen. So, next chance you get, try to meet the neighbors. It's a good exercise in first impressions and social situations, and you could meet someone who becomes a new friend – or maybe even something more.

Let's say you're constructing your first online dating profile. You've chosen your screen name carefully. You're aware of online safety practices, so you're pretty sure nothing in your profile hints at where you work or anything too specific about where you live. You're honest, though; you like to be upfront, and you don't like playing games. Thus, you assert exactly what you're there for: you're looking for a relationship, or maybe friendship. And if someone's interested in a quick hookup, well, that might be okay too.

While there are definite pros and cons to this approach, the problem I'd like to address today is that the profile has officially gone out of the romantic shallow end of the pool and is treading water in the sex category. And while there's nothing wrong with this, there's a mantra you should repeat to yourself if you choose to take this course: My coworkers could see this. My neighbors could see this. Am I okay with people I know seeing this?

Even if you're appropriately vague about the specific details of your life, the fact remains that you'll probably post a picture. And though the internet is a vast place, most singles in your area will probably eventually scour every single local match – and some not-so-local. So if you're not comfortable with others knowing you even have a sex life, it's probably a good idea to play it safe.

“Well, I fall into this category,” you might think, “but I know that no one I know uses my site. In fact, I'm the only single person I know!”

Just today, I was helping someone look for a match in their area – not mine – and I spotted someone I don't know personally, but I know we have acquaintances in common. Just in case I hadn't recognized them, they also provided way too much information about their life, which confirmed it. And I now know way more about their sexual interests than I ever needed.

All it takes is your coworker's sister to say, “Hey, here's someone who also works at Business X! Do you know them?” And again, it happens more frequently than you might think.

Now, if you're comfortable being open sexually, and you'd even say the same things at work or dinner or anywhere else, go for it. But if it would make you uncomfortable to have someone you know read your profile, you might want to edit, just in case.