Advice

Nobody walks into an online dating site and thinks, "Wow! I'll bet this is a great place to make friends!"

But why not?

We meet people every day - at work, school, events - that we get along with just fine but don't want to date. While it may not be your goal, don't close the door on the possibility that the person sitting across from you, while not the perfect date, just might be a perfect friend.

I'm fortunate in that some of my best male friends have come from my online dating experiences. While my long-term boyfriend and I did not meet on an online dating website, he's met pretty much every one of the awesome guys that I met in those places. Why? Because they're awesome people. We dog sit for one another, play trivia on Sunday nights together, watch the Super Bowl together...they're great guys. He knows where my heart is and without all of those dates that showed me what I didn't want, I wouldn't have found the man that I actually do want. When you invest yourself in online dating, you already know more about someone you're seeing for the first time than maybe many of that person's coworkers. Take advantage of that. If you can talk for hours but there's just no chemistry, ask your date if they'd be open to being friends.

Granted, not everyone is looking for more friends, but look at the scenario this way: you liked one another enough to meet. What's to say that you won't like each other one enough later on to share time with them as a human being, too? It's almost hilarious when one of my guy friends brings a double date with my boyfriend and me. They invariably ask, "How do you guys know each other?" Well, we're always honest and there's always a chuckle.

"We met online." And then I lean over and squeeze my boyfriend's hand and give him a kiss. I'm glad he can share my friends with me.

Before meeting Mr. Right on Plenty of Fish, I was on a mission to chronicle 50 blind dates on a blog and in a book. To find these 50 days I began scouring the internet for all kinds of dating sites as recommended by friends and yes, even this very site. One of the sites that a couple of friends had recommended was LargeFriends.com. I figured it was a good fit since I am by no stretch a skinny gal, along with the fact that I've always found teddy bear-big guys to be kind of endearing.

Largefriends.com, in case you haven't figured it out, is a plus size dating site that caters to bigger members and the people who love them-also known as BBWs (Big, Beautiful Women) and BHMs (Big, Handsome Men). The plus side to a site dedicated to the plus size is not having to worry about how you describe your size so that it doesn't scare off the guys who are put off by the chub. You know that any guy on the site is open to meeting women who fall to the curvier or heavier side of the spectrum which is kinda' nice.

The site itself is very easy to navigate, packed with members of all shapes and sizes, and not very expensive. My profile got a lot of attention and was pleased by the caliber of men I chatted with as well; polite, positive and employed. There was one in particular who was witty and gave good chat-a must for me as a writer! We decided to meet and I had every reason to believe that we would hit it off, which we seemed to throughout the course of our date. That is until he began to make reference to my size. The thing is he wasn't referring to my being too big for his liking but rather too small! If I recall correctly he said that I "ate one fry too little to be big enough for a plus size dating site"! It seems that while I was plus size by a store's standard at the time, I was not nearly big enough for what this guy deemed to be plus size. He had marveled during many chats about my "gorgeous face", but a pretty face wasn't enough as he was looking for a woman of at least 200LBS. The experience led me to doing a little bit of research amongst the members I was in contact with and it turned out that many of the men on the site were indeed looking for a much bigger gal!

So, if you're a big girl and are looking for a plus size dating site where the members are open to a much larger or even supersize figure, then LargeFriends.com is it!

As you might have heard, there's a whole lot of basketball going on right now – the NCAA Championships, to be exact. Everywhere I went last weekend, people were cheering at TV screens, discussing schools.

The fun thing about it is that everyone has their hopes for who will win, but they all know that it could go to anyone – probably some school that nobody expected. A game is capable of going any way, at any time. I find this refreshing; compare this to the Superbowl, where the outcome of just one game was tied to the hopes and dreams of New Orleans, the validation of the career of Archie Manning... It was a little ridiculous, really.

I find online dating – and maybe all dating – is the same way. When you look at an online dating site, there's a vast pool of prospects. Sending emails and going on dates is a way of narrowing the brackets of potential matches; sometimes it goes your way, sometimes it doesn't. Eventually it will get narrowed down, but you're meeting people who are really strangers. There aren't really any winners or losers when you're simply incompatible.

The problem comes when you look at dating – at meeting, really – as a Superbowl situation. When you place tons of meaning on one email or one first date, you'll be crushed if it doesn't work out, plain and simple. Sure, you don't want to consider dating a complete lark – you want to recognize something good when it comes along, and be ready to act accordingly – but if one email is not returned, it will not be the end of the world.

The best way to combat the Superbowl mentality is to send more than one email a week. You don't need to send out 32 copy-and-paste emails, but several short, personalized emails per week are usually more than enough to keep anyone from dwelling too much on any single email. And remember: an email, a first date, is just a meeting! Unlike sports, it's not a competition. It's just a search for the best person for YOU. There's no losing in dating.

Occasionally we'll hear a story where someone has found the love of their life through online dating – only to find out that they've actually lived down the street the entire time. While this story is certainly touching and plausible, what does it say about how we live today?

I completely understand the plight of those living in a big city like Los Angeles or New York; there's thousands of people crammed into a tiny space, and it would be impossible to know everyone. Similarly, those living in rural areas might go months without encountering a neighbor, and they'd have to go out of their way to have a conversation.

But most people live in suburban areas, in subdivisions or apartment complexes or neighborhoods. They live in situations where neighbors are easily accessible, and there's not as much turnover as you'd expect in a city. Most new developments place houses so close together you have to avoid looking into each other's windows. And yet, the days of block parties and borrowing sugar seem less likely than they were ten, even five years ago.

How can we expect to find love when even meeting the neighbors is an insurmountable task? How can we lament about the lack of local prospects when we don't even know what the local prospects are?

I am all for utilizing technology, and that includes online dating. But really we are at our best when we are well-rounded, and I think that applies to our social skills as well. Some can deliver witty jokes via email, but are tongue-tied in person, and if we want our relationships to jump the hurdle from virtual to reality, we've got to have the skills to make it happen. So, next chance you get, try to meet the neighbors. It's a good exercise in first impressions and social situations, and you could meet someone who becomes a new friend – or maybe even something more.

Let's say you're constructing your first online dating profile. You've chosen your screen name carefully. You're aware of online safety practices, so you're pretty sure nothing in your profile hints at where you work or anything too specific about where you live. You're honest, though; you like to be upfront, and you don't like playing games. Thus, you assert exactly what you're there for: you're looking for a relationship, or maybe friendship. And if someone's interested in a quick hookup, well, that might be okay too.

While there are definite pros and cons to this approach, the problem I'd like to address today is that the profile has officially gone out of the romantic shallow end of the pool and is treading water in the sex category. And while there's nothing wrong with this, there's a mantra you should repeat to yourself if you choose to take this course: My coworkers could see this. My neighbors could see this. Am I okay with people I know seeing this?

Even if you're appropriately vague about the specific details of your life, the fact remains that you'll probably post a picture. And though the internet is a vast place, most singles in your area will probably eventually scour every single local match – and some not-so-local. So if you're not comfortable with others knowing you even have a sex life, it's probably a good idea to play it safe.

“Well, I fall into this category,” you might think, “but I know that no one I know uses my site. In fact, I'm the only single person I know!”

Just today, I was helping someone look for a match in their area – not mine – and I spotted someone I don't know personally, but I know we have acquaintances in common. Just in case I hadn't recognized them, they also provided way too much information about their life, which confirmed it. And I now know way more about their sexual interests than I ever needed.

All it takes is your coworker's sister to say, “Hey, here's someone who also works at Business X! Do you know them?” And again, it happens more frequently than you might think.

Now, if you're comfortable being open sexually, and you'd even say the same things at work or dinner or anywhere else, go for it. But if it would make you uncomfortable to have someone you know read your profile, you might want to edit, just in case.

No matter if you're new or a seasoned pro in the world of online dating, there's one little question that gets a lot of people thinking: income.

Should you click? Leave it blank? Do you care? Is it anyone's business?

When you first meet someone in person, it's the personalities that have a chance to do the talking. However, in the world of online dating, it's much like shopping from a catalog: you see what someone looks like, what they're made of, and if you don't like them, there's another something on the next page that might suit your fancy. Financial information is no different, but the choice is yours how much to reveal.

From the Woman's Point of View

Perhaps you want the men looking through your profile to understand that you're successful and have no problems holding your own in the business world. You've worked hard to get where you are and your financial success is a core piece of who you are - there's nothing wrong with that. Go ahead - let them know how much money you make in your online dating profile. If you're more private or not really concerned about finances, skip answering the question. If you look at men's profiles long enough, you'll notice that few of them put preferences on what they'd like their mate to earn. The decision is yours - however, if you're a student or not currently employed to do volunteer work or something of the sort, share that information. It lends more to lifestyle and scheduling than a judgment on your ability to earn a living.

From the Man's Point of View

Your ability to support a family and have disposable income to spend on those you love is important to you. By all means - feel free to share your income. It's not infrequent, however, to find more women's profiles than men's that spell-out a preferred income range for a prospective mate. Not that you should take this as gold digging or someone on the hunt for a sugar daddy (as the woman's profile will be a better display of these less-than-desirable traits). Rather, many women are looking to start a family or already have a family. Many love to travel. Don't discount a woman who states an income preference for her potential mate - but there's nothing wrong with understanding her motivations. Again, if you're more on the private side, leave the question blank. If you meet the right person, finances are sure to come up at the right time in your relationship and you can have the conversation then.

The Universal Cons of Sharing Your Income

Everyone is online these days. What's to say that a coworker or colleague (or even a client) won't stumble across your profile? Are your personal finances and income something you need to share before you've even had coffee? Understand that, just like everything else in your profile, your income is available information as well. There's no shame in looking for love online, but understand completely who may come across that information. It doesn't matter if they're the intended audience. Even unregistered users can see member profiles on some sites - take this to heart as your fill out or edit your online dating profile. Your intentions in going online were to find a date, not to start inter-office drama or have a client see that your business is booming (or not). What goes online stays online and you have no idea who sees your precious financial information until it's too late. It's highly possible that some things are best left for the first date and beyond!