Advice

As I write this, I'm sitting in a coffee shop. It's the lunch hour; people of all ages are crammed in. After about twenty minutes of writing I realize I've tuned out the din altogether – it's still just as busy, but I'm lost in my own little world.

Looking around the coffee shop, I see more of the same. The girl in her early 20s, listening to whatever music is pouring out of her earbuds, The 30-something guy, checking his email or texting on his phone. Even the elderly man, hunched behind his newspaper. The coffee shop is chock-full of people who are completely isolated.

It's just the way the world is now, I suppose – we're so linked on the internet that we seek our privacy wherever we can find it. But what effect is this having on our love lives? Do we really need to turn to online dating sites to find love, or should we just peek out from behind the computer screen?

Well, perhaps I shouldn't be too hasty. After all, just because the coffee shop is full of people does not mean that it's full of eligible or compatible people. Sometimes the internet really is the only way to find people with compatible interests, or even eligible people in the desired age bracket.

Still, I wonder how different things would be if we had a no-electronics policy in public places. Would we interact more? Start up conversations out of sheer boredom? Would we avoid such places altogether, scuttling through as quickly as possible to get to our destination?

There's an old cliché about finding love in the grocery store, asking a stranger how to identify ripe melons. Nowadays, all one has to do is whip out their smart phone.

Obviously, the world has changed, and not even necessarily for the worst. However, that doesn't mean you shouldn't give up on the tried and true when it comes to love – human interaction. Next time you're at the coffee shop, try striking up a conversation with a random person – it doesn't even have to be a romantic interest. If we develop the habit of actually talking to one another, who knows where it might lead?

You've probably tried to recession-proof your bank account, but have you done anything to protect your love life from the effects of the failing economy?

The findings of Match's LoveGeist Report confirm suspicions that the recession has had an undeniable impact on our love lives and dating habits. In times of difficulty and uncertainty, psychologist Cecilia d'Felice explains, people "tend to cling together" and "start to value the things that are not so materially obvious." In the face of the economic crisis, finding emotional security has become just as important as creating financial security.

For singles, this means that security has become more important than ever in the search for love. 95% of those polled by LoveGeist researchers reported that "it is most important to them that the person they form a long-term relationship with is someone they feel secure with." In fact, security outranked other strongly desirable traits like sexual compatibility, shared values, and a common sense of humor.

Inevitably, finances are a powerful motivating force in the search for security. The experts behind the LoveGeist report believe that it's possible that the recession has caused many people to be less likely to leave a long-term relationship, either because they feel that they can't afford to or because they are afraid of the insecurity that a break up will bring. New relationships also might be less likely to occur in difficult financial times, because career security is prioritized over a social life.

But don't lose hope - love, it turns out, is still alive and well. Only 13% of survey respondents said that they prioritize income in the search for a long-term partner, a significantly smaller number than the 96% who said that they are seeking security and the 82% who are looking for shared values. Marriage was considered a path to financial security by only 2% of respondents. As a result of the fiscal crisis, "daters are buffering themselves against the cold economic climate," says the LoveGeist Report, and "looking for the warmth of shared experience and comfort."

In the wake of financial failure, we're faced with many big questions: What happens now? Will the dating market boom as the economy improves and people are once more willing to take risks? As we travel along the road to recession recovery, will relationships become "normal" again? Or have we redefined what it means to have a "normal" relationship?

Your thoughts, readers?

For more information on this dating service for UK singles, you can read our Match.com UK review.

Not all online dating sites have the option to create a headline for your profile, but for those that do, a headline can make or break your profile.

After all, that is the nature of a headline in all other print media. We sometimes judge whether or not read that news article or that paperback novel solely on whether or not we're “grabbed” immediately. Is it really a surprise that we might be just as judgmental when it comes to dating profiles?

There are good headlines and bad headlines, but first, let's tackle style. I find that the headlines for most people fall into two, very broad categories. Let's call them the “Newspaper” headlines and the “Novel” headlines.

When it comes to the news, we're often drawn to an article based on the content of the headline. Sure, some journalists might try to get witty from time to time, but in essence you're more willing to read a headline if it gives information about something you already find interesting, like, “Famous Movie Star Dead.”

Likewise, in online dating I see a lot of headlines that look like classified ads, stating the dry facts: “Fun looking for Adventure,” “I am really nice,” etc. The problem is, most people with online profiles are looking for basically the same things, and most of them are probably nice, interesting people. So how do we set ourselves apart, while simultaneously attracting good matches?

The answer is the Novel headline. This, in itself, is a bit of a play on words, referring both to how we select works of fiction and something that is unusual and striking. See, we don't pick up a book at the airport that has a title like “A Woman Learns to Like Her Family.” Instead, depending on our taste, it might be something like “Holiday Meal Horror” or “Sitting in Pumpkin Pie.” It grabs us, and instead of delivering all the facts, makes us want to read more.

In an online profile, the Novel headline is the first way to really personalize your profile, stand out. A witty quote, a joke, a compelling phrase – if you find it interesting, the others who do as well might have more in common with you already. And, most importantly, it can draw the reader in further, prompting them to give your profile more than just a quick scan.

We will go more in-depth in the future, analyzing headlines, but for now, look at your profile: is your headline one for the papers, giving dry facts? Or is it a Novel headline, luring in the reader with the promise of a good read?

Typically, the hardest part of a relationship is finding that good match in the first place, with both parties available and at the same places in their lives. And yet, it happens all the time; people meet, they fall in love, and they're able to be together. Happily ever after, right?

Well, maybe. But that doesn't mean it's always smooth sailing.

There's a common phrase regarding history: “Nothing happens in a vacuum.” I'd like to extend this to relationships: “No relationship occurs in a vacuum.” The fact is, each unique human being brings with them their own history, hangups, habits, and problems. Just because you've found a good match doesn't mean there isn't any adjusting to do.

I recently spoke with a girl who was having trouble with her new boyfriend. A romantic date didn't turn out the way she'd hoped it would; the boyfriend ran into the ex who had broken his heart, and spent a good portion of the night surly and confused. At the time, the new girlfriend was hurt; did he wish he was with his ex instead?

Luckily, everything turned out fine. The boyfriend was thrown for a temporary loop; while that chapter of his life had ended, that doesn't mean he can surgically remove his own pain and experiences. After a few hours he'd worked through the flood of memories and was grateful he'd found something better and healthier. The new girlfriend had made a good choice as well; despite her own fears and feelings, she let her guy have his space and didn't throw a fit.

The key to working through the baggage that we, as humans, naturally carry is patience and communication. Maybe you didn't know your new girlfriend is terrified of butterflies, so a trip to butterfly garden is a terrible idea; instead of mocking her or getting annoyed, talk about the problem with respect. Remember that you, too, might carry something that others don't understand.

Your relationship might not exist in a vacuum, but that doesn't mean it's not a fresh start. Regardless of what has happened in the past, remember that you and your partner have chosen to be together. And together, there's nothing you can't work through.

We're back with more results from Match.com's 2010 LoveGeist Report!

Is Britain heartbroken? Are long-term relationships a thing of the past? Or is love more important now than ever?

According to the Future Foundation, we are experiencing a trend called The Myth of Decline. If that sounds bad, it's because it is - The Myth of Decline asserts that we are "less content than we used to be; that we have less time and more stress on our hands; that families and communities are not as strong as before; and that marriage and personal relationships of all kinds are on the rocks."

Yikes. Things look pretty bleak.

Or do they?

The findings of the LoveGeist Report, and of a lot of other research, support a counter-argument: "that we have more time than ever before, that our relationships are healthy and robust, and that family life is strong." The LoveGeist researchers found that:

• A whopping 93% of daters in the UK are looking for long-term relationships.
• 80% of those polled said that having a long-term relationship is "important" or "extremely important" to them, a finding that was split evenly between men and women.
• A fifth of daters reported that finding love is their top priority.
• Almost half of respondents agreed that a happy love life was more important than their career.
• Nearly 50% stated that they would relocate for a long-term relationship, and more than 40% said they would reprioritize their career for love.

Love is so important to UK daters, in fact, that it is no longer considered a fortunate twist of fate that "just happens" to lucky people; finding a relationship is now thought of as a fundamental feature of life that should be actively pursued. And contrary to popular belief, marriage is not in decline. Only 13% of daters reported that they have no interest in marriage or a civil partnership, and that number drops below 5% for the under 40 crowd.

Research suggests that love in the 21st century is all about choice. While marriage is still an objective for many, particularly the younger generation, society no longer thinks of it as the only valid symbol of long-term commitment. 37% of daters believe that having children together is the truest sign of genuine commitment, while 33% still think of marriage as the ultimate symbol of devotion and 21% consider moving in together to be the strongest indicator of a serious bond.

What does this mean for the future of marriage? Experts believe that the amount of choice open to modern daters is creating the opportunity for them to learn important life lessons earlier than previous generations were able to. "In other words," says the LoveGeist Report, "because marriage is not the only option for singles in their 20s, they are free to try out different relationships, experience different ways of dating and expand their horizons." Although that doesn't secure the future of marriage, it likely means that daters will be able to take the vital lessons learned in their youth and apply them to later relationships, increasing their chances of settling into happier long-term unions.

That's a future we can all look forward to.

For more information on this popular UK dating site, you can read our review of the UK version of Match.com .

Matchmaker. It's a loaded term. I'm not talking about professional matchmakers – though they do exist, believe it or not – but instead, the friends, family, co-workers, and well-meaning people you barely know who take it upon themselves to set you up with someone who would be “just perfect for you.” What do you do when someone decides to play chemist and you're one of the beakers?

First and foremost, evaluate the intention. It's a rare thing to encounter someone who actually has malicious intent; even the most annoying and meddlesome people usually have good intentions. So when you're having a bad day and the last thing you want to do is talk about a blind date, take a deep breath and remember: the people who attempt to set you up typically do so because they care about you and want to see you happy. It can be tough to remember, especially if they've played “matchmaker” before, but typically friends and family are just trying to help you succeed, in the only ways they know how. When you deal with a wanna-be matchmaker, you'll often have more effect on your relationship with them than with whoever they want to pair you with, so tread carefully.

That's typically the case if the “matchmaker” is a close friend or family member. On the other hand, sometimes you might encounter someone who feels that strongly about the other beaker in the equation – their own sister or soccer mate or nanny. In this instance, it's quite possible that you are just “single person x,” and they have no idea if you'd actually be suitable for one another. If you're quite certain that you're just a single person to insert into the equation, you might be more justified in telling your postmaster or co-worker that you've got other plans that night.

However, is a blind date really the end of the world? Even if you don't have a close relationship with the matchmaker, remember that sometimes an objective eye is what's needed. Perhaps they can see that the two of you really are compatible, and you really would hit it off. People have met and fallen in love in stranger circumstances. If we're willing to trust fallible computer software, maybe we ought to give good old human perception a try once in awhile, too, just to mix things up.

And, if we do, it's entirely possible that the date will be a failure and the matchmaker had no idea what they were talking about. Or maybe it'll be great. In either case, if you indulge a wanna-be matchmaker every once in awhile, you'll acknowledge that you appreciate that they care, and you'll never wonder “what if.” It might just be a chance worth taking.