Checking the Baggage
- Saturday, December 04 2010 @ 09:30 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,658
Typically, the hardest part of a relationship is finding that good match in the first place, with both parties available and at the same places in their lives. And yet, it happens all the time; people meet, they fall in love, and they're able to be together. Happily ever after, right?
Well, maybe. But that doesn't mean it's always smooth sailing.
There's a common phrase regarding history: “Nothing happens in a vacuum.” I'd like to extend this to relationships: “No relationship occurs in a vacuum.” The fact is, each unique human being brings with them their own history, hangups, habits, and problems. Just because you've found a good match doesn't mean there isn't any adjusting to do.
I recently spoke with a girl who was having trouble with her new boyfriend. A romantic date didn't turn out the way she'd hoped it would; the boyfriend ran into the ex who had broken his heart, and spent a good portion of the night surly and confused. At the time, the new girlfriend was hurt; did he wish he was with his ex instead?
Luckily, everything turned out fine. The boyfriend was thrown for a temporary loop; while that chapter of his life had ended, that doesn't mean he can surgically remove his own pain and experiences. After a few hours he'd worked through the flood of memories and was grateful he'd found something better and healthier. The new girlfriend had made a good choice as well; despite her own fears and feelings, she let her guy have his space and didn't throw a fit.
The key to working through the baggage that we, as humans, naturally carry is patience and communication. Maybe you didn't know your new girlfriend is terrified of butterflies, so a trip to butterfly garden is a terrible idea; instead of mocking her or getting annoyed, talk about the problem with respect. Remember that you, too, might carry something that others don't understand.
Your relationship might not exist in a vacuum, but that doesn't mean it's not a fresh start. Regardless of what has happened in the past, remember that you and your partner have chosen to be together. And together, there's nothing you can't work through.
Well, maybe. But that doesn't mean it's always smooth sailing.
There's a common phrase regarding history: “Nothing happens in a vacuum.” I'd like to extend this to relationships: “No relationship occurs in a vacuum.” The fact is, each unique human being brings with them their own history, hangups, habits, and problems. Just because you've found a good match doesn't mean there isn't any adjusting to do.
I recently spoke with a girl who was having trouble with her new boyfriend. A romantic date didn't turn out the way she'd hoped it would; the boyfriend ran into the ex who had broken his heart, and spent a good portion of the night surly and confused. At the time, the new girlfriend was hurt; did he wish he was with his ex instead?
Luckily, everything turned out fine. The boyfriend was thrown for a temporary loop; while that chapter of his life had ended, that doesn't mean he can surgically remove his own pain and experiences. After a few hours he'd worked through the flood of memories and was grateful he'd found something better and healthier. The new girlfriend had made a good choice as well; despite her own fears and feelings, she let her guy have his space and didn't throw a fit.
The key to working through the baggage that we, as humans, naturally carry is patience and communication. Maybe you didn't know your new girlfriend is terrified of butterflies, so a trip to butterfly garden is a terrible idea; instead of mocking her or getting annoyed, talk about the problem with respect. Remember that you, too, might carry something that others don't understand.
Your relationship might not exist in a vacuum, but that doesn't mean it's not a fresh start. Regardless of what has happened in the past, remember that you and your partner have chosen to be together. And together, there's nothing you can't work through.
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