Communication

OkTrends first online dating advice post was about the number of responses members of OkCupid see from first contact messages of different lengths (see Story). Their second advice article takes a look at what members should say in these messages to increase the likelihood of a response. OkCupid based it's data on over 500,000 first contact messages from their dating site. Here are a list of recommendations. Any statistic information given is based on the average reply rate of all messages of 32 percent.

1. Be Literate - Bad spelling, grammar and netspeak makes a terrible first impression. For example the average of messages who used words like "ya" only saw a reply rate of 7 percent. There are a few exceptions to the netspeak rule, most deal with showing emotion like "haha" or "lol".
2. Avoid Physical Compliments - This is the same for both genders. General comments like "cool" and "awesome" (38% reply rate) work well but physical comments will see a huge drop in replies. The average message with the word "beautiful" in it saw a drop in the rate of replies of 10%. The word "sexy" was even worse and saw a drop of 14% to only 18% of initial contact messages to ever see a reply.
3. Use an Unusual Greeting - A message with no traditional salutation saw a reply rate of 27%. Messages with the 3 top salutations of "hi", "hey" and "hello" all performed below average with "hi" doing the worse at 24%. The best response rate was with the salutation of "how's it going" with 54%.
4. Don’t try to take it Outside - Asking for email addresses, cell phone numbers or other off site communication in the first contact message saw all reply rates drop to almost 10%.
5. Bring up Specific Interests - Mentioning your specific interests or better yet, those of the person you are contacting, increases the chance of response to almost 50% in some cases.
6. If you’re a Guy, be Self-Effacing - Male message reply rates increased if they appeared unsure of themselves and used words like "sorry", "apologize", "awkward" and "probably". This is not true for women.
7. Consider Becoming an Atheist - Mentioning any religion helps increase the average response rate, but mentioning the fact that you are a "atheist" increased the response rate twice as much over the increase the leading religion of "Christian" saw. With the word "atheist" in your message, members saw a 42% response rate, "christian" saw a 36% response rate.

For more on this dating site, read our OkCupid reviews.

One of the burning questions asked by online daters is "Do I HAVE to reply to every email I receive?"

At the moment, the message sent to us by our online dating services is "no, you don't." We can simply hit the delete button and that undesirable person disappears. Poof, no more!

I was one of the rarities online, the woman who always took the time to reply. Sure, there were times that I'd use one of match.com's pre-made messages, but more often than not, I'd write a sentence or two. What I found was that more often than not, men were appreciative of the email and learning exactly why I felt he wasn't a good fit for me. Sure, there were a couple that argued, and one or two that got mean, but on the whole, it was a worthwhile experience on both ends.

Here are some "Thanks, but No Thanks" emails that you can feel free to steal for your swipe file:

The new OkCupid blog called OkTrends had an interesting first post which looked at members sending messages on their dating site. I was surprised by the fact that only 32 percent of first messages (the person who initiated contact) ever got a reply. This is less than a third of all first contacts, and this is on a dating site which is mostly free.

Based on crunching data from tens of thousands of sent messages OkCupid spotted a sweet spot on message length and the chance of a man or woman replying to your message. The first thing they found was that most single's first time messages are way too long.

Almost 16% of first messages are over 2000 characters (roughly 400 words), and the average is 743! At least in terms of using your time efficiently, your messages should be much shorter.

What they found is, on average for a man to write to a woman, a message should be about 200 characters in length. This will give him the best conversion rate of 17.1% based on the average amount of time it takes a man to write a message. For example at this message length the average male online dater can scan profiles and write 10 messages in 1 hour giving them on average, 1.71 replies to their 10 messages.

For women message length is even shorter. A message length of only 50 characters gives woman a conversion rate of 30 percent. This means they can send 11.4 messages per hour and expect on average to receive 3.42 replies from men. First contact message from women seem to more serve the purpose of getting the man to notice their profile, rather than convey any real information.

For the full dating advice article, read OkTrends and to find out more information about this dating site read our review of OkCupid.com.

There are so many mistakes that people make in their online dating profiles when it comes to content, but did you know you may be losing out on potential dates because of common grammatical errors? This fact goes double if you're looking for a brainy match - let's face it, we brainiacs are picky people!

Double check your profile to be sure you don't make these silly mistakes:

ITS vs IT'S

WRONG: I love my car because its something I worked on a long time.
RIGHT: I love my car because it's something I worked on a long time.
Tip: Use IT'S to replace IT IS, but for nothing else.

There, their, they're

WRONG: Their is something great about redheads.
RIGHT: There is something great about redheads.

WRONG: My kids love there swimming pool.
RIGHT: My kids love their swimming pool.

WRONG: I like to go to they're house to play Rock Band.
RIGHT: I like to go to their house to play Rock Band.
Tip: Use THEIR to describe possession and THEY'RE to replace THEY ARE.

Last week, according to CNET News both Match.com and eHarmony started to use a special updated version of JaJah which allows members to place phone calls without giving away their phone number. Match.com calls this service for its members, matchTalk, which we recently looked at last month (see Story). eHarmony calls their service, Secure Call.

Both phone services from these dating sites require the person who will receive the call to approve of it first. Once approved members can initiate phone calls over the dating site that actually use your own home or cell phone, no special hardware required. No phone numbers are given out and either person can terminate the call and disallow the person from every calling back. It is the ultimate in privacy and security for first time callers.

For more information about these dating sites and their member calling phone feature, review of Match.com and our review of eHarmony.

We talked briefly about matchTalk before in 2007 (see Story). I thought it was time for a closer look since I have seen a number of image ads lately on Match.com promoting the add-on service. The main idea behind matchTalk is to allow members to talk to each other on their own phones while keeping both phone numbers confidential. The service I believe is still powered by a well know VOIP and social messaging company called Jangl. Almost any phone can be used, including cell phones.

matchTalk works by generating a unique phone number for every member who signs up. Once you find a Match.com member who you like, you can request to add them to your matchTalk phonebook by a link on their profile. If they agree, you then can perform a matchTalk connection. You initiate the call to the person you are interested in from your matchTalk phonebook. Match.com acts like a dispatcher and then calls the person. An automated voice will then ask the person if they would like to receive the call from you. If the answer is yes, the call is then connected with you and your phone will ring. Once you answer, you both can talk knowing your real phone number is safe. If the person decides not to take your call or if the phone is not answered, you will be notified and you can try later.

Once a matchTalk member, you can contact any Match.com subscriber who agrees to your request. Someone who is not a matchTalk member can only receive calls and not initiate a mtachTalk connection. For the service to work you will need Caller ID (used only by matchTalk) and you will need to verify your phone number. The cost of the service is $4.99 for 3 months.

For more information on this dating site, read our review of Match.com.