Dating

When you’re online dating, it’s important to be realistic about who you are and what you want. It’s also important to know when you’re carrying baggage along from past dates or relationships.

But let’s face it - it’s hard to be objective about our love lives. After all, our experiences shape our world. If we encounter people who don’t treat us well, or who take advantage or betray us, or otherwise disappoint, we start to look for evidence in each new person of how they might let us down, too.

This kind of emotional baggage is something all of us have. Whether it stems from the break-up of a long-term relationship or a series of potential partners letting us down, we can carry those hurts along with us. We make them part of our story. And we do our best to avoid engaging with these types of people again. Or at least, we try.

There are plenty of niche dating sites available for the picky dater – whether you’re into men or women with the same political preferences, vegetarian eating habits, or love of horses, there’s a site for you.

But what about the touchy subject of STDs? Although our society is more open to talking about sex, many people are still freaked out by the mention of contracting an STD. It’s not sexy – in fact, it’s enough to kill the romance on any date. So what’s the best way to approach dating when you have an STD?

According to the CDC (Center for Disease Control) even though one out of every six people aged 14 to 49 years have genital herpes, there is still a stigma about it when it comes to dating. According to research from the University of Michigan, giving someone an easily cured STD is considered to be worse than giving that person a fatal flu.

Which is why a number of online dating sites have been created to serve this growing market of singles who test positive for anything from Herpes to HIV. Instead of making STDs a stigma, these sites are helping people move past the inevitable and uncomfortable conversations with their dates to be able to focus on getting to know each other. In other words, STD dating sites help members date like everyone else.

Some STD-focused dating sites include PositivesDating.com, STDMatch.net, and PositiveSingles.com among others. (You can match by the type of STD on most of these sites.) Many offer systems of support to members, too – including counseling, support groups, and STD treatment locations. They are providing a much-needed service for those who feel intimidated or embarrassed by their disease.

But there’s a catch: even if you and your date share the same STD, you might not share the same strain. There are more than 100 types of HPV for example. Because an STD can weaken your body’s immune system, it makes it easier to pick up other ones, too. So you might be accumulating and worsening the problem by having sex with a date who shares the same STD.

Ultimately, whether you use an STD dating site to meet people or not, you should still exercise the same precautions as you would with anyone else. Don’t look at joining an STD site as a sexual free-for-all. Use protection like you would with anyone else you date, whether or not you have an STD. And don’t hesitate to get tested.

For more on a dating site for members with STDs you can read our Positive Singles review.

Does dating sometimes feel like you’re beating your head against the wall? Do you spend way too much time pursuing women to no avail? Maybe it’s time to take a step  back and pay attention to what the object of your affection is telling you – maybe not with words, but with body language and cues.

The key to knowing whether or not a woman is interested is simpler than you think. Often, women are more subtle when they are flirting with men, and sometimes a guy could miss the cues to pursue her. Instead of trying to figure out what she wants, it’s time to pay a little more attention and see if she’s signaling her interest.

Following are some ways to tell if she’s really interested in you:

She texts and calls without waiting for you. If a woman is interested, she won’t let too much time go by without contacting you. The old three-day rule no longer applies, nor does the adage that the guy must make the first move. If a woman calls or texts you just to say hi, you can bet she’s interested.

She shows genuine interest in you. Does she look around the room while you’re talking, trying to get a friend’s attention? Or does she pay attention to what you say and engage you in conversation? If a woman doesn’t want to talk to you, she’ll find a way to excuse herself. She will say she has a work commitment or that she’s meeting a friend – she will have a reason for leaving. If she’s wrapped up in what you have to say, she’s interested.

She makes a lot of eye contact. When women are uncomfortable or uninterested, their eyes wander. But if you notice her eyes locking on yours, if she’s meeting your gaze without turning away, then she’s open to getting to know you.

She makes references to seeing you again. Women can be direct or shy when it comes to letting their feelings be known. If she’s direct, she’ll ask you when you two will be going out again. If she’s shy or uncertain how you feel, she might drop a few hints about what she likes to do, or mention where she’ll be in the next few evenings so that you’ll know and plan to be there, too. Pay attention, and then if you’re interested – ask her out!

Her body language is playful and flirtatious. Women generally keep their hands to themselves if they aren’t interested in a man who’s flirting with them. If she touches your arm, shoulder, or hand, or leans forward towards you a lot, then that’s a cue that she’s open to flirting and interested in you.

Related Article: 5 Ways to Tell if He’s Interested in You

Have fun, and happy dating!

Women aren’t the only mysterious creatures around – guys can be every bit as baffling when it comes to dating. One minute you think he’s interested, and the next you wonder if you imagined your mutual attraction as he suddenly disappears.

While some questions might go unanswered, if he’s truly interested in you – he sticks around. With my significant other, I had no doubts about his interest (as I had with previous men who were incredible flaky). That’s because he knew what he wanted - and he let me know.

Instead of trying to convince yourself he likes you, see if he’s displaying the following signs of his interest. Then you’ll really know:

He pursues you. We might be living in a society where women are increasingly the pursuers and taking charge, but if a man is interested, he wants to pursue a woman. He will call you, text you, remind you that he’s thinking about you by keeping consistent contact with you. This is because he’s focused on the goal – getting together with you. If he’s dropping in and out, he’s just not that interested.

He keeps his word. Does he often flake at the last minute? Chances are you aren’t one of his priorities. If he’s really interested, he will make time for you and when he makes plans he will follow through. If an emergency comes up, he will call you to reschedule. He doesn’t mess around or leave you hanging.

He pays attention to you. Does your guy look around the room when you’re out on dates, seeing who else might be there? If he’s truly interested, his eyes will be focused on you. He wants you to know that he’s interested – that he doesn’t want other guys taking his place. He’s not interested in what he’s missing, either. He listens to what you have to say and engages you in conversation.

He wants you to meet his friends and family. This might not be true in the beginning of the relationship, but as it progresses, he will want to bring you into his world. If he makes excuses about introducing you to friends and family after you’ve been dating a couple of months, it might be that he has someone else in his life or that he’s not interested in anything serious.

He’s affectionate. While some women think men are all about sex, the men who are interested in you are focused on other things, too – like showing you affection. If he grabs your hand in public or kisses you without an ulterior motive, then he’s showing you his affection. Enjoy it!

Related Article: 5 Ways to Tell if She’s Interested in You

Dating is meant to be fun, right? You’re meeting new people with the prospect of romance looming large. So why is it that more people feel frustrated and confused, considering how easy it is to meet new people?

A recent article in The New York Post interviewed young daters in Manhattan who are treating the dating process like another job – that is, they are scheduling their time to include meeting potential romantic partners as a key priority.

One young man made a list of everything he wanted to do to prepare for a date, and promised himself he’d go on at least two OkCupid dates per week. Another young woman declared that she would message five to seven men at any given time and reserve Monday through Wednesday nights for dates only. “I figured that if I went out with enough people, one of them was bound to go well,” she said.

BroApp

Let’s say you want to keep your girlfriend’s interest but don’t want to invest the time to text her sweet or flirtatious messages. Turns out, there’s an app for that -  BroApp, a new dating app that calls itself “your clever relationship wingman,” can help you out.

With inspiration presumably drawn from guys who didn’t want to deal with the lofty expectations of girlfriends to text every now and then, the BroApp automatically messages your girlfriend sweet things at the times you request. Of course, you can be creative and write your own texts which are stored in the app and doled out at the appropriate times. But the goal isn’t to win her heart over – it’s so you can free yourself up to spend more time with your bros.

The app has a few complications figured out, too. It will not send messages if it detects that you are at your girlfriend's house (by being connected to her WiFi), or if you have recently messaged her on your own. Well, at least there’s that.