Communication

Most of us know about dating apps like Tinder that can help you meet people. But what if you need help picking out a good restaurant to meet a date, or what line should you use to approach a woman at a bar? Don’t worry, there are apps for those things, too.

Apps can give you a wealth of creative ideas for everything from where to go on a first date to how to pick out a good wine. An app can be a lifesaver if you get lost on your way to someplace new, or if you need last-minute tickets to a concert. It can also be a good source for discounts, since dating can get expensive.

Following are some apps you must download today to help your dating life – just be sure to put your phone away once you’re on the date:

Sometimes it feels like online dating involves more rules and regulations then meeting the Queen of England. There’s a little less bowing and way fewer “Your Majesty’s,” but on the whole online dating etiquette is totally insane. Just when you think it couldn't possibly get harder than dating someone in real life, the Internet swoops in and dumped a bunch of new rules on you.

There's no shortage of dating experts discussing the do's and don'ts of that pivotal first message, but that's where the communication advice tends to end. Unfortunately, that's also where a lot of the communication itself tends to end. You send a message, you never hear back, and that's it. Done. Finito. Fin. Game over.

That leaves a big question hovering in the air, one that could have a huge impact on what actually happens in your romantic life: is it ever okay to send a second message if you didn't get a response to the first?

The messages daters hear are seriously conflicting. On one hand, we are inundated with tales of (mostly) women who are sick and tired of overly persistent admirers. On the other hand, we're told to go after what we want and that persistence is rewarded. So which is it? Is no response a nonnegotiable snub, or is it possible for a suitor to score on a second try?

Speaking as someone who's typically on the receiving end of messages, there are several reasons someone might not respond:

1. First, and most obviously, they might just not be that into you. A non-response does, in some situations, mean a polite “no.”
2. On the other hand, maybe the person's dance card is temporarily too full. Online daters often juggle multiple suitors at once, which takes up a lot of mental bandwidth. Perhaps you just caught them at a bad moment, when they had neither the time nor the mental capacity to add another person to their schedule.
3. On the other other hand, they might not yet be convinced that you're the one for them. A little pursuit – provided you actually have something interesting, engaging, and thoughtful to say – might be what it takes to move them off the fence and onto a date with you.
4. On the other other other hand, it could be purely accidental. It's easy to see a message and forget to respond to it. We’re all busy and important (at least in our own heads), so it's hardly surprising that sometimes a message slips straight out of our minds.

Out of all the possible reasons for a message to go un-answered, only one is based on actual, unambiguous disinterest. The rest are all up for interpretation, so what does it hurt to send a follow-up? At worst nothing changes, and at best you might meet someone amazing.

Are you online dating? Chances are, you’re spending some time searching through profiles, emailing, and trying to meet new people. This can get overwhelming if your time is tight between work, school, and family obligations. But it doesn’t mean that you should put online dating last on your priority list.

Have you ever come home from a rough day at work, knowing that you’ve set up a coffee or drinks date to meet one of your online matches, and just didn’t feel like going? Did you cancel? After all, you’ve never met this person, and you have nothing invested in whether or not you see each other again. What’s wrong with canceling or rescheduling for another night?

A big problem with online dating is that people can get really flaky. Other parts of your life take priority from time to time, so your personal life gets put on the back burner. Or maybe you're just not that interested in pursuing a relationship. Unfortunately, this means a lot of people are cancelling at the last minute and just don’t care how it might come across to your dates.

Have you ever been frustrated with an online date who kept canceling or rescheduling? Did this make you rethink your own behavior?

Following are some tips to help you avoid being flaky yourself:

Confirm the date in advance. This shows that you are respectful of the other person’s time which makes a good first impression. It also helps you stick to the plan you made without texting a cancellation at the last minute.

Don't schedule to meet someone if you’re not interested in getting to know them. If you aren’t feeling it, then why make plans to meet? There has to be a spark of interest for both of you to be motivated to try and connect.

Cut it short if you need to. If your work schedule is an issue with dating, there are ways to work around it without canceling at the last minute. Book your dates close to your office. Cut them short if necessary instead of canceling altogether. Make it work if you really want to meet someone.

Don't text if you're cancelling. Call. If an emergency has come up, don’t text to say you won’t make it. Call your date. It shows that you are considerate of his time and makes a good first impression.

Follow up after the date. Don’t leave your date hanging if you weren’t all that interested. Be polite and direct instead by saying thank you for a nice time, but he’s not the right fit for you. When you practice doing this, you’ll notice fewer people “disappearing” on you in return.

Traditionally, online dating websites match users based on things like shared preferences, interests, and goals. There's no doubt that all those things are important elements of a successful relationship, but there's one hugely important factor that dating algorithms don't take into account: physical attraction.

Sure, online daters can list vague specifications about things like height and body type preferences, and of course most of us are guilty of spending more time on photos than profile essays, but matchmaking formulas give very little weight to attraction. Until now, that is. A new potential matchmaking formula created by computer scientists at the University of Iowa puts mutual physical attraction front and center by only matching you with partners who are likely to find you attractive.

The formula works by analyzing your message history in order to make date recommendations based on shared tastes and the kinds of people you found attractive in the past. The scientists who designed the algorithm described it using a fictional online dater named Mike: “It is Mike’s taste that affects whom he approaches through initial contacts, and his attractiveness that determines whether he can get responses.”

In other words, Mike – or any of us – can initiate conversations with anyone he wants, but he won't get very far if he continually reaches out to people who don't find him attractive. If the people you contact never reply, all the recommendations in the world will never be of any use. The most effective online dating algorithm would be able to suggest matches based on the likelihood that they will respond to your messages.

“Considering the match of both taste and attractiveness, our model tries to improve dating partner recommendations by boosting a user’s chance of getting responses,” the researchers write.

To test their theory, they used anonymized data on 47,000 users from a real dating website over the course of a period of nearly 200 days. Their program analyzed the replies each user received and used them to evaluate the user's attractiveness or unattractiveness based on the assumption that people who receive more replies are more attractive. When compared with other methods of matchmaking – like pairing people based on shared interests and other variables they had in common – the results showed that the beauty-based method was significantly more effective.

“If a user approaches a partner recommended by [our engine], he/she will have a better chance of getting responses,” the researchers say. So far the attractiveness sorting formula is just a concept, but it's probably only a matter of time before a dating service seeking to be the next best thing turns it into a reality.

When you’re online dating, it’s important to be realistic about who you are and what you want. It’s also important to know when you’re carrying baggage along from past dates or relationships.

But let’s face it - it’s hard to be objective about our love lives. After all, our experiences shape our world. If we encounter people who don’t treat us well, or who take advantage or betray us, or otherwise disappoint, we start to look for evidence in each new person of how they might let us down, too.

This kind of emotional baggage is something all of us have. Whether it stems from the break-up of a long-term relationship or a series of potential partners letting us down, we can carry those hurts along with us. We make them part of our story. And we do our best to avoid engaging with these types of people again. Or at least, we try.

With endless addictive game apps for our mobile phones and a never-ending supply cute animal videos on YouTube, it's a wonder we ever have time to get anything done. The number of hours in a day hasn't changed, but somehow the pace of modern life makes it feel like they're shrinking all the time. We barely have time to eat a real breakfast in the morning (hello Starbucks!), so how could we possibly have time for online dating?

The "I'm too busy to date" excuse just doesn't cut it. If you want to find a relationship, you have to make it a priority. Online dating requires a significant time investment, but there are strategies you can use to make that time as effective as possible. To guarantee you’re spending your limited time and energy in ways that actually lead to quality, in-person dates, try these tricks:

• Don’t start what you’re not ready to finish. Ask yourself if you're really prepared to make the commitment that online dating requires. If you aren't willing to set aside time to find and communicate with potential dates, being on an online dating site is not a good use of your time in the first place.
• Know what you're looking for. Dating online requires you to make a lot of decisions. If you go into it with a clear sense of what you want and don't want, you can more quickly decide who is right for you and who is worth reaching out to.
• Segregate your online dating e-mails. Set up a separate e-mail account just for online dating or filter all your online dating e-mails to a dedicated folder. This keeps all of your messages in one place and prevents you from getting distracted by them throughout the day. It's a good idea to make sure all mobile alerts are disabled too.
• Ignore the unimportant information. Lots of the dating sites tell you things like who viewed your profile or how many visits you've had during a certain period of time. It's easy to get stuck on the stats, but they don't tell you anything useful. It's a waste of time (and possibly a source of unnecessary heartache) to check them.
• Get off-line as soon as you feel comfortable. It's easy to spend hours and hours sending messages back and forth, but you could communicate online for months and still find that you don't click when you meet in person. Don't ever meet with someone before you feel safe doing so, but don't waste time bonding deeply before meeting face-to-face either.
• Get out while the gettin’s good. Every date won’t be a home run. If you're not feeling it, get out fast. If you know someone isn't a good fit, be decisive – but kind – and move on.

Do you have any online dating time-saving tips?