Advice

What lengths are you willing to go to in pursuit of love?

Some singles stick to traditional dating, preferring to meet partners in bars, parks, museums, stores, and at social events. Others venture into the worlds of online dating or professional matchmaking. Some seek out the advice of fortune tellers and astrology experts.

And now, some singles are turning to science in the search for love. New dating sites are using advanced technology to match potential partners online - but does it work, or is it just an attention-grabbing gimmick? Can science really uncover the biological basis of love, and can a scientific approach be used to complement the traditional path to romance?

Scientific analysis is being applied to modern forms of courtship by an increasing number of dating services that claim to use biological research and genetic testing in an attempt to match prospective partners more effectively. Take GenePartner.com, for example, which claims that "Love is no coincidence!" According to GenePartner, there are two important aspects to every romantic relationship:

1. Social compatibility (such as age, education level, humor, life goals, interests, etc).

2. Biological compatibility (which ensures good chemistry and higher chances of successful long-term relationship).

With that in mind, the site pairs potential partners by analyzing the biological compatibility between them based on their genetic profiles. "With genetically highly compatible people we feel that rare sensation of perfect chemistry," the site says. "This is the body's receptive and welcoming response when immune systems harmonise and fit together."

ScientificMatch.com is also taking an advanced approach to online dating by offering a genetic matchmaking service that uses information about singles' immune system genes gathered from members' DNA. ScientificMatch notes that there are several significant benefits to genetic matchmaking, including higher rates of fertility, increased likelihood of having healthy children with more strong immune systems, and a greater chance that "you'll love the natural body fragrance of your matches."

And genetic analysis isn't the only scientific revolution impacting the dating world. FindYourFaceMate.com, a recently-launched dating site, is matching partners using facial recognition technology. "Chemistry is often ignited when we spot someone whose features are similar to our own," the site explains. To craft meaningful relationships, FindYourFaceMate uses "sophisticated facial recognition software and a proprietary algorithm to identify partners more likely to ignite real passion and compatibility."

It sounds impressive on paper, but the question remains: do these space-age dating techniques actually work?

Related Story: Dating & Technology: More On The Scientific Approach To Finding The One

When we’re looking for someone new, sometimes it’s easy to overlook the people who are already by our sides: our friends. But can friends really turn into something more? Is there some sort of time limit, after which you’ll know for sure? Should we avoid mixing friends and love altogether? It’s a sticky subject.

First, there’s the issue of whether friends frequently turn into more, or whether it’s a bit of a myth. “What?” you may be saying. “I know several couples who were friends first! It’s the oldest story in the book!” What I wonder is how long they were friends. If, say, it was only a matter of months before they became more, were they ever really friends in the first place? Or were they, for lack of a better term, pre-significant others?

I postulate that most people who have a mutual attraction will get together in fairly rapid order. I doubt that there are many people who were friends for years before getting together, unless there was some mitigating factor (like, say, one or both were in another relationship). Thus, if you and a friend have been happily available for, say, more than a year and there haven’t been any sparks, I doubt there ever will be. And though cases of slow-growing, smoldering embers take years to grow into a relationship on TV, I suspect that’s for drama and suspense, and less common in real life.

That doesn’t mean you should never consider friendship and romance in the same sentence, however. After all, love contains both lust and friendship; many of the same factors that make a compatible friend make a compatible significant other. And many people feel more comfortable meeting someone new with friendship in mind than they do approaching a possible match.

Thus, the solution is to keep meeting new people, with friendship, at the very least, in mind. If sparks fly, you’ll know sooner rather than later. And if you stay friends - well, aren’t there worse things in life than making a great new friend?

Online dating has become mainstream, one of the primary ways singles are meeting each other today. There are so many sites to choose from, from standards like Match.com to the niche and specialty sites based on dating preferences like JDate. It's also one of the fastest-growing industries, with revenues in excess of four billion in 2010 alone - and that's not even taking into account all the people signing up on free sites.

Despite its popularity and acceptance, there are some people who are still hesitant to try online dating. Some are afraid and others are doubtful about the results. So, I've decided to take the myths about online dating and set the record straight. Following are some typical arguments against online dating, and why you should reconsider:

I'm worried I'll look desperate. While many people feel online dating is a last-ditch attempt to find someone special, this is not at all the case. Most online daters have very active social lives and date a lot. They are people open to meeting others in more places than the bar or at a party, and they are looking to cast a wider net in the singles pool. It's not desperate to do online dating; it's actually a very social and healthy thing to do.

Nobody ever meets someone special online. On the contrary, I know many married and partnered couples who met through online dating. While not every date is going to go well, online dating certainly provides more choice in dates than ever before. Instead of approaching online dating with a negative attitude of "I'll never meet anyone good," try keeping an open mind and getting to know the people you do meet. I promise you will meet more interesting and diverse people this way, which expands your dating preferences as well.

I'm afraid to put my information out there. Online dating sites are not as information-friendly as social media sites like Facebook. You don't publish your real name, address, or any other personal or financial information. Don't offer financial or any other personal info if your matches ask for this, either. Only share what you feel comfortable sharing. Be safe, but there's no reason to be paranoid.

My friend tried it and said it sucked. While I know we trust in our friends, just because one or two had a bad experience, or tried it for a month and hated it, doesn't mean you will have the same experience. Again, it's all about attitude and approach. If you go in thinking it's going to be bad and you won't meet anybody, you won't. Effort is required. But don't take your friend's word for it - find out for yourself. You'll likely be pleasantly surprised! You might not meet Mr. Wonderful right away, but you'll have fun meeting new people and exercising your dating chops.

For one of the most popular mainstream dating sites you can check our our Match.com review.

It may seem like a strange question, but it's exactly the question Heidi Grant Halvorson, a psychologist, author, and relationships expert, posed in the Huffington Post earlier this month: Are women choosing love over math?

Women have always been stereotyped as being less capable than men in the disciplines of math, science, and technology, and they are significantly underrepresented in these fields professionally. A recent publication by the American Psychological *censored*ociation, called "Women's Underrepresentation in Science: Sociocultural and Biological Considerations," took a look at the potential reasons for this discrepancy and determined that it is not the result of a lack of opportunity or encouragement, but rather the consequence of a simple preference for other subjects.

Other research has suggested that the reason may be a bit more complex: women may favor studies in language, arts, and humanities, Halvorson says, because "they believe, often on an unconscious level, that demonstrating ability in these stereotypically-male areas makes them less attractive to men." Gender roles are more powerful, researchers have argued, than many believe, particularly where romantic pursuits are concerned.

In one study, male and female undergraduates were shown images related to either romance, like candles and sunsets at the beach, or intelligence, like eyeglasses and books, to provoke thoughts about romantic goals or achievement-related goals. Participants were then asked to rate their interest in math, technology, science, and engineering. Male participants' interest in the subjects were not influenced by the images, but female participants who viewed the romantic images indicated a significantly lower level of interest in math and science. When shown the intelligence images, women showed an equal level of interest in these subjects as men.

Another study asked female undergrads to keep a daily diary in which they recorded the goals they pursued and activities they engaged in each day. On days when the participants pursued romantic goals, like trying to improve their relationship or start a new one, they engaged in fewer math-related activities, like attending cl*censored* or studying. On days when they pursued academic goals, in contrast, the opposite was true. "So women," Halvorson concludes, "don't just like math less when they are focused on love -- they also do less math, which over time undermines their mathematical ability and confidence, inadvertently reinforcing the stereotype that caused all the trouble in the first place."

Is romance really that powerful? Do these stereotypes also have an effect on men? And what are the implications of romance-driven preferences like these? Halvorson's answers to these questions: next time.

Brad is 47, Angelina is 36.

Katie Holmes married Tom Cruise, the man who was a poster on her bedroom wall as a teenager, when she was 28 and he was 44.

Arthur Miller was 41 when he married Marilyn Monroe, the bride was 30.

J. Howard Marshall II was 62 years older than his infamous bombshell wife, Anna Nicole Smith.

And most recently, 51-year-old actor Doug Hutchison is making headlines for tying the knot with Courtney Stodden, a 16-year-old aspiring singer from Tacoma, Washington.

Relationships between younger women and older men are a long-standing romantic tradition, and now WhatsYourPrice.com, the world's first site that allows members to buy and sell first dates, claims to have determined the optimum age gap between men and women. Their conclusion is the result of a five-month long study, which examined more than 100,000 first dates between older men and younger women.

And the ideal age gap in a relationship is...

6 years, according to the WhatsYourPrice.com research team.

So why is the average woman attracted to a man 6 years her senior? "Women tend to mature faster than men," says Brandon Wade, Founder & CEO of WhatsYourPrice.com, SeekingArrangement.com, and SeekingMillionaire.com. "For this reason, most women don't like to date men around their age or who are younger than they are."

Maturity only gets you so far, however: the study also found that, although women are attracted to older men, they generally prefer to date men who are less than ten years older than they are.

If you are an older gentlemen looking for young love, don't lose hope. The WhatsYourPrice.com team also discovered that the preference for men who are older, but not too much older, can be overridden with one simple thing: a burgeoning bank account. Men who want to date women more than 10 years younger than themselves must pay approximately 13% more than the average to close every year of the gap, the study found.

"People are generally shallow and materialistic when it comes to first impression on an online dating website. Luckily for older men, when they fall outside of a woman's list of shallow attraction criteria such as looks or age gap, money is the only factor that can level the playing field," says Wade.

Before you lose faith in romance entirely, consider this wisdom from Wade: An older man with money can use the contents of his wallet to close the age gap prejudice and secure a first date. Then, when meeting his date for the first time, he has "the chance to show off his personality and appeal to a woman's deeper set of attraction criteria."

You’ve made up your mind. Maybe up until now you’ve felt you were too shy, or your career was too time-consuming, or you needed to help out with your family. Now, however, you’re ready to begin the search for a significant other. Sure, your social skills are a little rusty, but surely they’ll bounce back. Why waste time worrying about things like that when you could be out there searching for your perfect match?

There’s definitely some merit to this approach, but sometimes you need to walk before you run. One of the things I hear most often from adults of all kinds is, “Why is it so much harder to meet new people (or find new friends, or approach someone you’re romantically interested in) now than it was when I was in high school or college? I feel like my social skills have waned with time.”

And they probably have. Back when you were in school, you were in a new class with new people every year, and you probably met even more people outside of school. You were trained to transition easily, to become instant friends with a stranger. Now, however, the world is different. Maybe you’ve been in the same job, with the same people, for multiple years. Your friends are people you met ages ago. There just hasn’t been much reason to meet anyone new for a long time.

Thus, meeting new people becomes more difficult than you remember. Small talk feels more awkward; maybe you can’t gauge how the conversation is going as easily. It can be frustrating, and it can be tempting to give up altogether.

But remember! Social skills are just that - a skill. So how do you brush up? Try meeting new people for no reason at all. Go out with friends and strike up conversations with people of all types and ages. Practice making small talk. When you aren’t worried about whether someone is “the one,” you’re much more relaxed, allowing you to build up your skill so that it feels more natural, even when the pressure is on.

Even though it may seem like a waste of time, don’t be afraid to take baby steps and test the social waters before you plunge into a first date. And there’s nothing wrong with meeting new people in the process, too - you could wind up with a new friend! If you want, you can specifically avoid people you’re attracted to, at first. But who knows? Maybe a practice session could lead to more than you realize!