Brushing Up On Your Skills
- Wednesday, October 12 2011 @ 12:06 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,542
You’ve made up your mind. Maybe up until now you’ve felt you were too shy, or your career was too time-consuming, or you needed to help out with your family. Now, however, you’re ready to begin the search for a significant other. Sure, your social skills are a little rusty, but surely they’ll bounce back. Why waste time worrying about things like that when you could be out there searching for your perfect match?
There’s definitely some merit to this approach, but sometimes you need to walk before you run. One of the things I hear most often from adults of all kinds is, “Why is it so much harder to meet new people (or find new friends, or approach someone you’re romantically interested in) now than it was when I was in high school or college? I feel like my social skills have waned with time.”
And they probably have. Back when you were in school, you were in a new class with new people every year, and you probably met even more people outside of school. You were trained to transition easily, to become instant friends with a stranger. Now, however, the world is different. Maybe you’ve been in the same job, with the same people, for multiple years. Your friends are people you met ages ago. There just hasn’t been much reason to meet anyone new for a long time.
Thus, meeting new people becomes more difficult than you remember. Small talk feels more awkward; maybe you can’t gauge how the conversation is going as easily. It can be frustrating, and it can be tempting to give up altogether.
But remember! Social skills are just that - a skill. So how do you brush up? Try meeting new people for no reason at all. Go out with friends and strike up conversations with people of all types and ages. Practice making small talk. When you aren’t worried about whether someone is “the one,” you’re much more relaxed, allowing you to build up your skill so that it feels more natural, even when the pressure is on.
Even though it may seem like a waste of time, don’t be afraid to take baby steps and test the social waters before you plunge into a first date. And there’s nothing wrong with meeting new people in the process, too - you could wind up with a new friend! If you want, you can specifically avoid people you’re attracted to, at first. But who knows? Maybe a practice session could lead to more than you realize!
There’s definitely some merit to this approach, but sometimes you need to walk before you run. One of the things I hear most often from adults of all kinds is, “Why is it so much harder to meet new people (or find new friends, or approach someone you’re romantically interested in) now than it was when I was in high school or college? I feel like my social skills have waned with time.”
And they probably have. Back when you were in school, you were in a new class with new people every year, and you probably met even more people outside of school. You were trained to transition easily, to become instant friends with a stranger. Now, however, the world is different. Maybe you’ve been in the same job, with the same people, for multiple years. Your friends are people you met ages ago. There just hasn’t been much reason to meet anyone new for a long time.
Thus, meeting new people becomes more difficult than you remember. Small talk feels more awkward; maybe you can’t gauge how the conversation is going as easily. It can be frustrating, and it can be tempting to give up altogether.
But remember! Social skills are just that - a skill. So how do you brush up? Try meeting new people for no reason at all. Go out with friends and strike up conversations with people of all types and ages. Practice making small talk. When you aren’t worried about whether someone is “the one,” you’re much more relaxed, allowing you to build up your skill so that it feels more natural, even when the pressure is on.
Even though it may seem like a waste of time, don’t be afraid to take baby steps and test the social waters before you plunge into a first date. And there’s nothing wrong with meeting new people in the process, too - you could wind up with a new friend! If you want, you can specifically avoid people you’re attracted to, at first. But who knows? Maybe a practice session could lead to more than you realize!
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