Do You Keep Returning To Your Ex?

  • Wednesday, October 30 2013 @ 07:03 am
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Breaking up with someone you love can feel like the world is falling apart. Many times, we long for a chance to rekindle those old flames, to get back what we've lost. We think that when we reunite, things will be different, that our lives are better with our ex in the picture rather than going forward on our own.

But what really happens when you return to the person who broke your heart? Do you enter into a relationship weary, or with a sense of purpose to make sure things go well? Does your relationship fall into the same patterns, or have you been able to move forward together?

Getting back together with an ex can be difficult, especially if not enough time has gone by and you're both feeling lonely. Nobody can change overnight, and there is a reason the two of you didn't work out. Everyone needs time to process feelings, anger, and grief after a break-up, so getting back together right away isn't always the best solution, no matter how strong the chemistry is.

But let's say you and your ex haven't dated in a while - perhaps even years. But when you see him, your knees go weak and you can't control your feelings and attraction. Maybe your jealousy still rages when you see him with another woman. You wonder what's wrong, why you can't seem to get over him.

Some people in our lives can have a strong pull on our hearts. But this doesn't mean that they are long-term relationship material for us. Sometimes, they can teach us the most valuable lessons about ourselves.

While it's tempting to get back together with an ex, to throw caution to the wind and embrace the chemistry you share, often it doesn't last. You could find yourself devastated once again, wondering what happened.

Before you enter into another relationship, ask yourself a few questions first: is he emotionally (and physically) available for you? Are you both looking for the same thing (long term relationship vs. fling)? Does he make you feel good about yourself, or does he tend to pick you apart? Does he need you, or is he fully capable of taking care of himself in a mature relationship?

We gravitate towards what we know and what we feel comfortable with. If we like projects, or unavailable men, etc., we tend to pick the same type of romantic partner over and over again (or in this case, the same actual partner). And so we keep repeating the same mistakes, instead of moving forward in our love lives.

So instead of going back to your ex, take a bold step forward. Ask someone out who seems totally different. Don't spend your time thinking about what your ex is doing, live your own life. Make new friends. See what happens in unfamiliar territory, and go from there.