Putting On Blinders
- Friday, July 12 2013 @ 04:52 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 948
For many, online dating sites open up a world that was previously far more difficult to access. Consider, for example, the person who works the night shift; they don’t keep conventional hours, and when they make a rare appearance in the middle of the day, they’re bleary-eyed and thinking of sleep more than romance. Or perhaps the person whose co-workers are all married or in their sixties, when they themselves are in their mid-twenties. Online dating provides opportunities to meet people they wouldn’t have otherwise.
But not everyone lives cut off from available single peers; other people turn to online dating because they’re dissatisfied with the local dating scene, or they have niche interests. Maybe they just like the aspect of being able to express themselves through writing, or ensure that they’re making a good first impression. For these people, online dating sites are a tool to add to their arsenal, but they’re not necessarily their primary option.
However, it can be easy to forget that other options exist besides online dating - and then you run the risk of limiting yourself even more. That’s what happened to “Carrie,” a friend. “I was going out on dates, and things were going well, so I stopped thinking about ‘finding a date’ as much,” she told me. “Then I started developing bad habits without even realizing it.”
“I was compartmentalizing ‘dating’ me and ‘don’t need to worry about dating’ me. I had my pre-established time that I would sit down and write emails and make plans, and the rest of the time I just didn’t think about it. There were some upsides; I was less stressed about that stuff. But if I wasn’t headed out on a date, I didn’t think about how I looked at all. I went to the grocery store in my pajamas more than I want to admit.
“On the one hand, it might’ve been this sort of ‘don’t care’ confidence that actually made me more attractive; there’s a co-worker - I thought he was cute when he first started here but he was seeing someone, and then I got into online dating. Anyway, I didn’t notice when his relationship ended. I didn’t notice when he became interested in me. I didn’t even notice he was flirting with me! Someone had to point it out, like high school! So we’ve been dating for a little while now, and he said I had just seemed so uninterested, he was actually about to give up. I wasn’t uninterested at all - I just wasn’t thinking about dating!”
Carrie’s tale might be a little extreme - how many people can literally turn their romance radar off? - but it makes a good point: while online dating provides a fantastic way to meet new people, that doesn’t mean we stop meeting new people in our everyday lives. For some, it might be healthier to view online dating as just another opportunity out of many; after all, who knows how your story will unfold?
But not everyone lives cut off from available single peers; other people turn to online dating because they’re dissatisfied with the local dating scene, or they have niche interests. Maybe they just like the aspect of being able to express themselves through writing, or ensure that they’re making a good first impression. For these people, online dating sites are a tool to add to their arsenal, but they’re not necessarily their primary option.
However, it can be easy to forget that other options exist besides online dating - and then you run the risk of limiting yourself even more. That’s what happened to “Carrie,” a friend. “I was going out on dates, and things were going well, so I stopped thinking about ‘finding a date’ as much,” she told me. “Then I started developing bad habits without even realizing it.”
“I was compartmentalizing ‘dating’ me and ‘don’t need to worry about dating’ me. I had my pre-established time that I would sit down and write emails and make plans, and the rest of the time I just didn’t think about it. There were some upsides; I was less stressed about that stuff. But if I wasn’t headed out on a date, I didn’t think about how I looked at all. I went to the grocery store in my pajamas more than I want to admit.
“On the one hand, it might’ve been this sort of ‘don’t care’ confidence that actually made me more attractive; there’s a co-worker - I thought he was cute when he first started here but he was seeing someone, and then I got into online dating. Anyway, I didn’t notice when his relationship ended. I didn’t notice when he became interested in me. I didn’t even notice he was flirting with me! Someone had to point it out, like high school! So we’ve been dating for a little while now, and he said I had just seemed so uninterested, he was actually about to give up. I wasn’t uninterested at all - I just wasn’t thinking about dating!”
Carrie’s tale might be a little extreme - how many people can literally turn their romance radar off? - but it makes a good point: while online dating provides a fantastic way to meet new people, that doesn’t mean we stop meeting new people in our everyday lives. For some, it might be healthier to view online dating as just another opportunity out of many; after all, who knows how your story will unfold?
Subscribe
