When Editing Profiles, Don't Delete Yourself
- Thursday, December 16 2010 @ 01:05 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,543
Recently I sat down to help a friend, Leigh, with her profile. She's an avid cycler; it's definitely something she's passionate about. However, she was hesitant about including it in her profile. “Some people find it weird that I might want to spend so much time on a bike,” she said. “Maybe I should leave it out.”
Apparently, this idea came from a family member, who found Leigh's hobby “strange.” Thus, rather than write about something she loves, Leigh was prepared to delete something that is essentially a part of her, so that she could blend in more, become more ordinary – simply because she was afraid her hobby would set her apart too much.
Now, it's true that when we're writing online dating profiles that we sometimes try to market ourselves to as broad a demographic as possible – after all, you never know where a good match might be hiding. However, there's a difference between attempting to have broad appeal, and diluting yourself so much that you don't stand out at all. There's a difference between appearing too obsessive, and outright eliminating part of your personality.
First of all, it's futile. So maybe leaving out the biking might help Leigh get a date with someone who might otherwise find serious biking strange. Well, it might get her in the door, but can Leigh really be happy with someone who doesn't understand her passion to the point that they might not have dated her if she'd been honest about it? Absolutely not.
Conversely, by leaving out Leigh's favorite hobby – even a brief mention of it – she misses out on the opportunity to meet that man who might love biking as well, and have even more in common with her. After all, if you're similar enough to have one major thing in common, chances are there's more waiting to be discovered. Because Leigh thinks she needs to have a broader appeal, she might well get more dates – but miss out on dates with guys who might actually be perfect for her.
It's natural to want to appear well-balanced in your profile, but make sure you're not masking the real you. After all, a true match loves you – not your profile. Why limit your chances at finding someone truly compatible?
Apparently, this idea came from a family member, who found Leigh's hobby “strange.” Thus, rather than write about something she loves, Leigh was prepared to delete something that is essentially a part of her, so that she could blend in more, become more ordinary – simply because she was afraid her hobby would set her apart too much.
Now, it's true that when we're writing online dating profiles that we sometimes try to market ourselves to as broad a demographic as possible – after all, you never know where a good match might be hiding. However, there's a difference between attempting to have broad appeal, and diluting yourself so much that you don't stand out at all. There's a difference between appearing too obsessive, and outright eliminating part of your personality.
First of all, it's futile. So maybe leaving out the biking might help Leigh get a date with someone who might otherwise find serious biking strange. Well, it might get her in the door, but can Leigh really be happy with someone who doesn't understand her passion to the point that they might not have dated her if she'd been honest about it? Absolutely not.
Conversely, by leaving out Leigh's favorite hobby – even a brief mention of it – she misses out on the opportunity to meet that man who might love biking as well, and have even more in common with her. After all, if you're similar enough to have one major thing in common, chances are there's more waiting to be discovered. Because Leigh thinks she needs to have a broader appeal, she might well get more dates – but miss out on dates with guys who might actually be perfect for her.
It's natural to want to appear well-balanced in your profile, but make sure you're not masking the real you. After all, a true match loves you – not your profile. Why limit your chances at finding someone truly compatible?
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