Avoiding a Romantic Tearjerker: Honesty
- Sunday, January 29 2012 @ 09:04 am
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,052
Ever watch a Greek tragedy? How about a Shakespearean one? Or maybe a typical romantic tearjerker? One might think these are vastly different levels of quality, with a wide range of plot devices - mistaken identity, hubris, boombox serenades - when in reality they have far more in common than you might think. You see, when it comes to love, nothing is more bound to cause trouble than poor communication. And as a viewer, nothing gets under our skin more.
If you’ve spent a rainy afternoon watching a romantic film, chances are you might have wanted to yell, “Tell her how you feel!” at the screen. Or maybe “Tell him the truth about what happened!” It’s hardly a movie with love unless there’s some terrible misunderstanding. And yet, when it comes to our own lives, it’s hard to incorporate these lessons.
If movies are to be believed, 99% of all relationship problems would be resolved if people were honest with each other: honest about their feelings, honest about their past, honest about who they are. Yet dating is still thought of as a “game” full of deceit and arbitrary rules.
I typically like to mock the silver screen’s portrayal of romance, but perhaps in this case there are some lessons to be learned. First of all, never assume - whether it’s “he’s too good for me,” “she doesn’t care about me,” or “I can never tell him about my involvement in that crime” (hey, movies are dramatic). People tend to underestimate the capacity of love, patience, and understanding in others. If you’re planning on giving up hope on a relationship anyway, why not at least clear the air?
Secondly, don’t be afraid to show your true emotions. How many misunderstandings have arisen because someone was behaving how they “thought” they should instead of based on how they felt? In a relationship we pay attention to far more than just words: there’s almost more going on that’s unspoken than spoken. If you muddy the waters behaving in a contrived way, you’ll make anything you say or do unreliable, and only do more harm than good.
Naturally, good communication is even more involved; trust needs to be built up, and actual communication skills must be worked on. However, to get a fresh start and avoid turning your relationship into a romantic tearjerker, be as honest as possible, from the very beginning.
If you’ve spent a rainy afternoon watching a romantic film, chances are you might have wanted to yell, “Tell her how you feel!” at the screen. Or maybe “Tell him the truth about what happened!” It’s hardly a movie with love unless there’s some terrible misunderstanding. And yet, when it comes to our own lives, it’s hard to incorporate these lessons.
If movies are to be believed, 99% of all relationship problems would be resolved if people were honest with each other: honest about their feelings, honest about their past, honest about who they are. Yet dating is still thought of as a “game” full of deceit and arbitrary rules.
I typically like to mock the silver screen’s portrayal of romance, but perhaps in this case there are some lessons to be learned. First of all, never assume - whether it’s “he’s too good for me,” “she doesn’t care about me,” or “I can never tell him about my involvement in that crime” (hey, movies are dramatic). People tend to underestimate the capacity of love, patience, and understanding in others. If you’re planning on giving up hope on a relationship anyway, why not at least clear the air?
Secondly, don’t be afraid to show your true emotions. How many misunderstandings have arisen because someone was behaving how they “thought” they should instead of based on how they felt? In a relationship we pay attention to far more than just words: there’s almost more going on that’s unspoken than spoken. If you muddy the waters behaving in a contrived way, you’ll make anything you say or do unreliable, and only do more harm than good.
Naturally, good communication is even more involved; trust needs to be built up, and actual communication skills must be worked on. However, to get a fresh start and avoid turning your relationship into a romantic tearjerker, be as honest as possible, from the very beginning.
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