Are You Asking Him For Too Much? Probably Not.

Advice
  • Contributed by:
  • Views: 797

There was a recent article in Glamour discussing what it means to be "high maintenance." Many of us associate this term with negative images - women who date men for money and/or power, or who spend their lunch hours at the salon getting facials and massages, or who demand way too much in their relationships, making their men run.

Unfortunately, as the article states, women also tend to think asking for anything in a relationship would be considered "high maintenance" to a man. This includes basic courtesies, like calling back in a timely manner or making plans a couple of days in advance instead of receiving a last minute text to "hang out."

Many women go into new relationships trying to play the "cool" girlfriend by not asking for anything, even though they grow increasingly unhappy and frustrated as the relationship progresses (or doesn't progress). They are afraid to have difficult conversations with their dates. They don't want to tell their man how they feel for fear of being rejected outright. So they keep treading along hoping for things to change. This isn't healthy for any relationship. In fact, most of these relationships fizzle. But the emotional heartache could have been prevented had they stood up for what they wanted earlier in the relationship.

For example, let's say Laurie has been dating a man pretty regularly for three months. They have a great time together, laugh a lot, and she feels incredibly attracted to him. He can be sweet and romantic sometimes, surprising her with flowers or a nice dinner out. But many nights she wonders if he's going to call, or who he's with, or when she will meet any of his friends.

Laurie doesn't want to ask him how he feels. She's frightened that her admission of wanting to be more serious will make him bolt. She would rather keep dating him and enjoying their time together, hoping eventually he will ask her to be exclusive. Four months later, she's still waiting and growing increasingly confused and distraught. He calls less, he's still unpredictable, but he continues to date her.

In this example, Laurie isn't getting what she wants, and until she's willing to change things, it will continue down the same path until he breaks things off with her.

It is important to be courageous when you're dealing with your heart. If a man isn't giving you what you want or need in terms of a relationship, then it is up to you to tell him. He isn't the one in control here - both of you are equals in the relationship. Both of you deserve to have what you want. And if you can't get it with each other, you deserve to know and move on.

Asking for what you want isn't high maintenance. It's the road to a healthy relationship.