Hello Honey
- Thursday, December 05 2013 @ 08:11 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,349
Some people causally use terms of endearment. Everyone is a “sweetie,” a “hon,” a “dear.” These rare people manage to use such terms with people they’ve just met - and, even more surprisingly, they never come off as condescending. There’s just something in the tone, in the expression: not a hint of malice.
However, if those very same people were to write a profile or a first-contact email, and they didn’t make any modifications, they’d quite possibly come off as annoying, patronizing or even offensive.
The issue is similar to that of using humor in a profile: you lose so much when you erase the tone of voice, timing, or facial expression that it’s easy to get the wrong idea. It’s true that some people can get away with using affectionate titles at first meet - but that’s because they’re using the entire package, not just the words themselves.
Furthermore, a first meeting in person is just not the same as a first-contact email. Even in person, simply standing in the same room is not a free pass to get familiar. Using an affectionate nickname at the end of a night of conversation is one thing; putting your arm around someone and calling them “sweetie” before you’ve even been introduced is quite another.
That’s essentially what you’re doing when you start a first-contact email in a way that’s overly familiar; you’re jumping over natural steps, forcing a connection when there isn’t one yet. No matter how compellingly a profile is written, you can’t really know someone until you’ve met in person for at least some amount of time. And, equally importantly, they can’t really know you. Not yet.
In person you may well feel an instant connection, like you’ve known each other for years. You may move more cautiously, taking things slow, revealing more of yourself when you’re ready. You may find that you’re on a date with a pleasant person and nothing more. The key is, you won’t really know if calling someone “hon” is appropriate until you’ve met. And honestly, even then, not everyone really is a “hon.” Some names fit better than others, and your date doesn’t want to be a one-size-fits-all.
So as you write your first-contact emails, remember that you’re dealing with a stranger, no matter how inviting their profile was. You can be warm and friendly, yet still polite and appropriate. There’s plenty of time to get familiar later; enjoy this stage as well.
However, if those very same people were to write a profile or a first-contact email, and they didn’t make any modifications, they’d quite possibly come off as annoying, patronizing or even offensive.
The issue is similar to that of using humor in a profile: you lose so much when you erase the tone of voice, timing, or facial expression that it’s easy to get the wrong idea. It’s true that some people can get away with using affectionate titles at first meet - but that’s because they’re using the entire package, not just the words themselves.
Furthermore, a first meeting in person is just not the same as a first-contact email. Even in person, simply standing in the same room is not a free pass to get familiar. Using an affectionate nickname at the end of a night of conversation is one thing; putting your arm around someone and calling them “sweetie” before you’ve even been introduced is quite another.
That’s essentially what you’re doing when you start a first-contact email in a way that’s overly familiar; you’re jumping over natural steps, forcing a connection when there isn’t one yet. No matter how compellingly a profile is written, you can’t really know someone until you’ve met in person for at least some amount of time. And, equally importantly, they can’t really know you. Not yet.
In person you may well feel an instant connection, like you’ve known each other for years. You may move more cautiously, taking things slow, revealing more of yourself when you’re ready. You may find that you’re on a date with a pleasant person and nothing more. The key is, you won’t really know if calling someone “hon” is appropriate until you’ve met. And honestly, even then, not everyone really is a “hon.” Some names fit better than others, and your date doesn’t want to be a one-size-fits-all.
So as you write your first-contact emails, remember that you’re dealing with a stranger, no matter how inviting their profile was. You can be warm and friendly, yet still polite and appropriate. There’s plenty of time to get familiar later; enjoy this stage as well.
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