Dating

The holidays can bring added stress to your dating life. If you’re single, you might wonder if it’s a good idea to invite one of your dates out to a colleague’s party, or maybe you're be anxious about spending the holidays with prying family members.

If you've just started dating someone, you could be wondering if you should buy a gift or invite him to your office holiday party. While there are no cut and dry answers, there are a few tips that could help you enjoy the holiday instead of stressing about it:

Don’t invite a new date to important parties. These include your office holiday party and your family dinners. There’s no reason to subject a budding romance to scrutiny before you really know each other. The rest of the year, you probably take things more slowly, so keep that in mind and go at your own pace instead of feeling pressured to show up with a date.

Go easy on the gift. You don’t have to prove how much you like your date by the extravagance of your present. Instead, go for thoughtful or experiential – like buying tickets to an event you can attend together or passes to ice skate at the local outdoor rink. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, let your date know and sit this one out. There’s no harm in waiting.

Curb your alcohol intake. I know the holidays are a good time to enjoy eggnog and other festive cocktails, but know your tolerance before you start. This time of year we tend to indulge – in candy, food, and especially alcohol – and you don’t want to pass out on your date or otherwise do something embarrassing. Save your holiday indulgences for when you get together with friends.

Go solo! I know it seems intimidating to show up by yourself at a party, but as a friend of mine once told me, “there’s nothing sexier to a guy than showing up solo and having a good time.” And it’s true – going alone will help you break out of your shell. You will introduce yourself to new people, strike up conversations, and likely do a little more flirting than you would if you came with a friend.

Keep a good attitude. Your dates don’t want to hear about your ex, or your last terrible online date, or the reasons why you’re single for the holidays. Try to focus on the positive around you, and make an effort to have a good time. It will not only help your date to connect with you, it will help you have more fun, even if he or she isn’t “The One.”

Tinder only launched in 2012, but already new apps are trying to make its popular “hot-or-not” visually-based format a thing of the past. TrueView, a new location-based dating app wants its users to take dating a little more seriously.

TrueView is based out of London, and its founders advocate a switch from Tinder to improve not only your dating experience, but your odds of matching with someone at all. As many people as there are logging on to Tinder regularly, TrueView points out there are 998 million rejections daily.

The app works more like a social media platform than a traditional dating app. Similar to an app like Zoosk, TrueView logs a person’s actual behavior while using the app so users have a better, “truer” view of who they really are. Users are encouraged to share things they love to do (while they are doing it), discovering people who have similar interests. The app has a “stuff to do” section which lists events, clubs, restaurants, sports and concerts in your local city. The “news” section keeps you up to date on the things most important to you, and prompts more discussions.

The idea behind TrueView is that you can have a more organic conversation online first to see if you’re interested in someone before you meet him/her – as opposed to just swiping through photos.

True View was inspired by Andrew Ibbotson, one of the founders whose real-life online dating experience left him frustrated. He was tired of the hook-up scene and a lot of matches that led to nothing, spending more time and money for very little return. He wanted to create a better experience for himself, so he teamed up with friends Matt Verity and Damian Mitchell. They came up with the idea of a service that uses what they call "real-time micro-blogging" to make two people meeting feel more organic – and True View was born.

Tinder is still the app to beat, despite all the recent apps who are trying to outdo it, like TrueView. But it seems there is room for a new player, since even the celebrities who made it popular are now starting to turn against it. As actor Sam Smith said: "No offence to people who go on Tinder, but I just feel like it's ruining romance...why would I swipe people who are 'unattractive' when I could potentially fall in love with them?" 

TrueView is betting the people who become disillusioned with Tinder will look to the app for a new experience. While this may be true, it has hit some bumps along the way. According to a dozen reviews in the Google Play store, people are encountering some bugs with the technology, but they have had a few thousand installs so far.

TrueView is available on both iTunes and Google Play. Currently, the app isn’t available yet in the U.S.

Are you online dating? Having a hard time getting to date number two? If so, there are a few things you might not have considered when you’re meeting someone for the first time. With online dating, your friends can’t give you the inside scoop on a total stranger like they could a mutual friend. So it’s best to approach each first date understanding he knows nothing about you – not your sense of humor, your thoughtfulness, your body image. Nothing. Your profile doesn’t reveal nearly enough.

So, it’s your job to take nothing for granted, and try to see yourself through his eyes. He could be paying attention to things you don’t even think about, or that aren’t your priority. And that’s where a lot of misunderstandings come into play.

Guys do pay attention on dates, and they are looking for cues that you’re interested. Following are some things that they notice (and no, it’s not your cute outfit or new heels), based on a survey taken by Women’s Health Magazine:

If you’re on time. Many guys hate waiting on their dates to arrive when they have made an effort to be on time. If you’re late because you’re afraid of looking too eager, you could be missing out on some great guys who think that you don’t care enough to be punctual or let them know you’re running late.

Breaks in conversation. Some guys pay attention to what you do when the conversation pauses. Are you looking around, acting bored? Or are you giving the conversation thoughtful attention? Are you shy, or just thinking of the next clever thing to say? Guys pay attention to your body language as much as anything you say.

If you reach for your purse. Most guys don’t have an issue with paying for a date, but they do appreciate it when you offer.

If you are rude to servers, valet, etc. Maybe you are fun, engaging and warm with your date, but if you start treating waiters or bartenders with attitude, guys will notice. This is a big turn-off.

Your smile. Guys like to know if you’re having fun. Smiling is a sign that you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself. Try to keep an open mind - when you go into the date having an attitude or chip on your shoulder, it’s not sexy.

Attraction/ chemistry. Guys are blunt – they do look at you. They want to know if you look like your pictures, and if they feel a physical attraction. They want to feel a spark of chemistry in order to pursue you. So don’t take it personally if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Studies have shown that guys have a wide range of physical tastes – so don’t let one or two rejections stop you from meeting new people. Emphasize your attributes, don’t shy away from being who you are. That is sexy.

How much do people in Indiana love auto racing? So much that NASCAR is the most frequently used word in online dating profiles from the state.

Mashable recently teamed up with Match.com to analyze thousands of US-based online dating profiles and discover how daters differ from state to state. Anyone who ventures into the untamed wilds of online dating quickly discovers the same words and phrases appear over and over again. Surprise: it turns out that pretty much everyone likes all music except country. Yawn.

Tired of feeling like all online dating profiles are the same, Mashable and Match broke down which words are used with relative frequency in certain states, compared to relative frequency in the rest of the country. If you're in the mood for making the most cliché online dating profile possible, find your location on this map and see what daters in your state are most obsessed with.

Here are a few highlights:

• California: desert
• New York: museum
• Texas: oil
• Florida: Disney
• Alaska: cabin
• Georgia: grilling
• Hawaii: surf
• Nevada: casino (duh)

Match and Mashable aren't the only ones who recently delved into state-by-state dating. The dating app Lulu (think Yelp, but for ranking and reviewing men) did some research to find out who the most popular man in each state is. Female Lulu users can anonymously rate men they know on everything from looks, to ambition, to relationships. to, yes, sex. Lulu also recently introduced anonymous messages and questions called "Truth Bombs.”

As you can probably imagine, the app was controversial when it first launched, but Lulu has since cleaned up its image and allowed men to sign up for the service. They can’t rate women, but they can promote their profiles.

The men in this experiment (all Lulu users themselves) were rated on a scale of 1-10 by women who know them. Business Insider reports: “While there are no perfect scores in the US, a man in Texas and a man in Illinois men both received a 9.7 score. Their friends used the following hashtags to describe them: ‘#DoesDishes,’ ‘#RemembersBirthdays,’ and ‘#OneOfTheGoodOnes.’”

All descriptions in Lulu are hashtags, because longer free-form answers could earn the writer an accusation of libel. Some of the top hashtags include #OpensDoors, #CaptainFun, #MakesMeLaugh, #RespectsWomen, #AlwaysHappy, #CanTalkToMyDad, #NerdyButILikeIt, and the simple but effective #NotADick.

For a full list of the winning men, see the original post on Business Insider. For more on one of the dating services that conducted the study please read our review of Match.com.

Our phones are with us all the time, and they can do amazing things. Instagram has allowed us to be amateur photographers, taking pictures of our food, our neighborhoods – and yes, ourselves.

Selfies have become not only popular, but somewhat of a cultural pastime, particularly for teens and twenty-somethings. The power of the camera phone and the fascination with social media platforms that are visually-based, like Instagram, have compelled people to take more photos, documenting every part of their lives. At the center of this compulsion is selfies.

While selfies are meant to be a fun, harmless way of showing your followers and friends where you are and what you are up to, for some people, they have become a bit of an obsession. When you post selfies all the time, what is the impact on your real-life relationships? Does the act of taking a selfie take you out of the moment, preventing you from truly enjoying wherever you are and whoever you’re with?

A UK study from University of Birmingham came out last year that shows selfies do negatively impact relationships. While you might think posting a steady stream of selfies brings your friends and loved one closer to you, giving them access to you moment-by-moment, it actually makes them feel more distant.

As part of the three-year study, researchers asked participants how they felt when they saw different people in their circle - like a close friend, a partner, or just an acquaintance - posting selfies. They then asked them to report on the quality of their relationship with the person posting selfies. They found that participants felt less supported by and less intimate with people who posted more frequent selfies, regardless of their relationship with the person – even their partners/ spouses.

In other words, posting streams of selfies can actually distance you from those you love rather than bring you together.

The good news is you can take a different approach with much better results. It seems that people who are close to you IRL may not appreciate you sharing every little pose and moment with your followers – many of whom might be work colleagues or acquaintances. People close to you want to feel special.

Instead of posting everything you think might be interesting, cute or funny, consider your audience. Maybe instead you can text your partner or best friend the selfie, instead of posting it publicly over social media. Be more choosy with what you share – and consider the impact it might have on your work and personal relationships.

Bottom line: selfies are part of our culture, but they don’t have to tell your life story.

The holiday season creates stress in even the most peaceful and together people among us. Not only do we put pressure on ourselves to find the perfect gifts and cook the perfect meals for friends and family – when we’re single, we also place unrealistic expectations on ourselves for where we should really be in our lives.

Instead of getting down on yourself about not being in a relationship or being a certain age and unattached – remember that the holiday season is actually a time for us to pause and remember what we DO have in our lives, rather than what we are lacking.

Following are 4 holiday dating myths we need to let go of:

I need to make excuses for why I’m single.

Despite Aunt Dora’s attempts to question your life choices or find out why exactly you’re still single, you do have control over the information you share. It’s nobody’s business who you are or aren’t dating unless you tell them. And there’s no shame in being single. Most people who question your status are insecure about being alone themselves, and are projecting their fears on to you. Don’t let them. Embrace the freedom you have, and let them see that you enjoy your life – with or without a partner.

The holidays measure the seriousness of your new relationship.

Have you just started dating? Are you worried about the etiquette of inviting him to your office holiday party, or if he’s going to invite you over for dinner with his family? Stop putting the pressure on yourself and your new relationship, and don’t use this time of year as a barometer to test your relationship. If you don’t feel comfortable meeting family or introducing him to your co-workers, let your date know that you want to take your time. There’s no rush just because it’s the holiday season. Go at your own pace, and allow yourselves time to get to know each other first.

I can’t buy a gift for someone I just started dating.

Gifts aren’t meant to be indications of how serious you are or how much you are willing to spend on your romantic interest – they are gestures. A thoughtful gesture can include a small gift like a cookbook of her favorite food or something you can do together – such as tickets to ice skate or check out a new art gallery. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, then let her know. Honesty is the best policy, so you don’t feel awkward if she gives you a gift.

The holidays are the worst time to be single.

Sometimes it can be hard when you visit well-meaning friends and relatives who ask about your single status, or when you go to office holiday parties alone. But the holidays are actually a great time to be single. There are so many gatherings where you’ll be meeting new people (no Tinder necessary), and you should accept as many invitations as you can. You never know when a friend could introduce you to someone you may just hit it off with, so it’s really okay to be single and put yourself out there.

Happy holidays!