Communication

Snapchat put ephemeral communication on the map. Now Buzz is taking it to the next level with a more conversation-focused app.

Buzz dumps self-destructing messages in favor of self-destructing connections. All connections made on the app automatically expire after 72 hours, unless both parties choose to continue chatting. Frequent online daters will immediately see the value in the service.

It's nerve-racking to give your digits to a stranger, even if their profile is perfect and your conversation is going well. Apps like Burner or kik alleviate some fears but aren't perfect solutions. Some only offer paid accounts. Others allow people to find you by username, even though your phone number is private.

Buzz attempts to solve these problems for daters who are extremely conscientous about safety. Users only have to add a photo, name and gender to sign up. Afterwards, the app provides a temporary, unique identifier called a 'Buzz Code.'

Users can add each other in the app using the code. After connecting, a conversation expires after 72 hours unless both users indicate that they would like to continue talking. If both say no, or only one says yes, the connection self-destructs and the parties can no longer communicate.

If users do want to keep the conversation going, it can continue within the app. And, of course, conversations can also stop at any point before the 72 hours if things take a creepy or boring turn.

For now, your Buzz Code is not permanent and can be changed whenever you want. Changing your code does not affect your existing connections. Buzz also plans to offer disposable “vanity” codes as an in-app purchase in the future, which would allow users to create their own handles.

Buzz is the brainchild of Matthew Groves, Brian Albright and Hanna Xu. The three co-founders met while working at the messaging app Tango, where they honed their skills before leaving to launch their own venture.

Buzz has been tested with a small group of beta users, but its real test begins now that it is available to the public. The app's creators hope that online daters’ increased concerns about privacy, combined with the weak points of other messaging apps, will allow Buzz to stand out in its niche.

It's still too early to tell if Buzz will catch on, but its hard not to be intrigued by an app that eliminates the need for fake phone numbers, spam-only email addresses and disposable account information.

Buzz is free to download on iOS and Android.

There’s no doubt about it: online dating has become even more popular, and at the same time, more frustrating than ever. Believe it or not, there is a correlation between the two.

Dating apps work very similarly to a game. You swipe left and right, amassing lots of matches to your dating bank account, and feeling great. More people, more possibilities. But in reality – how many of your matches are you actually going out with? How many send you messages, and how many respond to yours? Unfortunately, more often than not, the numbers are low. (Or worse – female daters tend to be the recipients of unwanted and aggressive texts.)

So what do we do with this information? Do we declare this to be "the end of dating" along with The New York Times? Do we delete those apps from our phones, as one writer for website Bustle has declared she will do?

You do have the option to drop out of online dating altogether, but I would argue for keeping it a part of how you meet people to date. Dating apps are here to stay, so it's time to embrace them. But we also need to learn how to date - in real life.

The problem doesn't lie with dating apps per se - technology in general is changing how we behave and interact. People are spending more time updating and commenting on their social media accounts than they are having actual conversations or meeting up with people IRL. Take a look at any bar or restaurant, and inevitably you see a group of people at a table, and none of them are talking to each other – they are staring at their phones.

There is an element of social anxiety that comes along with dating, but our phones are giving us an easy way out, rather than learning to overcome this anxiety. It’s much easier to drop a conversation online than try to think of something witty to say. And the thought of making small talk on a first date for half an hour can terrify many young daters who have grown accustomed to safely hiding behind their phones.

Instead of complaining about the technology, it’s time to do something about what we would like to see in the dating world. Ask someone out on a real date. Pick up the phone and have a conversation, don’t just text until one of you drops off. And if you don’t get a response? On to the next.

Most people want to find a connection to someone else. Online dating provides a way to meet people, not a way to actually date them. Instead, the search for connection is totally left up to us – a scary thought. (Why can’t we just blame the dating apps for peoples’ behavior?)

If you want your online dating experience to change, you first need to change your own approach to it. Don’t endlessly swipe. Talk to more people over the phone or in person. Look them in the eye when you are having a conversation. Don’t become distracted by your phone, or lean on it like a crutch when you get bored. Learn the art of making conversation, of flirting. Practice it!

There’s no shame in asking someone out, and to follow through and go on a real date. In fact, it’s the only thing that will lead to a real-life relationship.

Are you online dating? If so, chances are you have filtered your matches according to your preferences – body type, height, age, career, or whatever is most important to you. Filtering our choices is a good thing – but inevitably, it feeds our tendencies to not want to compromise. After all, if you can choose who exactly you want at the swipe of a screen, why should you settle for less than your ideal mate? You want your date to check off all the boxes on your list, not just a few.

For example, let’s say you don’t want to date anybody who lives more than a 15-minute drive from you, or who didn’t go to college, or who isn’t much into Cross Fit since this is your preferred fitness activity. If you met someone great who lives 45 minutes away, or was into hiking instead of Cross Fit, or who doesn’t have a college degree, would you reject her?

When we are given so many options for meeting new people, it can be difficult to compromise at all. Even if the right person for you appeared on your Tinder screen, you might not even agree to the first date because there are other people who better meet your criteria and filters.

For example, I live in Los Angeles. There is a lot of traffic, and many people spend hours a day in their cars commuting to work. So it’s only natural that they don’t want to spend any more time driving to meet a date, especially when it might not go well. Why waste even more time and effort?

But the truth is, you might be missing out. Maybe you don’t want to consider someone who lives more than fifteen or twenty minutes away, but if you met someone who you found incredibly attractive and compelling, chances are you would drive those few extra miles to spend time together.

If you are a Cross Fit fanatic, and believe that only other Cross Fit people will “get you” - so there’s no point in dating someone who prefers volleyball, or hiking, or sailing for instance – then you are missing out on people who could show you their own passions which are different from yours. There is something compelling about people with passions. They make you want to know more about them, about their interests. So why not give a new date a chance, even if they will never love Cross Fit like you? There are so many other opportunities to be compatible – you don’t have to be in love with the same activity.

Filters serve a purpose, but if we aren’t willing to compromise our own rigid guidelines about what we think we want, then we miss important opportunities. Remember, preferences aren’t deal-breakers. If you’re interested in meeting someone, if you find him/ her attractive and interesting, then don’t let things like distance and compatible interests get in the way. Because you never know – love is often found in the most unlikely places.

Popular dating app Tinder, which many daters have described as a hook-up app, has decided to get a little more serious with its latest update. Instead of upping the volume of swipes, the management team decided to focus on encouraging users to be more selective, and is now offering a feature dubbed “Super Like.”

Instead of just swiping right when you like someone special (like all the other right swipes before), the new feature allows you to swipe up – or Super Like - one special match per day. When two people Super Like each other, Tinder reports that they tend to have conversations over the app that last 70 percent longer. (Tellingly, the company is rolling out this feature in the wake of Vanity Fair’s controversial article on the so-called “dating apocalypse” fueled by Tinder, which ended in a Twitter rant from Tinder co-founder Sean Rad.)

Tinder is definitely getting its new more serious message across in marketing campaigns, including a video the company made highlighting the Super Like feature, which is targeting female daters. In the video, a woman is being harassed by a bunch of men who are trying to flirt with her, and she’s not interested. So to save herself from their aggressive tactics, she Super Likes a nice guy on the app. In other words, she is saving herself from the awful herds of pushy guys on Tinder by using Tinder’s latest feature.  

Will it be effective for Tinder to appeal to women? It is still by far the most popular app, but other developers are using Tinder’s hook-up reputation as a reason to choose another app. So Tinder is fighting back.

The new feature is a way to make women feel safer. But more than likely, it is also a response to Bumble, a rising star in the dating app world that has been getting a lot of attention.

Bumble is a female-centered dating app that looks like Tinder but gives the messaging power to women by having them make the first move. Coincidentally, Bumble was also founded by one of Tinder’s co-founders Whitney Wolfe, who sued the company and subsequently launched her own dating app. This past week, Wolfe made an appearance on The Daily Show, in which she answered questions about how her app is changing the world of online dating by putting women in the seat of power to ask the men out.

It’s great that daters have more options, and the competition from apps like Bumble means that Tinder will continue to improve its offerings. And that’s always a plus.

A recent article in The Wall Street  Journal pointed out the importance of using correct grammar in your online dating profile. According to surveys done in recent years by dating websites OkCupid and Match.com, grammar is by far one of the most important aspects of an online dating profile. If you mix up “your” and “you’re,” many daters will move on to the next.

But why is this? Aren’t people more concerned with great photos, as we’ve seen with apps like Tinder and Grindr? Why should online daters care about how people write – it isn’t necessarily an indication of who they are in real life or how great a match they would be. Besides, aren’t most daters attracted to physical appearances rather than writing style?

Apparently not. Match.com found that 88% of women and 75% of men in their survey of 5,000 singles said they cared about grammar most, putting it ahead of a person’s confidence and teeth.

The WSJ attributed this trend to the rise of dating apps and the common use of text slang, with abbreviations like YOLO (You only Live Once) replacing standard phrasing and sentences. While messaging has now become more of a convenience than an art, grammar has fallen by the wayside, and one way to make yourself stand out among the millions of other daters out there is to approach communicating with someone as though you put in some effort. After all, most dating apps don’t require much more effort than a swipe.

In other words, think about your professional life and how much time and care you put in to communication with your bosses and co-workers. When you send an email to a group of work colleagues, chances are you spell-checked it before pressing the “send” key, and most likely it isn’t filled with acronyms for every common phrase. If you apply the same protocol to online dating, it might seem a bit formal at first, but it definitely scores you more points. The person receiving your message is more likely to take you seriously because it looks like you have put in more time and effort.

In other words, you come across as smart and caring. Thoughtfulness goes a long way.

Grammar has been important in the online dating scene for a while, even before the popularity of texting and dating apps made bad grammar much more common. Dating websites like Match and eHarmony encouraged users to use complete sentences in their profiles and check for spelling errors. Wouldn’t you be turned off if someone you didn’t know turned in a report or emailed you with a couple of brief sentences, rife with misspellings?

A little effort goes a long way.

When you swipe right on someone’s profile, you have a good idea of your physical preferences and what kind of person you are attracted to. Maybe you like a certain body type or hair color or height, but after that, it gets a little more complex. Maybe you like a particular person’s smile, or that they seem to have a wicked sense of humor or arty style in their photography.

While swiping is making it easier to go through profiles and accept or reject someone at whim, is it becoming more automatic the longer we swipe? Are we careful in our choices, or do we casually and without much thought say yes or no? Do we want someone (or something) else to do the swiping for us, someone who knows our preferences as well or even better than we do? It would save time and effort, but do we want to disengage from matching entirely?

At least one researcher is asking the question. He thinks we can be consistent enough in our picks that a computer can pick up on what we like and do the swiping for us. And why shouldn't this be an option?

Harm de Vries, a post-doctoral researcher at the Université de Montreal, thinks computers would make excellent choices on our behalf, and set about proving it with a recent study.

According to an article in PC World, De Vries scraped 10,000 photos from Tinder and gave a computer his opinion of 8,000 of them. Then he let the computer determine his likes and dislikes for the remaining 2,000, thinking this sample was reflective and large enough to be pretty accurate. Unfortunately, it managed to be right only 55% of the time. In other words, it wasn’t much better than closing your eyes and swiping arbitrarily.

De Vries decided to test a larger sample, so he pulled almost 500,000 photos from OkCupid. With a greater number of images to work with, the computer achieved a higher success rate – 68% - but still managed to correctly agree with only two out of every three choices made by DeVries.

Still, De Vries is hopeful that computers can assist in the decision-making process. He thinks even services like Twitter can benefit from computer learning, which is still pretty accurate even compared to human learning. "One of my friends who collaborated with me got to learn my preferences and he managed 76 percent accuracy, so even for humans it's pretty hard."

Choosing who we are attracted to is not an exact  science – we are all attracted to people that don’t necessarily have our “favored” characteristics, like dark hair or an athletic body, but they can still possess something that we find very compelling.

The point is – do we want to control our choices, or have a computer just do it for us?