Communication

It’s almost unfathomable: a dating app with no swiping and no ability to chat with other users. Is it possible for such a service to break into the crowded online dating scene? helloTruly hopes so.

The new Chicago-based app is taking the Goldilocks approach. helloTruly wants to give singles just enough technology to get the ball rolling, but not so much that they’re glued to the app and neglect actual, in-person meeting. Not too much, not too little - just right.

Father-and-son founding team Andy and Jack Kenoe describe the app as a “digital icebreaker” focused on connecting people in physical spaces like coffee shops and bookstores. Users of the free iOS and Android app are alerted when another user is in the same location and matches their indicated preferences.

Have you ever “touched up” one of your Tinder profile photos? Maybe you wanted to look more vibrant, or erase a double chin or receding hairline. If you have, you’re not alone.

Meitu, a popular photo retouching app, surveyed 250 online daters to find out their photo retouching practices, and to see how honestly people are presenting themselves to potential matches. Not surprisingly, they found a considerable portion of the respondents does retouch - 33% of women had retouched their photos and 20% of men had retouched theirs.

While it’s no secret that people optimize photos (look at all the filters on Instagram), it is interesting that this follows a trend in online dating where people have historically posted misleading images of themselves – either by using old photos from 10 years ago at a time when they were thinner or had more hair, or by Photoshopping  their “flaws,” like skin blemishes.

Along these lines, the survey found that 47 percent of men and 27 percent of women have encountered a first date who looked nothing like their profile image, feeding into the stereotype that many people lie about themselves to seem more attractive.

But what does it mean when someone admits to photo retouching? Is there a difference in perception between online daters who do a few touch-ups to enhance their features, compared to severely altering their images? Turns out, there is a difference.

Most survey respondents who admitted to photo retouching did only slight tweaks, such as blemish removal (44 percent of women and 28 percent of men), teeth whitening (18 percent women, 16 percent men), or lightening and darkening of skin tone (28 percent women, 20% men). For all categories, women seemed to do more tweaking in general than men. But the vast majority of both women and men said that some light retouching is fine with them (71 percent of women and 65 percent of men).

Most survey respondents agreed that more severe retouching, such as reshaping faces and body outlines is not okay. Ninety-eight percent of women and 91 percent of men don’t think it’s fine to retouch an image more than slightly.

In summary, avoid surprises on your first date by keeping photo edits simple and natural. Getting rid of that random pimple, adding a little color to your pre-summer skin, or brightening your smile is all good. But avoid anything that’s going to make you look like a different you!

Meitu surveyed men and women between the ages of 18-34 who had used online dating sites or mobile dating apps. 

According to Match’s Singles in America Study, most people are interested in long-term relationships, especially men. However, if you spend much time in the real world of online dating and dating apps, you see a different story unfold: most people are afraid to commit, less they lose their options for meeting other people.

It’s a double-edged sword: there are more options now thanks to apps like Tinder which have made meeting people online very easy, but there’s also the problem of choice as Aziz Ansari talks about in his book Modern Romance. When there are too many options, people tend to feel less satisfied with any one choice.

So what should daters do?

I read a Washington Post article recently penned by a single Mom, who used to find online dating a horrible, time-consuming experience. But since apps came into the picture and she’s able to swipe at any time, like say – between diaper changes or feedings, she finds it absolutely freeing. Dating apps have given her more confidence, because she knows that even when she has a bad date, she can always find someone else. At any time.

But for those of us who have experience looking for love for months or even years, you can start to feel a little bitter and exhausted from the process. After all, how many first dates can you go on before you feel like you’ve had the same conversations and met the same types over and over?

That’s why this summer I have a proposition: instead of looking for someone special, or jumping into a relationship too soon, or getting too excited about an online match before you’ve even met, try taking a step back. Swipe right on more profiles than you want. Try dating a range of people outside of a “type” you find most attractive.

And most importantly, date more than one person at a time. Really.

There’s no reason to continue with serial monogamy this summer, when you do have choices and you can explore your dating options a bit more than you have in the past. Instead of getting excited and let down, riding that roller coaster, try scheduling more dates and seeing all the people you can meet.

There’s no reason to fixate on one choice when you aren’t exclusive. Dating means exploring your options, testing the waters, and seeing who is out there. Plus, when you date outside your type, you are adding to your choices.

I’m not trying to stress out your already busy schedule, but why not take advantage of longer summer nights by keeping your options open? It can’t hurt. And you might have more fun when you don’t take things so seriously.

Tinder is looking to be more social – or at least hook you up along with your group of friends to connect with other friend groups out in the real world. The problem? Tinder users are being opted in to this feature by default, so you don't have a choice. Which means Tinder Social automatically displays which of your Facebook friends are also using Tinder.

This can make for some awkward conversation, especially for those who would rather keep their dating practices private.

To make matters more uncomfortable, Tinder Social presents a list of your friends along with their dating app profiles so you can not only see they are using the app, but how they are presenting themselves on Tinder. (Sexy photos, anyone?)

And worse yet, some Tinder users think Tinder Social is a way to meet others for group sex (and considering the whole hook-up reputation, it’s not that far of a stretch).

The new feature is only in the testing stages in certain parts of Australia, so chances are you haven’t encountered the feature just yet. This will give Tinder some time to refine it. The company will need to make some changes to reassure people about their privacy on the app. Over the years, it has stressed to users that their social networks would not be compromised, and that anything they do on the app wouldn’t be seen on Facebook or in their other social networks.

While there’s currently a way to opt out of the friend-finding feature, Tinder users are automatically opted in, so you actively have to disengage. A good fix would be to make it an opt-in feature only, so Tinder doesn’t risk alienating users who didn’t realize their profiles were being put on display among their social media friends.

Finding circles of friends seems to be a new wave in the dating app space, and an untapped market for an already attentive dating app population. CEO of Bumble Whitney Wolfe announced the company would be unveiling a similar group friend-finding feature on their app, and Grouper, a dating app that’s been around for a few years, offers group dates for people who don’t want the pressure of one-on-one dating. There’s also MeetUp, a networking site that has been around for a while to help people find friends in their communities through activities and other interests.

Many other apps are jumping on this new friend-finding bandwagon, hoping to capitalize on the social networking market. We’ll see if Tinder or another app can get people excited about the friend-finding potential of apps.

Tinder has been at the forefront of online dating industry growth, making it more accessible to more users than any other online dating platform. So it’s only natural that its accessibility extends to daters in the transgender community.

Transgender online daters don’t have many options when they go online to try and date, because most apps, including Tinder, only allow them to identify as male or female. In the next couple of months, Tinder has said they will be adding more gender identification choices along with more dating preferences.

Tinder is owned by Match Group, but it’s late to the party: other online dating platforms within Match Group, such as OkCupid, have already added more gender preferences to their platforms. In addition to “woman” and “man,” OkCupid’s gender options include “agender, adrogynous, bigender, cis man, cis woman, genderfluid, genderqueer, hijra, intersex, non-binary, other, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, trans man, trans woman,” and “two-spirit,” as of November 2014.

Members of the LGBTQ community have pushed for this change in online dating, as they have felt excluded and left out of the conversation as more features are added and improvements made to the online dating experience – except when it comes to their needs and preferences.

Huffington Post Live’s Alex Berg reported deleting her online dating account, writing: “In the grand scheme of problems for LGBTQ people, the options of a dating website might seem like minutia ... [but] that recognition has the power to change the hearts and minds of those who would deny our rights in the physical world.”

It seems Tinder Founder and CEO Sean Rad agrees. “For a long time we haven’t done enough to give [transgender members] a good experience,” he said at the Code Conference in Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif. “It’s harder for them to get what they are looking for. We have to modify our experience to address that.”

Tinder is working on the changes with transgender activist Andrea James and GLAAD, as part of its promise to be more inclusive to its community of daters.

“One challenge we face at Tinder is making sure our tens of millions of users around the world have the same user experience. No matter who you are, no matter what you’re looking for, you should get quality matches through the Tinder experience,” the company said to Fortune Magazine. “There’s an important transgender (and gender nonconforming) community on Tinder who haven’t had that experience … yet.”

If you’re single and own a smartphone, chances are you’ve downloaded a dating app.

Many people try at least one or two apps, swipe and message for a few weeks, and then quit in frustration because they don’t get many matches, their messages go unanswered, or they never actually get a real date out of it.

Instead of going into app dating full force with no results, it’s better to keep a steady momentum and a few things in mind for successful swiping. Following are some tips to get your dating app game in shape:

Be respectful all the time.

It’s important to remember that even though you might be a great catch, people on dating apps are strangers who don’t know you. They don’t know your sense of humor, your background, or your close friends, so they have to take what you say at face value. So don’t start out being presumptuous – save the overt flirting, gross jokes, or sexual references for a more appropriate time – like when you are dating and are aware of your attraction for one another!

A picture is worth a million words.

Dating apps have really helped those who don’t want to spend the time writing a funny, clever profile. Instead, people can look at one or two photos and swipe based on that. (Most people don’t even read the descriptions or tags on your profile unless they like your pic.) So, you have to tell a visual story. Show a photo doing something you love that will spark a conversation. Include a headshot and a body shot, with no sunglasses or hats covering your face. Remember to smile!

Don’t message endlessly.

It’s fun to get a little flirtatious banter on, but at the end of the day, what do you have to show for it if you haven’t met in person? Instead of endlessly messaging, be bold and ask your matches out sooner rather than later – it doesn’t matter if you’re the guy or the girl. Ask, meet, and then see if there’s a spark.

Don’t swipe right on everyone.

Guys have a tendency to play the dating app game – swipe right on everyone and see who matches back with you. This is a bad strategy for many reasons, but most of all, because you’ll look like a robot to the app, and greatly reduce your swiping options. Instead, be a little more discriminate.

Check in during peak hours.

The best time to log in to your dating app is 6:00 in the evening, according to Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe. Checking in daily is a good idea, especially around happy hour time. But also make sure to log in on Sunday, which studies have shown to be the busiest day for online dating in general. People are ready to make plans, so get on it!