Dating

Is the perfect partner dall, dark, and handsome? Is he a leather jacket-wearing bad boy? Maybe she’s an effortlessly beautiful model, or a geeky gamer girl.

The real answer, of course, goes much deeper than that. A perfect partner should be judged not by their looks, but by their actions. EliteSingles polled 10,000 members from around the world about how they would like their future partner to act in a relationship. Some of the results may surprise you.

Participants were asked to agree or disagree with a series of statements about the behavior they expect from their partners. According to the survey, the top five things singles would like their ideal partner to do are:

1. Share his/her concerns with me: 91%
2. Include me in his/her plans for the future: 86%
3. Accompany me to a family member’s birthday party: 84%
4. Give me freedom to have time (hobbies, interests, etc.) for myself: 83%
5. Find the time to talk to me every day: 80%

The study also delved into things EliteSingles members didn’t expect their future partners to do. Men and women gave mostly the same answers, but they expressed a significant difference in the way they expected their partners to show affection. Only 2% of women wished for their partners to show affection through sex, while men were averse to being shown affection by receiving compliments. Only 3% of men said they expect praise from their partners.

Other key differences between Mars and Venus focused on household chores and fashion choices. Fifty-nine percent of women said expect their partners to do housework, compared to 38% of men. What men were more interested in was lingerie - 62% of men said they would like to be surprised with sexy underwear, compared to just 26% of women.

As silly as some of these stats may sound, and as easy as you may think it is to write them off, expectations are essential to relationships. Standards are necessary and healthy, as long as you don’t saddle a partner with an excessive number of expectations or expectations that are unreasonable.

EliteSingles psychologist Salama Marine offers this caution:

“The problem is when you feel obligated to fulfill your partner’s expectations: when you start to feel limited in your decisions or not free anymore to do what you want; or when your needs are completely forgotten to only respond to your partner’s expectations. If this is the case, then it’s a sign that there is a problem in the relationship.”

If you find yourself in that situation, there’s only one solution: communication. Discuss your expectations with your partner clearly and openly, and be sure to listen to them in return. "Good communication will allow you to negotiate and compromise,” says Marine.

For more information on this dating service please read our Elite Singles review.

When Pew Research Center first studied online dating in 2005, few Americans had ventured into that uncharted territory. More than a decade later, digital technology - especially smartphones - has drastically transformed all aspects of our society, including our love lives. Today 15% of American adults say they have used online dating sites or mobile dating apps.

Pew Research Center continues to produce some of the most comprehensive and interesting data on online dating, most recently with the release of five facts about online dating in 2016:

1. Online dating has lost much of the stigma that once plagued it. In 2005, most Americans had little exposure to online dating. It was viewed as a poor way to meet people and those who used it were considered desperate. These days, nearly half of the public knows someone who has met a partner using a dating service. Attitudes have shifted significantly, making it much more culturally acceptable to find a romantic partner online. Nearly half of US adults agree that online dating is a good way to meet people.
2. Online dating is increasingly popular with singles under 25, as well as those in their late 50s and early 60s. Between 2013 and today, the share of 18- to 24-year olds who use online dating has roughly tripled from 10% to 27%. Usage amongst 55- to 64-year-olds has also risen substantially. Only 6% of adults in that age bracket reported using dating services in 2013. Today that number is 12%.
3. One-third of people who have tried online dating have never actually gone on a date with someone they met using those services. Two thirds (66%) of online daters told Pew Research Center that they’ve gone on a date with someone they met through a dating site or app. That’s a large increase from the 43% percent who answered the same in 2005, but it still means that one-third of online daters have never turned their online activities into offline romance.
4. One-in-five online daters have sought help with their profile. Online daters recruit friends to help them put their best digital foot forward. Around 22% have asked someone to review or help create their profile. Women are especially likely to seek outside advice - 30% of female online daters have done this, compared to 16% of men.
5. 5% of Americans who are in a marriage or committed relationship say they met their significant other online. Online dating plays a larger role in modern romance than ever before, but the vast majority of relationships still begin offline. Even newer relationships are more likely to start in traditional ways. Eighty-eight percent of Americans who have been with their partner for five years or less say they met their partner without the help of a dating site.

For more statistics from Pew Research Center, click here. For our own information on the subject you can visit our Dating Statistics and Facts page.

Another year, another Singles In America study. Match.com kicked off February by releasing the results of the 6th edition of the annual survey, which explores the attitudes and behaviors of over 5,500 singles across the nation.

“This year we focused on the crucial ‘second date,’” says Dr. Helen Fisher, biological anthropologist and Chief Scientific Advisor to Match, “a vital courtship step that has been seriously understudied until now.”

Yes, believe it or not, there’s actual science behind your likelihood of scoring a second date. For starters, Match explored where singles are most likely to find great dates. They found that 33% of respondents met their last first date through online dating, while 26% met their last first date through a friend. And there’s even more good news for online daters: those who use dating services are 93% more likely to want to get married and 78% more likely to get a second date.

Experts encourage out-of-the-box date ideas, but many singles stick to the classics and there could be a reason why. Singles In America 2015 found that you’re 107% less likely to get a second date if you skip dinner or drinks (ouch). You can stack the deck even further in your favor if you choose your destinations and your orders wisely:

• Going for sushi ups your chances by 170%
• An expensive restaurant ups them by 50%
• Ordering a cocktail boosts your odds by 137%
• After-dinner drinks increase your chances by 59%

Of course, it’s not just about what you put in your mouth. It’s also about what comes out of your mouth. Match studied first date conversation to compile a list of do’s and don’ts. Despite the commonly held belief that controversial topics should be avoided, Singles In America found that politics, money, and religion are fair game for 80% of daters. In fact, discussing politics boosts your chances by 91%.

On the other hand, only 14% of singles are up for discussing their ex on a first date, so it’s safe to say that’s a subject best saved for later conversations. Even sports, a seemingly harmless topic for a date, didn’t rate highly with survey participants. Less than 25% said they care about athletics.

Timing, as they say, is everything. The majority of singles - 60% - prefer an evening date, but a minority of 22% would rather go out in the afternoon. Weekends, naturally, are prime time for romantic adventures. Thirty-nine percent of Singles in America respondents opt to go out on Saturday nights, followed closely by 34% who prefer Friday night dates.

If all goes well, you’ll find yourself saying goodbye on the doorstep at the end of the night. Fifty percent of singles think a good first date ends with a kiss, so go ahead and pucker up if you’re feeling a connection. The odds aren’t bad.

For more first date data, visit the Singles In America microsite. To find out about the dating service you can read our Match.com review

A recent article in news website Refinery29 explored a much-ignored topic in dating: the fact that now, the word “dating” is almost a dirty word, at least among those actually doing it.

In the article, the author argued – singles using dating apps and online dating sites don’t like to use the word “dating” to describe what they are doing, but prefer to use a more casual term, like “hanging out” or “Netflix and chill.” But if we are honest with ourselves – dating is exactly what we are doing. So, why not call a spade a spade?

Over the past few years, there has been a growing aversion to using the word “dating” to describe interactions between people who meet on Tinder, POF, OkCupid, Bumble or Hinge. There is little to no mention of the word date when two people message back and forth, because for some reason, that sounds so formal. It sounds like a promise, an admission that we are looking for a relationship, which is too much pressure. Besides, “dating” could end badly, and people could get hurt. It puts emotions front and center, when people would rather put their emotions aside in order to hook up or see who they can meet next.

Since when did a date turn into something that it’s not?

Dating is all about getting to know someone, to see if they might be a romantic fit. What we have been doing slowly over the past few years in “dating culture” is to take the emotion out of it. In other words, make it less stressful and serious. After all, if all you want to do is hang out, have sex, or “see what happens,” why call it a date?

But here’s what Refinery29’s author presents: we all know what we are doing on Tinder. We are seeing who we might want to be with – physically, romantically, in a relationship. We don’t want to shake hands and call it a night. We want something intimate from the exchange – hence, it’s dating.

There’s something else going on, though. We are afraid of actually connecting with someone and getting hurt. We hide behind screens. We assume that there will always be someone else out there, someone better than the person in front of us, or prettier, or more successful, or better in bed. We are always looking. Which means we are never present in the moment.

And that’s where the magic happens, in the present moment. That’s the only place it lives.

So instead of swiping and moving on, hanging and chilling out, ask someone out on a date. Call it a date. Really take the time to get to know your date. Then see if your experience with “dating” changes.

With Valentine's Day come and gone and spring fast approaching, romance is still on everyone's mind. Plenty Of Fish and Amazon both decided to celebrate the most loved-up day of the year by finding the most romantic places in the United States.

POF began by processing the interests data of 5 million US singles. To determine which states and cities are the most romantic in the country, POF looked at the percentage of singles within that region who listed romantic interests on their profiles. Key phrases included “walks on the beach,” “candlelit dinners” and “cuddling by the fire” (which begs the question of whether POF found the most romantic places or just the cheesiest, but never mind).

The site found that Southeastern states are by far the least romantic in the US, with the exception of Florida. In contrast, the Northwest and pockets of the Northeast are home to some of the country's most romantic states. The top spot was claimed by Michigan with Vermont coming in at a close second.

City-wise, Portland clocked in at 34% more romantic than the national average. Seattle came in second and El Paso pulled up the rear.

Highlights from the POF analysis include:

• Single US women are on average 36% more romantic than their single male counterparts.
• Washington DC is the only state in the country where men are more romantic than women. DC women are 38% less romantic than the national average.
• Single women who live in large cities are much less romantic than their rural and suburban female counterparts.
• Michigan is the most romantic state in the country. Michigan singles are 55% more romantic than the national average.
• Single men in the state of New York are 12% more romantic than the national average.
• Single men in Michigan are 74% more romantic than the national average.
• Louisiana is the least romantic state. Singles in Louisiana are 25% less romantic than the national average.

Amazon also got in on the V-Day action with its annual list of the most romantic cities in the US. The retailer assessed cities with more than 100,000 residents per capita, ranking them based on yearly sales of items deemed romantic (like romance novels, romantic music and “sexual wellness products”).

According to Amazon's data, the South, Southwest and Pacific Northwest are the regions most alive with love. Amazon users in the Northeast aren't feeling the prick of Cupid's arrow this year. The top five most romantic cities are:

1. Alexandria, VA
2. Miami, FL
3. Knoxville, TN
4. Orlando, FL
5. Vancouver, WA

Here's hoping that, in 2017, Amazon and POF combine their powers for the romance study to end all romance studies. To find out more about the dating service which performed the study you can read our review of Plenty of Fish.

You'd think that self-confidence would be a positive trait in dating. It takes a certain amount of assurance to approach a stranger and ask them out. And dating experts around the world agree – confidence is one of the most attractive (not to mention useful) traits a person can have.

But there happens to be one group for whom that seemingly obvious insight is not true: college-age men. According to research led by Carnegie Mellon University’s Emily Yeh, young men who are overconfident see less success using OkCupid.

Yeh's findings, presented at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology’s annual meeting in San Diego, mirror some of OkCupid's own data. The site asks users to score themselves on a variety of factors, including intelligence and height. Many rate themselves as being smarter, taller, etc., than average, and not necessarily because they're consciously lying. Instead they fall victim to “illusory superiority,” a psychological phenomenon that describes people's natural tendency to believe they are better than average.

Then again, no one is shocked at the thought of users lying on dating sites to attract more suitors. It's basic survival. Instead, Yeh decided to take things further and study how overconfidence relates to success on OkCupid. She asked participants to rate their level of self-confidence, then compared their answers to their “success” on the site (defined as things like length of conversation and frequency of first contacts). She focused her research on two age groups: 18-22 and 45-55.

Yeh's initial findings were not surprising. Individuals with higher self-reported confidence also initiated more conversations, regardless of gender or age group. But when it came to receiving messages, the results began to vary. The older age group and younger women received more messages if they considered themselves highly confident. “The more confident you are, the more messages you get,” Yeh told New York magazine.

Younger men, on the other hand, had the opposite experience. “The more modest the male is, the more messages they receive,” Yeh said. Young men who reported less confidence in the initial survey were also less likely to develop a first message into an extended conversation.

What could explain Yeh's findings? She suggests that “it could mean, perhaps as you get older, you start to have more concrete measures of how confident you are.” As you mature, you have a greater number of real achievements under your belt and with those achievements comes both a clearer sense of what you can accomplish and a stronger belief in yourself.

Younger daters may feel confident, but not yet have much to back that confidence up. Either that means they're making missteps they wouldn't make if they were more cautious, or their false bravado is clear to potential dates who are turned off by it. Either way, the end message is clear: college guys need to give the overconfidence a rest if they want to score.