Matching

Imagine you’re walking down the street and someone catches your eye. In this imaginary world, you’re somehow able to know that they’re unattached and looking for love themselves. They might not be model caliber, but they look attractive enough and pleasant, and they’re carrying or wearing something that indicates you even have common interests.

But just as you’re about to make your move, someone else reaches the intersection. They, too, are single. There are no indicators of common interests - in fact, they’re about as far from your general “type” as can be - but they’re incredibly attractive. Who do you approach?

Chances are, regardless of who you choose, the attractiveness of the first option has somewhat paled. They aren’t any uglier than they were a few moments ago, but now they’re stacked up against this competition! Who can compete?

This same scenario can play out with online dating. The obvious perk of online dating is that there are plenty of options, including very attractive people. The downside, however, is that people who might have been perfectly acceptable before are now being compared against the more attractive (even if you aren’t compatible with them).

The good news is that you don’t have to choose between the two options. You can send first-contact messages to both types of people, and anyone else in-between; after all, online dating is a perfect way to try to date people outside your typical box.

The trick, though, is to consider each possible relationship on its own merits. You’re not going to be able to create some frankenstein perfect date out of traits from various people, so don’t compare them against each other. Contrasting two people who are both interested and viable potential partners is one thing; wishing one date had the wit of Option #2 and the face of Option #3 is something else. What you’re looking for is an overall spark. Do you enjoy being with this person more than the others?

Some people are easily able to compartmentalize each dating experience, but it’s not for everyone. If you think you might have a harder time considering each date individually, it might not hurt to alter your behavior accordingly. Try to limit the number of people to whom you send first-contact messages, so you can keep them straight. Once you’re meeting up for a date, try to stick to dating only one or two people at a time. It might be a slower process than some - but by giving each date the consideration they deserve, you’re raising the chances that you won’t miss out on someone great just because they’re another face in the crowd.

Why is everyone suddenly upset about OkCupid's A-List membership? Anyone with the ability to read - which I assume is the vast majority of the OkCupid userbase - should have known long ago about the little quirk that's been getting everyone's goat this week.

Let me back up a little bit. OkCupid's best functionality, like pretty much every other dating site, is saved for its paying members. Members of OkCupid's A-List receive perks like the ability to browse profiles invisibly, proof that their messages have been opened, and special match search options. It's that last one that's got everybody up in arms all of a sudden.

James Cook of KernelMag.com recently wrote that, by paying the $4.95 monthly fee for A-List membership, you can "make all those fat, ugly people on the internet go away" and called OkCupid's premium search options "eyebrow-raising in an era of tolerance and political correctness."

Whew. Those are some seriously inflammatory, designed-to-cause-outrage-and-garner-clicks statements! But are they true?

Well, yeah, technically they are. A-List members can filter their search results based on body type, so yes - a user could filter out anyone who describes themselves as "overweight," "a little extra," "curvy," "full figured," or "used up." They can also filter their search results based on members' crowdsourced ratings so they are only shown profiles that receive 5/5 stars.

But I think it's shortsighted to focus only on that. Every other body type is also represented, so an A-List member could filter out anyone who describes themselves as "thin" or "skinny" just as easily (not everyone is into that, remember?). Or maybe you're not a fan of the bodybuilder, hyper-muscled physique. No problem - just filter out anyone who calls themselves "jacked."

The thing is, every single one of us is doing this in real life anyway, aren't we? Of course it's shallow - no one is denying that - but it's reality. We make snap judgments about potential dates based on what we are and aren't attracted to all the time. Would life be better if we didn't? Absolutely! But it's not happening any time soon, and I think it's unfair to fault people for having preferences as long as they aren't being narrow-minded jerks about it.

And if they are being narrow-minded jerks about it...well...there's another way to look at this A-List search "scandal." If you hate the idea of people being able to filter you out by your body type, think of it this way: they're simultaneously filtering themselves out of your life. They get what they want and you get fewer shallow jerks in your life...it's a win for everyone.

Every day online dating sites get just a little bit smarter. With every piece of info typed into a profile or search bar, dating platforms collect a new piece of data about how singles look for a partner and what they want in their relationships.

It gets more sophisticated all the time (facial recognition software, anyone?), which has to make you at least wonder if one day the Internet will be better at finding love for us than we are at finding it for ourselves. There's the plot to a Hollywood thriller in there somewhere...

But I digress. To discover how some of the biggest dating sites in the world are matching members, Mashable spoke with the talented men and women behind some of the most high-tech algorithms out there. If you've ever wondered how your personal data is used to find the love of your life, wonder no more.

MATCH

As the largest dating site in the world, Match.com has unprecedented access to dating data. Members fill out anywhere from 15 to 100 questions, as well as free-response essays, and are assigned points based on each parameter in the system. Those with similar point scores have a higher chance of being compatible.

Match also looks into what members say they want in a partner vs. who they actually pursue on the site. By carefully observing members' behavior, Match gets a more accurate picture of what they're really looking for. Match constantly updates and refines its algorithm to make it as effective as possible.

HowAboutWe

HowAboutWe takes a different approach to online dating by encouraging members to get offline and on actual dates.

"Our deepest insight is that it's difficult to predict chemistry online," said Aaron Schildkrout, HowAboutWe co-founder and co-CEO. "That's why our ultimate focus is on actual dates. Get offline - that's where the chemistry happens."

Like Match, HowAboutWe relies on analyzing user behavior to make recommendations. Self-reported data, like political affiliation, is much less important on the site.

COFFEE MEETS BAGEL

Coffee Meets Bagel is at the forefront of the social dating revolution. CMB matches users through a mix of behavior on the site and personal info culled from Facebook.

"People talk a lot about big data these days, but the biggest area of opportunity is incorporating social elements into that through user inputs such as friend recommendations," said Coffee Meets Bagel CEO Arum Kang.

"Ultimately," she added, "we believe, like Facebook does, that our members do a better job than algorithms at regulating human interactions."

Many of us resist the idea of a blind date. First, there’s the fact that often you’re “fixed up” with someone solely because you’re the only single person in the right age bracket that the “fixer-upper” knows, so you’re essentially two random people thrown together. But even assuming that’s not the case - that a mutual friend really does believe the two of you would be great together - there’s always a heavy dose of skepticism. Why should someone else know me better than I know myself?

Thus, it probably shouldn’t be a surprise that such skepticism also rears its head when it comes to online dating sites. On some level, you’re assuming that a computer thinks it knows best. You look at potential matches with a cynical eye: “Ugh, how could this site think I’d be great with this person? They’re not my type at all! This person was in a seminar with me four years ago and we loathed each other! If this is the best they can come up with I don’t know if I should continue at all.”

But the truth is, these are only excuses we tell ourselves. No matchmaker is forcing us to go on a blind date; no family member is slapping us with a heavy-handed guilt trip. We can contact and respond to whom we please. If we don’t like our pre-packaged “potential matches” and think we can do better, we can always try a few custom searches of our own.

Additionally, dramatically incompatible results might point to the fact that at some point down the line, wires are getting crossed. Maybe we’ve listed something in our profile that is sending an unintended message - not only to an algorithm, but to other potential matches as well. If you don’t understand why you keep getting matched up with jocks, maybe you shouldn’t list a baseball game as a first date option if you’re actually ambivalent about it.

Or maybe, just maybe, those matchmakers and computers might actually see something we don’t. There’s no harm in messaging a few “pre-made matches” in addition to those we’ve found ourselves; maybe we’ll learn something new. Maybe the match wouldn’t be that random after all. A first-contact email isn’t even as binding as a casual coffee meet-up; what do we have to lose?

Are you looking for something a little different when it comes to meeting new people? In New York, there's a new twist on the coffee date that you might want to try.

Instead of asking one of your online matches to meet over a cup of coffee, what if you just cut to the chase and met potential dates directly through your local barista? Nancy Slotnik believes a more personal touch is needed when it comes to meeting potential romantic partners, and so she founded Matchmaker Café in New York.

Single customers are invited to drop by her pop-up café in the Financial District and check in with the barista, who also acts as the matchmaker. If you're interested in meeting people, the barista takes your picture and adds it to her database.

It's not exactly hand-picked matchmaking though. The matches are made with the help of technology, not a yenta. Matchmaker Café provides a database and an app to help you sift through your choices, which isn't such a personal touch. But what else would you do as you drink your coffee before your 9am meeting?

Customers have a number of ways of browsing the database of potential coffee date matches. You can subscribe to Matchmaker Café's online app, which launched last November and offers in-person introductions by a matchmaker. (Information for your dating profile is pulled from your Facebook account.) There are currently about 3,000 members. If you're feeling really motivated, you can also pay $5 for three phone introductions or $10 for ten, until the pop-up café closes on Labour Day.

According to Slotnick, the idea is to connect locals with each other and get them offline and meeting face to face, even if it's just for a brief coffee.

Considering all of the mobile dating apps available to meet people nearby, this is another interesting concept to get singles in the same area, who stop by the same neighborhood cafes and pubs, to meet each other face to face. Not many people know their neighbors as well as they know the people in their Twitter feeds. Maybe pop-up concepts like Matchmaker Café can help to change that.

This isn't Slotnick's first attempt at matchmaking via coffee. In 1996, she founded Drip Café, which let customers sift through binders of dating profiles. If a guest found someone he or she wanted to meet, then for a small fee, the café would help arrange a meeting.

People have mixed reactions to the café, but it is getting a lot of buzz and already has gained a following. Would you visit a pop-up café like this one?

The trajectory of online dating has been interesting, to say the least. When online dating services launched, they were the future - a whole new way of meeting people that was conducted entirely over the Internet.

Now that the vast majority of us are comfortable with the idea of online dating, the industry is changing again, and this time it's moving offline. The new trend in online dating is in-person events that forego using the World Wide Web entirely. The latest of these social gatherings is an offline game night hosted by Match.com.

Match is no stranger to online dating innovation. The 18-year-old company introduced Stir, an offline events program, in May 2012 and has since hosted more than 2,850 mixers with more than 225,000 singles in attendance. Around the same time, Match also introduced an online games feature that offered singles a new way to get to know each other.

The games were designed to be a quick (just one to five minutes) and easy way to engage with new people. The initial seven games included Best & Worst, Food Critic, Romance Rip Off, Name That Dance, Gut Reaction, Drawn Together, and If I Could. Match's recent launch combines the playfulness of the online games with the huge success of Stir events, bringing them together into offline Stir Game Nights in partnership with the board game industry.

Match describes its new foray into offline events as "less about strategy and competition and more about laughing and having fun together." Two types of events are planned. At the first, Game Night Mashups, facilitators will lead participating singles through the games. At the second, Game Night Happy Hours, singles will borrow from a library of games to play on their own. Several publishers have partnered with the dating site, including Buffalo Games, Bananagrams, Blue Orange Games, and Wiggity Bang Games.

"Match.com believes that connecting with new people should be fun," said Luke Zaientz, VP of Events at Match.com. "Over the last year, we've seen it happen time and time again at our Stir events -- whether it's during a game of kickball, trivia, Ping-Pong or at our first wildly successful game night. We're excited to help our members connect over some of the best board games around, from well-known titles to the industry's newest hidden gems."

The full list of participating games includes:

• Bananagrams: Bananagrams, Zip-It
• Buffalo Games: Last Word, Likewise!, Chronology, Gotcha!
• Endless Games: Name 5, Oddly Obvious
• Blue Orange Games: Spot It!
• Spontuneous Games: Spontuneous
• Wiggity Bang Games: Open Up
• Marbles the Brain Store: Touchy Feely, Splickety Lit, Mind Your Marbles

Stir Game Nights will be hosted at bars and restaurants throughout the summer and fall.