Matching

Let’s face it – we all have a “type.” Whether he’s tall, dark-haired, and lanky or blond with ripped muscles, there is a physicality we are attracted to, and chances are, you might subconsciously think your ex resembles the dream guy of your future.

At least, dating website Match.com thinks so. Match has teamed up with Los Angeles-based matchmaking service Three Day Rule, a matchmaking service that uses facial recognition software to find matches for people.

Match.com members will be able to upgrade their current membership in the next few weeks to Three Day Rule’s premium service, which includes sending photos of your ex to show the “type” you find attractive.

But it’s not all about those dark-haired locks or muscles, at least according to Three Day Rule. Attraction is dependent on the shape of your ex’s face – and chances are, you’ve had more than one ex with the same face shape.

“It's not necessarily about height or race or hair color, but a lot of it is about face shape," Talia Goldstein, the founder of Three Day Rule, told Mashable. “I always ask my clients to send me photos of their exes. They say that they don't have a type, but when I see the photos, to me they look very similar. The ex's may be different ethnicities, or have different hair color, but their facial structures are the same."

The service isn’t cheap. In fact, at $5,000 for a six-month membership, it’s more expensive than eHarmony’s new personalized matchmaking service. The new upgrade will be marketed towards affluent singles who are interested in a more personalized touch, so in this respect, they are offering a bit more than just matches with similar bone structure to your ex. Premium members are assigned professional matchmakers, who coach the client, meet with them, get to know their preferences and engage in a “pre-date” with potential mates just to make sure they are what you’re looking for.

Along with the new service, Match.com’s database is growing too – with Three Day Rule clients becoming part of the mix, and even the matchmaker’s personal network.

Will matching members based on characteristics that remind them of their exes work? It seems there’s a reason you broke up with your ex. Would you really want to date him again?

Match.com seems to think so, and it’s a win-win for Three Day Rule who is only expanding their network. The major online dating sites are looking to cater to those who want a personal touch, who can afford more. But does this help or hurt online dating overall? Or do matchmaking services improve the experience for everyone? I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

To find our more about this dating service you can read our review of Match.com.

I know a woman that I absolutely cannot stand - and with whom I should be best friends.

On paper, we’ve got so much in common. We shared the same major in college. We have many of the same interests in books and movies. We share almost all the same political beliefs. She’s done many things that have earned my respect.

Now, if only we could have a conversation without one of us gritting our teeth. I’m not sure exactly what the problem is; there’s no apparent underlying issue, like competition, for instance. We’ve both tried to get along. I simply feel like we’re speaking two different languages. Chatting is never easy, even though we’re both extroverts. We’re somehow oil and water.

I’ve known her for many years. I’ve long accepted that we’re never going to be best friends, and that’s okay. Occasionally, though, I’m reminded by how compatible we ought to be, and I’m bewildered all over again.

The same thing happens on occasion in online dating. We see a profile that looks promising, and get excited, only to be disappointed when our personalities don’t mesh nearly as well in person as they do on paper.

The problem is that sometimes we want to believe the profile is the truth, not the person. We’ve become infatuated with that profile, and we’re not ready to let it go. So we try a second date, or a third.

Alas, like my non-friend and me, you can’t usually talk yourself into having chemistry. Sure, randomly bad first dates do happen, but that second date will confirm everything you need to know, if you’re honest with yourself. So if you find yourself in a similar situation, remind yourself: you’re not looking for a great profile, or a great emailer. You’re looking for someone who is just as good - or better - in person as they are on paper.

A few years ago, I was at an amusement park with friends when one of them shyly handed me his camera.

“Do you think you could take a few pictures of me today?” Kent asked. “I’m making a profile for an online dating site and I don’t really have any pictures of me. Especially ones that aren’t posed in some way.”

Happy to oblige, I did my best to grab good candid shots of Kent. Everything was quiet for some months, until I ran into him one morning, positively giddy.

“I just had the best first date!” he said excitedly.

“It’s ten in the morning! That must have been some first date!” I said, raising my eyebrows.

“No, no, the date didn’t start last night,” he said, blushing. “It was a breakfast date! She works nights, so this was the fastest way to actually meet in person.”

“Ooh,” I said, intrigued. “So you met her through your dating site?”

“Yep,” he said. “She moved here two years ago and only lives ten minutes away, but thanks to our jobs our chances of running into each other are practically zilch. And since we’re on opposite sleep schedules, it’s been pretty nerve-wracking writing her and then waiting a minimum of eight hours for a response. But still, that’s better than never having met her at all.”

“Well, it’s great that she seems so wonderful, but will you ever get to spend time together with such opposite schedules?”

“She’s going to get moved to a different position at the end of the year,” Kent said. “It won’t be forever. And - this may sound cheesy, but - even if it’s more work finding time to meet, she really seems worth it.”

Last month, Kent and his wonderful first date were married. Her inconvenient schedule was indeed not for forever - but hopefully her romance with Kent will be.

Related Article: Stories in Success, Part I

The perks of online dating are many, but spend enough time clicking through profiles and you’ll probably find yourself at least a little bit nostalgic for the old days. You can't beat the convenience of an online dating website, but there was something nice about being set up by your friends. It added an extra level of security. You felt comfortable in the knowledge that whoever you were meeting had already been vetted by someone you trust, and therefore probably wasn't a total jerk.

For a long time, that's been one of the biggest barriers online dating has faced. No matter what dating sites do to screen users, it never compares to the recommendation of a close friend.

Until now, that is. Enter MyCuteFriend, a new dating app that asks women to nominate their single guy friends as potential dates for other women. “Where every guy comes recommended” reads the app’s slogan, and that’s precisely what it offers: every guy who appears on MyCuteFriend has been vouched for by an actual, IRL human being.

Created by John Furneaux and Steve Chen, the app was designed specifically to make the online dating experience more pleasant for women – so you will see women nominating men, but never the other way around. After hearing constant complaints about online dating from their female friends, Furneaux and Chen realized that women needed a way to keep the creepy out. They enlisted a mostly female design team to create the functionality and user interface, and MyCuteFriend was born.

To use the app, women select a number of hashtags (which cover everything from body to brain) to describe their eligible friends. Photos are then pulled from the men’s Facebook profiles. Once a guy has been nominated, he receives a notification and must accept it and download the app before his profile becomes active. Women can nominate any man they are friends with on Facebook.

On the other side of things, women can browse the hashtags and photos, responding with a simple “Yes” or “No, thanks.” There are no long, boring questionnaires and no anonymous creepy stalkers. Women can only receive messages from guys they have said “Yes” to.

For even more customization, short video clips can be recorded and included in the profiles. Basically it's like the love child between Tinder and Vine, with a little bit of Facebook thrown in. So far the app has only launched in San Francisco, but will no doubt expand to other cities if it proves to be successful.

After years of off-again, on-again relationship, dates that didn’t go anywhere, and, yes, online dating, one of my best friends finally seems to be in a great relationship. They’re approaching a year together, with no end in sight.

They happened to meet at a series of company events, but they both have online dating profiles on the same sites. Naturally, one might wonder: why didn’t they meet sooner?

The answer is that they filtered one another out. For one thing, the guy - Steve - is a good twenty years older than his girlfriend, Lisa. Though Lisa was open to dating older men, twenty years was a bit out of her comfort zone. For another, Steve has children. Lisa wasn’t interested in having kids. However, dating an older man means that the children are grown and out of the house, and for Lisa, that’s a horse of a different color.

On Steve’s part, he too had filtered Lisa out due to her age, assuming he wouldn’t have anything in common with someone that much younger. He had also filtered out anyone with cats, as he’s allergic. In an odd twist of fate, Lisa’s pet cat had passed on earlier, and she had no plans to get another, but she hadn’t thought to update her profile.

Despite their “differences,” a quick perusal of their profiles would have revealed that they still had much in common - everything from their tastes in pop culture to their political opinions. And while there are differences, they aren’t on the opposite ends of the spectrum. If they’d seen one another’s profiles, they might well have messaged each other.

But they didn’t. They’d each filtered the other out, and met solely on chance.

There’s nothing wrong with using the filter tools of an online dating site; they can help cut through the white noise and help you make sense of the sheer number of options. But if you’ve become familiar with your site, and you feel like you’ve perused all your current options, it might be worth experimenting with peeling back your filters, one at a time. What if you didn’t place a restriction on body type? What if you didn’t worry about a height difference?

There are exceptions to every rule - but identifying those exceptions is still a task left up to the human heart, not an algorithm. Severe search options clean up your list of options, but occasionally it doesn’t hurt to allow a little mess.

Related Article: Stories in Success, Part II

What makes Tinder so damn special?

There’s certainly something that’s catapulted the dating app straight into the mobile stratosphere, but users, investors, fans, and detractors alike are still trying to put their finger on exactly what makes the app so popular. Carrie Yurie, a writer for the Huffington Post, had a chance to interview Tinder CEO Sean Rad after his talk at GigaOm Roadmap to hear more about what's going on behind the scenes.

Though Tinder seems simple on the surface, the app leverages a fundamental understanding of human behavior in order to optimize user experience. Rad says “We built…a flow that emulates interactions in the real world. What we’re striving to do with Tinder is understand what are the sort of social dynamics, physical dynamics, the flows of where you start with a request or desire to make a new relationship and how that progresses to you actually meeting that person, talking to that person and getting to know them.” Armed with an understanding of how human relationships are built in the real world, Tinder attempts to emulate that natural flow with its app.

One question that continually comes up where online dating is concerned is whether users are looking for serious relationships or just searching for short-term hook-ups. Rad thinks Tinder is effective either way – it all depends on a user’s original intentions.

“I think it emulates whatever you want in the real world,” he told Yurie. “So if you are young and you don’t want to be in a serious relationship, you are going to look for that on Tinder, or if you are older and desire something more serious you will look for that.” Ultimately, the younger generation that makes up the largest portion of Tinder's user base is all about going with the flow and dating without a specific outcome in mind.

Tinder has worked hard to appeal to its target millennial market. We all know how it works on the front end, but what’s happening backstage? According to Rad, Tinder observes a user's behavior in the app to determine compatibility. That's nothing new, but Tinder is able to take it to an extreme degree. “When you match with somebody,” Rad explains, “we look at the depth of the conversations you are having with your various matches. You might have a deeper conversation with one person of a certain characteristic or another person of another different characteristic.”

At the end of the day, Tinder prefers to keep things simple. The app is consistently grounded in real life, putting the focus on the human experience outside the digital realm. “It all comes down to what do people want to do, how do they want to do it, and how do we create a frictionless experience to allow them to do that?” Rad says. “Whether we are coming up with a feature or improving something, we always look at, first and foremost, how does that relate to some desire or some thought process that the user has.”

For more on this dating app you can read review of Tinder.