Profiles

What's the best way to score a date online? Be someone worth dating.

Easier said than done, right? It feels unnatural and uncomfortable to write out all your most positive traits. If you have any insecurities (and who doesn't?) they're likely to come out in your profile. And once you've laid it all out there, you're intensely vulnerable.

Think about it another way. You're trying to date someone, which means you think there's a reason for someone to date you. You believe you have something valuable to offer a potential partner, so highlight it.

That doesn't mean bragging, but it does mean filling your profile with things that make you unique and interesting. Talk about what you like, what you love, and what you want. If you’re at a loss, here are some key areas to cover:

• Your hobbies. Your hobbies and interests are an easy place to start. What really sets you apart? “Spending time with friends” or “watching Netflix” isn't it. The fact that you build robots in your spare time, however, is. Not only does this give potential dates a clearer picture of who you are, it also offers them an easy way to start a conversation.
• What you're doing with your life. You don't want your profile to read like a resume, but it's ok to spend some time on your career and ambitions. Sharing where you're currently at in your life and where you plan to go – whether you want Hollywood superstardom or a quiet life on a dairy farm – helps attract partners who are actually compatible.
• Your personality. It sounds obvious, but it's important to include personality traits so potential dates have an idea of what they're working with. If you're the outdoorsy type and your date doesn't even like going to the park, it's better for both of you to keep looking. Get creative about how you express your personality. A list of attributes is boring. Show who you are instead of telling.
• What you're looking for. Most of your profile is about you, but some of it should be about the person you're hoping to meet. We're not talking about a 20-page list of deal breakers, but if you have certain requirements, it's a-ok to mention them. “Tall, dark, and handsome” doesn't count, but “I have kids and need a partner who's comfortable that” definitely does.

Remember, the most important thing is to put your best foot forward. Use positive language, avoid untruths, talk more about what you're like than what you want, and don't put yourself down – ever. Give your visitors something to get excited about.

A recent article in Marie Claire surveyed single men across the U.S. to ask them about the online dating profiles they come across, and what they felt women lied about most when writing their online dating profiles.

The number one thing guys think women lie about is their looks – whether it’s their weight, “athleticism,” height, or even whether or not they've posted an old picture from five years ago. Enough women have used tricks to make themselves look more “attractive” – from using old photos to Photoshopping their features to avoiding posting full-body pictures – so that men are automatically suspicious of how they portray themselves physically, and what they might be hiding. So ladies, no more cover-ups. Include recent photos, and a body shot as well as headshots. Since there are also studies on the wide range of taste men have, you should show off your “flaws” - likely, it means more dates.

Men also believe women lie about their age. Let’s face it – I think this happens for both genders, especially for men who want to date much younger women. There is an age bias in online dating, which contributes to this phenomenon, but perhaps we should all do a reality check. Do you really want to admit you lied about something so fundamental when you meet in person, especially if you really like the guy? It pays to come clean from the start, so trust won’t be an issue.

Men are also weary of women who post that they love their independence – and include lots of photos with their girlfriends as proof. If you describe yourself as "not clingy," the first thing a man will wonder is – how clingy will she be? Instead of saying this in your profile, talk about the trips you’ve taken or the things you like to do. There’s no need to prove your independence if you have it.

Perhaps thanks to the movie/ book “Gone Girl,” men also get suspicious of any woman who describes herself as “laid-back.” They immediately wonder if she’s very sensitive or highly reactive. Same thing with women who describe themselves as successful – if they have to say it, are they really? (Plus, men tend to lie about their own success.) Again, it’s best to avoid defending yourself to someone who has never met you.

The last and most important thing to note is that men don’t believe it when women say they want a “casual” relationship. When they take this statement at face value, often times, the women end up wanting more, so they avoid women who write this altogether. The important thing to remember is – be honest. If you want a relationship, you shouldn’t be afraid to admit it. In fact, it will help you weed out the ones who don’t – because you won’t succeed in changing them.

Were you wondering who is most likely to reach out to you over social media or an online dating app? Social network and dating app Skout has combed its database to discover the types of people who appear to be the most social, at least online.

Not surprisingly, tall men are not only desirable, but also more sociable. According to Skout's data, the number of online friendships men have increases with their height. Short men (under 5’6”) have, on average, online connections with 11 people. Men of average height (between 5’10” and 6’) have, on average, online connections with 16 people, whereas tall men (over 6’3”) have an average of 17 online connections. (Note: Skout defines an online connection as a conversation initiated by one Skouter who receives at least one response from the other person. There could be additional conversations with the same person, but it would still be included as one connection.)

Women trend the opposite when it comes to height. Short women – under 4’11” – average online connections with 33 people, whereas tall women (over 6’) average online connections with less than half -  only 14 people. So ladies, if you are petite – you are in demand online!

An interesting finding that runs contrary to online dating stereotypes is that women who describe themselves as “curvy” or have “more to love” tend to be more socially active than their thin counterparts (28 connections on average, compared to 20 respectively). So if you’re thinking about dismissing or hiding your curves in your online dating profile, it is worth your while instead to show them off, reach out to people, and make more connections.

Bigger men however don’t fare so well. Men who say they are “athletic” and “muscular” are the most popular -  averaging connections with 19 people, whereas men who say they are “large,” “solid” or have “more to love” average online connections with only 14 people.

Age plays a role in most daters’ sociability, too. On average, 18-20 year-old who are just starting out in the dating game are very sociable online, with an average of 14 connections per person for women and 7 for men. People start coupling up or feeling jaded by the time they hit their twenties and into their thirties, with fewer connections than ever. By the time people reach their forties, they have picked up the pace again, and tend to have the highest number of connections – 16 on average per person for women and 8 for men.

The study was compiled over a six-month period with over one million Skout users in the U.S.

A study was recently released about users of dating app Tinder, which found that over 40% of the Tinder population is either already married or in a relationship.

While dating apps do attract users with less virtuous intentions, and some people feel compelled to meet for random hook-ups through a dating app even while they are in a committed relationship, there is an interesting question: what if some of these non-single users don't even know they have an online dating profile?

Turns out, there are many people who think deleting a dating app from your phone is the same as deleting your profile - but it isn't.

Dating apps and online dating sites make it kind of tricky to get rid of you altogether – after all, they attract people (and investors) based on user numbers, so they are not motivated to make it obvious how to delete your account. Many Tinder and dating app users delete the app from their phones, mistaking this from deleting their profile altogether.

So perhaps we shouldn’t be so cynical when it comes to daters’ intentions. Maybe instead, it’s good to take you through the steps of how to delete a profile for the most popular apps:

Tinder

Many people make the mistake of deleting the app from their phones and thinking their profiles will be deleted, too – but this isn’t the case. To delete your account, go to “Settings” in the app, select “App Settings” then scroll down to “Delete Account.” You’ll get a message that says it was deleted, so you know for sure. (Keep in mind – this deletes all your messages and profile information, so you can't get it back.) If you paid for the Tinder Plus service, Tinder makes it one step harder to cancel: you have to cancel your subscription via email. Bear in mind, if you log in to Tinder again after deleting your account, it creates a whole new account for you.

OkCupid

OkCupid, unlike Tinder, gives you the option of letting your profile be disabled, which means that if you decide to use the service in the future, you’ll still have access to those old photos, profile, and messages. If you prefer to delete it altogether, you can go to “Settings” in either the app or desktop version and select “delete account.”

eHarmony

eHarmony is tricky to delete, because it takes two steps. First, go to “Settings,” then “Account Settings,” then “Billing” then “Close Account.” Then according to some to make sure it’s completely deleted, you have to send an email to deletemyinfo@eharmony.com with the subject line “Delete my Account Information.”

Hinge

Hinge doesn’t allow you to delete your account from your phone, but only from a computer. Go to the Hinge website for a link to your Facebook App settings, and then delete Hinge from there. Once you have done this, then you can delete the app from your phone.

Before you start looking for the perfect lighting situation for your online dating photo shoot, or try a lot of make-up before you snap the picture, you might want to reconsider. A new study found that while your photo may appear more attractive when it’s “enhanced,” if you’re a woman, you likely won’t be trusted.

Researchers at the University of Connecticut conducted an experiment to determine how people judged each other based on their online dating profile photos. They asked 153 straight men and 152 straight women, ages 17 to 36, to look at one of four pictures – each looked at both enhanced and unenhanced pictures of the same person.

Both men and women thought the enhanced photos made the dater considerably more attractive. But men tended to assume that the enhanced female photos were hiding something, and that they couldn’t be trusted. The women on the other hand felt the guys who were enhanced were more likeable and trustworthy – creating a “halo effect” if you will.

While the new study looked at online dating specifically, it seems to corroborate what happens in the real world when people are checking each other out in person.

According to Today.com, the new research provides more evidence of how makeup can change people's perceptions of a woman's character. Alex Jones, a postdoctoral research associate at Gettysburg College who was not involved in the study, told the morning show website: "Attractive people are not always seen in a positive light. Attractive women seem particularly vulnerable to these judgments and cosmetics use is one area where harsher judgments are given to women."

Interestingly, the study also pointed to a lack of concern among men: “males found the beautified profile as more attractive and had a higher desire to date the person in the picture despite the lower degree of trustworthiness they reported," the authors noted. So even though the men didn’t trust the women who enhanced their photos, they did have a desire to date them anyway.

On the flip side, women seemed to trust men more when they had enhanced their photos, assuming that personality traits would match their looks.

Why did women find the guys with beautiful photos more appealing and trustworthy? It seems that this mirrors real life – women tend to fantasize about what they desire, assuming that a man who presents well is also going to be great boyfriend material. Unfortunately, in real life, you can’t know if someone is trustworthy until you get to know them – therefore, it’s fantasy to assume someone might be great based on an enhanced photo.

The researchers will present their findings at the conference of the International Communication Association in San Juan, Puerto Rico from May 21-25.

The hacking of large company databases for personal and compromising information is on the rise. First it was giant retailer Target, then entertainment studio Sony, followed by a few of the major insurance companies - and it has been reported that as many as 200 companies have been hacked in the last few years, its victims their own customers and employees.

But this week, in perhaps the most personal of the recent data hacks, dating website Adult Friend Finder (a service for those looking for casual friendships and sexual hook-ups), has announced that its customer data has also been breached.

Channel 4 News in the UK has reported that the personal information of 3.9 million of AdultFriendFinder.com’s members was discovered in an online forum for hackers, including users’ sexual preferences, e-mail addresses, dates of birth and, in some cases, whether they were looking to cheat on their spouses. The company has notified law enforcement agencies, but said that no financial or password information seems to have been stolen.

AdultFriendFinder is different from traditional dating sites in that the information people provide is much more personal. When a user signs up, the services asks him/ her to detail his interests and, based on those criteria, matches people for sexual encounters. The site, which boasts 64 million members, claims to have "helped millions of people find traditional partners, swinger groups, threesomes, and a variety of other alternative partners."

So customers who joined the website to anonymously post their sexual preferences for hook-ups might now face being exposed to family members, co-workers, bosses, and even spouses or partners, compromising their personal lives.

One controversial hacker took advantage of the now-exposed data to identify over Twitter and personally name four different men who were using the dating site – including one who was married. Because the data is now accessible to anyone, many more people could be publicly shamed as a result.

According to CNN Money: “The breach was carried out by a hacker who goes by the moniker ROR[RG]. In an online hacker forum, he said he blackmailed Adult FriendFinder, telling the site he would expose the data online unless the company paid him $100,000.”

"Until the investigation is completed, it will be difficult to determine with certainty the full scope of the incident, but we will continue to work vigilantly to address this potential issue and will provide updates as we learn more from our investigation," FriendFinder's statement said.

According to The Wall Street Journal, researchers noted that as awareness of the breach spread on Friday May 22nd, more copies of the files were appearing online, meaning more people potentially had access to the data.