Profiles

Lisa Hoehn is an expert in the art of online dating. Her website, ProfilePolish.com, specializes in giving undateable profiles a much-needed makevoer so you are still you – just a better-sounding, better-looking version. The kind that actually gets dates.

In her new book, You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck, Hoehn shares her best advice for creating a sought-after digital dating presence. Not only does she reveal the mistakes you probably don't even know you're making, she also offers step-by-step guidance to correct them.

Read on for 5 of her best online dating tips.

1. Pick your username carefully. Most of the time, potential suitors will ignore it. But if it's really awesome – or really terrible – they'll notice. Hoehn's biggest username no-no's include: sexual references, too many numbers, obvious bragging and your last name (because you don't need to be Googled by someone you've never even met).
2. Ban bad photos. It's more important to have good pictures than to be good-looking. Your photos should paint you in a flattering light while offering insight into your personality and lifestyle. Images that are blurry, small, dark, grainy, edited, outdated and – worst of all – don't even include you – need to be nixed.
3. Use the English language (or whichever one you speak) properly. Sloppy grammer and spelling mistakes are instant attraction killers. Hoehn also advises against including too many exclamation points, overusing emoticons, typing in all caps and adding hashtags.
4. Watch your words. Certain subjects just don't belong in your dating profile. Don't insult a group of people. Don't mention your ex. Don't be blatantly sexual (unless you're using a service specifically for that). Don't talk about money or your medical history. Don't say you're looking for a “new beginning,” a “fresh start,” or something “drama-free” – because what you're really saying is “I come with a lot of baggage.”
5. Don't go overboard. If you're one of the rare specimens who actually enjoys filling out a profile, resist the urge to pen a novel. Don't wax poetic about your favorite subjects (no one cares). Don't use too many lists. Don't make sweeping, corny romantic statements (it's cheesy and you're definitely jumping the gun). Don't share so many details about your life that there's nothing left to talk about on a date.

For more top tips from Lisa Hoehn, pick up a copy of You Probably Shouldn't Write That: Tips and Tricks for Creating an Online Dating Profile That Doesn't Suck at Amazon.com.

Online daters – especially women – often complain about unwanted and lude messages they get from potential matches on dating apps. Some guys are so aggressive with initial contact that they send intimate photos of themselves - the so-called “d*ck pic” - which is offensive to many women, if not even a bit scary. But there is little control dating apps have over messages between two people who swiped right and started communicating, which is why many find it such a frustrating experience.

Dating app The Grade aims to change that. Back in October, they launched the controversial “Peer Review” feature on their dating app, essentially letting other users provide direct feedback for online and offline experiences with other singles on the app.  This move was met with skepticism, with some wondering if angry and jilted matches might lash out and tarnish the reputation of someone else on the site, simply because there was no third party witness. Essentially, users could say whatever they wanted about a date.

The Grade surveyed its users to see how they actually felt about the new feature, and according to the company’s findings, 71% of people believe that Peer Review helps weed out the creeps.

Case in point: the majority of The Grade’s female users believe Peer Review provides a safer and better-informed dating experience. And according to a statement released from the company… it finally eliminates the "d*ck pics." Of the 11% of men who admitted to sending an unsolicited photo of their private parts, 90% reported that they would stop if they knew a match could review them.

Could this lead to better dating behavior – knowing that other people are watching and reviewing you?

It seems likely. The Peer Review feature provides feedback from other singles, mainly to help inform users’ decisions to swipe right or left. In fact, The Grade reports that 78% of singles are more likely to “like” (or swipe right) someone with a good Peer Review grade, while 88% are less likely to “like” someone with a bad Peer Review grade.

Ninety-five percent of The Grade’s users are pro-Peer Review, and 85% of the 15,000 peer reviews submitted so far have been positive. Results show that the most common reason a user would give someone a negative review is if that person was already in an existing relationship or lied about their profile details.

Despite the controversy, The Grade might be on to something – accountability for behavior in online dating. That is something most of us can get behind.

There’s a new dating app on the market, and this one puts safety first in a big way. Blume has just launched an app that claims to solve the catfishing problem in online dating.

If you’ve been online dating, you’re probably familiar with the term catfishing. It happens when one online dater tries to deceive another online dater by lying about who he is, his intentions, even his photos and Facebook profile. Usually, people trying to “catfish” other online daters are trying to gain access to financial or personal information, taking advantage of someone else’s vulnerability.

Many dating apps have tried to address the problem by providing “verification” of some sort for everyone who joins a website, usually by having you sign up with your Facebook profile. But some have managed to get around the restrictions, taking advantage of other online daters by sending fake pictures and messages.

Blume has gone one step further by making verification part of the communication process. When you are ready to message someone you mutually “like” (similar to Tinder’s swipe), you cannot proceed without first taking a selfie in that moment. Only when both matches take and send the selfie so each can compare and make sure it’s the same person – are they allowed to communicate. (This might also prompt some late-night hair and make-up attention – instead of hanging out and swiping in your pajamas, one of the benefits to online dating.) You have seven seconds to compare the photos (like Snapchat) before they disappear. Once you take the selfies and they are accepted, then you can begin chatting.

While this is a compelling hook and many people do enjoy taking selfies, this might also be a detraction for using the app. Most of us want to appear camera-ready, and might not like the way we look in selfies, or want to spend time taking the right picture, in the right light, in the right outfit (of course). One benefit is that the photo disappears – but a potential hazard is that you might think your curated profile won’t look the same as your selfie – and that your date might not think you’re the same person.

Not to mention, if you like to sit at the bar or restaurant swiping Tinder while waiting for your friends, this would not bode well for Blume. A poorly lit bar with lots of people around might not be the ideal time to take a selfie for some people. Or even sitting in a café having a coffee.

But if you’re willing to give it a shot and take your chances with your selfies, go for it. It might be the latest online dating craze.

Bing! Your computer's notification noise goes off and there it is: a new message in your inbox. You click it with a mix of nerves and excitement. Maybe this one, finally, will be the one that sticks.

Or not. Maybe they'll look nothing like their profile picture. Maybe they'll be “fun-employed” and living with their parents. Maybe they're cheating on their significant other. Maybe they're a con artist or a serial killer. For all you know, they could be all of the above.

That's the gamble of online dating. It's an bundle of pros and an assortment of cons, wrapped up in one package and tied with a digital bow.

You have questions. Whether you're new to online dating or a frustrated long-time dater, you've run into challenges and confusion. You want answers that will make your experience better. You want to know what’s happening behind the scenes – and your screen.

These are 4 questions all online daters wonder about (and their answers).

1. Is anyone actually reading my profile? You've heard that it's all about the picture, that a photo can make or break your profile, because it's 2015 and no one can be bothered to read anymore. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Because of the way most dating sites and apps are designed, photos are prominent. They're what we see first, and what we use to decide if we want to explore the profile. In fact, there's a scientific reason for it: we're drawn to images over text because our brains can process visual information and make inferences more quickly. So yes, people will read your profile, but only if they like your photo first.
2. Can I skip the photo? See above. You could omit the pictures if you're concerned about privacy, but it will dramatically impact the results you get. Few people will click through your profile and, if they reach out to you, a request for photos is likely the first thing they'll send.
3. Can I try online dating if I live in a small town? There's no point in using online dating if it's slim pickings, right? Wrong. Living in a small town is a great reason to try onilne dating, provided you're willing to search outside your immediate area. If you're open to the idea of traveling, online dating can dramatically increase the size of your dating pool.
4. Why can't I find someone when there are millions of possibilities? This is the other side of the small town coin. It may seem counterintuitive, but it can be harder to find what you’re looking for when you have a larger number of options. A bigger population means more people online, and those people tend to be pickier. Because they are surrounded by so many potential partners at all times, they constantly wonder if there is something better out there. FOMO is not an ingredient in any successful long-term relationship.

Tinder just released a new update to its popular dating app, but decided to swipe left on its Snapchat-like “Moments” feature. The Moments feature was first offered to Tinder users a year ago, but now has been removed from the app’s latest update.

With Moments, Tinder users could share photos that expired after 24 hours, hoping to pique the interest of their matches. Moments also allowed users to stylize photos with filters, paintbrush, and the ability to write text over the image. The purpose of Moments was, according to Tinder co-founder Sean Rad, to jumpstart conversations among matches. If a match liked your Moment, they could swipe right. The app would notify you of their interest, and then you could both start chatting.

Last year when Moments first launched, Rad was pleased with consumers’ response. In an interview at tech event TC Disrupt he declared that due to Moments, Tinder had “seen a massive increase in conversations started and post-match engagement.”

News about Tinder’s latest update focused on the new features the app is offering, such as a revamp to the Profile and Inbox. The update allows users to add employment/education information into their profiles. The Inbox now places new matches in the top bar and current conversations in the lower part of the screen. There were also slight improvements on the backend with an update to Tinder’s algorithms.

No mention was made from Tinder about the absence of Moments, or that the company also got rid of its “Last Active” feature, which let users know the last time someone used the app. With the new update, Last Active disappeared as well.

Website Tech Crunch attributes the loss of Moments to the popularity of Snapchat. Likely Tinder users would just use Snapchat or other similar apps with any potential matches instead of using the Tinder feature. Plus, Tinder partnered with Instagram to let users use their recent Instagram photos as an extension of their Tinder profiles. With these offerings, Moments might have lost some traction.

Users did notice Moments’ absence however, and took to Twitter and review postings to let the company know they were not happy with this move. The most vocal opponents let their voices be heard with tweets like: “why is tinder getting rid of moments? that was like its best feature tbh.”

So far, the company hasn’t responded to inquiries of why they decided to ditch the features. Perhaps we’ll know more with Tinder’s next update. For more on this dating app you can read our review of Tinder.

If you use dating sites or apps and haven't run into a creep, weirdo or jerk, you're rarer than a unicorn. Sometimes it seems like online dating is only horror stories.

It isn't. There are stories that end happily-ever-after, with the lovebirds riding off into a picturesque digital sunset – you just may be the protagonist of a few less desirable tales first. It's part of the process, whether you're dating online or off.

The good news is, there are red flags that warn of dating doom if you're observant enough to spot them. If you see these bad dating behaviors, especially if you see several combined, it's safe to say you should swipe left.

1. Their profile is excessively short. Two sentences and a mirror selfie doesn't cut it. The first sign that someone is serious about dating is that they apply that seriousness to their profile. They should have filled out the text portion completely and have a thoughtful selection of photos. If they're not willing to put time into that, odds are they aren't willing to put time into you.
2. They talk about their exes. We all have them and it's ok to share stories of former relationships eventually. It's part of building intimacy. But someone who talks about their ex immediately – right there in their profile, before you've even started a conversation – is stuck in the past and probably not ready for something new.
3. They speak ill of anyone, ex or not. Trash talking is not a good look. For the same reason you shouldn't date someone who treats a restaurant server poorly, you shouldn't date someone who is rude or crude about others in their profile. If they don't have anything nice to say, they should keep their mouth shut and their fingers off the keyboard.
4. They use negative language. Trash talking isn't the only way someone could be negative in their profile. There's an endless list of things they could complain about. If their profile is focused on life's negatives, it probably reflects their real-life personality. Do you want to be in a relationship with a committed pessimist?
5. They're already flaky. Rewind to #1. That's an early sign of flakiness. Later on, you may find that they're excessively late to answer your messages or don't respond to messages at all. Or maybe they divert the conversation when you try to arrange a date. Don't waste time trying to change their mind or change their ways. If they are really interested, they'll put clear effort into getting to know you.

Watch for theses red flags and eventually you'll swipe your way into that sunset.