Tips

Do you typically meet a first date for coffee or drinks, not wanting to commit to anything more until you know you hit it off?

Turns out this might not be the best strategy for finding love. Dating app Coffee Meets Bagel recently surveyed more than 1,000 couples who met through its app to see what made their first date so successful. The company then surveyed more than 6,000 singles to compare their thoughts about first dates, and found they don’t often agree. Here’s what we can learn.

Following are nine findings that increase your chance of first date success:

Extroverts can often be misunderstood. They are charming, engaging people who are full of curiosity and you tend to seek out adventure. Extroverts are also energized by being around people, so parties and social gatherings are what they crave.

But when an extrovert is dating an introvert, there can be challenges. You might feel the need to be heard, or to talk about issues that bother you, while your dates might avoid confrontation and tend to retreat. Or you might fall in love over and over, but things don’t quite work out.

Extroverts are the life of the party, and are exciting to date, especially for introverts. It’s easy to take over making decisions, making plans, and guiding a relationship or conversation forward, but the extrovert needs to be careful, too. Relationships are a two-way street, so they require compromise.

Following are some tips for extroverts when dating:

One of the biggest hurdles we have to overcome in order to find lasting love is our own dating history. Many of us have experienced heartbreak, which is a kind of trauma, and sometimes, you can get stuck in your feelings and apprehension without even realizing it.

The key to finding a healthy, lasting relationship and not repeating the same old mistakes in dating is to understand your past, and then to make a decision to move on from it. Easier said than done, because most of us have habits and patterns that are tough to break.

Following are some ways to help yourself move on into healthier dating patterns:

Dating on its own is difficult, but when you’re an introvert, it can be both frustrating and exhausting.

Introverts aren’t anti-social (contrary to popular opinion), but while they do enjoy being with people, they also need more time alone to recharge. Think of it this way: extroverts get more energy by being around people and excitement, whereas introverts gain energy from taking a time-out.

So what does this mean when it comes to dating?

There’s a lot of dating advice out there. Maybe you’re overwhelmed with what you should and shouldn’t do when you’re online dating, messaging, or just sorting through your matches, and that’s okay. You learn as you go, one step at a time.

In my experience with dating and giving dating advice, there are a few things that I think are overlooked by the experts. Most advice centers around the practical: what types of photos to use, what messages get the best response, and why you shouldn’t talk about politics on the first date. These are all great tips, but I want to offer a few additional nuggets I’ve learned along the way.

We hear a lot of daters complain about how tough it is to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. Because there are people who casually date over apps, behave badly with each other, or mislead their dates, it’s discouraging to think about finding a serious relationship. Many of us paint men and women in broad brushstrokes – good or bad.

But this is simply not accurate.

Instead of stereotyping someone else as the "bad guy" or falling into old patterns when a date doesn’t work out, or getting discouraged that there are “no good ones out there,” change your perspective. There are ways to tell if a guy is boyfriend material before you get your heart broken: