Advice

Most of us look for romantic relationships to make us happy. When we've found the right person, we reason, then everything else in our lives will fall into place. We'll no longer feel lonely or unhappy because we'll be able to share our lives. But is this actually the case?

Not so much. Happiness can't be found in another person. It is cultivated within us. Looking outside yourself to find it can lead you on a chase that never satisfies your heart or soul. This is why it's important to first seek out what makes you happy and fulfilled before you commit to being in a relationship with someone else.

Easier said than done, right? Since we were little, fairytales taught us that a prince was coming to save us from distress, so we unconsciously look for that same kind of rescue from our romantic relationships - usually by wanting a man to chase us. Preferably the good-looking, funny, smart bad boy who falls head over heels for us. But this kind of rescue isn't a recipe for happiness.

Instead of looking to love to make you happy, try making yourself happy first:

There are many parts of your life in addition to your romantic relationship. So don't let the fact that you don't have a boyfriend make you feel incomplete. Instead, focus on other parts of your life that bring you joy and fulfillment, whether it's your career, your artistic pursuits, your friends, your church, your hobbies, or your volunteer work. Cultivate your own life with working towards personal goals and weekends spent doing things that are meaningful to you.

Don't drop everything for a guy in the early stages of a relationship. It's a fantastic feeling to fall in love, or to be excited about a new romantic prospect, but there's no need to rush things. If the relationship is meant to last, you'll have plenty of opportunities to do things together. Besides, as your relationship progresses, you want to include each other in your lives, which means spending time with your friends and family. Don't you want to keep those ties strong?

Don't pretend with him. If he's really into old movies and you prefer the new action flicks, don't lie and say you're a fan of Bogart, too. Same thing with sports, music, or any other pastime - don't pretend you've read something you haven't, or like something you don't. If the relationship progresses, the truth will come out sooner or later. And you might be upset with yourself that you let your real passions fade in favor of your boyfriend's.

Bottom line: Get to know yourself better - what excites you and what you like to spend time doing, and cultivate that. The right guy will love you for who you are.

Have you noticed your dating game is a little off? Are you wondering why nobody's responding to your online dating profile, IMs or your emails? Relax, chances are it's not what you have to offer, but rather how you might come across online to a total stranger.

First, it's good to remember that people browsing through profiles have no idea who you are. They can only draw conclusions based on what they read in your profile or emails, or how you approach them, which means there's a lot of room for misunderstanding. That's why it's important to spend a little time creating a good profile (and recruit a friend to help).

If you're wondering what you can do to improve your online dating skills, let's start with five things that you should definitely avoid:

Poor photos. No more shirtless pictures guys, no matter how proud you are of your abs. Also, no shots with your phone or in front of the bathroom mirror. It's better to use a digital camera and have a friend take it for you. The better the quality, the more women will stop to look. And please only post photos that have been taken in the last six months. Anything older and you run the risk of her claiming you don't look like your photo.

Spell it out. There's nothing worse than reading a profile or getting an email with text speak (u, ur, cant, IDK). Take a little extra time to spell things out. Otherwise you look a little immature. OkCupid found that less than 10% of profiles and emails written in text speak get answered.

Negativity. Maybe your last girlfriend cheated on you, or maybe the last few dates have been horrible, but that's no reason to go negative on women you've never met - let alone potential dates! Curb your talk about "no drama queens" or giving a laundry list of what you won't tolerate. Instead, focus your profile description on what you do want.

Focus on the physical. Maybe you're reaching out to her because she's hot. Or maybe you only want beautiful, sexy women to respond to you so you clarify this in your profile. The problem? Women want you to get to know them, and they don't want to be talked to like they are nothing more than their physical appearance. Instead of reminding her about how sexy she is, read her profile and engage her in conversation about something that interests her. Keep it classy.

Waiting around. Online dating prospects move fast. It's really easy to meet people now, so if you wait too long you miss out on all kinds of opportunities. Instead of playing coy or waiting to respond so you don't look too eager, go for it! Also, don't keep trading emails for weeks. It's great if you connect online, but what if you don't click in person? If you're interested, ask her out - sooner rather than later.

Related Article: 5 Online Dating Mistakes Women Make

Writing an online dating profile, especially if you’ve never written one before, can be tough. If don’t have to write often in your daily life, or if you have to write in a technical, non-conversational style, it can take a little while to switch gears. And who hasn’t spent a considerable amount of time and effort on something, then seen someone else’s work and thought, “Oh, I wish I would have gone in that direction instead”? So it might seem strange, but before you sit down to write your profile, you might want to consider reading the profiles of others first.

To be clear, this is not at all the same thing as plagiarizing someone else’s work. It’s simply making yourself familiar with the “genre,” as it were, of online profiles. I’ve known people who have said to me, “I thought I had a really original idea for my profile, but it turns out everyone says this.” By reading through a few profiles, you can get a sense of what’s “normal” and even what’s overdone, so you can avoid such cliches and save yourself time and effort.

Additionally, make notes of what you like in the profiles of others, and what stands out to you in a positive way, so you can incorporate something similar in your own profile. Again, this doesn’t mean you should copy directly; however, there’s nothing wrong with emulating a style you like. Just reading through well-written profiles can help you get in the “conversational” frame of mind. It also can’t hurt to take note of what pictures stand out and “work” as well.

Sometimes we all need to jump-start our creativity, and the easiest way to do this is to have something to aim for, a mental picture to paint. By first familiarizing yourself with online dating profiles, it’s possible to jump over the hurdle of the learning curve - and make your “first profile” also a “great profile.”

Imagine: you’re perusing profiles on an online dating site. You’ve been looking for awhile, and to be honest the faces are all starting to blur together together for you. So the next thumbnail image fairly leaps off the page: a giant, yellow smiley face. Or maybe it’s a close-up of a silly cat. It’s wholly unexpected, and the cheekiness of it makes you smile. You click on the profile to check it out.

We go to such lengths to make sure our default picture is just right, but maybe sometimes an attention-getter is all you need. If you’re uncomfortable with the idea of representing yourself with something that’s not you, consider a picture that is of you - maybe in a giant hot dog costume, or wearing an obviously fake mustache and glasses. You don’t have to go the humor route, either; maybe it’s a picture of you crossing the line of a marathon race, covered in colored corn starch. The point is, it doesn’t necessarily have to be a posed, airbrushed-to-perfection picture to make you memorable. You don’t have to be perfect to get someone to want to know more.

Something to bear in mind, however: you don’t want to sacrifice honesty for the sake of memorability. Neither do you want to sacrifice content for gags. So whatever your eye-catching default pic or headline might be, make sure it’s balanced by genuine content: clear, non-silly pictures of you, a profile into which you’ve put some thought.

Don’t try to explain your attention-grabbing antics. Either they’ll have found the picture amusing or they didn’t; explaining a joke will only suck the comedy right out. The exception to this rule is if there’s an interesting story behind the picture or headline: the reason behind the hot dog costume or the corn starch race. Maybe that’s not a funny cat you found on a search engine, but actually your cat. Just make sure you avoid anything self-satisfied, like “Made you look!”

If you’re stressing out over your default picture - or perhaps if you’re just bored with the one you have and want to experiment - consider something that relies more on getting attention than just being aesthetically pleasing. It’s a bit of a gamble, but you can always change it if you feel inclined. And who knows? It might bring in readers who previously saw you as one of the pack.

You adore him. He's fabulous! And it's clear he thinks you're pretty incredible, too. And now you're ready to turn up the heat.

Or maybe you've been together for a while, but haven't yet really seen the sparks fly...

Are you hoping for something exciting to happen soon? Are you waiting for him to make the next move? Why not turn on your inner sex siren, and get his engine running with some sexy, sultry moves of your own?

Some of the hot and steamy questions below are PG, but a few are very definitely rated "GS" for "guaranteed sexy." You're bound to find some that fit your particular style.

So set up an intimate dinner out. Or order in! Or just surprise him with a very unexpected phone call. And try out some of these tantalizing, tempting questions that are guaranteed to give him a little bit - or even a lot - of love fever...!

1. What do you wear when you go to bed? (Do you know what I wear? Would you like me to tell you?)

2. What would you like me to wear under my clothes when I go to work (when we go out, etc.) tomorrow?

3. What spot on my body do you think I most like to be kissed?

4. Do you think you're a good kisser?

5. How do you like to get a good massage from a woman?

6. Would you like to buy me some sexy lingerie? Should I go with you when you pick it out?

7. Where are you the most ticklish? Would you like to be lightly bitten there?

8. You fill in the blank: It's always the man's job to do _______ during sex.

9. Would you like to read an erotic story out loud to me?

10. If we were alone right now, but you only had 3 minutes, what would you do to me?

11. Do you check me out when I'm walking away?

12. Under the covers or on top of them?

13. Do you like to do it with most, some, or no clothing on?

14. Were you ever caught doing something naughty?

15. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

17. What do you think is the most sensitive area on my body?

18. If we could be alone anywhere in the world, where would you like to take me?

19. What is my sexiest article of clothing?

Have you ever been with a man who has a string of past relationships, doesn't like to talk about anything serious, or likes to keep the relationship strictly on his terms? If so, you've probably dated an emotionally immature man.

Let me explain. Some men are emotionally unavailable - they are players, they're not ready to commit to one person, or they're not quite over an ex. But some men aren't capable of having a real relationship at all. They have convinced themselves that they deserve the "perfect girl" who looks like a model, has no baggage whatsoever, will be anything he wants her to be. But no such perfection exists - so it's no wonder their relationships don't last.

Despite this fact, the emotionally immature man continues to keep the real women he does meet at arm's length, always hoping that this "perfect" woman will come along. (And we can say the same thing about emotionally immature women - they are always looking for the "perfect" man.)

Following are some clues to see if you're dating someone who's emotionally immature:

He's focused on himself. He's less interested in building a partnership with you than in figuring out what he wants. He's the first to ask - what's in this relationship for me? What do I need? He doesn't spend a lot of time considering your needs, or asking what you want. If you find yourself in this position, it's important to state what it is you want and need too, even if you're afraid it might drive him away.

He isn't able to talk about his emotions. Some men are great communicators. Others are embarrassed to make themselves vulnerable or admit their feelings. If he feels uncomfortable or tries to change the subject when you have a serious conversation, then he might not be ready to handle a relationship.

He wants the relationship only on his terms. He's not very willing to negotiate or compromise. He might only want to see you on certain days, or when it's convenient for him. Or maybe he wants you to come to his place but is not willing to come to yours. Whatever the case, there has to be balance and equal consideration for a successful relationship - it can't just be on one person's terms.

He's focused on outside appearance. He wants others to think he's successful, smart, a great catch, etc. but he's unable to emotionally connect with a partner. In other words, he may check off on an "ideal man list" but there is no emotional component to back him up. Maybe he won't give you affection, or show affection in public, or declare his love even after months of dating. This is why it's so important to understand what you want and need from a good relationship. You don't want to waste time hoping someone "great" will rise to the challenge and be a good partner, too - you want someone with kindness, respect, and consideration for you from the start.

Bottom line: if you sense the above red flags with your date, or if you're afraid to state your own needs, then it's probably a good indication that the relationship isn't right for you.