Tips

You know your date is attractive, well-educated, and into electronic music. But do you know if your date has a criminal record?

For a small fee, a group of companies like the ones we discussed in this article will run a background check on all potential partners found on dating sites like Match.com and eHarmony. As the online dating industry explodes, it becomes increasingly important to protect yourself from the sexual predators and convicted felons that find their victims online. Now that 20 million Americans are registered on dating sites, more than double the number of dating site members 5 years ago, two states, New York and New Jersey, have started regulating online dating sites, and "legal experts say they believe changes to the liability laws that protect such sites are on the horizon."

"No one [like the Department of Justice's Bureau of Justice Statistics or the National Center for Victims of Crime] has put a number on how much violence stems from dating sites," reports New York Times writer Stephanie Rosenbloom in a recent article called "New Online-Date Detectives Can Unmask Mr. or Ms. Wrong," but it seems many modern tragic stories, like the case of serial rapist Jeffrey Marsalis, begin with the perpetrator searching for victims on online dating sites. State officials, public safety advocates, and entrepreneurs are leading the charge for further safeguards, but in an environment in which it's common to lie about simple things like age and weight, will it be possible to effectively screen out criminals?

Robert Buchholz and Andrew J. Scott, a retired New York State Police captain and former police chief in Boca Raton, Fl., respectively, believe there's hope. Together, Buchholz and Scott founded a site called MyMatchChecker.com, which will perform a basic background check on potential mates for $9.95. Mobile phone apps that allow dating site users to research potential mates before meeting up, like "Date Check" from Intelius and the "Instant National Criminal Search" app created by ValiMate, are becoming popular as well.

Some state officials also believe that it's possible to make online dating safer. A law recently passed in New York, the Internet Dating Safety Act, requires dating sites to post common-sense safety tips, like "always meet in a public setting," for their members to read. A similar law passed in New Jersey in 2008, requiring "dating sites with a membership fee to inform users whether they do criminal background checks (most do not)," while other states have rejected comparable legislation.

Mandy Ginsberg, general manager and executive vice president of Match.com, remains skeptical: "If I really knew that there was a great ability for us to not let anyone on the site that shouldn't be on the site, I would do it," she says, but she fears that background checks will lead online daters to assume that everyone they encounter on a dating site is safe, when in reality it's impossible to guarantee. Other critics point out that most background checks could easily be thwarted, some have mishandled information, and others could put personal information in the hands of people who will abuse it.

But all hope is not lost. Braden Cox, a policy counsel for a group called NetChoice that advocates for Internet companies, firmly believes that "Most people, thankfully, are good people on these Web sites," and Parry Aftab, a lawyer and safety expert, offers the most useful advice of all: "Don't give up your heart so fast."

As we all know, many people are having a rough time financially these days. Homes are in foreclosure and the unemployment rate is hovering above 10%. These aren't exactly rich times, so what do you do if you don't have much money and you're dating?

This may go without saying, but you don't have to impress dates with where you take them or how much money you spend. Most are looking for creativity and thoughtfulness, which means you don't have to go into debt just to take a few dates out to dinner. That said, you shouldn't look like you're pinching pennies either.

Following are a few guidelines to spice up your dating life without spending a lot of money or looking too cheap:

Do something besides dinner. Instead of another dinner at a pricey restaurant, try grabbing a bottle of wine and some cheese and taking your date to a local park or beach for a romantic rendezvous. If it's too cold, take her to a wine tasting.

Explore the city. Walk around downtown or through a new area you haven't seen before (Chinatown anyone?). Stop by galleries, museums, or a local coffee shop. There are plenty of less expensive options and you get a chance to explore new neighborhoods.

Do it yourself! Instead of going out, invite her over to your place for a homemade meal. Try an interesting recipe and create a romantic atmosphere with candles and dim lighting.

Don't itemize the bill. Even if she ordered steak and dessert and you ordered a bowl of soup, don't itemize the bill down to the penny. If she offers to split, just cut the check down the middle. You make a better impression and besides, you aren't paying for the whole thing.

Don't use coupons. Sure, you got a coupon in the mail for a trendy upscale restaurant and would like to try it out on a date. Don't. You're much better off going to a less expensive place and paying the bill. Your date doesn't want to feel you're taking her somewhere because you got a discount.

Ever been to a party where a woman (or man) walks into the room, and everyone immediately gravitates to her? Maybe she's not the most beautiful woman, but there's something about her demeanor, charisma, and energy that makes everyone want to talk to her.

People are attracted to us initially based on these kinds of intangible factors...namely, body language. When you feel good about yourself...happy, confident, and open-minded, have you noticed that your experience with people is completely different than when you feel less attractive, angry or depressed?

Body language conveys what we are feeling, and reveals more about us to others than what we say. So how can we be more aware of what we are doing wrong? More to the point...what should we be doing to give the best impression possible? Following are some tips to remember.

Lighten up. Even if you're feeling low, meeting someone new can bring you out of your funk. Instead of taking everything seriously, keep the conversation light, smile and laugh, and don't try too hard. Let the conversation flow.

Don't cross your arms. I made this mistake a lot. If you keep your arms crossed in from of you, people take that as a sign to keep away. It's hard to connect with someone if you look guarded.

Make eye contact. If some man is looking at you from across the room, meet his glance. There's no need to stare, but let him know it's okay to approach you. Men get the hint most often when a woman glances in his direction. Also, if you're talking to someone but look away often because you're shy, people may misinterpret this as rude or inconsiderate. Be aware of where you focus your attention.

Smile. That's an easy one, but many of us forget to do this when we're nervous or uncomfortable. People want to feel comfortable around you, and the best way to accomplish this is with a warm, welcoming smile.

Slow down. Most of us feel nervous on dates. But when this causes us to talk fast or appear nervous or jittery, people can jump to the wrong conclusions. Do you want to come across as high strung? If you know this is your tendency, take a few deep breaths and slow down.

Stand tall. We forget this one a lot, too. Many of us slouch (especially if we're arm crossers), and this gives the impression that we're not confident. Be proud and stand up straight.

As we say goodbye to 2010, we should also say goodbye to some dating habits that didn't serve us in the past. I've put together a list of dating don'ts so that you will see better results (and have a better time in the process) in 2011.

For the men:

Don't be cheap. Sure, women should offer to pay on a date, but have some class and offer to pick up the tab. You can choose where to go...if you don't have much money, don't go to a trendy restaurant...we like creative choices better, like an art gallery opening or picnic in the park. Use your imagination.

Don't be a flake. Most women complain about men who don't call back, cancel plans frequently, or otherwise show disinterest. If you like her, call her and ask her out. If not, tell her she's not for you.

Leave the past behind. If you just broke up with your girlfriend, your new date doesn't need to hear about it. Even if she's a "great listener", she'd rather be getting a root canal than listening to all the things your ex has done wrong. Give it a rest, and focus on your date.

For the women:

Don't be a gold-digger. While it's nice if a man takes you to nice places and pays for everything, offer to pay for something yourself. Whether it's valet parking, the tip, or some drinks, he deserves some courtesy so he doesn't feel like you're taking advantage.

Don't get drunk. Maybe having a drink or two helps you relax, but if you drink quickly and find yourself losing control of your senses, you put yourself in a vulnerable position, especially if you're meeting your date for the first time. Slow down.

Don't talk excessively. Even if your job is interesting, your day was filled with drama, or you like just chatting it up, don't spend the evening talking about your life, problems, etc. It's better to ask questions and engage your date, and spend a little more time flirting. Remember, you're trying to get to know your date as well as tell him about yourself.

According to several relationship studies, January is the most popular month for couples to split. The holiday season is over and the new year has begun, so it stands to reason that it's a good time to start things off on a clean slate. You may have just broken things off with your boyfriend or girlfriend, or perhaps your ex-love just broke up with you.

Regardless of who initiated the split, break-ups are never easy. Whether you've been together for mere weeks or for years, they leave an emotional impact that sometimes feels overwhelming. What can you do to get over this tumultuous time and look forward to the future? Following are some steps for helping you move on to a better relationship the next time around.

Give yourself a break. Take some time off from dating. We all have a tendency to want to replace the person we've lost. Instead of giving in to the one-night stands or rebound relationships, remember that healing takes time, and must run its course if you are to move on to a healthier relationship with someone else.

Recognize why the break-up occurred. Were there problems in communication? Did your busy schedules prevent you from giving the relationship enough time and effort? Did you grow apart? If you know why the break-up occurred, then you can see what to do differently the next time around.

Admit your own role in the demise of your relationship. Remember, relationships involve two people, not just one, so blaming your ex for everything that went wrong is not a healthy way to leave. If you want to create a happier, healthier relationship the next time around, be willing to admit your faults and try to improve.

Nurture and rediscover yourself. Sometimes, we all need to pamper ourselves and get back in touch with what fulfills us. Treat yourself to a night out with the girls or a spa day. Take up a new hobby that has always interested you. Travel somewhere that you've always wanted to go. Find yourself again while you're solo.

Look forward to the future. Sometimes, it's easier to give in to sadness and go through the motions of your day instead of looking for opportunities and moving forward in your life. It's important to remember that these feelings won't last forever. You'll move on. Just be patient and have faith in the process.

We now know that women experience adolescence twice in their lives, in a phenomenon called "perimenopause."

We now know that birth and pregnancy cause changes in the brain as well as the body.

And we now know that women become more interested in engaging in potentially risky behavior as they grow older, unlike their male counterparts who show an increased interest in stability and relationships as they age.

It's time to continue our countdown of the 10 things that every man must know about the intriguingly complex female brain.

6. A woman's sex drive is more fickle than a man's. In order for a woman to become aroused, particularly if orgasm is the goal, certain areas of her brain must shut down. Unfortunately, it's very easy for those areas to turn back on again. Large problems, like anger or trust issues, and major events like pregnancy and menopause can disrupt a woman's sex drive as well as seemingly inconsequential circumstances (like chilly feet, according to LiveScience's original article). Dr. Louann Brizendine of the University of California in San Francisco recommends planning ahead when trying to keep a woman turned on. "For guys," she notes, "foreplay is everything that happens three minutes before insertion. For women, it is everything that happens 24 hours beforehand."

5. Women avoid aggression. Anne Campbell of Durham University theorizes that "women may have evolved to avoid physical aggression because of the greater dependence of children on their survival." The tendency to avoid conflict in favor of forming strategic associations and dealing with confrontation in indirect ways is known as the "tend or befriend" response, the feminine equivalent of the "fight or flight" response in men.

4. Female brains respond to pain and fear differently than male brains. Studies have shown that the female brain is more sensitive to these sensations than the male brain, and that "the female brain is not only more responsive to small amounts of stress, but is less able to habituate to high levels of stress." Findings such as these potentially explain why women are more likely to suffer from anxiety disorders, PTSD, and depression.

3. Women dislike conflict, but dislike unresponsiveness even more. Women are hyper-sensitive when it comes to understanding interpersonal cues, a skill that they have probably developed in order to avoid conflict more effectively. Because of their strong communication skills, women often find it particularly frustrating to receive no response whatsoever. In fact, receiving a negative response can oftentimes be more desirable than receiving no response at all!

2. Women might not be mind readers, but they are extremely intuitive. This seemingly "psychic" power has its roots in biology, says Brizendine, not magic. "Over the course of evolution," Robin Nixon writes, "women may have been selected for their ability to keep young preverbal humans alive...without it being directly communicated. This is one explanation for why women consistently score higher than men on tests that require reading nonverbal cues."

1. PMS is not the only way a woman's menstrual cycle affects her. A woman's hormone levels are in a constant state of fluctuation, meaning that her "outlook, energy and sensitivity" are also continuously changing. According to Dr. Brizendine, women tend to feel sassier approximately 10 days after menstruation, right before ovulation begins. They also tend to dress sexier, as an influx of testosterone and estrogen causes them to unconsciously seek out sexual opportunities while they are in a fertile state. A week later, progesterone rises, causing women to feel, in Brizendine's words, "like cuddling up with a hot cup of tea and a good book." Finally, in the following week, progesterone withdrawal makes women irritable and emotional. In most instances, a woman's mood is at its worst 12-24 hours before her period begins.