Studies

Newsflash #1: the new study from the Pew Internet & American Life Project says that online dating is now completely commonplace.

Newsflash #2: that is totally not a newsflash. There's pretty much no one left on the planet who doesn't know that online dating is a perfectly acceptable way to meet your partner these days.

This latest study to look into the world of online romance says that 11% of American adults have tried online dating sites, 38% of whom identify as "single and looking for a partner." And if they themselves aren't searching for love online, they almost certainly know someone who is: 42% of American adults who use the Internet say they are personally connected to someone who uses a dating site.

The last time Pew asked Americans about their dating habits was 2005, and as you can imagine, things are more than a little different now. Since then, the rate of people who find long-term relationships using online dating sites has soared dramatically, from 15% of Americans in 2005 to 29% of Americans in 2013. The biggest booms have been seen amongst college graduates, individuals in higher income brackets, and singles over age 65.

For the most part, attitudes towards online dating are positive. 59% of those Pew surveyed say they believe online dating is a good way to meet people, which explains why 46% of them are using dating sites to find a long-term relationship or marriage.

Still, it's not all good news for online dating. Many believe that having easy access to so many potential partners actually reduces the chance of finding a long-term relationship, and a fifth of respondents say they feel that online dating is "desperate" despite all the progress it's made. That number, however, has dropped from where it was in 2005 and will likely continue dropping.

Online daters are also concerned about other users lying about themselves online. The majority say they have encountered someone who they felt "seriously misrepresented" himself or herself on a dating site, while 28% report being contacted by someone through a dating service or app in a way that made them feel uncomfortable.

On the whole, though, online dating is marching confidently and triumphantly into the future. And that future, for those who are curious, is probably in mobile apps. For now only 3% of American adults say they're using their smartphones to find love, but with mobile usage increasing in leaps and bounds all the time, it's bound to conquer the dating world soon.

"For as long as romantic relationships have existed," says the new survey from the Pew Internet & American Life Project, "people have sought assistance in meeting potential partners using whatever options were at their disposal."

And for as long as scientific studies have existed, say I, researchers have been trying to explain love via facts, figures, and other data.

The latest in that long line of relationship research is the 2013 Online Dating & Relationships study conducted by Pew. "The rise of tech-enabled dating help has been one of the most striking developments of the digital era," continues the study, "and these alternative ways of meeting and mating have arisen at a time of fundamental change in the structure of marriage and divorce in America."

The number of Americans getting married is steadily declining and today it is at a record low of 51%, down from the 72% of adults who were married in 1960. Americans are also postponing marriage until later in life, and are often choosing other options - including cohabitation and single person households - instead. But fear not - the institution is not yet dead. Around 61% of men and women who have never married say that tying the knot is in their plans someday.

While there are few left who disagree that online dating is a good way to meet potential partners, some have claimed it actually produces more successful relationships than traditional offline dating. Research is so far inconclusive on that matter, but what it has proven is that online dating and offline dating offer noticeably different experiences.

The perks of online dating include:

• The ability to draw from a deep pool of potential partners that goes well outside of one's existing social networks
• The ability to communicate online or via email prior to arranging a face-to-face meeting
• Matching algorithms that help users to filter potential partners based on pre-existing criteria
• More opportunities for members of niche communities who have limited options for meeting people in real life

On the other hand, online dating nay-sayers believe that the rise of online dating is contributing to the downfall of committed relationships. Young adults are not motivated to choose marriage, they argue, because online dating provides an endless stream of romantic and sexual options that lowers their interest in long-term relationships.

Much has changed, not just our approaches to marriage and commitment, since Pew last conducted a survey like this. 2005 saw the Pew Research Center's last foray into the Internet's impact on dating and relationships. In the intervening years, mobile phone usage has exploded (the iPhone hadn't even been born yet!) and social networking sites have taken over the Web. The ways in which people seek out, research, meet, and interact with potential partners will never be the same.

Is online dating still a last resort for singles? Not according to the latest Pew Internet and American Life study released in late October.

Research revealed that one in ten American adults have used online dating sites such as Match.com, eHarmony or OkCupid. Even more interesting was that 7% of mobile users said they've used a mobile dating app, showing that mobile dating has grown rapidly since the apps first appeared a few years ago.

The study showed that attitudes about online dating have changed since 2005 when the last survey was conducted. A majority of Americans are generally positive about online dating. Among those polled, 59 percent agreed with the statement that "online dating is a good way to meet people," compared with just 44 percent in 2005. And 52 percent agreed with the sentiment that "online dating allows people to find a better match for themselves because they can get to know a lot more people," up from 29 percent in 2005.

Even more impressive was that 42% of Internet users say they know someone who is using a dating website, even if they aren't themselves, up from 31% in 2005. Also, 29% know someone who married or had a long-term relationship with a person they met through online dating, compared with 15% in the last survey.

Not everyone is so smitten with online dating, however. Twenty-one percent agreed with the comment that "people who use online dating sites are desperate," though that was down from 29 percent in 2005. Also, Pew posed a first-time question in the study, asking "does online dating keep people from settling down because they always have options for people to date?" Thirty-two percent answered in the affirmative.

The more interesting findings were in some of the experiences people had on online dating sites. Fifty-four percent "felt someone else seriously misrepresented themselves in their profile," and 28% "have been contacted by someone through an online dating site or app in a way that made them feel harassed or uncomfortable." Forty-two percent of women felt this way, compared to only 17% of men.

The report is based on a survey of 2,252 adults aged 18 and older. According to the report's lead author Aaron Smith, "we're not just looking at users of a particular site or a convenience sample. We have the ability to look at a nationally representative portion of the population to show not only what's happening now but how those behaviors have changed over a period of time."

Not to brag or anything, but I think we ladies have it pretty good when it comes to the dating game. Sure, everybody has their ups and downs, but if we look at the way things are often run around here, we definitely seem to come out ahead in the online dating world.

Josh Fischer, the Director of Product Insights at SNAP Interactive, the company that owns Are You Interested, put together a collection of charts that shows exactly how women have the advantage over men on online dating sites. Each chart examines the probability that men and women respond to messages given the age of the message's sender.

The likelihood that an American woman responds to a man on AYI.com drops significantly as the age gap between them increases. The younger the man is, relative to the woman, the better shot he has. The probability of receiving a response peaks when the man is 7-8 years younger than the woman, and steadily declines from there.

The likelihood that an American man responds to a woman on AYI.com varies much more, and the response rates across all age differences are far higher. In fact, it actually dips the lowest when the man is 7-8 years younger than the woman. Merge the charts together, and they don't ever cross paths. Not even once.

Over all, AYI's charts show that, when comparing men and women responding to people their own age, women respond to men 4% of the time while men respond to women around 18% of the time. In other words, the vast majority of messages go unanswered regardless of age or gender.

It also means that the average straight man will have to send 25 messages to women his own age in order to receive one response, while the average straight woman will have to send just 5 messages. Hardly fair, if you ask me.

According to BusinessInsider.com, these conclusions can also be drawn from the data:

• A straight man's best bet is to go the Mrs. Robinson route. The 8-10% chance that a woman 10-8 years older than a man will respond to a message is double the rate of his own peers.
• The New York Jets have better odds of going to the Superbowl this year than men of a certain age have of getting a response from a woman ten years younger. Ouch.
• At worst, there's a 1 in 6 chance a man will respond to a woman's message regardless of her age. So go for it, ladies - you've clearly got nothing to lose.

Once upon a time, in a galaxy that now seems far, far away, online dating was considered the last refuge of the hopeless. It was something to be ashamed of, a final resort for people who had exhausted all other opportunities for finding love. (And secretly, we didn't think they'd be able to find it online either.)

Oh, how the tables have turned. Online dating is now the second most popular way for couples to meet, surpassed only by meeting through mutual friends. It's part of a daily routine for millions of people - wake up, read your email, check Facebook, answer messages on your online dating site. It's even starting to feel like the people who haven't tried online dating are in the minority.

According to Harry Reis, a professor of psychology who coauthored a 2012 study on online dating called Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science, the switch likely happened because the Western world experienced a transition in the way it approaches romance. Prior to the rise of online dating, it was difficult for adults to meet each other once they'd moved on from high school and college. Online dating offered a fresh take on connection.

"Online dating is definitely a new and much needed twist on relationships," says Reis. "The Internet holds great promise for helping adults form healthy and supportive romantic partnerships, and those relationships are one of the best predictors of emotional and physical health."

Online dating was a natural progression. In this hyper-connected era in which we spend a good portion of our lives on the Web, it's no surprise that we find ourselves drawn to online dating. Dating sites provide a sense of security, and unprecedented access and information.

When you log on to a dating site, you feel confident that that (most) everyone you see is looking for a date, and you're able to extract large amounts of information about potential partners immediately, before you've ever even spoken. On top of that, most dating sites help you narrow the field further using detailed search metrics and complex matching systems.

That sounds pretty futuristic and space age-y as-is, but online dating is already beginning to evolve into something else. With more people using the Internet on mobile devices than desktops or laptops, the world of online dating is starting to blend into traditional dating to form the latest craze: mobile dating.

Apps like Tinder and Swoon streamline the dating experience by eschewing long profiles in favor of simple processes to browse and select dates. And unlike standard dating websites, these mobile apps connect you with dates in your immediate area, making dating's newest direction easier and more relaxed than it has ever been before.

If you'd asked me about speed dating a few weeks ago, I probably would have responded with a blank stare. Speed dating? Does anyone even do that anymore? Haven't those people heard of the Internet? It seemed like a completely outdated approach to finding love.

Then along came not one, not two, but three friends who had all taken a chance on speed dating in recent months. One even involved a boat. Apparently I didn't have my finger on the pulse of the dating industry as much as I thought I did...speed dating is still alive and well, and it's definitely not just for people who haven't heard of the Internet yet.

Curious about what seemed like a very retro way to date, I started to research speed dating. Ok, so people were doing it, but does it work? Is there any way it could possibly be better than the online dating sites I'd come to know and love?

Two researchers at Stanford University in California were just as intrigued by speed dating as I was. They found that there are a few key factors of the standard four-minute speed date that predict whether two people are likely to hit it off. They rounded up students to take part in a series of recorded speed dating sessions, then analyzed 1,100 transcripts of the subjects' dates.

According to the study, men and women most often said they clicked when their conversation focused mainly on the women. Women were more likely to report connecting with men who used appreciative language (like "That's great!"). Women also reported greater levels of connection with men who interrupted them - but only when they did so to show understanding and engagement (like "Exactly").

Counterintuitively, asking questions was not necessarily a hallmark of a good dating conversation. Asking questions actually signals a lack of connection, most likely because it indicates that the participants feel the need to put effort into keeping a boring conversation going. Signs of a good conversation are much more subtle, like the variation in speech volume.

While some previous research on speed dating has found that physical attractiveness is the most powerful force determining whether two people are initially attracted to each other, the Stanford study proves there's more going on. Another study found that speed-dating couples with similar speaking styles were more likely to report a mutual connection.

Speed dating still seems like a thing of the past to me, but if science thinks there's something to it, who am I to argue? Studies have proved that people are shockingly quick to determine whether or not they're interested in seeing someone again and though swift, it appears their decisions are based on more than just a pretty face.

For some sites that offer this type of service you can check out our speed dating category.