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Tinder Plans to roll out Options for Transgender Users

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  • Monday, July 04 2016 @ 08:12 am
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Tinder has been at the forefront of online dating industry growth, making it more accessible to more users than any other online dating platform. So it’s only natural that its accessibility extends to daters in the transgender community.

Transgender online daters don’t have many options when they go online to try and date, because most apps, including Tinder, only allow them to identify as male or female. In the next couple of months, Tinder has said they will be adding more gender identification choices along with more dating preferences.

Tinder is owned by Match Group, but it’s late to the party: other online dating platforms within Match Group, such as OkCupid, have already added more gender preferences to their platforms. In addition to “woman” and “man,” OkCupid’s gender options include “agender, adrogynous, bigender, cis man, cis woman, genderfluid, genderqueer, hijra, intersex, non-binary, other, pangender, transfeminine, transgender, transmasculine, transsexual, trans man, trans woman,” and “two-spirit,” as of November 2014.

Members of the LGBTQ community have pushed for this change in online dating, as they have felt excluded and left out of the conversation as more features are added and improvements made to the online dating experience – except when it comes to their needs and preferences.

Huffington Post Live’s Alex Berg reported deleting her online dating account, writing: “In the grand scheme of problems for LGBTQ people, the options of a dating website might seem like minutia ... [but] that recognition has the power to change the hearts and minds of those who would deny our rights in the physical world.”

It seems Tinder Founder and CEO Sean Rad agrees. “For a long time we haven’t done enough to give [transgender members] a good experience,” he said at the Code Conference in Rancho Palos Verdes, Calif. “It’s harder for them to get what they are looking for. We have to modify our experience to address that.”

Tinder is working on the changes with transgender activist Andrea James and GLAAD, as part of its promise to be more inclusive to its community of daters.

“One challenge we face at Tinder is making sure our tens of millions of users around the world have the same user experience. No matter who you are, no matter what you’re looking for, you should get quality matches through the Tinder experience,” the company said to Fortune Magazine. “There’s an important transgender (and gender nonconforming) community on Tinder who haven’t had that experience … yet.”

5 Quick Dating App Tips For Success

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  • Saturday, June 18 2016 @ 04:09 pm
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Dating App Tips

If you’re single and own a smartphone, chances are you’ve downloaded a dating app.

Many people try at least one or two apps, swipe and message for a few weeks, and then quit in frustration because they don’t get many matches, their messages go unanswered, or they never actually get a real date out of it.

Instead of going into app dating full force with no results, it’s better to keep a steady momentum and a few things in mind for successful swiping. Following are some tips to get your dating app game in shape:

Be respectful all the time.

It’s important to remember that even though you might be a great catch, people on dating apps are strangers who don’t know you. They don’t know your sense of humor, your background, or your close friends, so they have to take what you say at face value. So don’t start out being presumptuous – save the overt flirting, gross jokes, or sexual references for a more appropriate time – like when you are dating and are aware of your attraction for one another!

A picture is worth a million words.

Dating apps have really helped those who don’t want to spend the time writing a funny, clever profile. Instead, people can look at one or two photos and swipe based on that. (Most people don’t even read the descriptions or tags on your profile unless they like your pic.) So, you have to tell a visual story. Show a photo doing something you love that will spark a conversation. Include a headshot and a body shot, with no sunglasses or hats covering your face. Remember to smile!

Don’t message endlessly.

It’s fun to get a little flirtatious banter on, but at the end of the day, what do you have to show for it if you haven’t met in person? Instead of endlessly messaging, be bold and ask your matches out sooner rather than later – it doesn’t matter if you’re the guy or the girl. Ask, meet, and then see if there’s a spark.

Don’t swipe right on everyone.

Guys have a tendency to play the dating app game – swipe right on everyone and see who matches back with you. This is a bad strategy for many reasons, but most of all, because you’ll look like a robot to the app, and greatly reduce your swiping options. Instead, be a little more discriminate.

Check in during peak hours.

The best time to log in to your dating app is 6:00 in the evening, according to Bumble founder Whitney Wolfe. Checking in daily is a good idea, especially around happy hour time. But also make sure to log in on Sunday, which studies have shown to be the busiest day for online dating in general. People are ready to make plans, so get on it!

Dating App Hacks for the Modern Dater

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  • Thursday, June 09 2016 @ 09:25 am
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Online dating is more popular than ever thanks to dating apps like Tinder. Forget those long profiles written on your laptop, scrolling through matches in the privacy of your home. Now, online dating is a social event – you can swipe while you have drinks at the bar with your friend!

Online dating has become the go-to method for most singles looking for love, but that doesn’t mean people are getting the hang of it. In fact, dating apps have inspired more people to try online dating – but they might not be so successful in getting dates.

Here’s where hacks can be helpful in making your whole experience more successful:

Be active. Don’t just swipe once a week, or message only occasionally. In order to get more matches, you have to show that you are involved. Check in at least once a day, and start swiping and messaging. You will notice that your match list increases, too – when you are more active, you are presented with other more active members. The reverse is true for those who aren’t actively swiping.

Be discerning, but not too much. There is a trend among men of swiping right on every profile, because they hope to increase their opportunities. This isn’t so effective, because there are plenty of apps that do the mass swiping for you – which are recognized as bots. When you act like a bot, you get fewer matches. The reverse is true too – if you are too picky and swipe left way more often than right, you lessen your choices. (Remember, other users are swiping left, too.) Keep an open mind, with some boundaries.

Choose photos wisely. Don’t choose a bunch of group photos, or pictures of you in hats or sunglasses. Include some body shots and headshots without props, so your matches know what you look like. Also, think of photos as conversation starters – post a couple of you playing guitar or hiking in the woods so your dates get an idea of what you like without having to read the profile (which they might not even do unless they like the photos). And it’s a good idea to smile.

No endless messaging. Many dating app users make a mistake of messaging back and forth and creating an emotional connection online before meeting in person. What happens if there is no spark when you are sitting across from each other? Instead of investing in the online communication, try to get to the date sooner, so you can see if you click in real life. Remember, the dating app is only a tool to meet people – the rest is up to you.

Not Ready For Online Dating? This Might Be Why.

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  • Friday, June 03 2016 @ 10:28 am
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Not Ready for Online Dating?

Many people are hesitant to try online dating, and it’s no surprise. Setting up a profile, messaging, meeting new people, making conversation, and trying to find connection can be a daunting (and time-consuming) process.

Even though meeting people online is extremely popular now with date-friendly apps like Tinder, the process can feel overwhelming or scary for the uninitiated. Or for those who have burned out from online dating, they might not want to go back to it. As a result, many people talk themselves out of online dating altogether – claiming they just aren’t ready to start meeting people. But is there something else going on?

Online dating can feel scary, especially if you are uncomfortable with dating in general or tend to be introverted or shy. You probably hear advice like “put yourself out there,” or “you have to meet a lot of people before you find the one.”

This is scary advice for someone who isn’t very social, or feels uncomfortable in social situations. It’s easy to advise singles that they need to put more effort into their searches, but what exactly does this look like for someone who hates networking events or bars, or feels uncomfortable making conversation?

Sometimes, we make excuses because we are afraid to face our fears. But let’s be honest – in order to find a great relationship, you have to be somewhat social. You have to talk to new people, or at least try to meet them, which is exhausting or even terrifying for introverts.

The key is taking baby steps, and to ease the pressure on yourself to find someone great. There’s no magic formula (contrary to what some dating experts say), so don’t assume that saying the right things or acting in a way that doesn’t feel authentic to you is the only way you’ll be successful. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Following are three small steps you can take today to ease you into dating with a little more confidence:

Set small social goals. It’s good to practise your social skills, even if you aren’t looking for a date. Attend a networking event that you normally would decline. Make a promise to yourself to talk to at least two people before you leave. When you achieve these small goals, you start to feel more comfortable when you date, especially with the initial small talk.

Enlist a friend’s help. Kind of like joining a running group to motivate you in training for a marathon, online dating with a buddy can help jumpstart your dating life. You can check in with each other to reach out to more people and try to set up a couple of dates a week. If that feels too much to you, then try one date a week. Go at your own pace – this isn’t a race.

Remember, it’s just a conversation. Online dating can feel very “official,” like you are both being judged and interviewed. You both know why you are meeting, so there is a pressure to form a connection. But remove yourself from that mindset for a moment. In order to actually form a connection, you can’t be scrutinizing everything. It’s important to be fully present in the moment. Take the pressure off yourself with the reminder that you are just having a conversation – nothing more or less. And then see where it goes.

Take care of yourself. Online dating can take a lot of energy, so it's especially important for introverts to replenish. Make time to do things you love - sports, painting, horseback riding, etc. Spend some time alone when you need to recharge. Know what works for you so you can feel your best when you're on a date.

Why You Should Avoid Dating Apps Right After a Break-up

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  • Thursday, May 19 2016 @ 10:04 am
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Avoid Dating Apps after Breakup

Some break-ups are worse than others, but all break-ups can take a toll on our mental and emotional state. How many times have you chosen to distract yourself from the pain and sadness you feel? Probably more than you think – sometimes by going out with friends, drinking, or having sex, and other times by throwing yourself into work, a hobby or a new fitness routine.

Now, more and more of us are turning to dating apps to swipe and feel that little “rush” from matching with a new profile or engaging in some flirtatious messaging. And why not? It’s healthy to flirt, to meet new people, right?

Not necessarily. Using dating apps as a distraction – to swipe through endless profiles – can work against you and delay the healing process after a break-up. As a writer for website Bustle described it: “An unexpected match with an attractive guy would briefly pull me out from under the cloud of sadness, and it validated my future dating potential in the most superficial way possible. At the time, I knew that it was wrong for the approval of random strangers to mean more to me than the unconditional support from my friends and family, but I didn't want to stop swiping: the next match could always be better than the last…After the fleeting glow from a witty text exchange faded, the positive feelings about myself did, too.”

Distracting ourselves isn’t always the best thing for getting over a break-up. Healing is a process – it’s good to feel your emotions and come to terms with your broken heart. Healthy transformation comes from this process of sitting with pain so we can let go and move on. Distraction only serves to delay our healing.

Don’t get me wrong – it’s good to throw yourself into something healthy, like joining a new running group or growing that garden you always wanted. But when you try and ignore your feelings, opting for quick fixes like the rush from swiping through a dating app, it can backfire.

The “high” you feel from superficial interaction is fleeting, and can leave you feeling worse than you did before – and more likely to swipe. In fact, swiping can become a validation exercise, rather than a healthy way to meet dates. You don’t want to confuse the app itself with your ability to connect with people.

Our self worth doesn’t come from how many matches or messages we get, or how many opportunities we have to meet new people. We have to feel grounded in ourselves – confident in our abilities, independence, and worthiness – rather than dependent on what others think – especially random strangers over text.

So next time you are tempted to login to Tinder after a break-up because you are in desperate need of distraction or validation, call your friend and go out for dinner instead. You’ll be happier and healthier in the long run.

 

New Dating App Blume Claims to Solve the Catfishing Problem

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  • Monday, December 21 2015 @ 12:23 pm
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Blume

There’s a new dating app on the market, and this one puts safety first in a big way. Blume has just launched an app that claims to solve the catfishing problem in online dating.

If you’ve been online dating, you’re probably familiar with the term catfishing. It happens when one online dater tries to deceive another online dater by lying about who he is, his intentions, even his photos and Facebook profile. Usually, people trying to “catfish” other online daters are trying to gain access to financial or personal information, taking advantage of someone else’s vulnerability.

Many dating apps have tried to address the problem by providing “verification” of some sort for everyone who joins a website, usually by having you sign up with your Facebook profile. But some have managed to get around the restrictions, taking advantage of other online daters by sending fake pictures and messages.

Blume has gone one step further by making verification part of the communication process. When you are ready to message someone you mutually “like” (similar to Tinder’s swipe), you cannot proceed without first taking a selfie in that moment. Only when both matches take and send the selfie so each can compare and make sure it’s the same person – are they allowed to communicate. (This might also prompt some late-night hair and make-up attention – instead of hanging out and swiping in your pajamas, one of the benefits to online dating.) You have seven seconds to compare the photos (like Snapchat) before they disappear. Once you take the selfies and they are accepted, then you can begin chatting.

While this is a compelling hook and many people do enjoy taking selfies, this might also be a detraction for using the app. Most of us want to appear camera-ready, and might not like the way we look in selfies, or want to spend time taking the right picture, in the right light, in the right outfit (of course). One benefit is that the photo disappears – but a potential hazard is that you might think your curated profile won’t look the same as your selfie – and that your date might not think you’re the same person.

Not to mention, if you like to sit at the bar or restaurant swiping Tinder while waiting for your friends, this would not bode well for Blume. A poorly lit bar with lots of people around might not be the ideal time to take a selfie for some people. Or even sitting in a café having a coffee.

But if you’re willing to give it a shot and take your chances with your selfies, go for it. It might be the latest online dating craze.

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