Advice

If I had a nickel...

This is one of those online dating phrases that sadly has permeated the culture. People see it in other people’s profiles and think, “Wow, that’s a good idea!” and add it to theirs. What they’re spreading is a phrase that puts up big red flags and turns away perfectly good dates.

What’s this word?

Drama.

More specifically, in its many incarnations:

“No drama.”
“Tired of the drama...”
“I hate drama queens...”
“The only drama I like is on a stage or screen.”
Etc, etc.

Please, folks, pull those references from your profile ASAP. They’re not helping you, and in fact, they’re hurting you.

Here’s why they’re not helping:

1) Many people who are drama queens don’t realize they are.
2) How often have you known on a first, second, or third encounter that someone was a drama queen? Sure, it happens sometimes, but usually it’s something that comes up after knowing someone for a while.

Thus, advertising “NO DRAMA” in your profile does absolutely nothing to keep drama queens out of your life. A drama queen isn’t going to read your profile, see “No drama” and say to themselves, “OMG! I’m a drama queen, I shouldn’t message this person.” It’s just not going to happen. Sorry.

Here’s how it’s hurting:

1) It’s showing that you have had enough experience with drama in the past that you feel the need to mention it in your profile.
2) People may assume that you ATTRACT dramatic people due to this statement. And if there’s anything just as bad as a drama queen, it’s someone who seems to always attract drama queens.

Rethink what’s in your profile. Make every sentence count and be tailored to the good qualities of the person you’d like to meet. That’s the best way to get the results you want.

No matter what dating site you choose, you'll need a screenname or username. For a couple sites, this name will never see the light of day (other than on the login screen), but for most, it will have a prominent place in your profile. What can you do to make sure it speaks volumes about who you are?

Things to Avoid

Do not use your real name as your screenname. This opens you up to being stalked by those crazy people who can't handle rejection. The last thing you need is for these folks to show up at your front door, or worse yet, your place of employment.

Don't end your screenname with a bunch of numbers. This has become a popular theme with spammer recently (especially on Twitter), so unless you want to be thought a spammer or robot, don't use names like John122483 or Suzie32801.

Avoid sexual innuendo unless your profile is on a site that caters to casual encounters.

The Screenname Formula

Can't think of a cool screenname? Try this little writing game. Grab a piece of paper and write down 5-10 adjectives that describe you. Make a second column and write 5-10 nouns that describe you or things you like.

So for example, I might have:

Adjectives: Curvy, geeky, friendly, purple, goofy

Nouns: Cat, dragon, writer, iced tea, blogger

Now, put those adjectives and nouns together in as many combinations as you can. So, I'd have CurvyCat, CurvyDragon, CurvyWriter, CurvyIcedTea (lame!), CurvyBlogger, GeekyCat, GeekyDragon, GeekyWriter, GeekyIcedTea, GeekyBlogger... etc, etc.

You're going to end up with more lame ones than good ones. However, you'll either find a perfect one, or you'll get the inspiration for the perfect one! Whatever you do, be creative and fun - your screenname is one of the first things noticed about your profile, so make it remarkable!

Every dating site has its own spin on the dating profile format. In this series, I'll take a look at some of the different profile formats and how you can write your best profile for that particular service. Lavalife.com offers a few different profile options. You can choose from Dating, Relationship, or Intimate. (Why they call casual sex "intimate" I have no idea. I'm pretty sure you can't be "intimate" with someone you barely know. You can have sex with them, but that certainly doesn't make it "intimate." Anyway....)

Three Profiles

Beware! When you first sign up for Lavalife, you will have all three profiles activated. If you have no interest in casual encounters, you will want to delete your "Intimate" profile. Likewise, if you have no interest in long-term relationships, you should delete the "Relationship" profile.

The Writing Portion

There is only one open section to write in for a Lavalife profile, and that's the one that is originally presented to you as "tell others about yourself" during the sign-up process. Once you move into editing your profile, this field changes and is called "In My Own Words." This is the place where you'll want to talk about who you are and the type of person you'd like to meet. Keep it short and sweet and tell a story that others will want to join in! Think about the last book you purchased. You probably read the back cover (about 300 words) and thought, "Wow, I really want to read this!" If your profile reads like the back cover of a book, it should convince people to pick you up! (Pun intended!)

The great thing about having a couple different profiles (Dating/Relationship/Intimate) is that you can edit the "In My Own Words" for each one separately. I recommend having both Dating and Relationship active and test-driving different profile texts in each to see which gets you more results. Internet marketers do this with sales pages, why not do it with your dating profile?

Fill-Ins

Each type of profile also has some interests and fill-in-the-blank type questions to fill out. Dating and Relationship have the same interests list. I like the fact that they've given you the ability to select whether you enjoy participating in or just watching sports. So if you play softball but love watching football, you can be clear about that in your profile. Very handy!

Pictures

Lavalife offers the ability to upload up to 30 pictures and select which pictures appear with which version of your profile. This is a great way to keep your profile fresh if you happen to have 30 recent pictures. Since Lavalife will hold them for you, you can alternate and swap them out until you find the combination that seems to get you the most results!

Here's hoping that you find someone to click with you at Lavalife!

For more information on the dating site mentioned in this article, read our Lavalife.com review.

Every dating site has its own spin on the dating profile format. In this series, I'll take a look at some of the different profile formats and how you can write your best profile for that particular service. Match.com is one of the biggest online dating sites out there with millions and millions of members. It's no wonder why people join up every day looking for love.

Match has a pretty straightforward profile. The sections to fill out are as follows:

• About me and who I'm looking for
• In my own words
• for fun
• my job
• my ethnicity
• my religion
• my education
• favorite hot spots
• favorite things
• last read

The most important part is the About me and who I'm looking for section. Match requires you to fill out at least a few lines of this before your profile can go live. (Ironically enough, there are tons of profiles that reference the fact that they're writing just enough to qualify. Makes you wonder what kind of boyfriend or girlfriend they'd be if they are only committed to doing the bare minimum!)

You should have at least two paragraphs in this section - the first one detailing yourself, and the second detailing the person you'd like to meet. Remember, your profile is the back cover of the story of your life. Don't give people the whole novel! Write just enough to get them intrigued about your most interesting qualities and activities. When writing about your ideal mate, be specific about the kind of personality you want and state things in the positive.

As for the In my own words section, you need to know that you do not have to fill out ANY of it. Seriously, if your About me and who I'm looking for section is great, you can leave the sidebar totally blank and people will still contact you.

Beware of those sidebar questions, though. Keep your responses to one or two short sentences. If you wax on for too long, the typical reader on the internet will get bored. Once you've published them, check out your profile and edit down any that are longer than 3 lines. Keep things short and sweet. For example, here's how I'd write mine:

for fun

I read, write, and roll d20s. Bonus points if you do, too!

my job

I own my own business writing online dating profiles and other web content.

my ethnicity

Pasty Irish chick, blinding astronauts with the glare from my legs!

my religion

I believe all faiths have a piece of the Truth, but not the whole Truth.

my education

Hamilton College, Class of 2001. Music & Creative Writing double major - would you like fries with that?

favorite hot spots

Anywhere I can get really good Asian food!

favorite things

I'd be completely lost without my laptop, my BlackBerry, and my adorable cats.

last read

Desperately trying to get my RSS reader under 1000... help, I'm drowning in feeds!

Match.com allows you to have a TON of pictures, but at minimum you want four. One picture should be a close-up of your face, one full body shot, and two of your choosing (group shot, action shot, etc).

Best of luck on Match.com! Next in the series... JDate profiles!

For more information on the dating site mentioned in this article, read our Match.com review.

There are a couple schools of thought regarding online dating profiles for single parents. I’ll present both and let you decide which rings true for you and your situation.

Don’t Mention Your Children

Your online dating profile is about you, not your children. The only place you need to mention your children is in the stats area where you select “Have kids,” how many, and your custody arrangement.

After all, your potential match isn’t going to be dating your children – they’ll be dating YOU. You are more than a mother or father. Think about what makes you unique and cool that has nothing to do with your children. Eventually they’ll be grown and out of the house and you’ll have to relate to your spouse on other levels.

According to the Better Business Bureau, complaints about dating services were up 73 percent in 2008. In my opinion, half the problem is the dating sites themselves, the other half are the expectations of some members. Here are a few points you should consider before joining a dating site to ensure you will not be disappointed with the experience.

1. The love of your life may not be found on a dating site - People do fall in love from meeting each other online but this may not be the case for you. For people who use dating sites, a third find love, a third do not find any long lasting relationships, and a third give up.
2. The cost can add up - You can be expected to pay from $10 to $60 per month on most dating sites over your subscription period. If you find you are not satisfied with the service MAKE SURE to turn off the auto renewal of your dating site membership subscription.
3. Research - Talk to your single friends for their opinions on which dating site is the best, and search for reviews online of dating sites (since you are reading this you are off to a good start). You want to make sure you pick the right dating site for you.
4. Free Trials - Free trial memberships on dating sites usually have a number of limitations. Most of the time, you either have full access for a certain number of days to the dating site, OR you have partial access for an unlimited number of days. On dating sites with partial access this usually means you cannot communicate directly with other members. You can only create a profile, search for members and view profiles.
5. Dating Site Criteria - Before paying your money right away, join as a free member and perform a number of searches to look for your ideal match. If the dating site doesn't allow you to see what type of single members they have then they have something to hide. If you didn't find at least 10 to 20 potential matches in your area, then move on. I recommend joining your 3 top pick dating services using the free trials after you have done your research (Point 3). From there you can pick the best one.
6. Personal e-mail address - When joining any website (not just dating) you may want to use a throw away email address for privacy and safety reasons. These are readily available through Gmail, Hotmail and Yahoo. This will keep any unwanted email from reaching your personal account.

For more points on how to avoid entering into a bad relationship with a dating site, read the full article at MSNBC.