General News

Remember that story in The Atlantic about how online dating will be the death of monogamy? Did you find it confusing? Well so did The Atlantic, apparently.

Alexis C. Madrigal, a senior editor at The Atlantic, has published this: "There's No Evidence Online Dating Is Threatening Commitment or Marriage." Seems like they just can't make up their minds...

In his first response to Dan Slater's piece, "A Million First Dates: How Online Dating is Threating Monogamy," Madrigal leads with two valid points:

1. Jacob, the subject of much of Slater's article, is "an overgrown manchild jackass who can't figure out what it takes to have a real relationship." Sorry Jacob, but you definitely have a few issues to work out that have nothing to do with the glut of options offered by online dating.
2. And beyond that, "neither Jacob's story nor any of the evidence offered compellingly answers the questions raised."

Slater's "evidence" comes from interviews with people who run online dating sites. What kind of objective information is that? Of course they're invested in making online dating sound fun, easy, and addictive.

And while the article is full of those perspectives from dating site owners, it lacks perspectives from just about everyone else (women, gay daters, people who were already poly, etc.). Where's the look at how monogamy and commitment have evolved over time? Where are the stats?

Here are a few from Madrigal:

• The heaviest users of technology, who consequently use dating sites most, are educated and wealthy people. Amongst the same demographic, divorce rates have been declining for 30 years.
• A 2012 paper in the American Sociological Review found that people who have the Internet at home are more likely to be in relationships.
• A 2008 paper postulated that those who benefit most from online dating are those who have less opportunity to meet partners in other ways, meaning it could increase marriage rates by helping people who would otherwise be single find each other.
• The same paper also theorizes that online dating may lead to more compatible matches, and therefore higher-quality marriages.

Taken all together, the evidence suggests that online dating has one of two effects: either it makes relationships better, or it doesn't affect them at all.

There are plenty of other factors that could be influencing the dating market and changing the way we look at commitment, but none have anything to do with online dating.

To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, as long as we both shall live...

We're all familiar with the famous wedding vows.

And we're all equally familiar with how hard it is to stick to them. Just look at the divorce rate - clearly honoring your vows is a heck of a lot harder than saying them. A recent poll from 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair found out exactly how challenging it is for spouses to stay true to their "I do's."

For women, these vows proved to be the most trying:

• For better or for worse (32%)
• To be faithful (25%)
• In sickness and in health (16%)
• For richer, for poorer (12%)

For men, the most difficult vows are:

• To be faithful (27%)
• For better or for worse (23%)
• For richer, for poorer (18%)
• In sickness and in health (17%)

And that's not all that 60 Minutes and Vanity Fair discovered about love.

They also found that, although most men and women would never betray their partners' trust, women are slightly more likely than men to sneak a peek at their spouse's e-mail.

The act of asking a father for his daughter's had in marriage is slowly on its way out. 45% think it's a necessary courtesy, but the rest consider it "gallant but unnecessary," "old-fashioned and embarrassing," or "sexist and offensive."

When it comes to the idea of love at first sight, unmarried couples are the most romantic. 66% of respondents in a relationship said they believe in the phenomenon, compared to 58% of married respondents and 48% of single respondents.

Where sex is concerned, the majority of people think it's "very important" (62%). Only a few think it's the "most important" aspect of a relationship (5%) or "not very important" (6%), with most falling somewhere in between at "somewhat important" (25%).

Thankfully, the in-law horror stories that are so popular in pop culture seem to largely be myths. The vast majority of couples think they get along well their spouses' families (71%). Only a few say "There's no love lost between us" (12%) and even fewer think the feelings differ depending on which side you ask.

No matter how much you love your partner, something about them is bound to drive you crazy. The most common coupled up complaints are:

• Sharing a bed (7%)
• Sharing a bathroom (13%)
• Doing household chores (16%)
• TV choices (36%)

But let's get real: if the toughest part of your marriage is deciding whether to watch basketball or American Idol, you've really got nothing to complain about.

eHarmony is having a free communication event starting Valentine’s Day. From February 14th until the end of day on February 18th new and existing members will be able to create a profile and communicate free at no cost on both the United States and Canadian sites.

To mark Valentine’s Day eHarmony is having a 5 day long free communication event (most are only 4 days). This will give singles plenty of time to try out this feature rich dating service to see if it meets their expectations. No credit card is required so all interested visitors need to do is create a profile and take the free personality questionnaire. The questionnaire is the heart of eHarmony’s matching system so it is worth taking your time to complete it accurately. Most people should take between 30 minutes and 1 hour to finish it. Singles using the eHarmony dating app (available on Apple and Android phones) will take a bit less time to create a profile since the mobile version has less questions. Once the profile questions are complete you will then be sent a number of matches right away that eHarmony has determined are compatible with you. You can then communicate for free with these matches using the guided communication process. Photos, skip straight to mail and Secure Call are not included with FCW.

The beginning of January was the last time eHarmony had a free communication weekend (see Story). By our count this free communication event will be number 44 (not including the free Tuesdays last month). To find out more about this dating site which helps you find a long-term relationship you can read our eHarmony review.

Polyamory is big news these days (just look at the success of Showtime's show about nonmonogamy). Some of us think it's great news that society is becoming more accepting of non-traditional relationship models. Others aren't so convinced.

Take Dan Slater, a writer for The Atlantic, who says that monogamy is being threatened and online dating is to blame. In "A Million First Dates," he profiles a man named Jacob who found it difficult to meet women after moving from the East Coast to Portland, Oregon. After the end of a five year relationship, he signed up for Match.com and POF.com and found himself "going out with one or two very pretty, ambitious women a week."

Then Jacob entered a relationship with a younger woman, Rachel, and his confidence skyrocketed. He became convinced that, were he ever to be single again, he would have no trouble meeting someone new. "I feel like I underwent a fairly radical change thanks to online dating," Jacob told Slater. "I went from being someone who thought of finding someone as this monumental challenge, to being much more relaxed and confident about it."

He even said he would have married Rachel if he'd met her offline. So why did they break up? And what does online dating have to do with it?

Jacob claims online dating drastically changed his perception of permanence. "When I sensed the breakup coming," he's quoted as saying, "I was okay with it. It didn't seem like there was going to be much of a mourning period, where you stare at your wall thinking you're destined to be alone and all that. I was eager to see what else was out there."

Let me get this straight: the problem with online dating is that it makes it too easy to meet someone new? That it sets the bar too high?

Here's what Slater thinks: "the prospect of finding an ever-more-compatible mate with the click of a mouse means a future of relationship instability, in which we keep chasing the elusive rabbit around the dating track." He even says research backs up the theory that the rise of online dating caused a decline in commitment.

You can read all the quotes from experts here (and trust me, they are interesting), but one in particular jumps out: "Above all, Internet dating has helped people of all ages realize that there's no need to settle for a mediocre relationship."

In what world is that a bad thing, Slater?

Related Story: Is Online Dating A Threat To Monogamy? The Atlantic Says No.

The Plenty of fish blog just released some current traffic statistics for their dating site. It's good to see a snapshot of what the user base of Plenty of fish is. Marcus Frind released the statistics to highlight how his dating site has grown and to be more open on the number of members POF has.

The user statistics released are based on active daily registered users. This means that the user must be logged into POF.com to be considered part of the statistic group. I am assuming that the numbers given are an average but it doesn’t say what the timeline is for that. It probably is for last month (January) but I am only guessing that he would release the latest numbers available. The user statistics could very well be for last year, last quarter or some other time period.

Plenty of Fish’s largest market is the United States with 2 million active daily registered users. This is followed by the United Kingdom with 550,000 and then Canada with 450,000. POF estimates that if you take the roughly 1400 dating site (non-adult) found in the United States and combine their paying members you will come out with 2.5 million subscribers. Combining these numbers together sounds like a lot of people and it is, but online dating has a lot of room to grow. The population of the United States sits at about 313 million with about 100 million people actually single. This shows that about 1/3 of the population is single. The United Kingdom has a population of about 63 million and Canada is close to 35 million. If we assume that the proportions of singles in these countries are about the same as the US then there are about 21 million single people in the UK and about 12 million in Canada.

In the US I figure that there are about 5.5 million people actively using a dating site every day. I came up with this number by adding Plenty of Fish’s 2 million active users with 2.5 million US paid subscribers, and then adding in an extra million singles for all of the other free dating sites that people use. This means only 5.5 percent of all singles in the United States are actively using an online dating site. Since about 78% of the US has internet access (according to Wikipedia) then this percentage only slightly improves to about 7 percent. The potential for growth in the online dating industry is still huge when your untapped market sits at over 90 percent.

I also found a few other related statistics. Plenty of Fish currently reports (from July 2012) that they have had 45 million members register since launch in 2003. Their current rate of growth is 40,000 new members signing up every day which works out to about 30 percent a year. Members of POF send out 20 million messages a day generating 7 million conversations. Currently the average age on POF is 35. In 2009 the average member was 40 years old.

To find out more about this dating site you should read our Plenty of fish review.

To help celebrate Valentine’s Day Christian Cafe let us know that they are offering price discounts on their memberships of up to 25 percent. Christian Cafe is the largest Christian owned dating site with many active members. They have won our own DSR awards several times for being the top pick in the Christian dating category. A combination of their large membership database, features offered and business ethics has made them one of the top choices we recommend to Christian singles.

The great thing is when someone first joins Christian Cafe, they offer them a 10 day free trial. This trial gives new members complete access to the dating site including communication with all other members. This way you can find out how well the service works for you before you consider purchasing a membership.

For more information on this dating site you should read our detailed Christian Cafe review.