Cheating

Relationships can be difficult, because two people will not always be on the same page. You might fight or misunderstand each other from time to time. But sometimes, misunderstanding mixed with fear and insecurity can pave the way for feelings of jealousy to creep inside. And this is not a good thing.

Jealousy can wreak havoc in a relationship. It makes you fearful, questioning, insecure, and suspicious on a constant basis. It prevents you from truly letting go, having a good time, and letting your guard down. Instead, you’re preoccupied with thoughts like: “is he cheating on me?” or “who is she texting right now?”

Some jealous feelings are founded in experience. If your last couple of girlfriends cheated on you, there might be a reason to be suspicious of anyone new. But of course, protecting yourself from being hurt again by acting on your jealous feelings doesn’t serve you. In fact, it can damage an otherwise perfectly lovely relationship.

Instead of ruminating in your feelings of jealousy, no matter how real or “honest” those feelings seem, take a step back. Ask yourself: how is this jealousy serving my relationship? Is there a way I can look at things differently? Is there something I’m not seeing?

The purpose of this exercise is to take yourself out of the cycle of giving in to jealous feelings. They are rooted in fear. If you have to track your boyfriend’s phone or scroll through his messages when he’s in the bathroom because you’re afraid he’s cheating, do you think this is a healthy way to be in a relationship?

If you react to someone you love out of fear – even if it’s fear of losing the relationship – you won’t get the love and connection it is that you really want. You will only get a defensive response, no matter what the truth is.

Instead of acting out of fear, ask yourself where the jealousy comes from. Did your partner say or do something to hurt you in the past, that perhaps you haven’t fully addressed? Or are you acting out of fear of past hurts that he had nothing to do with? Or are you reacting to suspicions that you have of being unlovable – assuming that he must be looking for someone else because surely he wouldn’t love you?

All of these are reactions based in fear. Instead of giving in to your fears, try a different approach. Ask yourself where these feelings are really coming from. Tell yourself that you are enough. If you want a lasting, loving relationship, you have to love yourself first. Let your fear and jealousy go, and take things one day at a time if need be. See how your relationship can change with that one step.

Tired of meeting flaky people over dating apps like Tinder? Turns out, there’s a reason for all the disappearing acts: a recent study by GlobalWebIndex reported that up to 42% of the population on Tinder are already in relationships. And incredibly, 3 in 10 users are married. Before you start bashing men, the report also broke down information by gender, and it turns out that married and taken women on Tinder outnumber the men on the app who are already in relationships.

In response to this, and perhaps to further differentiate themselves from the popular dating app, Hinge has announced that in the latest release of its dating app, it will publish whether or not you’re in a relationship, engaged or married.

Hinge did its own study among its users, and found that 1.6 percent of them were either married or engaged, while an additional two percent were already in relationships. While Hinge wins hands-down over the high percentage of cheaters on Tinder, it still wants to do better. So in Hinge version 3.5, users who reveal they are “married,” “engaged” or “in a relationship” on Facebook will have that information pulled and shared on their Hinge profile, in an effort to shame cheaters everywhere. And if you remove your relationship status from Facebook to avoid this problem? Then you may have to explain it to your spouse or partner.

Hinge utilizes Facebook to match people who are in the same circles – Facebook friends of friends who are also using the service – so you’ve never really meeting a total stranger. At least, you will have a Facebook friend in common, which helps daters reduce the anxiety about online dating.

The new version adds another great benefit, which is more transparency in dating. Instead of finding yourself devastated to find out several dates later that your match is otherwise involved, it’s out in the open.

This might be a problem for female daters, according to the GlobalWebIndex study, since the majority of cheaters on Tinder happen to be women – the target market and primary user base for Hinge. Hinge appeals to women because of safety issues, especially those who are nervous to try a dating app, because users are matched within their own social networking circles. But if married women take to the app (and perhaps they won’t – and don’t – because they would be called out by their mutual Facebook friends), they have to go to greater lengths to hide their movements.

Regardless, it is a positive step for online dating in general to create more transparency for those who are truly looking to date other single people.

Ashley Madison, the infamous dating website that makes its revenue from matching married people looking for affairs, has now admitted to spying on its own users.

A recent study published by the company was gathered from emails the sites’ users sent to each other under what they assumed was a condition of anonymity. According to a recent article in Time Magazine, Eric Anderson, a professor at the University of Winchester in England who conducted the study, claims that “women who seek extra-marital affairs usually still love their husbands and are cheating instead of divorcing, because they need more passion.”

“It is very clear that our model of having sex and love with just one other person for life has failed— and it has failed massively,” Anderson tells Time.

As it turns out, Ashlay Madison seems to have commissioned this study to boost its membership numbers - that is, to prove that almost every person in a monogomous relationship is looking to cheat, (and therefore should join their website). But for those who join the site on a strict condition of anonymity because they don’t want their partners to find out, this study is a direct infringement on their right to privacy.

So Ashley Madison is now in a tricky spot. Has it alienated its members, since now they know their emails are no longer strictly confidential, but subject to studies and read by a third party? Perhaps it was in the fine print when they joined the site, as most dating sites collect user information for the purposes of research. But most don’t analyze individual emails being sent back and forth between individual users.

As Time Magazine also points out, because of the nature of the dating site, and the fact that most of its members are being dishonest or lying by the mere fact that they are using the site for an extramarital affair, it calls into question the integrity of the data itself. Who knows what is true and what isn’t in each email? Who can say that anyone on the site is honest in any email they send to another site user?

According to Anderson, his data “included profile information that the women supplied when they signed up for the site (information not made available to other Ashley Madison users),” as well as information other users could see. “We also acquired all private message conversations that [users] had with men on the website for one month,” Anderson told Time.

The results of the study are still somewhat questionable. Anderson claims that in our sexualized culture, married folks could feel as if they are missing out when they are only having sex with one partner.

While this might be true for the users of Ashley Madison, it doesn't mean that it's applicable to the majority of married couples in the U.S.

There are certain codes of conduct we are expected to abide by when it comes to love. We shouldn’t cheat on our partners, and we shouldn’t go after another friend’s boyfriend / girlfriend.

But what happens when you enter into the murky territory of dating your friend’s ex?

Let’s say your friend has moved on, or at least she’s over the break-up and dating again. Does this mean that you can act on those feelings you suppressed while they were dating, harboring a secret crush? After all, he’s not with her anymore. He’s single. That means he could date anybody, even you.

But how would your friend feel?

This is a tough spot to be in, because you want to pursue love. However, if your friend considers you making a move a betrayal, then it’s good to ask yourself how you would feel in her situation.

There are many factors to consider. How long did they date? How recent was the break-up? Did either of them cheat? Were they planning to marry, or was it something less serious?

If the relationship was serious or they were planning to marry, this can be a real shock to your friend. It’s good to consider how your new romance will be perceived, and have a plan of action. It’s not a good idea for your friend to discover that you’re dating her ex by seeing you together holding hands, or gossip from a mutual friend.

Instead, it’s important that you be brave and let her know how you feel and that you’re seeing her ex. It won’t be a comfortable conversation, but you owe it to your friend to be honest and upfront. She will appreciate it more than the humiliation of finding out through someone else. Have some respect for their previous relationship – it goes a long way.

While technically you aren’t doing anything wrong by dating your friend’s ex – he’s a free agent after all – you need to consider the importance of your friendship, too. Is she a person you want to maintain contact with? Will you see her at gatherings of family and friends? If she is upset by your actions, then she might decide that she doesn’t want you in her life. That decision is up to her. Are you willing to let the friendship go?

It’s important to consider what kind of man your new boyfriend is. Will he treat you and his ex with respect? Is he man enough to let his ex know that he’s fallen in love with you? His actions speak loudly, so listen.

If the state of dating in America in 2014 was summed up in one word, it would be "open-minded."

ChristianMingle.com and JDate.com have teamed up for the second year in a row to bring you inside information on what it means to be single and dating in the United States in the 21st century. The second annual State Of Dating In America report explores the ever-evolving public opinion on sex, infidelity, gender roles and other controversial issues. It also delves into the ways mobile technology is affecting and changing societal norms of courtship and relationships.

"In today's modern world there are so many factors contributing to blurred lines and mixed messages when it comes to dating and relationships," says Rachel Sussman, a Marriage and Family Therapist and Licensed Clinical Social Worker who partnered with ChristianMingle and JDate to analyze the findings of their study. "I see clients every day who are struggling with how to navigate muddled waters in a new or long-term relationship, and this study by ChristianMingle and JDate confirms these issues exist across the country."

The big news coming out of those muddled waters this year is that singles are becoming more and more open-minded when it comes to gender roles, dating expectations and infidelity. Singles have accepted that infidelity isn't always a black and white issue. Shades of gray are an inevitable part of being in a relationship:

• 86% of men and 92% of women consider having sex repeatedly with another person to be cheating.
• 82% of women and 56% of men believed sexting or online flirting is infidelity back in 2013. But this year the number of women who believe that flirtatious messages count as stepping out dropped significantly to 86%, while the number for men dropped slightly to 51%.
• In 2014, 90% of women agree that passionately kissing someone else is cheating. In 2013, that number was 100%. Men's opinions reflected women's shifting views: 86% considered passionate kissing cheating in 2013, compared to 75% in 2014.
• Cheating isn't always a dealbreaker. Nearly a quarter of singles say they would consider marrying someone who is unfaithful to them while dating.

Attitudes toward gender roles are also evolving in major ways. Fewer men believe that they should be the primary breadwinner in a relationship, and fewer men believe it's their duty to pick up the tab on a date. We are, apparently, increasingly confused about whether or not we're actually on a date or just hanging out with someone casually, but we're also increasingly open to the idea of dating online.

94% of respondents say online dating expands their dating pool. Two out of three singles know people who've met through online dating. And 85% of singles say they believe online dating is completely socially acceptable.

For more information on the dating sites which conducted the survey you can read our Christian Mingle review and our JDate review.

So just how easy is cheating online for men compared to women? To what abysmal lows will people stoop to steal another person's partner? And how can you uncover a cheater without tumbling down the rabbit hole of morbid, life-consuming paranoia?

Those are the questions asked on Recovery.org, where a brave sole posed as 40 different people on OkCupid to find out how the Internet affects infidelity. Each fictitious dater was married or 'seeing someone,' and their mission was clear: they wanted to cheat. Real photos were used, and the fake profiles were spread across the 5 US cities dubbed the "most unfaithful" by Ashley Madison.

The profiles were divided into four categories: The Brazen Cheats, The Married Maybes, The Recently Taken, The Sincerely Singles. Each category had distinctive characteristics: