Not Getting Enough Attention Online? You Might Be Too Attractive
- Friday, April 11 2014 @ 06:55 am
- Contributed by: ElyseRomano
- Views: 1,423
If you've experimented at all with online dating, odds are you've come across that impossibly perfect profile pic that made you think "Oh great, now I’ll never find a date because this #^@*$ is going to steal them all!”
Not so, says science. Online dating may feel like window shopping for hot people, but it's actually the more unusual looking people who score the most dates. In fact, having some people find you unattractive could work to your advantage.
Hannah Fry, of the YouTube channel Head Squeeze, claims that this seemingly counterintuitive claim makes sense if you take game theory into consideration. Looking at the data, it's definitely not true that good-looking people get the most messages on an online dating website. What's more important than how attractive you are is how much you divide opinion.
Picture two celebrities. The first should be someone, like Halle Berry, who is universally acknowledged to be one of the most attractive people on the planet. The second should be someone, like Sarah Jessica Parker, who tends to be more controversial. If you asked people to rate the attractiveness of both celebrities on a scale of 1 to 5, the majority of people would choose the same number for the first celebrity. For the second celebrity, however, you would likely see a large split between the top end of the scale and the bottom end of the scale. That spread is what's most important on an online dating site.
Online daters are better off dividing opinion like the second celebrity than they are being thought of as objectively attractive like the first celebrity. And that's where game theory comes into play.
Online daters sending messages are probably thinking about their own chances before initiating communication with someone. A user who appears to be objectively attractive will probably receive hundreds of messages from interested suitors, meaning that each individual faces stiff competition. On the other hand, the user whose looks are more controversial means less competition for the suitors who are interested. It's extra incentive for them to get in touch.
Most people, when they set up an online dating profile, go to great lengths to hide the things they think make them unattractive. We leave out certain interests to hide our nerdy sides, or only post face photos to hide the imperfections of our bodies. It seems like a good strategy on the surface, but it's exactly the opposite of what we should be doing in order to have the most success online.
The more you play up what makes you different, even if you think some people might find you unattractive because of it, the more likely you are to attract people who are genuinely into you.

