Tips

Having a happy and fulfilling love life is not only dependent on finding the right person, but also on how you approach your relationships.

Many of us look at a happy couple and think that they got lucky in finding each other. But the truth is, they have cultivated happiness within the relationship, which takes effort from both parties.

Following are some tips to help you cultivate happiness in your own relationships:

Take charge of your own happiness. This is perhaps the simplest concept, but the hardest one to practice. We seek out romantic relationships to fall in love. We want our partners to make us happy, to fulfill our needs. But constantly looking outside yourself for approval, happiness, or fulfillment doesn't work. When you understand what your needs are, how to address them, and feel happy in your own right - then you will fare much better in creating a happy relationship.

Have gratitude. This sounds cliché, especially when you're unhappy, but it is a very powerful tool in creating lasting happiness. Instead of always focusing on what you lack, think of everything you have in your life - family, friends, pets, your home, your job, or whatever else gives you a sense of belonging, peace or fulfillment. Be grateful for what you have now - in the present - instead of dwelling in the past or in the future. Make a list, and read it in the mornings to remind yourself to get in the habit of living in the present moment.

Communicate well. It's easy to tell someone what you want, especially your significant other, but it's not always effective. "I need you to be..." and "why don't you ever..." are not great ways of communicating and feeling heard. Instead, focus on the language and tone of voice you use when you communicate with your partner, and express how you feel instead of criticizing everything you think they're doing wrong. For example, "It makes me feel frustrated when..." It's important to express your feelings, but refrain from criticism and blame.

Don't let your own happiness come second to your partner's. It's important to communicate your feelings if you're upset or unhappy about something instead of always giving in to your significant other's wishes. If you sacrifice your own happiness for that of someone else, you'll feel resentful eventually, and that eats away at the fabric of a good relationship.

Most importantly, understanding your own needs and creating your own happiness - independent of anyone else's - is a path to happier relationships with everyone in your life.

Watching the Olympics is exciting and motivating -after all, who can resist thinking about how much better shape they'll be in if they were to be a little more like these fantastic athletes? Maybe not so toned and chiseled, but there is something inspiring about working towards physical perfection.

But it's not so much about the body as about the mind. Olympic athletes train through dedication, practice, and overcoming their own doubts in order to compete effectively. What can they teach us about dating? A lot, but here are a few basics:

Persistence is key. You'll have good days and bad days no matter what - as well as good and bad dates. The key to success is no matter if you're going through a rough patch, the only way you'll learn, improve your chances, and reach your goals is to keep going. Don't give up just because it gets tough, that's when you have a chance to work even harder to achieve what you want.

Focus on the goal. There are a lot of other people out there, and some seem to get what they want more easily than others. Maybe you feel like all the good guys are taken, or that some women are just lucky. Do you feel jealous and competitive? Instead of focusing on what everyone else seems to have and what you don't have, focus on getting to your own goal. Outline the steps to get there - like signing up for online dating or flirting with that Facebook friend - and start taking them, without worrying about everyone else.

Don't get impatient. Olympic athletes spend years training for a race or a competition that may only last a few seconds. The physical and mental preparation required is the most important part of what they do, no matter how short the race itself is. While it seems unreasonable that you would go out on dozens of dates before meeting someone special, it's really just part of the process to finding someone who's right for you. It prepares you for the right relationship. Have a little patience to get what you really want.

When you fail, you try again. How many Olympic athletes have lost races compared to winning them? While everyone strives for the gold medal, not everyone can win at the same time. If they lose one race, they have a shot to win another, and it's the same with love. Don't give up because you've been hurt by someone or you can't find anyone worth dating right now. When you're feeling down, recognize that you will have more love in your life - as long as you're willing to give it a chance.

Sometimes there's nothing more frustrating than listening to your friends give you advice about dating. Especially if they are happily married or in relationships. You might be thinking, "you haven't dated in ten years - what do you know?" But we still like to discuss our relationships with friends - we want support, and to be heard when we're feeling let down or confused. Friends are a great support system in this way. But while they might have your best interest at heart, they don't always have all the right answers.

While some advice is good to hear, some just doesn't work or ring true. My rule of thumb? Always follow your gut - you know what's best for you, but sometimes your friends can see you a bit more clearly than you are willing to admit, so keep an open mind. Following are some tips to help guide you through the sea of dating advice:

Filter out the negative. If your friends tend to wax negative about your dating habits, it's time to start asking other people. Sure, there are always things you can change and goals to strive towards, but if your friends are constantly telling you why it won't work out: "oh, you'll never date someone who wants to settle down," or "she just wants you for your money," or even "all men are flaky like that," then you may want to ask someone else.

Know whether or not your friends are in happy, healthy relationships. Sometimes those who give advice aren't necessarily living by it themselves. If your friend is happily in a relationship, then consider his opinion, because he's have found a way to navigate the rough stuff, too. If he's perpetually single or in an unhappy relationship, he may not be the best source of advice on what works well for you.

They sugarcoat their responses. Many of my girlfriends (and myself included) like to reassure each other when we're dating. If there was a man I dated who suddenly dropped out of the picture - no more texts or phone calls - they would tell me he just got busy with work or he was traveling. The truth was, he just wasn't that into me, but sometimes friends don't want to tell you things that you don't want to hear.

Be willing to change. Sometimes the truth can hurt if it rings true. Have you been dating the same way for years? Have you become frustrated because you're meeting the same types of people who eventually disappoint? If your friends see a pattern, then it's worth looking into. Since you can't change your dates, it's a good idea to see what you can change about how you approach dating.

When you're dating, there is a lot of ambiguity, because people approach it in different ways.

Let me explain. I was having lunch with a friend who's in his twenties, and he has been very happily dating someone for the past few months. But they haven't had any talks of being exclusive, and frankly, he doesn't want to because he's not looking to have a girlfriend anytime soon. When I asked him about her, he said, "just because we're seeing each other doesn't mean I'll stop dating other women." He'd already met another woman that he really clicked with, and they made plans for the following night.

So I have to ask - is my friend correct? Is it fine for you to date people indefinitely without calling them "girlfriend" or "boyfriend" because you're not exclusive (or not intending to be)? Or is there something wrong with this attitude?

I decided this topic needed some discussion, because there is so much confusion surrounding when to have a conversation about being exclusive. It seems almost like the kiss of death for relationships.

There's nothing wrong with "playing the field" when you're dating, provided that you treat your dates with respect. And just because you have more of a player perspective don't expect all of your dates to jump on board.

Following are a few rules if you're dating multiple people at once, to keep you and your dates from misunderstanding each other:

State your intentions. If you have no intention to get serious with one person, or you don't want to date exclusively, then you better say so from the start. There's nothing worse than finding out after a dozen dates that your guy has also been seeing three other women. Just be upfront about your motives.

Don't tease. If you like to flatter a woman with compliments or tell her she's special, this isn't a good practice if you're dating several women at once. Lay off the romantic talk unless you're willing to put your heart where your mouth is. (And don't do this just to get her to sleep with you - have more class than that.)

Have a timeframe. Don't date a man for six months without having "the talk" about exclusivity or boundaries. This shows you to be immature and a bit of a user, waiting for someone better to come along. If you aren't interested in being in a relationship after a few months of dating or you're unsure, then let him know so he can decide to whether or not to move on.

And for those of you who are dating and want to start a relationship:

Don't expect exclusivity. Just because you've had four amazing dates with the man of your dreams and are fantasizing about your future together, don't assume he feels the same. Chemistry is a powerful force, but don't let it guide you into dropping all of your online dating memberships because you've finally found "the one." Keep dating others, until you both are ready and willing to have a conversation about exclusivity. He is probably doing the same.

Relationships can be hard to navigate, especially friendships between men and women. While it's possible to be platonic, more often there's a Harry and Sally scenario, where one or the other is secretly harboring a crush.

While Hollywood likes neat happy endings when it comes to friendship that ends in love, that's not usually the case in real life. It's hard to put yourself out there when you could get rejected. And it's difficult to express your true feelings because you don't want to jeopardize the friendship. But still, what if your attraction keeps growing and you wonder if she feels the same? This can cause all kinds of self-doubt and complications to your friendship.

If you're wondering whether or not to make a move on your gal pal, following are some questions to take into consideration to see if you have a real shot at love:

Does she avoid physical contact? If a woman is interested/ attracted, she likes to feel connected through small physical gestures, like touching your arm or sitting close enough so your legs touch. If she's going out of her way to not make any physical contact with you, chances are she doesn't see your friendship as anything more than that - friendship.

Does she tell you about her dates? Whether she comes crying to you after every bad date, or likes to tell you about her latest crush or even ask advice about what a date might be thinking, she's looking at you as a friend. When someone is interested in you, they don't talk about their dates.

Does she invite her other friends along? You've asked her out to dinner or for drinks, and inevitably she brings along a couple of friends to join you. If she's avoiding going out alone with you, chances are she's drawing boundaries so that you know she only thinks of you as a friend.

Does she avoid intimate conversations? She likes to keep things light. Every time you want to bring up the subject of your attraction, she makes an excuse and changes the subject, or leaves to make a phone call. Whatever the excuse is, she doesn't want to have the conversation because she doesn't want to risk hurting you.

Regardless of the tactics, pay attention to what her actions and body language are telling you. Some people flirt, but this isn't an indication that she's interested and you should make a move. But if you want to know once and for all where she stands and you're willing to risk the friendship, then go for it and tell her. Honesty is a great policy when it comes to any relationship - just be prepared that things might not go as you'd like. But she also might surprise you.

Sometimes, dating can be an exercise in learning patience. Some dates are better than others, but have you ever stopped to think about a bad date, and what might have gone wrong? Maybe you ended up fighting, or criticizing each other over your choices or preferences. If it happens often, you may wonder why you're meeting such jerks.

Sure, it's easy to blame the other person - you can come across people who are dishonest, rude, critical, or otherwise unappealing to you when you're dating. But in every exchange, you also play a role. Is there something you could have said or done differently?

I'm not advocating giving someone a chance who you clearly didn't get along with, but I do think it's a good idea to assess yourself and your own behaviors if you find repeating patterns, like antagonistic dates.

Following are some questions to ask yourself:

Do you tend to find fault with your dates? Maybe the date started off well enough, but then you started observing his lack of manners, or the way he interrupts you, or a million other things he could have done wrong. Instead of keeping a mental count of all of his transgressions, try easing up and going with the flow. If you let go some of your judgments, you'll be in a better place to enjoy the date rather than building up frustration.

Do you find reasons it won't work? Maybe you've been hurt before and are looking for reasons why any new relationship won't work. If you pick fights with your dates or look for problems, you won't get anywhere. Having an armor while you look for love is a self-defeating process. Vulnerability is eventually required for any intimacy to happen.

Do you jump to conclusions? Perhaps you're expecting your dates to criticize you or do something wrong. If they say something that doesn't agree with you, or make an off-handed comment, or get flustered, do you go immediately on the offensive? Instead, take a step back and give them the benefit of the doubt - dates can be nerve-wracking and not everyone deals well with nerves. Get to know him first before making assumptions.

Wondering how to stop? Try these steps:

Recognize your defensiveness, triggers. If you know that discussions of politics or questions about your family or recent divorce usually send you into a tailspin, avoid it in the beginning. Know what your triggers are.

Pay attention to your body language. Body language communicates more than we realize - it allows us to draw conclusions about someone regardless of what they say. For instance, do you tense up when you're nervous or upset? Do you avoid eye contact? Do you clench your fists? These gestures convey a sense of discomfort and defensiveness on dates. Understand your body's cues - then unclench and take a few deep breaths to gather yourself so you remain calm and don't just react.

Think about the other person's perspective. It's not all about you, especially when it comes to relationships. Put yourself in the other person's shoes. Would you tolerate your behavior or judgment if you were him? Is there something you could do differently?

Not all dates are going to be great. But taking these steps ensures that you're giving the process your best shot. There's no room for blame in dating.