Tips

Getting to know someone online is a pretty common occurrence now, thanks to the popularity of Internet dating sites. Who doesn't feel a rush of excitement about more messages in your Inbox, or more matches waiting to meet you? And when you hit it off with someone over email or chats, then it's easy to keep up the virtual flirtations. But what does it mean for your real life?

Many people make the mistake of engaging too long in email exchanges, messaging, and even Skype chats before they actually meet each other in person. There's a certain degree of distance when you're interacting online, so don't just assume that because you have witty online banter that you'll click in person. More often than not, this isn't the case.

For example, let's say you've been emailing one of your matches for over a month. In fact, you've hit it off so well, you've started texting each other every day, telling each other jokes and gushing about how excited you are to find someone so great. You've grown really attracted to him, even though you've never actually met. But you've built this image of him in your head - who you want him to be. By the time you agree to meet, he seems awkward and surly, far from the fun and interesting guy you knew so well online. You're not connecting at all. In fact, you just want to duck out of the nearest exit. How could you have been so wrong about him? And worse, how could you have let yourself get so emotionally invested before you even met?

Instead of asking yourself why it didn't work out, take some steps to improve your chances of success in the future.

Meet sooner. There's no reason to spend a month emailing an online match. Most online daters meet and date several people at once, so things move fast. Instead of trying to get to know someone virtually before you agree to a date, try making plans to meet for coffee right away (within a week of emailing each other). There's only one way to tell if you click with someone - and that's in person.

Don't assume anything. How many of your friends who have online dated complained about someone posting an old photo or fudging their age or height? Online dating isn't a perfect science, and many people aren't completely honest in their pursuit of love. There's only one way to know if he looks as good in the photos as you think, or if he really is interested in a relationship. You have to meet him in person first.

Move on. Your virtual heart is broken, but it's not the end of the world. After all, you didn't really know him - you just thought you did. The next time, don't let yourself get caught up in the digital whirlwind of emotions - real life is the one that matters.

Are the women you're meeting through your online dating sites not exactly relationship material? If you're dating and not finding what you want, it could be that you're missing some signs that the women you choose aren't right for you. Likely, either they aren't being honest or you both have different goals.

Following are five signs that the woman you're considering dating might not be a good fit.

Missing photos. If a woman doesn't upload pictures to her profile, then she might be trying to hide something (like another relationship), or it might even be a fake profile. If you've been requesting pictures and she keeps dodging the question, or sends you a glamour shot only through email (without actually posting), then chances are you're being led astray. Consider women who are more upfront about who they are.

Lists of what she doesn't want. If a woman has a laundry list of what she does and doesn't want in a man ("no cheaters/ liars/ players/ manipulators/ addicts etc."), then she likely hasn't gotten over the last man who treated her badly. She's basically screaming that she's not ready for a relationship and she's not going to trust you. Steer clear.

Wide age ranges. If a twenty-something woman is looking for guys in their forties or fifties, this is a sign that she's likely not ready for a serious relationship. Many young women test the waters, and it could be if she prefers to date older men that she's looking for a sugar daddy - someone to take care of her financially and/or emotionally. I'm all for expanding those filters and trying to date a wider range of people, but if she's actively looking for dates who are that much older, likely there's something else at play than just normal attraction.

Flakiness. Many women who online date get more emails from men than they respond to - this is normal. But let's say you've been emailing a woman back and forth or both of you expressed interest in meeting, but then she suddenly disappears or she constantly makes excuses and cancels plans at the last minute. This is not considerate behavior, and likely she's not all that interested or she's too busy to make dating a priority in her life. Either way, you don't want to wait around until she has some free time to meet you. Cut your losses and move on.

Unrealistic expectations. If a woman dares you in her profile to "act like a real man" or is looking for "someone to sweep her off her feet," then watch out. Likely she has some unrealistic expectations about who she wants, and will often be critical or judgmental on a date. We are all human, and we all have faults. It's important to start a date with more of an open mind, so there's a chance for a real connection to be made.

Nervous about a first date? That's understandable. You're meeting for the first time, and you want to make a good impression. But there's no need to drive yourself crazy over all the mistakes you (or your date) could make.

Instead, there are a surprisingly few simple guidelines to remember that will help you more than you realize - and they all have to do with good manners, which are often overlooked. If you pay attention to these, everything else will fall into place - and those mistakes won't matter so much to your date.

Don't be late. There's nothing "fashionable" about being late for a date, especially if you're meeting for the first time. Everyone's time is valuable, so it shows respect for the other person if you're punctual. Traffic jams might be outside of your control, but you should let your date know if you are running late with a text or call. It's a simple gesture that makes a huge difference.

Leave your phone out of it. I know it's difficult to put your phone in your purse or turn it off for the evening, especially if work is looming, but do it. Nobody wants to stare at a date's phone on the table between you, even if it isn't ringing. And texting or Tweeting during a date? Don't even think about it. Your date deserves your undivided attention.

No messy foods. Did you want to look great before you met your date? Chances are you got at least a little dressed up or put on make-up, so the last thing you want to do is go for some greasy chicken wings that get all over your clothes, hands and mouths. Sounds sexy, right? Not so much. Don't go for messy finger foods - keep it clean.

Don't control the conversation. This is basic dating 101. Your date wants to feel special and understood. There's no need to rattle off your impressive accomplishments or engage her in stories about you. Instead, ask questions about her. This is a date after all, not a business meeting with a client. You're looking to connect.

Don't pass judgment. Dating isn't easy. We're all trying to impress, or at least to get through the night without doing something embarrassing. It might take a few dates for someone to really feel comfortable, so if they seem nervous at first, give them the benefit of the doubt. Try date number two and three and then see if you're feeling it. You'd want the same consideration in return, right?

Spring is the time for rebirth. Ice melts, flowers bloom, and we can feel a change in the air. It's the perfect time to start going through those closets and tossing out the things you no longer need. Spring helps us get rid of the heavy loads were carrying around the past year, making us lighter.

This spring, I'm asking all of you online daters to clean up your profiles like you've cleaned out those closets. There's no better feeling than giving your dating life a little recharge, especially if you're looking for a relationship. A lighter mental load and positive energy is always attractive.

I've put together some steps for you to take to make the process easy on yourself. So set aside a little time and see if you don't notice a change in your responses and matches:

Gather a friend or two. There's nothing like asking for a little help when you have to write something about yourself. Your friends know you best - they will help you shine and will help you to be more honest. Ask them to describe you, and see if it matches what you'd say about yourself. If it's a positive you didn't know you had, then add it to your profile!

Replace those pictures. There's nothing quicker and easier to upgrading an online profile than just adding new pictures. If matches see the same ones week after week, they will pass you over for the "newer" candidates. Swapping out pictures helps keep you fresh on the radar.

Ditch those lists. Does your profile read like your perfect-partner-must-have list? Delete it, and start again. Nobody wants to read a long list of what you want when they don't even know you. Think about how much you would actually share on a first date, and use it as your guideline. You don't want people to get the wrong idea (high maintenance) before they've even met you.

Bring out YOU. Most matches don't care if you like going out to restaurants or watching action movies. Yawn. Instead of listing your activities or interests on your profile like it's a resume, try painting a picture for them instead. Example: I love waking up Saturday mornings and walking to Groundworks for a steaming cup of espresso. I take my yellow lab along with me so we can stop and play catch at the dog park for a bit before grabbing fish tacos at Papa Juan's, my favorite food truck. Then I grab my bike and hit the trails - a perfect Saturday. Even better example, your perfect date: We'd go kayaking on Saturday afternoon around the Marina and watch the seals, then stop for a bite to eat looking out at the water at Tony P's. Then we'd go for a walk along the harbor under the moonlight, and see what comes next.

Have you joined an online dating site but given it up because you're just too busy and haven't met anyone worthwhile? If so, it's a good idea to ask yourself a few questions - like how many matches did you reach out to via email, or how many coffee dates did you set up each week? Or more importantly, how much time did you spend putting together your profile or taking good pictures to post? If the answer is not enough, then you're not putting your online dating site to the best use. It's merely a tool to help you - but you still have to do the work to be successful.

Like a relationship, joining an online dating site is a commitment. You can't expect to get good results if you go for days or weeks without checking your matches or responding to emails. Likewise, an incomplete profile isn't going to attract people to you. I should also add - if your life is hectic and you find you have no time in the evenings to pursue your love life, then how can you expect to cultivate one? But putting that aside for a moment, let's take a look at how you could make better use of the time you do have for online dating.

Check the site during short work breaks. If you feel tied to your work desk all day, even during lunch, then give yourself permission to take a ten-minute break three times a day to check your matches, return emails, and set up coffee dates. While it's not as thorough as spending thirty minutes or an hour scrolling through profiles, at least it's a good way to stay on top of communication and lets others know that you are active on the site.

Post new pictures often. Maybe you don't have time to rewrite your profile every few weeks or to write a good email, but you do have time to post a new picture of yourself on your profile page. Sometimes small changes like that put your profile at the top of the list, giving you more exposure to potential matches.

Keep the first date short. Some people like to meet for coffee for a first date, instead of a long evening of drinks or dinner. If you meet during your lunch hour or during the day on the weekend, you can schedule it between meetings or errands, maximizing your free time. Schedule more dates to meet, but make them shorter so you can meet more of your matches, even when your schedule is busy.

We're all busy, but some have more going on in their lives than others. I recommend keeping more of a balance between your career and personal life, and making more time for meeting potential dates. If you show yourself and your dates that your personal life is important, then you'll have an easier time finding a great relationship.

There's a lot of debate about who pays for what when it comes to dating. Early on in a relationship, no ground rules have been set, so whether or not you offer to pay, split the bill, or sit back in your chair and wait for your date to grab the bill, is up to you. Unfortunately, many people have expectations when it comes to dating and who foots the bill. So it's important to understand you could be hurting your chances by trying to save some money.

The economy is still slow, so many daters understand that most people can't afford expensive dinners out or to be treated all the time. There has to be reciprocity when it comes to dating, especially in the beginning when you're seeing what each other is all about.

That said, if you try to save a few bucks by using coupons or by itemizing everything you and your date consumed instead of just splitting the bill in half or making more affordable choices about where to dine, you're going to look cheap.

Following are some general rules for when and how to pick up the tab:

Whoever asks, pays. There aren't really traditional male and female roles anymore when it comes to dating. While some people are old school and expect a man to open up doors and pay for everything, this is no longer the norm. Instead, the new rule of thumb is - if you ask him out, you pay for the date, whether you're male or female. Don't expect princess treatment, ladies. We are equals in the dating world, but that doesn't mean things aren't romantic anymore. Romance is in the gestures and the planning, not in the tab.

Know your budget. While it might be nice to try to impress someone by taking him or her to the hottest club or the most expensive trendy restaurant, if it's going to set you back a couple of paychecks, is it worth it? No - because you don't want your date to get the wrong impression of you. Instead of trying to impress with cash, try using a little creativity. A small gesture such as planning a thoughtful night having a picnic under the stars can be a lot more romantic.

Tip please! Just because you picked up the dinner tab doesn't mean you should skimp on all the people who served you. Please tip the waiter at least fifteen percent, as well as the valet if you used one. Be fair - it makes a big impression on your date if you refuse to pay for the little things.

Reciprocity is sexy. It's great when your date pays for everything, but it's also nice for you to offer to pick up the tab or plan something special every so often. Dating isn't one-sided. When you're both putting effort into it, then you're building something special.