Falling into a Virtual Relationship

Getting to know someone online is a pretty common occurrence now, thanks to the popularity of Internet dating sites. Who doesn't feel a rush of excitement about more messages in your Inbox, or more matches waiting to meet you? And when you hit it off with someone over email or chats, then it's easy to keep up the virtual flirtations. But what does it mean for your real life?

Many people make the mistake of engaging too long in email exchanges, messaging, and even Skype chats before they actually meet each other in person. There's a certain degree of distance when you're interacting online, so don't just assume that because you have witty online banter that you'll click in person. More often than not, this isn't the case.

For example, let's say you've been emailing one of your matches for over a month. In fact, you've hit it off so well, you've started texting each other every day, telling each other jokes and gushing about how excited you are to find someone so great. You've grown really attracted to him, even though you've never actually met. But you've built this image of him in your head - who you want him to be. By the time you agree to meet, he seems awkward and surly, far from the fun and interesting guy you knew so well online. You're not connecting at all. In fact, you just want to duck out of the nearest exit. How could you have been so wrong about him? And worse, how could you have let yourself get so emotionally invested before you even met?

Instead of asking yourself why it didn't work out, take some steps to improve your chances of success in the future.

Meet sooner. There's no reason to spend a month emailing an online match. Most online daters meet and date several people at once, so things move fast. Instead of trying to get to know someone virtually before you agree to a date, try making plans to meet for coffee right away (within a week of emailing each other). There's only one way to tell if you click with someone - and that's in person.

Don't assume anything. How many of your friends who have online dated complained about someone posting an old photo or fudging their age or height? Online dating isn't a perfect science, and many people aren't completely honest in their pursuit of love. There's only one way to know if he looks as good in the photos as you think, or if he really is interested in a relationship. You have to meet him in person first.

Move on. Your virtual heart is broken, but it's not the end of the world. After all, you didn't really know him - you just thought you did. The next time, don't let yourself get caught up in the digital whirlwind of emotions - real life is the one that matters.