Tips

Divorce does not mean being sentenced to singlehood forever.

Sure, there will be a period when you feel..well...less than stellar about the entire experience. But that's ok. When you come out the other side, the world looks just as rosy as it did before. It might even look a little bit rosier - once you've hit bottom, the only way is up! The end of a bad relationship means that a better relationship is waiting to take its place.

The key to finding that better relationship is to be in an open, receptive state of mind. Negativity breeds negativity, but positivity draws more positivity into your life. After a divorce, it's important to reflect on the good things about your post-split life. Like...

• Freedom. You can now do whatever you want to do and be whoever you want to be. There is no fear of judgment, anger, nagging, or reprisals. Enjoy the rare opportunity to think of no one but yourself. Who do you really want to be?
• Confidence. A bad relationship can be incredibly destructive to your self-esteem, and a split can make it even worse. Use singlehood to get your confidence back, and boost it higher than it was before. You'll come out of your divorce the happiest, most attractive person you have ever been.
• The silly things. Do you want to have ice cream for dinner? Do it. Do you want to spend a weekend marathoning every episode of a trashy reality show? Savor every second of it without fear of what someone else will think. Do you want to wear the same pair of underwear for a week? Well...that's kinda gross, but there's nothing stopping you.
• Making peace. Some prefer the clean break. Others prefer to remain friends with their exes, and you may even find that your relationship as friends is better than it was as a couple. Closure, peace, and friendship...what could be better than that combination?
• Strength. Be proud of what you have endured and overcome. Revel in your strength and capacity for growth. Acknowledge the incredible power that comes with knowing you are independent and happy.

And, most importantly...

• The future. Just because one relationship didn't work out, doesn't mean that another one won't. Ending a relationship that isn't working for you means opening yourself up to a relationship that will. Now that you've moved on from an unhealthy situation, you can find the love you really want and deserve.

When it comes to online dating, you only get one chance to make a good virtual first impression. Members scroll through matches at a pretty rapid pace, so it's important to make yourself stand out from the crowd. (But not in a bad way!)

Pictures are important, but equally as important - and often completely overlooked or discounted - is the impression you make with your username. A great username captures attention, is memorable, and reflects who you are, at least in some way. But too often, we are afraid to be too creative or we want to pretend to be something we're not, so the username is the first to suffer the consequences.

If you're looking for a good username but are a little stuck creatively, don't worry. Use these guidelines and you'll come up with something great:

Don't go generic. While Carl1021 may not be taken, it's also not likely to create a lasting impression. Using your real name is fine, but instead of adding numbers (in this case, a birth date) that can be easily forgotten or transposed (Carl2010?), try something a little more creative. "VeganChefCarl" is much more likely to get you noticed. Try something that plays to your personality instead.

Refrain from alluding to sex. I'm not sure why this is, but many men on online dating sites make vague references (or in some cases, very explicit) to sex or sexual preferences. Please don't do this - these are women you don't know and your friend can't vouch for you to total strangers. Besides, it makes you really unattractive. "KeepYouUpAllNight" is probably not the best way to go. Have a little class.

Don't brag. It's nice to be confident, but you'll come across as arrogant if you turn your username into a selling tool. "BillionaireEntrepreneur" isn't going to win you any fans, and neither is "AbsOfSteelStan." Stick to more realistic (and less arrogant) descriptions. Don't brag about looks or income.

Tie it in with a picture. I advise people to always include an "active" photo - one that shows you doing something, instead of just smiling at the camera. Do you play guitar? Rock climb? Sail or kayak? Think about what it is you love to do, and convey this in your profile with both pictures and words. Then choose your username as a tie-in, (i.e. "DenverMountainBiker"). This helps create a distinct impression for those flipping through profiles.

Keep it real, not romantic. While I'm sure every girl at some point wants her "KnightInShiningArmor" to come along, don't advertise yourself this way. "YourDreamMan" isn't so hot, either. Let us women have the romantic ideas, and you stick to who you are. Don't try to sell us with how wonderful you'd be in a relationship, especially when you're advertising it to thousands of other women. Woo us individually, and choose another username.

You and your spouse have split up. You took some time to yourself, and now you're ready to dip your toe back into the dating pool. Maybe you even have someone special in mind.

But you're nervous. It's been a long time since you last played the dating game, and you're worried you might have forgotten some of the rules. It's ok if you feel a little out of your depth right now. You aren't the first person to have to navigate dating after divorce, and you certainly won't be the last.

What you need is a refresher course, a few short lessons on the dos and don'ts of dating to get you back on your feet. Let's start with the don'ts:

1. Don't be afraid of judgment. Are you that person who orders a salad for dinner because you're afraid of what your date will think if you order the steak? Order that steak and stop worrying about it. If a steak-eater is who you really are, that's the person your date should meet. It doesn't do either of you any good to pretend to be someone you're not.
2. Don't stay glued to your smartphone. Emergency calls get a pass, but all other communication can wait. What good is a date if you spend half of it texting your friends and the other half live tweeting about the date's progress? Put the phone away or don't bother leaving home in the first place.
3. Don't get lost in the past. You will be tempted to compare your date to your ex. Resist the temptation. Leave the past in the past, and focus on the exciting future that could be in front of you.
4. And speaking of exes...don't make them the main topic of your dinner conversation. You're moving on, so sound like you're actually ready to do so. Nothing says "needy," "unstable," or "not over the past" like rambling on and on about your ex. There may be things that need to be said about your previous relationships, but the first date is not the time to say them. Save those conversations for later on.
5. Don't rush. You may still be feeling vulnerable at this point. You may find yourself longing to be in a relationship again, and that may make you take steps you're not yet ready to take. There's no hurry. Don't enter a first date expecting anything more than an entertaining evening. The future can wait.\

And most importantly...don't be too hard on yourself. It will all fall into place if you stay focused on learning about yourself, meeting new people, and having fun.

One of the issues that causes the most anxiety for singles, especially on first dates, is silence. You don't know the person, and you don't have any shared history to reflect on. So what can you talk about? What can you ask to get to know them without interrogating or offending? And what if they don't laugh at your jokes? Trying to connect with someone face-to-face isn't so easy.

It's stressful to think of clever things to say for a full thirty minutes (or more if it isn't a coffee date). If you're ever at a loss for words, you're not alone. The good thing is, your date is probably thinking about what to say, too.

Instead of feeling stressed, following are some tips to help you with conversation on your next date.

Choose an active date. First dates can be nerve-wracking, and it doubles the pressure to sit across from a virtual stranger, trying to be entertaining. Instead of meeting for coffee or drinks, try something active. Walk your dogs together in the park. Go roller skating. Go on a hike. You get the picture - doing something together (as opposed to just sitting) helps move the conversation along, and releases pent-up energy from nerves.

Ask about a passion. Does your date love sailing, or writing, or fixing bikes? Aside from work, most people have passions - hobbies or interests that they pursue just because they love doing them. When you tap into someone's passion, you can see what motivates them, which is always attractive.

Talk about travel. Travel figures prominently into many people's interests and history, whether they moved around a lot as children, or they take trips to Vegas every year, or they've scoured the globe scuba diving. Ask about his/her favorite trip, or where she/ he would like to go next, and why.

Share stories. Even if you're not a storyteller, everyone has a memory of the most embarrassing thing to happen to them, the bravest thing they've ever done, or the best birthday they ever had. Ask about one of these intimate moments, or share your own, and you'll get your date reflecting and sharing.

Avoid getting too personal. Don't talk about your ex or ask your date about hers. Same thing with oversharing. Your date doesn't need to know that your brother and Mom haven't spoken for fifteen years. Nor does she need to know that you never thought you'd be online dating because you thought you'd have a girlfriend by now. Some things can wait until you've built a level of trust.

Remember, dating is a process of getting to know someone, so relax and don't be afraid of silence.

When you're online dating, rejection is something that comes with the territory. It happens to everyone, so you shouldn't feel singled out when it happens to you.

Unfortunately, rejection is also something that can embitter a dater, especially if there's no real reason matches are turning down emails or requests to meet in person. The experience of potential love interests saying "no thanks" or not responding at all to overtures could make anyone feel a little negative about the whole online dating process and drop out altogether.

While most of the time there is no single reason for rejection, it can still be hurtful enough to cause you to question yourself. After all, you felt attracted to someone. But then she disappeared or stopped emailing you, out of the blue. Or maybe she told you she wasn't interested when you didn't expect it.

Before you start to feel down, follow these tips to get you past the rejection and back into dating:

Don't overanalyze. Most online daters move from one person to the next very quickly, so it's pointless to analyze everything you did or said to try and figure out why she didn't choose you. Most also date multiple matches at a time. Likely she was dating other people and felt more connected or attracted to someone else. That doesn't mean you did anything wrong.

Mix it up. If you find that you are dating the same type of women and it's not working out, then try something new. Maybe you are being too restrictive with filters, ruling out anyone five years older or more than ten miles away from you. Or maybe you only want to date waitresses or flight attendants. Either way, you're severely limiting your options. Expand a little and see if you don't get more dates and less rejection.

Don't let it derail you. Dating success is directly affected by attitude. Are you attracted to someone who complains about past dates and relationships, or who stereotypes all men or all women? Not likely. So try not to get bogged down by the whole process and make negative associations. People come and go very quickly online, so it's important to move forward.

Engage with more people. If you send out only 10 emails to potential dates and wait to hear back, then how are you going to get anywhere? Online dating is a numbers game, and most people are cruising the new faces they see online. Send out 30 or 40 emails instead. Keep checking your account and reaching out to more people every day, and see if your chances don't improve.

Conveying who you are and what you want in an online dating profile can be a difficult process. You don't want to be too wordy or women won't read it. And you don't want to reveal too little or else there's nothing that can spark a good conversation. So where's a good middle ground? How do you begin?

The best thing you can do to have a successful online dating experience is to avoid a few clichés that really turn off women. This will help get you more responses than anything else, even if you aren't exactly Casanova.

Avoid the following turn-offs for women and you'll be off to a great start:

A photo with your car (or boat, or beach house). You get the picture. If you have to post pictures of yourself with your favorite and expensive toys or possessions, it's a way of bragging about yourself, and it doesn't come across well. Women don't care about your expensive car. It won't make them eager to respond to your email, trust me. They care about whether or not they feel attracted to you.

"If you want to know more, just email me." There's nothing worse than looking at a profile with only a few short sentences about what you're like. Say something that draws a woman in, otherwise there's nothing she has to strike up a conversation. And saying that she has to reach out to you just to get your basic profile information? This is enough to make her skip you and go to the next profile.

Photos with friends, or that cover you up. If you're posting photos of you in baseball caps and sunglasses, she's going to have a hard time figuring out what you look like. Ditto for group pictures - how does she know which one is you? Instead of being sly and trying to hide things you don't want her to see (like your big ears or your balding head), be upfront. Show off your good features, like a nice smile. It's better to be honest than have to explain you weren't the guy she thought she'd be meeting.

Shirtless anything. Sigh. If there's one thing that men keep doing on dating websites hoping that women will swoon, it's posting those shirtless photos. We get it - you work out, and you're proud of those pecs, or abs, or biceps. But seriously, save it for when you meet us in person. Otherwise it's just more bragging (to a lot of other women), which is so unattractive.

Sexy clichés. While we love getting emails that say "hey sexy" in the subject line, we know you've sent them out to another 300 women, so don't bother. Instead of trying to woo us with sexy clichés, try picking out something specific from our profiles to talk about, like a recent trip to Baja or a sailing expedition. A little creativity goes a long way.