Tips

Want to break away from the traditional coffee date? After an endless number of caffeinated meet-ups I don't blame you. Coffee dates are easy to arrange and you can leave quickly if it's not going well, but they can also feel forced. How witty can you be when you have half an hour to charm someone? The pressure for conversation and interesting stories can be high. This means that you and your date probably won't get a real sense of each other over one cup of coffee.

So why not try something else for a change, even if it takes a little more time? Think of things you like to do on a regular basis so you can spend time doing something you'd do alone anyway. Usually active dates are more engaging, because you aren't sitting across from each other thinking of things to talk about. You're doing something together, which feels much less pressured.

Following are some alternatives to the coffee date:

Walk your dogs together. Do you both have dogs, or perhaps just one of you? Then dog walking in a local park is an excellent way to get to know each other and get your pooch a little exercise in the meantime. Dogs are great ice breakers.

Indoor rock climbing. If you're both the adventurous type, then rock climbing is a good first date for you. Even if you don't live near a mountain, there are plenty of indoor options no matter the weather. Check your local athletic stores like REI and see where the best places to go might be.

Go for a run. Maybe it's not working out at your gym, but as long as the weather is nice and maybe a little cool in the evening, why not get together for a run? This is a great date for those of you who enjoy dating other outdoor/ athletic types. Plus, you don't have to worry about dressing up in heels.

Explore like a kid again. When was the last time you visited your local aquarium, or the zoo, or even played miniature golf? Some of those activities we really enjoyed as kids don't seem sophisticated enough for a first date, but often they help both of you to let your guards down and enjoy the moment. So give them another try.

Art galleries. Not into breaking a sweat on your first date? I love quirky little streets with boutique shops, galleries, and markets. Are you familiar with the city you live in and all of its unique neighborhoods? Search your local paper for exhibit openings. Sometimes they will offer receptions as well if it's opening night. Exploring galleries is a fun and creative way to spend a first date - and it's better than sharing cups of coffee.

What is your usual Friday or Saturday night routine? Do you prefer going out with your girlfriends to a downtown bar or club? I have to admit, it was fun to hang out with my friends when I was single. We would laugh, swap stories, drink cocktails, and I felt like I was part of something cool, that my life was like a less expensive version of Sex and the City. Except for some reason, most guys didn't approach us.

Sometimes there were a few brave souls in my group who would venture over to strike up a conversation with a man and his friends at the bar, inviting them to come join us or swapping numbers or Facebook names with their mobiles. But most of the time, we sat in our little circle, looking around at the crowd and wondering who would approach.

This was not an effective way of meeting men, obviously. I never thought about how intimidating it might be for a single guy to approach a woman with her friends surrounding her. Friends can be a ruthless, judgmental bunch. Who would want to deal with that?

I learned over time that the most effective way to meet men when you're out with the girls is to make yourself more approachable. Following are a few tips on how to do this.

Separate yourself from the pack. I'm not saying you should ditch your friends, but it's a good idea to wean yourself away so you're not always in a huddle together. Go up to the bar by yourself and order a drink. Take a walk around the club by yourself. More men will be open to approaching you and striking up a conversation when you're alone as opposed to with your friends. It just makes things easier.

Put your phone down. Your phone acts as a friend when you're out, as well as a security blanket. Don't let it. Instead of checking your Facebook or Twitter accounts or texting your friends who are out doing other things, try putting your phone away in a pocket or purse. Think about it: would you approach someone whose face was buried in his phone? Probably not.

Make eye contact. This one is so important. Men look for signals to approach, and the number one signal that gives them the okay is eye contact. If you look away when they catch your eye, or turn back to your group of friends, it lets him know you're not interested. So if you are, meet his gaze. Give him a smile. Show him that it is okay to approach you. Or better yet, go up and talk to him.

Building a relationship isn't as easy as it seems. It's wonderful to fall in love, to form a connection with someone. But eventually life brings some hardship and you might find yourself butting heads, arguing, and noticing every little annoying thing that your partner does. Because we're all human, we're also capable of making mistakes and not meeting our partner's expectations all the time.

Unfortunately, we don't always know how to communicate what we want or need to each other. So instead of talking things through, we might get defensive or critical and try to get the last word in rather than listening and reaching a compromise. Or sometimes, we might just give in to our partners and build up resentment over time. Neither situation is ideal.

So what is the best way to have your needs met while making sure your partner is satisfied, too? It all comes down to communication, which is almost an art form, especially in relationships. It's important to remember that you might have different opinions or expectations, and both are valid. Ignoring the needs of your partner or yourself won't serve the end purpose of satisfying both of you.

Following are some steps to take to effectively compromise, rather than compete:

Respect each other. If you don't respect your partner's needs and feelings then you aren't starting on a level playing field. Even if you disagree, there is value to how both of you feel. Acknowledge what you mean to each other. Reinforce your love and partnership, your willingness to keep an open mind.

Listen. There's nothing more important than listening to each other and keeping an open mind. When you fall into old patterns, assuming your partner will only react one way, you're limiting your options and outcomes. Instead, really listen to what he has to say. Ask questions without baiting. See how he really feels.

Acknowledge that you've heard. There's more to listening than just nodding your head. Repeat back what your partner has said. For example: "I understand you said..." This is because what we hear and what was said isn't always the same. It's important to understand your partner's motivations as well as your own.

Consider both of your ideal scenarios, then meet in the middle. Easier said than done sometimes. If you are able to compromise on something small, like how often you go out to dinner or who does the laundry, then you'll be able to tackle the larger issues, like whether or not to move to another city or change jobs.

What makes you happy? If you're the type to compromise in order to keep the peace or make your partner happy, you're not helping your relationship. It's important to know what you want and communicate it. If you don't, then you can't get upset when your partner doesn't make room for your wishes. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. That's where compromise begins.

Have you ever wondered why most people break up? Cheating seems a likely (and most would say justifiable) reason, but what about arguing over finances, or simply falling out of love?

According to a recent poll conducted by DatingSitesReviews.com, it turns out most of us don't even know why our previous relationship ended. Out of 284 voters, almost 23 percent claimed they had no idea what caused the break-up. This came in ahead of the 20.7% who claimed that their relationships ended because their partner cheated (along with 1.4% who claimed they were the ones cheating). And almost 20% said that they just "fell out of love."

Surprisingly, money didn't factor in to many causes of break-ups among readers, nor did work-related issues. In fact, they were the least popular reasons for breaking up (each about 2.5%).

It seems most of the people surveyed are still in the dark about their previous relationship and what caused it to end. This would indicate that they are still seeking closure, and that they haven't been able to obtain that from a partner.

Break-ups can leave us devastated and confused, especially when we are the ones left, and we didn't really see it coming. But maybe there were some red flags along the way that you didn't notice. Did he noticeably pull away, or was he always busy at work and not so available? Or did he shy away from having serious conversations about where your relationship was headed? Or did he just disappear and stop calling altogether?

You might never know what happened between you, and that's okay. What's more important is your ability to deal with your pain and grief over the relationship and move on to a healthier one in the future.

If you have dealt with infidelity, whether your partner cheated or you did the cheating, it's also important to note what circumstances led to it. Was there a lapse in communication? Was there a lot of jealousy? Were you happy in your relationship or was there something missing? The more honest you can be in identifying the problems that were already there, or even how your partner treated you, the more likely you'll avoid the same pattern of cheating in the future.

Causes of break-ups in the poll were as follows:

The poll was taken by readers of DatingSitesReviews.com.

Reports have come out recently that the widow of Steve Jobs is back in the dating pool, and is seeing former D.C. Mayor Adrian Fenty.

Dating again after a devastating loss such as death or divorce is not easy. In fact, many people wait years before they feel comfortable enough to go out on a first date or even consider joining an online dating site. It's difficult to give of yourself emotionally when you've suffered such a huge loss.

So what can you do if you want to move on? And how do you know if you're really ready?

I think many people are afraid to begin the process of finding a new relationship. It's one thing to work through your grief and come to a good place in your life as a single person, but it's another thing to think about a relationship with someone new. Some people tend to avoid working through the process of healing, and jump immediately into a new relationship to avoid being alone.

Here are a few signs to tell if you're truly ready for that next relationship:

You've worked through your grief. It's scary to go from being part of a couple to on your own. Some people respond to this by jumping head first into a relationship immediately after losing the last one. Unfortunately, this doesn't give you a chance to process what happened. It's important to work through your grief, anger, and other issues that surface when you've lost a partner. It's also important to know who you are on your own, outside of a relationship. You are a different person than you were before, and it's good to acknowledge and embrace that.

You are happy on your own. This might sound cliché, but it's important to get to know yourself as a single person. Try hobbies that are new to you, do some traveling to places you've always dreamed of visiting. Test the waters to see what you might enjoy in your new life. Cultivate those interests you have that bring you joy, whether it's skiing or cooking or painting. When you see what brings you joy, and you pursue it, then a relationship is a bonus, not something you need.

You leave the past behind. Instead of thinking my ex used to order this for dinner, start on a clean slate. Making comparisons doesn't add to your life and sense of well-being going forward. Nobody will be like your former partner, so try to see each person in a new light. It will help you be more open to love.

You are emotionally available. There's a big difference between dating because you're feeling lonely and dating because you want the experience of a new relationship. If you're not willing to give someone else your love and attention, then you probably shouldn't be looking for a relationship.

You will know. There's something to be said for listening to your gut. If you feel that you aren't ready, then don't allow others to push you towards dating. If you do feel ready, then don't wait for the most "appropriate" time to start - just go for it!

I live in southern California, so I have to admit - dating here, and especially in the summer, is awesome. There's no need for a back-up plan because it rarely rains. Outdoor concerts, hiking, and kayaking are all great dates that can be planned in advance with no hiccups.

But for the majority of the country, it's not so easy. Plans for taking a picnic to the beach are easily thwarted with afternoon thunder showers or the occasional cold, overcast evening. Instead of cursing the local weather person, try one of these indoor date ideas:

See some art. Museums often stay open late in the summer, especially if there is a special exhibition. Other good alternatives are galleries, which tend to be smaller, more intimate experiences with wine and cheese offerings if it's opening night. Check your local listings for what's available.

Cook together. When was the last time you bought special ingredients and prepared an elaborate three-course dinner including dessert? One of my favorite dates is cooking together - sharing a bottle of wine and trying out a new recipe. Not a chef? That's okay. Look for cooking classes in your area. Most will give you a specific assignment and provide ingredients so you don't have to shop. Go for an informal, fun setting so it doesn't become stressful or a contest. The point is to have fun and enjoy what you create together.

Painting parties. Many cities are starting to offer "wine and paint" parties, which are exactly as they sound. You pay a set fee for supplies, and then you're given a painting assignment while you sip some chardonnay. Don't consider yourself an artist? That's okay. It's a chance to be creative and have some fun indoors. (And if you're single, you could meet potential dates.)

Watch old movies. There's nothing like a movie marathon to help boost your spirits. Pop some popcorn, crack open a bottle of wine, and login to your Netflix account to revisit some of your old favorites, whether it's Breakfast at Tiffany's, Say Anything, or Pulp Fiction. You get to decide in the comfort of your own living room.

Go dancing. Were you looking to get some exercise? If your date admits his dance moves aren't the best, maybe it's time to take some lessons. Most cities offer informal classes in salsa, two-step, and other popular forms of dance, and then open the floor for everyone later in the evening. Even if you're not the best dancers, it will help you break a sweat, listen to good music, and have some fun.