Communication

Dating is a peculiar thing. Most of us hate doing it, because it feels like a waste of time when you go through the motions and still don’t meet anyone worth pursuing. It might feel pointless to join online dating sites or download apps, spend time messaging, and then when you meet potential dates, realize the match isn’t right less than ten minutes into your drinks.

But here’s the thing: dating is the process by which you get to the actual relationship. There’s just no other way.

Of course not everyone is going to be a good match, compatible, or even someone you find attractive. But this doesn’t mean you quit the process and then hope love stumbles on to your doorstep.

In fact, the opposite is true. The more time you put into dating, the more likely you are to develop a relationship. And I don’t just mean because you will be meeting a lot of people, but because you will be taking time out of your schedule to make finding a relationship a priority.

When you invest your time and effort into something, it might not yield results right away, but it creates an environment for success to happen. Take for instance, another type of life goal you have. Say you want to lose twenty pounds. Do you wait around, thinking that eventually you will lose this twenty pounds because fate will step in and help? Or do you join a gym, or a running group, or start an exercise regime?

You won’t yield results right away. As with any goal worth achieving, it will take time, effort, and some determination on your part. It won’t be easy.

It’s the same thing with work – you can’t expect a promotion without putting the time and effort into your job. When you focus your intentions on what you want, and you make time for it in your life, then you see real progress. Even if you don’t get that coveted promotion, you’ve gained skills that you can take to another, higher-paying or more prestigious job – because you have put in the time and effort. It’s never wasted.

Dating is the same. If you put in the time and effort, you will start to see results. But this means challenging yourself – going on more dates, giving more people a chance who you wouldn’t normally consider, thinking outside of your comfort zone. You have to stretch yourself to see what you are capable of.

As I say in my book Date Expectations, dating is a process to get to really know yourself and what you want. But you have to make the time for it.

Friends Reunited won’t be available to message, post and keep in touch anymore. The once-popular social site, founded in 2000, was left in the dust by rivals such as MySpace and later, to a larger extent, Facebook.

Friends Reunited has a turbulent history. At one point a tech darling after quickly gaining three million subscribers in 2003, it was sold to ITV in 2005 for 125 million pounds, or about $208 million US. At its peak, 23 million users were on Friends Reunited.

But what the company didn’t intend was that employers would begin to use the service to check on potential and current employees, gauging what they said on social media as opposed to how they conducted themselves at work. It led to businesses using the site as a way to spy on employees, gathering information such as whether an employee was looking for another job, what they were saying about co-workers, or what interviewees and potential employees were saying online that could be potentially harmful.

At one stage, according to UK newspaper The Telegraph, Friends Reunited was blamed for a spike in the divorce rate on the grounds it encouraged classroom sweethearts to rekindle romances.

Instead of a positive, uplifting social experience where people felt secure to engage and share, the company found its platform being used as a way to spy on people for bad behavior. Naturally, users over time stopped posting and using the service. Membership dropped, especially when Facebook entered the picture a couple of years later. While Facebook continued to gain users, Friends Reunited found itself floundering.

The company was sold yet again in 2009 to DC Thompson for only 25 million pounds, and had only a fraction of its user base still active on the site. In 2012, the company decided to do a reboot and rebrand itself “Memory Box,” hoping to take on Facebook’s rapid growth. Memory Box did not succeed.

In 2014, DC Thompson offered the platform back to the original founder of Friends Reunited Steve Pankhurst, who thought he could restart the fledgling website. But in an announcement made on self-publishing platform Medium, Pankhurst announced its closure in January.

He wrote on Medium: "The first part of our plan was to put Friends Reunited back to make it more like the original site  --  that is, listing your schools and memories of your school days." However, this didn't really happen.

Pankhurst is now working on a new social media site called Liife, which allows you to upload photos and mark and share them with friends to identify significant “moments,” like trips, awards ceremonies or graduations. He said the new site would in no way replace Friends Reunited.

The related service Friends Reunited Dating still appears to be in operation and is not affected by the closing of the social service Friends Reunited. For more information on dating site please read our review of Friends Reunited Dating.

Have you ever followed up with a date over text, the flirty banter going back and forth for a couple of weeks, when suddenly it tapers off? Or maybe he disappears altogether? Before you wonder what you might have done wrong, or what might have happened, it’s time to set the record straight about texting.

Texting is fun and flirtatious. It is a great, low-maintenance way to keep the fire burning if you and your date had some chemistry together. But many of us feel too comfortable behind the screen – to the point where it actually hinders real relationships, and interferes with our romantic life.

Texting is not a substitute for dating. We need that real in-person connection in order for something to grow. When you text or message someone, sharing flirty banter or even more personal thoughts, it feels like you are growing closer. But texting and messaging don’t help you develop a relationship – they create a false sense of connection. In fact, if texting is your barometer for how well your relationship is going, you’re going to be completely misled.

When someone really wants to pursue a relationship with you, they want to see you in person. They want to set up dates. Flirting over text might be part of the fun, but it is only part of it. If a man you are seeing is only communicating with you over text, no matter how charming he is, he isn’t really interested in pursuing a relationship. If he was, he would be asking you out.

You deserve a real-life relationship.

Consider the last relationship you had that was great over text, but fizzled out quickly. There could be any number of reasons this happened. Texting might be a fun way to pass the time for the object of your affection, or a distraction from thinking about an ex, or even a Plan B in case the other person he’s interested in doesn’t pan out. It can also be a quick ego boost. Whatever the case, it doesn’t make a difference. The fact is, there isn’t a chance for a real relationship to happen if your main interaction is through text.

Instead of relying on your texting chemistry after a good first meeting or date, it’s better to see what happens on a second date, or a third. Don’t just assume that texting will eventually get you to the place you want in a relationship. Let your dates know what you want. Ask him or her out. Don’t accept anything less than real-life interaction – there is no substitute. If someone keeps putting you off, claiming they are busy, or only texts you to hook up at the last-minute, move on. They aren’t the right relationship for you.

Are you looking to overhaul your dating life in 2016? Tired of the Tinder swipes that go nowhere, the endless text messages, the so-so dates that bore you to tears?

There’s no reason to feel powerless in your personal life. While the timing of meeting someone special isn’t under your control, making changes and switching things up is totally within your control. And sometimes, we all need a little push in a different direction to really make things happen.

So for the New Year, following are five dating goals to set – and habits to break to help you find someone special:

Express gratitude. Sometimes, we all need a reset button when it comes to attitude. Many of us get frustrated after a few bad dates, or being single for longer than we’d like, but we shouldn’t. There are so many things to appreciate right now, no matter what you might feel is lacking in your life. Start a gratitude journal if that works for you, but be mindful every day for 30 days of what you love in your life – what you are thankful for. This exercise really works. It can shift your attitude about your life from lacking to fulfilling, which definitely is more attractive to others when you are dating. Plus, you feel more fulfilled and hopeful yourself.

Go out more. Are you glued to your screen, swiping left and right? Maybe it’s time to meet people old-school style – by going out and introducing yourself. Many of us have forgotten how to make conversation, how to meet new people without the help of texting. Now’s the time to practice those skills – so say yes to parties, networking events, and going out with friends of friends.

Curb the texting and messaging. Instead of developing your new relationship over text, hoping it goes somewhere meaningful, try asking someone out IRL instead – sooner rather than later. Many of us get emotionally invested in online communication, developing a fantasy about who the other person is, only to be disappointed when you do finally meet in real life. So next time, ask him out sooner and drop the texting back and forth.

Own what you want. Do you want a long-term, serious relationship? Do you long for something more than a hook-up or a casual arrangement? Then own it. Let your dates know what you do and don’t want. Don’t make assumptions that everyone else is casual and so you must be, too. You have the right to want more. So don’t accept less than what you feel you want.

Commit to online dating. Yes, you should still go out more. But you should also expand your options. If you gave up on online dating, try again. Or pick a new dating app. Let a friend help you with your profile pictures. Do whatever works for you – but try some online dating, and really commit to it. Don’t let a few bad dates get you down. You never know when or how you’ll meet the right one.

If honesty is the best policy, is there an optimal time to divulge your most personal information?

Even at the best of times, “The Talk” can be a touchy subject. Maybe you want to date exclusively. Maybe you have wedding bells on the brain. Maybe you're just ready to disclose a weird hobby or an annoying habit.

Whatever talk you're ready to have, it's a sensitive situation and tricky to get the timing right. To shed some light on the murky topic, online dating site Zoosk polled more than 5,000 users to get their thoughts on having uncomfortable relationship conversations.

The big question on most daters' minds is this: when is it ok to define the relationship as exclusive or nonexclusive? According to Zoosk's survey, almost half of men believe it's important to define the relationship within the first few dates. Only a third of women agreed. Forty-nine percent of female users wanted to wait until after the first few months of dating to discuss exclusivity.

As far bigger commitments go, 56% of men and 54% of women consider six months an appropriate time to talk about marriage. Note: the marriage talk in question isn't about marrying each other or picking out color schemes. This conversation is just about whether you aspire to get married at all.

Zoosk also asked users about disclosures earlier in the dating process. Their research found that response rates to the first online dating message increase if the following words are used: vegan, pets, allergies. On the other hand, response rates decrease with the appearance of these words: vegetarian, virgin, rich.

In that initial communication, more men (32%) than women (28%) say they would disclose if there was something unusual about them sexually. However, the majority of men (52%) and a significant number of women (41%) say they would prefer to remain in the dark about their date's number of past sexual partners.

On or immediately following the first date, 70% of men say they would be upfront if they are seeing other people. Sixty-two percent of women say they would do the same. Past partners, on the other hand, are a subject better saved for later dates. Nearly half of men and women say they do want to discuss former relationships and recent breakups, but only after a few weeks of dating.

For more about this dating service please read our review of Zoosk.

Believing that you can’t meet and attract beautiful women as an introvert is one of the biggest mistakes you can possibly make.

Okay, I get it. You are told that you have to be the outgoing alpha in order to succeed with the ladies. You are told that women are attracted to extroverted guys.

Well, what if everything you have been told is nothing but a big fat lie?

The belief that only the extroverted, loud and social guys can succeed in the dating game is the result of a big misconception when it comes to the definition of introversion. Unfortunately, a lot of people believe that introverts are naturally insecure, socially awkward and really weird communication partners.

Well, this couldn’t be farther from the truth. I am an introvert and one of the qualities that my friends appreciate so much about me is my ability to listen and to allow deep conversations. What most men don’t realize is that the only difference between an introvert and an extrovert is the fact that the introvert charges his batteries when he is on his own and the extroverts derives energy from being around other people.