Tips

The New Year is here, and this means a new chance at love for everyone. You might have made a few mistakes in 2014, but that doesn’t mean you can’t turn things around from this point forward. The beauty of life is that we are always growing and changing – and this means in our love lives, too.

Instead of doing the same old things in your social life, or recycling that old online dating profile, the New Year is a time to toss out the old and start fresh. That said, following are five dating resolutions you can make in the New Year:

Try new places. Dating doesn’t have to be a boring series of drinks and coffee dates. Instead of local watering holes, think of things you like to do on your own and incorporate them into your dating life – like hiking, art classes, sports, or finding treasures to fix up at flea markets. Even if you don’t get along with your date, you won’t feel it’s a waste of time. Plus, it puts you in a good mood – the right frame of mind for dating.

Expand your social circle. I know there are many introverted people out there who hate the idea of going to parties alone or joining an online dating site. But rest assured – most people hate going alone to parties and joining online dating sites. You aren’t alone. The point is, you never know where you’ll meet someone special, so it’s good to expand your opportunities instead of restricting them. Allowing more doors to open in your life is a good thing.

Develop a hobby. Most people are so tied up with work and obligations towards friends and family that they seldom take time just for themselves. But when you pursue something just because you enjoy it – and not because you make a living out of it – it creates more happiness in your life. Pursuing a hobby isn’t an extravagance – it’s a necessary part of life.

Be thankful. This might sound trite, but the act of acknowledging all you have in your life creates more positive energy and a happier you. Practice giving thanks for something every day – even if it’s something seemingly insignificant like a beautiful sunrise or an invigorating run. There is so much beauty in the small moments of life. Embrace them.

Say yes more often. Dating can be an emotional roller coaster, and many people need a break from time to time. There’s nothing wrong with this, but some people choose to stay stuck by admitting that “online dating doesn’t work for me,” or other excuses based on a few dates gone wrong. Instead of dwelling in what hasn’t worked, try to remain open to future possibilities. Say yes to a date you aren’t sure about, respond to more emails and messages. Taking more chances also brings more opportunities. Seize the moment.

Happy New Year!

Well folks, it's that time again. The holidays are here and they brought with them their annual dose of relationship stress and dating anxiety. Emotions always fly high around this time of year, whether you're single, dating but undefined, in a relationship, or recently broken up.

It's easy to crack under all that pressure. What you need is a holiday dating survival guide, so I've put together a few tips to see you through into 2015.

1. Don't be a social media stalker. I know it's tempting to take a little trip down memory lane, but the last thing you need to do is obsess over the past or new photos of your ex getting frisky under the mistletoe. All it will do is set you back in the healing process. Instead of reliving old memories, focus on making new ones.
2. If self-control isn't your strong point, block your ex’s profile. Remove the temptation if the temptation is too great. It's the easiest way to avoid obsessiveness. This includes online dating profiles as well as social media profiles.
3. Don't rush into a rebound relationship. Dating is healthy. But trying for too much too soon never ends well. If you aren't ready to date yet (and deep down, you know the answer), spend time with friends or family, or get some of the alone time you know you need.
4. If you are in a relationship, discuss gift giving ahead of time. This is easily one of the most nerve-wracking parts of the holidays. How much should you spend? Should you get a gift in the first place? Instead of stressing yourself out with trying to guess the right answer, just ask. Together you can make a plan and set a budget.
5. If you're not in a relationship, don't hesitate to date. Fill your social calendar. Your inbox is bound to be full of invitations during this time of year, both professional and personal. Accept as many as ypu possibly can and go with an open mind. You never know who you might meet.

If you're feeling doubtful about dating during the holidays, I have news for you: it's actually the peak season for online daters. More singles sign up for online dating sites between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day than any other time of the year. Match.com reports they see a jump of about 25-30% in new member sign-ups between Christmas and V-Day.

So what are you waiting for?

The holidays can bring added stress to your dating life. If you’re single, you might wonder if it’s a good idea to invite one of your dates out to a colleague’s party, or maybe you're be anxious about spending the holidays with prying family members.

If you've just started dating someone, you could be wondering if you should buy a gift or invite him to your office holiday party. While there are no cut and dry answers, there are a few tips that could help you enjoy the holiday instead of stressing about it:

Don’t invite a new date to important parties. These include your office holiday party and your family dinners. There’s no reason to subject a budding romance to scrutiny before you really know each other. The rest of the year, you probably take things more slowly, so keep that in mind and go at your own pace instead of feeling pressured to show up with a date.

Go easy on the gift. You don’t have to prove how much you like your date by the extravagance of your present. Instead, go for thoughtful or experiential – like buying tickets to an event you can attend together or passes to ice skate at the local outdoor rink. If you feel uncomfortable exchanging gifts, let your date know and sit this one out. There’s no harm in waiting.

Curb your alcohol intake. I know the holidays are a good time to enjoy eggnog and other festive cocktails, but know your tolerance before you start. This time of year we tend to indulge – in candy, food, and especially alcohol – and you don’t want to pass out on your date or otherwise do something embarrassing. Save your holiday indulgences for when you get together with friends.

Go solo! I know it seems intimidating to show up by yourself at a party, but as a friend of mine once told me, “there’s nothing sexier to a guy than showing up solo and having a good time.” And it’s true – going alone will help you break out of your shell. You will introduce yourself to new people, strike up conversations, and likely do a little more flirting than you would if you came with a friend.

Keep a good attitude. Your dates don’t want to hear about your ex, or your last terrible online date, or the reasons why you’re single for the holidays. Try to focus on the positive around you, and make an effort to have a good time. It will not only help your date to connect with you, it will help you have more fun, even if he or she isn’t “The One.”

Are you online dating? Having a hard time getting to date number two? If so, there are a few things you might not have considered when you’re meeting someone for the first time. With online dating, your friends can’t give you the inside scoop on a total stranger like they could a mutual friend. So it’s best to approach each first date understanding he knows nothing about you – not your sense of humor, your thoughtfulness, your body image. Nothing. Your profile doesn’t reveal nearly enough.

So, it’s your job to take nothing for granted, and try to see yourself through his eyes. He could be paying attention to things you don’t even think about, or that aren’t your priority. And that’s where a lot of misunderstandings come into play.

Guys do pay attention on dates, and they are looking for cues that you’re interested. Following are some things that they notice (and no, it’s not your cute outfit or new heels), based on a survey taken by Women’s Health Magazine:

If you’re on time. Many guys hate waiting on their dates to arrive when they have made an effort to be on time. If you’re late because you’re afraid of looking too eager, you could be missing out on some great guys who think that you don’t care enough to be punctual or let them know you’re running late.

Breaks in conversation. Some guys pay attention to what you do when the conversation pauses. Are you looking around, acting bored? Or are you giving the conversation thoughtful attention? Are you shy, or just thinking of the next clever thing to say? Guys pay attention to your body language as much as anything you say.

If you reach for your purse. Most guys don’t have an issue with paying for a date, but they do appreciate it when you offer.

If you are rude to servers, valet, etc. Maybe you are fun, engaging and warm with your date, but if you start treating waiters or bartenders with attitude, guys will notice. This is a big turn-off.

Your smile. Guys like to know if you’re having fun. Smiling is a sign that you’re comfortable and enjoying yourself. Try to keep an open mind - when you go into the date having an attitude or chip on your shoulder, it’s not sexy.

Attraction/ chemistry. Guys are blunt – they do look at you. They want to know if you look like your pictures, and if they feel a physical attraction. They want to feel a spark of chemistry in order to pursue you. So don’t take it personally if you’re not everyone’s cup of tea. Studies have shown that guys have a wide range of physical tastes – so don’t let one or two rejections stop you from meeting new people. Emphasize your attributes, don’t shy away from being who you are. That is sexy.

Let’s face it – not everybody is a match, and dating helps you figure out what (and who) you want. By spending time with someone, you can determine if you are compatible or even just want to see each other again for date number two. It’s okay if you aren’t that into each other, but if you keep striking out with women who you are interested in pursuing, there could be something you’re missing.

Instead of getting frustrated or angry with the women you are dating because you aren’t getting responses to your texts or second dates, take a step back and see what could be going wrong. Maybe it’s something really simple that you’re overlooking that turns her off.

Following are a few ways to change things up if you think you might be losing her interest:

Stop talking about yourself. Many guys go into “prove myself” mode on a date because they are trying to impress a woman they find attractive. Instead of talking about yourself, your successes, or your achievements, a woman will connect with you if instead you show her that you’re paying attention to her and what she is saying. Stop yourself if you feel you’re talking too much and start asking her questions.

Be thoughtful. Many guys don’t do the basics – like offering to pick up the tab, being on time, or making a plan about where to meet. If you take the time to put a little effort into the date, it pays off immensely.

Put your phone away. There’s nothing worse than spending an evening staring at your date’s phone on the table. It doesn’t matter if it doesn’t ring or you only pick it up to check messages once or twice – that phone is a third wheel. It requires attention, and she will feel that you aren’t giving her a real chance. Leave the phone in your pocket or your car so you can enjoy your date.

Be confident. There’s no need to be a jerk, but women like men who exude confidence – that means having your own opinion even if it disagrees with hers, knowing what you have to offer in a relationship, and not trying to accommodate everything she says or does. Give her a little room to breathe, to learn who you are. Don’t try to be what she wants – be yourself. It works better.

Don’t bring up your bad day, your ex, or other topics that sour your mood. You’re on a date to have fun and enjoy each other, not to have a pity party. Avoid subjects that bring you down or cause you to vent instead of joke. (Also, understand what is sarcastic and what is downright mean, and avoid the latter.) The more you bring positive energy to the date, the better time both of you will have.

Holidays are great for celebrating, but they can also remind us of what's missing in our lives. Especially when we visit our families. Aunt Barbara might like to ask too many personal questions, while Uncle Stan usually makes some comment about how nobody's getting any younger.

Instead of letting yourself get upset, or worse, anticipating problems before they happen, take a step back. And then take a deep breath. After all, Thanksgiving is about getting together with family and sharing a meal. It doesn't mean you are obligated to be with your family all weekend, subjected to their scrutiny. After all, you're a single, independent person, with the freedom to do what you want!

Here's what you can do for yourself this Thanksgiving:

Break from tradition. Do you travel to visit family every year for the holidays? Maybe it's time you took a year off and celebrated with friends instead. You might feel obligated to fly or drive to visit parents every year, but it's not necessarily the way you want to spend the holiday. So why not try something different? Invite friends over to your place for a pot luck. Mix it up.

Go out for a drink after dinner. There's no reason to hang out with your family all night, so why not round up a few friends and head to a local bar to share drinks, or to a movie theatre to see a new release? Have something to look forward to.

Set aside time for yourself. Your family might have your weekend scheduled full of events, but let them know ahead of time you won't be attending everything. Make a point to book a spa appointment, lunch with a friend, or even just time at a coffee shop to read your favorite book. Make time for yourself over the weekend. It's important.

Stand your ground. Friends and family don't always respect boundaries and may ask questions or put you on the spot regarding your single status. Instead of making excuses or trying to find a way out of the conversation, respond firmly but positively. After all, being single doesn't mean your life is "less than" anyone else's. In fact, you're probably more social than all of them. Let them know you're enjoying yourself and your freedom, and that you're taking your time. If that feels false, then change the subject to talk about other things in your life - like your career, your friends, or your plans to move to a new home. There's more to any life than finding a partner.

Have fun. Yes, it is possible to have fun at Thanksgiving dinner this year. Relax and remind yourself to count your blessings (that's what the holiday is for)! You have people in your life who love you.