Advice

To bring our "Science of Beauty" series to a close, let's take one last look at the work of psychologist, author, and professor David Perrett. Last time, we talked about Perrett's work on face perception and his recent book, "In Your Face: The New Science of Human Attraction." We discussed Perrett's views on the general rules that attractive faces and bodies follow, including symmetry, the waist-to-hip ratio, averageness, and femininity in female faces, as well as the ways in which a face can indicate positive qualities in potential mates, like health and fertility.

This time, we're going to look at the ways ageing, social learning, and our parents can affect the perception of attractiveness, and attempt to answer the question "Does your face create your personality, or does your personality create your face?"

Age And Beauty

In his book, Perrett writes that "We're at our cutest at about 8 months of age, and after that it's all downhill." Through his research, Perrett found that 8 months old, when babies have extremely large foreheads and very small chins, is the point at which the majority of people find human babies most attractive. After 8 months, the face grows at a rapid pace and develops features that are considered less and less cute.

Most online dating websites offer a pretty similar profile template. First, there’s the self-summary section, typically where you get a chance to do some actual writing. There’s usually a section where you fill in what you’re looking for in an ideal partner - also a good space to be eloquent. And then there are the countless “extra” questions, whether they go on a sidebar or fall somewhere below your “real writing.” What do we do with sidebar questions?

In general, I suggest you make them count. The easiest rule of thumb is: don’t fill out every single question available to you. If you don’t have an interesting or funny answer about what you’d do in a zombie apocalypse, just leave it blank. When only a few “extra” questions are answered, they become more important - and more likely to be read, not skimmed.

Laundry lists should be avoided when at all possible on online profiles - but if you absolutely have to list something, it’s better to set it off by itself in a sidebar question than have it interrupt the flow of your self-summary. For example, let’s say you are a huge movie fan. If, in the middle of your self-summary, you say, “I enjoy watching movies, such as V, W, X, Y, Z...” chances are you’ll lose your reader. However, if you simply list a (small!) selection of your favorite movies off to the side, the reader can get to them at their leisure, and the rhythm of of the self-summary is maintained.

Sometimes there’s a fact about you that you’d like to mention, but you’re afraid it will send the wrong message. Perhaps you’re a woman who owns a few cats. You want to mention that you have them, to avoid issues with allergies or cat-haters, but you can’t find a way to include it in the self-summary without it sounding more important than it really is. You don’t want to sound like a “crazy cat lady,” but it’s an issue worth mentioning. Here, using a side bar question is a great way to include information that just doesn’t “fit” in the self-summary. You get the facts out there, without sounding disjointed.

Your online dating profile should be as short, sweet, and interesting as possible. Extra sidebar questions should not be a dumping ground for everything you’ve edited out of your self-summary; however, they can be valuable in preserving the flow of a well-written profile. Use them to your advantage!

We all know the stereotype of a gold digger. These are women who are only after a man’s wallet, and nothing less than wealthy will do. They are superficial and don’t fall victim to romance, but instead prefer financial security. While this is true for some women, it’s not for the majority. Or is it?

According to recent studies, young women are more likely to graduate college and get jobs than their male counterparts. Many women are financially independent and successful in their careers compared to 30 years ago. Despite all of these accomplishments, there are still many women who are looking for men who are successful, ambitious, and let’s face it…rich.

Is this because they are looking to for men who are more ambitious than they are? Or are they craving a certain lifestyle, and are ready to throw in the career towel as soon as they find men who can provide it?

While the reasons vary, there’s no doubt about it: many women prefer men who are wealthy. While they don’t have to be Donald Trump, there is something appealing about men who own houses, their own businesses, and who have put everything else on hold to further their career and financial success. Women find a sense of security in dating men who can provide well. It’s attractive during the dating process to be taken to five-star restaurants and on romantic getaways. It heightens the romance, but should wealth be such an important factor in deciding if a man is right for you?

Instead of dismissing men who aren’t as financially successful as you’d like, try keeping a more open mind. Perhaps they are putting themselves through school to obtain a higher degree and get higher salaries. Or perhaps they have been through divorce and are building their assets back up. Maybe they are aspiring comedians or writers. Whatever the case, if they are happy in their careers and taking steps to improve their financial security, isn’t this just as attractive?

My advice is to think past the material success you crave now in a man to how you may feel ten years down the line. Will you still enjoy his company? What if he loses his money? Ultimately, you are partnering with the person, not his wallet.

Also, keep in mind that you can create your own financial success if you want a better lifestyle. Anyone can build career success with talent, hard work, and dedication. There’s no reason to wait for someone else to provide that for you.

Up next in our science series: commitment. What makes us want to spend eternity with someone? Why do some people cheat? Why are others capable of resisting temptation? To answer these questions, scientists are researching everything from the biological factors that appear to impact the stability of a person's marriage to a partnered individual's psychological response to being flirted with by strangers.

Hasse Walum, a biologist working at the Karolinska Institute in Sweden, studied 552 sets of twins to determine the role biology plays in a person's ability to remain faithful to a partner. Walum tested the impact of a gene, often called the "fidelity gene," that regulates the brain chemical vasopressin, a bonding hormone. He found that men who carried a variation in the gene were less likely to be married than men who did not, and that men with the variation who did get married had an increased likelihood of martial problems. Approximately a third of men who carried two copies of the gene variant had experienced a significant crisis in their relationship in the past year, twice as many as the men who did not show signs of the genetic variant. Walum and his team are currently conducting similar research in an attempt to replicate their findings in women.

Other studies have found that some people are biologically programed not to cheat. An experiment at Florida State University tested men's interest in the 21 year old female subject at the center of the study. The researchers found that single men found her most attractive during the most fertile stage of her menstrual cycle, whereas men who were in relationships found her least attractive at the same time. The scientists believe that their findings can be explained by a subconscious part of the partnered men's brains that overrode their natural impulses to find the woman attractive, in favor of protecting the relationships - and the joy and security they offered - that they were already in.

"It seems the men were truly trying to ward off any temptation they felt toward the ovulating woman," Dr. Jon Maner, a psycholgist at Florida State, told The New York Times. "They were trying to convince themselves that she was undesirable. I suspect some men really came to believe what they said. Others might still have felt the undercurrent of their forbidden desire, but I bet just voicing their lack of attraction helped them suppress it."

Stay tuned for more on the genetic differences that influence faithfulness and impact your ability to resist temptation.

Related Story: The Science Of Commitment, Part II

Are you thinking about trying online dating for the first time, but don’t know if it’s the best way to meet a potential partner? Or are you weary from your last couple of forays in the online dating world, fearful of more bad experiences?

Despite our collective fears surrounding online dating, it’s still one of the best ways to meet new people and widen our opportunities for meeting Mr. or Miss Right. But like most good things in life, we have to go into it with an open mind as well as open eyes.

There are online daters who lie, whether it’s about age, income, height, or even marital status. There are also those who are searching for love in earnest, just like you. The key is, be smart about your communication, but don’t always expect the worst from people. There are signs if someone intends to cause you harm. If he or she won’t give you a phone number or only wants to meet last-minute or in the late hours of the night, that’s a big red flag that they probably aren’t single. Don’t give away personal information about yourself, especially financial details. And always Google your dates, to make sure you have some background information. Tell a friend who you’re meeting and where you’ll be.

Most online daters aren’t there to scam or manipulate you. They may be trying to make themselves look more attractive by adjusting age, income, or height. You can’t know unless you meet them in person. I believe it’s best to give people a chance. If you discount online matches based on a photograph or age requirement, you are filtering out a lot of potentially great candidates. Instead, keep a more open mind. If you are willing to meet people outside of your type, you will find yourself not only with more dates but with a wider and more interesting variety of people. Someone older might have more financial and emotional stability than the 24 year-olds you prefer to date. And someone shorter may be the funniest, most successful person you’ve been out with in a long time.

I do advocate being honest and straightforward on a dating site. If you shave a couple of years off your age, post old photographs, or try to impress a man or woman by lying about your career success, you will attract other liars. Being honest means you filter your matches down to those people who are interested in you despite what you feel might be a dating hindrance. Don’t you want to feel loved and accepted for who you are, rather than your “dating stats”?

The bottom line is, while online dating is not for everyone, it’s a great way to meet new people and get back out there. Just remember, keep your eyes open as well as your mind. Do this, and you won’t be disappointed.

When you’re creating an online dating profile, the tough choices start at the very beginning. Before you’ve even reached the stage where you’re worrying about laundry lists, default pics, or even selecting your body type, you have to choose a user name. And a user name is far more than what you use to log in with; it sets the tone for your first impression, and if someone tries to go back and find you later, it can make or break the search.

Imagine you’re sitting at your computer, searching for potential matches. You’ve plugged in all the relevant information, and now you’re looking at a screen filled with tiny thumbnail pictures and user names. The pictures have been shrunk down so much they’re only minimally useful. You might go through them all, one by one, but first you do a scan to see if any happen to catch your eye. Would you be interested in someone named LovesToSurf, or IndianaJoe? What about CrazyWench, or FratBroTool?

Even without a picture, we quickly form impressions in our mind about the type of personality we’re about to encounter. A name can evoke a sense of adventure, or a sense of humor - but it can have negative associations, too.

However, some of the worst names are those that aren’t offensive at all - they’re simply generic. Picture this: you quickly look over one profile, late at night. At the time, it didn’t seem particularly special, but you find yourself thinking about that person all the next day. That evening, you settle down to give the profile a second look. Your previous searches weren’t saved, and you had taken a pretty circuitous route to get to the profile in the first place. The name was the poster’s first name, followed by a number. Was it 267? or 762? Maybe it was a 5 instead of a 2...

If your name is Mike431977 or Kate22819, you might not have the worst name in the history of online dating, but you might have a name that means you can never be found again. Your user name, like your profile, should be short, sweet, and memorable for all the right reasons. So as you sit down to construct your profile, try to think of a name that reflects the best aspects of your personality. It’s an easy way to make a good first impression.