Tips

Remember how much you hated your Econ class in high school? Now would be a good time to dig up your old notes. It turns out economics can teach you about online dating.

Paul Oyer, an economics proessor at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and author of Everything I Ever Needed to Know about Economics I Learned from Online Dating, says the marketplace of romantic partners functions a lot like any other marketplace. Throw in the fact that Oyer met his match online and, well... he may be onto something.

How exactly is online dating like economics? It starts with the market. An online dating site with more members is better than one with fewer, as you'll be exposed to more options over time and have a better chance of meeting someone who suits you. This, explains Oyer, is called a “thick market.” More options means greater efficiency and a greater chance of finding what you need.

You could argue that the thick market approach means niche dating sites are a bad bet, but Oyer says it's not always the case. If you're a specialist dater – someone with a serious dealbreaker requirement – your personal thick market is a site targeted to that criteria. But take note, specialists: niche sites are a significantly more viable option in densely populated areas, where there is a larger pool of people who meet your requirements.

Here's one thing that might surprise you: Oyer says lying in an online dating profile makes economic sense. “Economists think of lying as a rational thing to increase utility, or happiness,” he explains. “Where parties’ interests aren’t completely aligned, we expect some people will misrepresent the truth.”

In other words, lying while online dating is a logcial strategy to try to increase the number of responses your profile gets. And even if you're completely honest, you should expect that your competition (or your dates) are twisting the truth.

Before you go swapping your photos for a professional model's, Oyer adds that the utility of lying has its limits. You cannot stretch the truth beyond belief, because when it's obvious that you're faking it, people will be less likely to believe you in the future. Dishonesty isn't always the best policy.

Oyer also weighs on in on the pickiness problem of online daters. He calls it “romantic unemployment” - a condition inspired by a type of search theory, in which people cannot find exactly what they want, even if it exists, because the act of searching is too costly. Singles hold out for better and better dates, like a company holds out for better and better job candidates, both potentially passing up good matches along the way.

Ultimately, Oyer says, “economics is the study of scarcity.” When it comes to online dating, the scarce resource is time. It doesn't pay to be too choosy. You can try to keep trading up, but according to search theory, there's a point where it's no longer worth the trouble.

Bing! Your computer's notification noise goes off and there it is: a new message in your inbox. You click it with a mix of nerves and excitement. Maybe this one, finally, will be the one that sticks.

Or not. Maybe they'll look nothing like their profile picture. Maybe they'll be “fun-employed” and living with their parents. Maybe they're cheating on their significant other. Maybe they're a con artist or a serial killer. For all you know, they could be all of the above.

That's the gamble of online dating. It's an bundle of pros and an assortment of cons, wrapped up in one package and tied with a digital bow.

You have questions. Whether you're new to online dating or a frustrated long-time dater, you've run into challenges and confusion. You want answers that will make your experience better. You want to know what’s happening behind the scenes – and your screen.

These are 4 questions all online daters wonder about (and their answers).

1. Is anyone actually reading my profile? You've heard that it's all about the picture, that a photo can make or break your profile, because it's 2015 and no one can be bothered to read anymore. The truth is somewhere in the middle. Because of the way most dating sites and apps are designed, photos are prominent. They're what we see first, and what we use to decide if we want to explore the profile. In fact, there's a scientific reason for it: we're drawn to images over text because our brains can process visual information and make inferences more quickly. So yes, people will read your profile, but only if they like your photo first.
2. Can I skip the photo? See above. You could omit the pictures if you're concerned about privacy, but it will dramatically impact the results you get. Few people will click through your profile and, if they reach out to you, a request for photos is likely the first thing they'll send.
3. Can I try online dating if I live in a small town? There's no point in using online dating if it's slim pickings, right? Wrong. Living in a small town is a great reason to try onilne dating, provided you're willing to search outside your immediate area. If you're open to the idea of traveling, online dating can dramatically increase the size of your dating pool.
4. Why can't I find someone when there are millions of possibilities? This is the other side of the small town coin. It may seem counterintuitive, but it can be harder to find what you’re looking for when you have a larger number of options. A bigger population means more people online, and those people tend to be pickier. Because they are surrounded by so many potential partners at all times, they constantly wonder if there is something better out there. FOMO is not an ingredient in any successful long-term relationship.

Most guys assume they can upload a few photos to Tinder and they are ready for online dating. But in reality, after several messages go unanswered and matches disappear, they are often left wondering – what did I do wrong?

The truth is, online dating is a lot more complex than swiping left and right and hoping it leads to some real-life interaction. Think of it this way: when you approach an attractive woman in person, do you get results if you just tell her you think she’s pretty? Most of the time, a lot more effort is required. Women are told they are attractive by guys all the time – so you have to stand out from the crowd.

When you’re online dating, it’s the same. Women are inundated with matches and messages – much more so that the average guy. Most women like it when a man pursues and takes charge, rather than leaving her to do all the heavy lifting. So if you want to improve your online dating game, the first thing to do is put in a lot more effort. The following are 5 tips for online dating:

State what you are looking for.

Most women don’t want to date a guy who is vague or ambiguous about what he’s after. If you say “I’m up for anything” or “let’s see where things go” you’ve already lost her vote. Why should she reach out to you when you aren’t sure what you want? Women don’t want to be kept guessing, they want to know who you are and what you want – whether it’s a hook-up or a relationship - so tell them.

Share what makes you happy.

If you can describe what you love via a photo, then use it. People are visual creatures and you will capture more attention if you show what you love to do – surfing, playing guitar, whatever. Also, instead of saying you like movies, talk about the last movie you saw and what you liked about it. The details are important, so you don’t sound generic.

Watch your words.

When you message a woman, keep in mind that “ur hot” has been used before. A lot. Don’t speak in text, speak in sentences, and make it interesting. Talk about something you saw in her profile, or ask her what she did the day before to keep her engaged.

Make the plans.

There’s nothing hotter than a guy who takes charge and acts like a grown-up. Ask her out. Tell her where to meet you. Do a little research in advance, and show up on time.

Leave out the negatives.

She doesn’t want to hear about your ex girlfriend, the women you’ve dated who didn’t work out, or any other past romance. Keep it focused on the present, and on the possibility with someone new. The past is in the past – leave it there.

If you use dating sites or apps and haven't run into a creep, weirdo or jerk, you're rarer than a unicorn. Sometimes it seems like online dating is only horror stories.

It isn't. There are stories that end happily-ever-after, with the lovebirds riding off into a picturesque digital sunset – you just may be the protagonist of a few less desirable tales first. It's part of the process, whether you're dating online or off.

The good news is, there are red flags that warn of dating doom if you're observant enough to spot them. If you see these bad dating behaviors, especially if you see several combined, it's safe to say you should swipe left.

1. Their profile is excessively short. Two sentences and a mirror selfie doesn't cut it. The first sign that someone is serious about dating is that they apply that seriousness to their profile. They should have filled out the text portion completely and have a thoughtful selection of photos. If they're not willing to put time into that, odds are they aren't willing to put time into you.
2. They talk about their exes. We all have them and it's ok to share stories of former relationships eventually. It's part of building intimacy. But someone who talks about their ex immediately – right there in their profile, before you've even started a conversation – is stuck in the past and probably not ready for something new.
3. They speak ill of anyone, ex or not. Trash talking is not a good look. For the same reason you shouldn't date someone who treats a restaurant server poorly, you shouldn't date someone who is rude or crude about others in their profile. If they don't have anything nice to say, they should keep their mouth shut and their fingers off the keyboard.
4. They use negative language. Trash talking isn't the only way someone could be negative in their profile. There's an endless list of things they could complain about. If their profile is focused on life's negatives, it probably reflects their real-life personality. Do you want to be in a relationship with a committed pessimist?
5. They're already flaky. Rewind to #1. That's an early sign of flakiness. Later on, you may find that they're excessively late to answer your messages or don't respond to messages at all. Or maybe they divert the conversation when you try to arrange a date. Don't waste time trying to change their mind or change their ways. If they are really interested, they'll put clear effort into getting to know you.

Watch for theses red flags and eventually you'll swipe your way into that sunset.

Lauren Urasek was surprised when a reporter from a major New York magazine contacted her to interview "the most popular girl on the dating site OkCupid."

The makeup artist and self-proclaimed technology nerd became an internet celebrity when the dating site declared her its most messaged female user in New York City. She made the most of her new-found notoriety, spinning it into an article for xoJane, a Tumblr blog and now a new book.

In Popular: The Ups and Downs of Online Dating from the Most Popular Girl in New York City, Urasek offers advice, personal stories and essays to help singletons navigate the crazy world of digital dating. Here are a few of her tips for making the most of your online dating experience:

1. Post photos that are flattering, varied and recent. Flatting goes without saying, but it doesn't count if your pictures are pixelated or highly filtered. Show off the real you. Group shots, sunglasses and outdated photos are also on the don'ts list. Be sure to choose a selection of snaps that feature face and body from different angles, as well as different facets of your personality.
2. Have realistic expectations. It's ok that you want to ride off into the sunset with Prince or Princess Charming. Just don't expect do it on the first date. Someone who seems awesome online may prove incompatible in person. Anticipating instant fireworks puts too much pressure on the date and is bound to lead to disappointment. Focus on more lowkey goals, like having fun and meeting new people.
3. Don't waste your time. Online dating can be a total time-suck. It's easy to fall into the trap of an endless message exchange, but writing back and forth for weeks before meeting can backfire. You don't want to go on a date only to discover that your fiery text chemistry translates to zero chemistry in person. Meet sooner rather than later so you can both move on if the spark isn't there.
4. Answer the compatibility questions. Not every dating service includes these, but if yours does, answer them. They may seem pointless or tedious, but they serve an actual purpose. Whether or not you believe in a dating algorithm's scientific accuracy, there's something to be said for knowing that you have common interests and values (or don't) with people you're interested in.
5. It's ok to be single. Despite being OkCupid's most popular female user, Urasek says she's happily single. If your swipes and messages and winks don't lead to love, that's ok too. Don't let societal pressure to couple up get to you. Being comfortable with your self is just as – if not more so – important.

Urasek's debut book Popular is available now on Amazon.

You'd be forgiven for thinking dating is an extrovert's game. With all the messaging and the meeting and the inevitable talking, dating sounds like an introvert's nightmare. The kind where you wake up screaming and then realize you've wet the bed.

But even the shyest of the shy need love and companionship, right? Online dating is for everyone, and in fact may even offer advantages for introverts.

First, online dating can be done from the comfort of your own home (or whatever space you're most comfortable in). Second, it doesn't involve any of the pressures of meeting via traditional methods, like striking up conversations with strangers or jostling for space in crowded bars. And third, it eliminates the pressure of needing to having insightful, witty, flirty conversations on the fly – all of your communication can be done thoughtfully, on your own time, over a series of messages.

With that in mind, here are 5 tips for introverts dipping their toes in the online dating waters.

1. Proceed at your own pace. Your friends are swiping like crazy and you'd almost swear they go on dates 10 days a week. Don't feel pressure to do the same. Go on one date a week, one date every two weeks – whatever works for you. And if it ever feels overwhelming, take a break.
2. Be honest in your profile. Own your introversion. You can outright call yourself an introvert in your profile or, if that's uncomfortable for you, indicate it in more subtle ways. Mention how much you value quiet time, or how happy you are curled up with a book. Drop enough hints and people will get the picture.
3. Choose your dating service wisely. Some dating services may be more suitable than others. A site highly focused on compatibility, like eHarmony, may make you feel more at ease. Or a service like Bumble, that only lets you communicate if mutual interest is established. Or perhaps a personality-specific niche site, like ShyPassions.com.
4. Screen carefully for compatibility. Isn't that what everyone is doing online? Well, yes, kind of, but this is about something very specific. If going out every weekend isn't your style, avoid profiles with tons of party pics. If, on the other hand, you're looking for someone to bring you out of your shell, perhaps the party pics are exactly what you need.
5. Share your interests. So you're not into loud clubs and vodka-soaked dance floors. That's OK. Tell people what you are interested in. You'll attract suitors who are interested in similar things and – added bonus – possibly have a first date built right in.