Dating

Dating is a tricky thing. People have different views on what's acceptable and what's not, but they don't always communicate it. After all, would you feel comfortable saying that you want exclusivity on a second or third date? Probably not. But when you avoid the hard conversations with your dates in order to just be casual and have fun, you might be sending the wrong message.

For instance, if you're a woman who enjoys meeting men, do you have an obligation to tell a man you've been dating for a month that you don't want to be exclusive? Or is it better to wait until he brings it up to you?

Many people opt for the latter, because they are afraid to have the serious conversations. They are afraid being truthful will mean they might have to give up something that's easy and fun.

But dating requires us to be truthful in order to have a real relationship. If you're hiding what you want, you aren't doing anybody any favors. People deserve to know where they stand, even if it means breaking things off.

Let's look at a few examples:

Jack and Simone - they have been dating for two months. Simone is also sleeping with her co-worker, but she doesn't consider this a "real" relationship, just a convenience. She doesn't want to give her co-worker up in case her new relationship doesn't work out, but recently he's been wanting more than just a casual fling. Should she come clean with both of them?

You can see why Simone might be hesitant. She stands to lose both dates by telling them she's not interested in being exclusive just yet. Her co-worker could be angry that she was dating at all, especially if she wasn't clear about her intentions with him. And if she is ready to take her new relationship to the next level? She has to risk potentially losing her new guy, too. He might not want to be exclusive, but she owes it to herself to be clear about what she wants and to communicate it.

Anna and Caleb - Anna has been dating a few men she met online for the last several weeks. She likes them all, and figures she should keep dating all of them until they fall out. Steve is really handsome and charming, Rob is really energetic and creative, and then there's Caleb, who makes her laugh. She's most interested in Caleb, but he's been giving off a vibe that he's not really the monogamous type. She and Caleb haven't discussed their relationship at all, but she assumes he's seeing other women and she wants to leave her options open, too.

When you're dating, you're still in the process of getting to know someone, so there's no need to rush into a relationship. However, you can't date multiple people without being honest with all of them. If she really wants to continue dating all of them, she has to tell them she's dating other people, and let them decide whether or not to continue. But even more to the point, it's important that she tell Caleb her feelings, otherwise she will continue dating him without getting her needs met. There's no point in holding on to someone if there's no chance your relationship will progress.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, but it's most important to be honest - with the people you date and yourself.

Christmas can be a lonely time for singles. With the focus of the holiday season on love, family and relationships, it's easy for singles to feel left out. Even if your parents and siblings are happy to have you for Christmas dinner, it just isn't quite the same as celebrating with a family of your own.... and that's just Christmas itself. In the lead-up to the Holiday Season, there's office parties to get through without a date, endless conversations about where and with whom you will be celebrating and the nagging question whether you will still be single come the new year.

If you are determined to ring in 2014 with a new partner, we have put together a list of tips for you. These top 3 seasonal tips will help singles find love during the holiday season.

1. Find love during the holiday season by getting into party mode

You may resent the endless parade of holiday parties, but there's no better way to meet new people - and at least some of them are bound to be feeling the single Christmas blues, just like you! In addition to the usual party atmosphere, there should be mistletoe on hand to break the ice if you come across a particularly kissable pair of single lips!

2. Find love during the holiday season by being full of Christmas cheer

Happy singles are attractive singles, so don't let the loneliness get you down. Instead, get into the Christmas spirit, decorate your home, buy a silly sweater and do everything you can to turn yourself into a person absolutely everyone will want to be around.

3. Find love during the holiday season by online dating

Did you know that December is one of the busiest months of the year for online dating websites? You aren't the only one who wants to find love before the year is up, so there's no better time to get active and see who's registered recently, looking for a Christmas romance. If you don't get lucky during the holiday season, you'll already be ahead of the curve in January, when online dating peaks in a flurry of new year's resolutions and turkey hangovers!

The holidays are upon us. It can be a stressful time, but with it comes a fair bit of revelry - holiday parties, New Year’s celebrations, vacation time. For many, it represents an end to a stressful season and a time to blow off steam.

It’s also a time of year in which many turn to online dating with renewed vigor. We’ve already discussed that one should carefully weigh whether the holidays are personally the right time to start dating; let’s assume that the holidays are not extra stressful and that one simply wants to take a bit of their extra free time to write a great profile and start lining up dates. However, that doesn’t mean that there aren’t still aspects of holiday dating to watch out for.

First and foremost, there’s alcohol. Alcohol exists year-round, but holiday celebrations are particularly cheer-heavy, from spiked punch and eggnog to champagne. Add in the holiday revelry and you have a recipe for rash decisions. Many might focus on the “upsides” - lessened inhibitions leading to more immediate “connections” - but they don’t always think of the possible downsides, like embarrassing speeches you don’t intend to make or a miscalculation leading to a vomit-filled evening. For some adults, the holidays are their equivalent of a college Spring Break. Try not to make the same mistakes the kids do.

It’s also important to weigh your motivation for online dating. Are you actually looking for the potential of a long-term relationship, or are you looking for someone to be with on New Year’s Eve? If it’s the former, the holidays might make it harder to sort through the party noise and find someone who wants the same. Similarly, a date at a holiday party might not be the way to really get to know someone and determine whether you’re compatible. If you’re just looking for someone to party with, that’s fine too - just make sure your motivations are clear, so no feelings are hurt.

The holidays can be a time to unwind from the stress of the year, and maybe even reevaluate priorities and create new beginnings. While signing up for an online dating site can certainly be such a new beginning, there’s no rush or rule that says you have to find love immediately. While holiday fun can be a blast, just make sure you’re signing up for the type of fun you want - all the better to start the new year off on the right foot.

The holidays are a time for joyful gatherings and tidings of good cheer, right? Well, not for everyone.

It's also the time of year when many hearts are broken. In fact, most break-ups occur around the holidays. The hurt can be devastating, whether you were part of a long-term couple or even if you'd just started dating and suddenly were abandoned with no explanation or reason why. But no matter how deep and lasting your ties, breaking up over the holidays when everyone around you seems happy and thankful can be a bit overwhelming. You might be tempted to hole up in your room and not come out until January second.

While this move isn't practical, broken hearts do have to be treated with care. Instead of pasting on a smile and going about your holidays as though nothing is wrong, I suggest you take care of yourself by doing the following:

Pamper yourself. Remember that birthday coupon for a massage you got a few months ago? Now is the time to use it. If a mani/pedi is more your style, then make an appointment. Treat yourself to a new hairstyle. You get the picture. Do something for yourself - whether it's relaxing or lifting your spirits.

Call an old friend. Sometimes it helps to reconnect with someone you haven't spoken to in a while - someone who was your best friend or confidant at another time in your life. Find out what's going on with him/her, and share your own story. It can help to talk with someone who has seen you through good times and bad, and loves you for exactly who you are.

Make plans with single friends. Maybe you've been hanging out with a lot of couples, but now is the time to connect with single friends. They can be a great boost, especially if they are really social and get you out of the house and doing fun things. Try not to spend your time downing cocktails and bashing exes - instead, give a toast to your friendship and being there for each other.

Exercise. Sometimes, nothing helps a broken heart like a few extra endorphins. Something about exercising can clear your head, help you focus, and also miraculously lift your spirits. So instead of vegging out in front of the TV all weekend watching romantic comedies, try going for a run at the gym or ice skating at a local outdoor rink. Just get moving.

Give thanks. This might sound cheesy, but it works. Make a list of everything you currently have in your life that you're grateful for. It can be something as small as the banana nut muffins you ate for breakfast or as big as having your sister in your life who always has your back. Reflecting on the good things you have right now really helps put things in perspective and guides you out of heartbreak.

Are you online dating, wondering how to juggle your holiday schedule? Or have you met someone great, but you're not sure whether or not to bring her to your office holiday party or family gathering?

The holiday season can be stressful, because there is so much going on and expectations can run a little higher than usual. Remember not to put pressure on yourself or any budding relationships - after all, if this were May instead of December, would you be pushing her to meet your family? Probably not.

Remember to relax, sit back, and enjoy yourself. Following are some tips to keep you on track.

No expensive gifts. If you just started dating, then you might want to hold off on purchasing that iPad mini for your love - no matter how smitten you might be. Don't look to impress because it's the holiday season. Besides, your date doesn't want you to give him an iPad when all he gave you was a scarf. And if you just started dating, you might want to consider having a conversation about not exchanging gifts at all.

Mix things up. This is a great time of year to avoid your typical dinner and drinks date. Instead, offer to take her sledding, ice skating under the stars, or strolling through the neighborhoods that go all-out with their Christmas decorations. There are plenty of great options if you just look.

Careful with family invitations. Maybe your parents are excited to meet the new guy you've been talking about, but is the holiday season the best time to introduce him? It might put unnecessary pressure and expectations on your relationship. Save the introductions until you've been dating a while, and bring him home to mom and dad when you're both ready.

Don't expect an invitation in return. If you decided to invite your new love to your family gatherings and office holiday parties, don't be upset if he doesn't return the favor. Relationships move at their own pace, and shouldn't be dictated by a holiday schedule. Don't put so much pressure on yourself or your date.

Take things slow. Are you dating more than one guy this season? Have they both asked you to holiday parties and family dinners? Maybe it's time to take a step back. Instead of trying to juggle your commitments, let your dates know that you're not ready for anything serious or to meet the family. Just spend time dating each man and get to know them better, as you would any other time of year. Don't feel pressured to make a commitment just because of the holidays. Take your time, relax, and enjoy.

Imagine: a first date between “Sam” and “Alex.” Sam and Alex are sitting together enjoying drinks and appetizers; however, their internal monologues are miles away from each other.

Sam is still mentally trying to catch her breath. Traffic on the way home from work was terrible; she took the fastest shower known to man and the underside of her hair is still damp. She was able to pull herself together on time, but as she sat down at the table she realized she forgot to brush her teeth. Now she’s fervently hoping there isn’t anything in her smile she should be embarrassed about, and trying to wait for a moment to rush to the restroom that doesn’t seem too soon.

Alex is naturally shy and a little awkward. He’s spending most of his time mentally dissecting everything he’s just said, and inwardly punishing himself over it. That joke wasn’t even funny - she was giving him a pity laugh! He was too loud when he gave his order to the waitress! He just accidentally drank some water the wrong way, and tried to give a casual, delicate cough instead of the gasping and flailing he was doing mentally. Did she notice?

In truth, no, she didn’t notice, because she just realized she’d buttoned her shirt incorrectly in her frenzied tornado of preparation. She just had to get to the restroom and straighten herself out! Maybe then she could relax.

It’s twelve minutes into the conversation. Aside from the initial confirmation that yes, this is the person whose profile they enjoyed, each party has been more concerned with their own shortcomings than worrying about the other person. And that’s how it is for many people - we tend to be self-centered, quick to judge ourselves much more harshly than we would someone else.

If either Sam or Alex could relax, perhaps they could draw their date into the moment as well; so far it’s been two people who are mentally a million miles away. And perhaps they still will; once Sam gets back from pulling herself together and Alex’s adrenaline ebbs. But a chunk of their time together will have been effectively wasted.

As you go out on your first dates, bear Sam and Alex in mind. Don’t stress too much about your initial impression. If you’re nervous, your date is likely even more so, or even just preoccupied with something else (did they leave the hairdryer plugged in?). Nervous, quizzical small talk doesn’t do much to turn the evening around; relaxed, easy, friendly conversation does. And if you can keep yourself together and out of your own head, you’re already halfway there.