Dating

Most of us have our phone with us at all times, and are texting the people in our lives on a regular basis. So it makes sense that we also use texting as a way to ask someone out or to make plans for a date. It's even a good way to flirt and keep the interest going.

But what about those who are already in relationships? Is it better to communicate with each other over text, or can it affect your relationship in a negative way?

According to a new study, too much texting can be a source of frustration and dissatisfaction when it comes to romantic relationships. Researchers from Brigham Young University who conducted the study found that, "couples that constantly text were more susceptible to miscommunication."

According to researchers, reaction to disappointment and other emotions occurs more quickly face-to-face. When you aren't able to gauge someone's reaction - like when you're texting instead of talking to each other - it leads to more miscommunication and hurt feelings.

The study looked at the habits of 276 men and women between the ages of 18 and 25 who were in serious relationships (including some married and engaged couples). Of the group, 82% said they traded messages back and forth with their partners multiple times per day.

Those who sent loving messages more often reported a higher degree of relationship satisfaction. But volume wasn't the main barometer in testing the relationships. It seems that men who texted more often typically felt less satisfied with the relationship. Researchers pointed out that this might be a way that men disconnect - by turning to their phones and decreasing face-to-face communication with their partners.

Female participants in the study felt differently. If they texted more often, they reported more satisfaction with the relationship. They also tended to use their smartphones when their relationships were in trouble. They took to texting to apologize, make a decision, or work out differences with their partners.

"Technology is more important to relationship formation than it was previously," BYU researcher Lori Schade said in a statement. "The way couples text is having an effect on the relationship as well."

Texting is shaping the way we communicate with each other, but it's also leaving us more confused about when to use our phones versus talking with each other in person, especially in our romantic lives.

It seems one thing is clear: if you need to discuss problems or have heavier relationship conversations, it's much better to do them face-to-face.

Let’s say you (Person #1) are on a first date, and you know there’s probably no spark there. Nothing personal, but you don’t seem to have as much in common as you both thought you would, and physically there just doesn’t seem to be anything between you. You’re just two polite people making small talk at this point.

And then it happens. Your date says something that leaves an opening. An opening to something you’re passionate about. And you decide that maybe the evening isn’t a waste after all. Sure, you’re not interested in romance, but maybe you can impart some wisdom on this particular subject.

Now let’s imagine the same scenario from the other perspective - that of your date, Person #2. The beginning is much the same - polite people with polite small talk. Not the best night of your life, but not the worst. But then it happens. You make an innocuous comment, and the eyes of your date light up with zeal.

The next twenty minutes are spent listening to a pitch. Maybe it’s to convert to their religion, or political viewpoint. Maybe it’s health or diet related. Maybe they want you to join their pyramid scheme or cosmetics party or timeshare. You’re left feeling ambushed, wondering if this was the point to the date the entire time. The date is quickly gaining rank as one of the worst ever.

In reality, there was no ulterior motive to the date - it’s simply that Person #1 lost sight of the point of date. Romance was no longer an option, so they stopped being on “their best behavior” and missed the fact that their soapbox rant was not really appropriate for this setting or audience.

This is really where many dates go wrong - when we’re not actively trying to woo someone. The manners slip, or someone gets too comfortable, and then the true colors show.

On the one hand, this is a blessing in disguise - clearly the people on this date were not meant to be, and it’s better to see someone’s true character sooner rather than later. On the other hand, this date was going nowhere from the start; now a pleasant, if bland evening has been turned into something far more awkward.

As you go out on your first dates, don’t give up on your “best first impression” persona just because you know you haven’t found love - it’s not fair to your date. While your passion may be exciting to someone who’d make a good match, it’s not always appropriate in a small-talk date setting. Additionally, it never hurts to monitor your behavior at any time - wouldn’t you rather be with someone whose “sloppy” self was still considerate and polite?

By now, many of us are familiar with The Rules, a dating guide written several years ago that became the standard for women who wanted to "capture" a man. One of the main points made in the book is that women tend to make themselves too available, and the big secret to landing the man of your dreams is playing hard to get.

While we might have moved on from this advice in theory, many female daters still adhere to the "play hard to get" mantra, even subconsciously. Instead of letting a man know she's interested, some women play it cool and wait for the man to move the relationship forward. While women are willing to have sex, they are not so willing to share their feelings or let a man know they are falling in love.

After all, men don't want a woman who is too needy or relies on the relationship. He wants her to be mysterious, independent, and elusive. As soon as she admits her feelings, then he'll get scared and want somebody new. At least, this is the thinking behind the behavior.

While some guys enjoy playing a game of chase when they pursue a woman, many get incredibly frustrated. They don't know if she's really interested, and get tired of guessing. What are her intentions? Does she just want him to spend money on her, or does she really like him? Is she ready to get serious, or is he just a distraction from her ex boyfriend?

Sometimes we might not like to admit to ourselves that we've played games in our love lives. Have there been times when you dated a man you weren't all that interested in because you were lonely, or because he romantically pursued you? Or were there other times when you fell hard for him but refused to tell him how you felt? Instead, you opted for being fun, unattached, and sexy, hoping he'd want to "capture" you?

Did your relationship last? Were you happy and fulfilled? Likely not. When we play games, we're not being true to ourselves, and make it even harder to find love. After all, falling in love requires both people to be vulnerable, to be willing to get hurt. When you're playing games, you're essentially communicating that you don't want to get hurt. You just want to escape unscathed.

So the next time you're falling for a guy you met, or wondering what he's thinking, instead of playing games or trying to figure him out, try being honest. The worst that can happen is that he doesn't feel the same, and that's okay. Better to know sooner than later and move on to someone who reciprocates your feelings.

This might be the craziest thing I've ever seen. And with the complete insanity that makes up most of my life, that's saying a lot.

Coming home for the holidays is a drag for plenty of single people. Some of us are lucky enough to have families who don't demand that we settle down, but for the rest of us, holiday singlehood comes along with a whole lot of disapproving looks from family members who can't believe we've chosen to focus on our careers instead of our hearts.

Enter Invisible Girlfriend, a site that does exactly what its name suggests: creates a virtual relationship with the (nonexistent) girl of your dreams. Subscribers to the nascent online service receive text messages, real voicemails, random gifts, a Facebook relationship status change, and even "emergency interactions" (whatever that means!) with their faux SOs.

In an interview, Invisible Girlfriend creator Matt Homann said "Our audience might come from a variety of situations: maybe they're in a same-sex relationship they're hiding from disapproving relatives, are trying to avoid the unwelcome advances from a coworker, or have chosen to focus on their work instead of romance."

Here's how it works:

• Step One: choose a plan that includes both virtual and real-world relationship "proof" to create a believable Invisible Girlfriend.
• Step Two: customize your new Invisible Girlfriend's personality and specify how the two of you will interact.
• Step Three: get back to living life on your own terms, and not on others'.

Right now, the company (which is still pre-launch) offers three monthly subscription packages to choose from: "Just Talking," "Getting Serious," and "Almost Engaged." For as low as $9.99 a month, you can create a significant other through texts, automated phone calls, and simple gifts. For $29.99 per month, you can receive premium gifts, real voicemails, and a Facebook relationship status. And for the highest price point, $49.99 per month, you can get custom girlfriend characterization, live phone calls, and the ability to personalize your own story.

"We're not trying to build a girlfriend they can believe in - that's a whole other level of technology," Homann told Riverfront Times. "We're giving them a better story to tell, even if the story isn't true."

The story of the company is itself a good story to tell. Invisible Girlfriend was pitched for the first time at Startup Weekend as a joke, but the idea quickly caught hold and a team created a rough product in just 54 hours. "It went from, 'Let's have some fun. Let's make everyone laugh,' to, 'We have the making and talent to build something that works,'" said Homann. They ended up walking away with first place in the competition, $3,000, and plans to launch an Invisible Boyfriend version.

The new year is around the corner, and you know what that means - more resolutions! Are you wanting to change things in your life, to have more fun on dates, to meet someone special? This is the time of year to reflect on what's most important to you and what you'd like to improve.

We make resolutions every year to do things differently, but then once we start the task seems overwhelming and difficult. But it doesn't have to be if you take small steps. Changing your dating life doesn't mean denying yourself fun - it means injecting a little more fun into it. Taking yourself out of the normal routine, meeting new people. There's nothing too hard about that!

Following are some resolutions you can make that will make a huge difference in your dating experience:

Engage in conversation. Instead of sizing your date up over a twenty-minute coffee meeting, try approaching the next date with an open mind. Ask questions, get to know the person sitting across from you. Even if he's not right for you, he likely has something interesting to share. We all have different experiences, and it connects us to be able to share them. Engage in more conversations, instead of quickly writing your dates off.

Mix up your routine. There's nothing that says "boring date" like the twentieth time you're meeting someone for coffee at the shop around the corner. So, pick a new place! Instead of traditional dates like drinks or dinner, try doing something active instead. Take your dogs for a walk in the park. Go on a bike ride. Or since it's winter, try ice skating or indoor rock climbing. You'll find it's easier to connect and converse with someone when you are active. It also makes your time together more fun.

Give every date a second chance. Don't just go on a series of first dates. If you aren't sure about someone, or there wasn't the great chemistry but you had a nice time, go on at least one more date. Most people are nervous for first meetings and you don't really get a sense of who they are. Instead of being quick to judge, try taking a step back and moving more slowly. It pays off.

Project what you want to attract. If you are looking for love, you won't get it by having a negative attitude about dating or blaming others for not being what you want. Try taking a more positive approach. Most people are looking for love just like you. If you allow yourself to enter a date with a fresh perspective, to be willing to give love, then you'll find a whole different dating experience.

Dump those lists. I know we all have standards, but sometimes they just don't serve us. Instead of getting hung up on someone meeting all of those qualifications you require (lots of hair, nice smile, taller than me), try thinking about how you want to feel in a relationship (listened to, supported, encouraged). It makes a big difference.

Dating is a tricky thing. People have different views on what's acceptable and what's not, but they don't always communicate it. After all, would you feel comfortable saying that you want exclusivity on a second or third date? Probably not. But when you avoid the hard conversations with your dates in order to just be casual and have fun, you might be sending the wrong message.

For instance, if you're a woman who enjoys meeting men, do you have an obligation to tell a man you've been dating for a month that you don't want to be exclusive? Or is it better to wait until he brings it up to you?

Many people opt for the latter, because they are afraid to have the serious conversations. They are afraid being truthful will mean they might have to give up something that's easy and fun.

But dating requires us to be truthful in order to have a real relationship. If you're hiding what you want, you aren't doing anybody any favors. People deserve to know where they stand, even if it means breaking things off.

Let's look at a few examples:

Jack and Simone - they have been dating for two months. Simone is also sleeping with her co-worker, but she doesn't consider this a "real" relationship, just a convenience. She doesn't want to give her co-worker up in case her new relationship doesn't work out, but recently he's been wanting more than just a casual fling. Should she come clean with both of them?

You can see why Simone might be hesitant. She stands to lose both dates by telling them she's not interested in being exclusive just yet. Her co-worker could be angry that she was dating at all, especially if she wasn't clear about her intentions with him. And if she is ready to take her new relationship to the next level? She has to risk potentially losing her new guy, too. He might not want to be exclusive, but she owes it to herself to be clear about what she wants and to communicate it.

Anna and Caleb - Anna has been dating a few men she met online for the last several weeks. She likes them all, and figures she should keep dating all of them until they fall out. Steve is really handsome and charming, Rob is really energetic and creative, and then there's Caleb, who makes her laugh. She's most interested in Caleb, but he's been giving off a vibe that he's not really the monogamous type. She and Caleb haven't discussed their relationship at all, but she assumes he's seeing other women and she wants to leave her options open, too.

When you're dating, you're still in the process of getting to know someone, so there's no need to rush into a relationship. However, you can't date multiple people without being honest with all of them. If she really wants to continue dating all of them, she has to tell them she's dating other people, and let them decide whether or not to continue. But even more to the point, it's important that she tell Caleb her feelings, otherwise she will continue dating him without getting her needs met. There's no point in holding on to someone if there's no chance your relationship will progress.

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to dating, but it's most important to be honest - with the people you date and yourself.