Dating

Americans are gravitating away from meeting for dinner as a first date option, preferring to meet for cocktails instead. Maybe it's the promise of a social lubricant for those who are more reserved or nervous, or it's a more efficient way to get to know someone, or perhaps it's just a more casual approach than taking someone to dinner. Whatever the reason, singles are meeting each other more and more often over a glass of wine or a gin and tonic rather than a bowl of pasta.

A new study by DatingAdvice.com surveyed 1,080 respondents and found that 15% preferred drinks over dinner for a first date. Gay men and women were more than twice as likely as heterosexuals to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner, at 32%.

Interestingly, income plays a role in how people prefer to meet. It seems the more you make, the less invested you want to be in a first date (at least financially). Those earning between $100,000 and $124,999 were 57% more likely than those earning less than $25,000 to choose drinks over dinner.

Divorced men and women were also more likely to choose drinks over dinner, maybe in an effort to keep things more casual at the beginning of a potential relationship. One in four divorcees preferred to meet for drinks rather than dinner, compared to one in ten of singles who had never been married.

DatingAdvice.com expert Gina Stewart attributes the trend of meeting for drinks to the increasing rate at which our work lives tend to spill over into our personal lives.

"The benefits of cocktails on a first date mean social lubrication. Someone can break out of the first date jitters much faster. Drinks don't take as long as dinner, so if the date isn't going well, you're not forced to endure it more than the length of the drink," she said. "Nice cocktails are cheaper than nice dinners, and you have no worries about having embarrassing stuff get on your face or stuck in your teeth."

Race and age both play a factor, too. Both African-Americans and seniors aged 65 and older were half as likely as the general population to prefer meeting for cocktails instead of dinner (both at only 9%). Southerners were less likely to go for drinks on a first date too, with only 13% responding affirmatively.

The study was conducted based on accurately representing the U.S. census data in terms of consideration for age, gender, income, race, sexuality and other factors.

There is a process to successful online dating - it takes time. You first create your profile, then search through your matches, and finally email the ones that interest you. After that, you're ready to start making plans to meet some of them in person. When you get to the actual date, you want things to go well - after all, it took effort to get there!

Many people are excited to go on a first date. After all, you're curious. You want to see if there's chemistry, if the conversation flows, if you both laugh -and let's face it, if she looks like her picture. But sometimes you're so busy wondering how the date will go that you don't think about the little things that will ensure its success.

Following are some first date mistakes that many people make, but now that you know, you can avoid! If you're interested, the goal is to get to the second date, right?

You didn't plan ahead. This is such an easy fix. Usually, your date won't care where you meet for a first date, as long as you take charge (especially since you are the one asking her out). Whoever does the asking, does the planning. Even for a coffee date. Check the place out so you know what to expect.

You were late. There's nothing more infuriating than showing up on time to a date and then waiting. And waiting. If you're stuck in traffic or running late, text your date to let her know. But try to allow extra time and get there early. It makes a good impression because it shows you care.

You wore old dirty jeans and a t-shirt. There's nothing wrong with this look if you're at home watching the game, but for a first date? It's not good. Put some effort into your dress - clean clothes only, and preferably a nice shirt or jacket and closed shoes, not flip flops. Think of your date as an important business meeting. You want to impress your clients, so why not impress your date?

You kept looking around the room. Maybe there were plenty of attractive women at the bar that night and you couldn't help yourself. But your date wants to feel she is special, at least for the time you two are on the date. Pay attention and engage with her, and try not to get so distracted.

You let her grab the check. There's nothing wrong with splitting the bill or taking turns paying when you're dating someone, but if this is a first date, pay the bill. It shows you're classy. I understand that many people don't have a lot of money to spend on dates, and that's okay. This is why you are the one planning it - pick a place you can afford, like a coffee shop, r do something free like a walk in the park. Then you know what to expect when the check arrives.

Happy dating!

You might have missed a recent article in The New York Times about how group dating is becoming a new way to date.

Instead of meeting a match one-on-one like you would with most online dating sites, some are now offering to set you up on a group date with five to eleven matches - 3 to 6 men and 3 to 6 women total, to offer you more choices and a more relaxed and engaging first date.

The reason? Group dates tend to take the pressure off of individuals. You don't have to make a list of interesting things to say or questions to ask, or try to keep conversation going whenever there's an awkward pause. Plus, it's like having three to six dates in one night!

Best of all, you increase your chances of clicking with someone. It maximizes the chance you'll hit it off with someone in a way that speed dating doesn't. For one, you get to spend more time with your potential dates and really get to know them, instead of being rushed through a five-minute meeting and going on a first impression.

Group dating is an interesting proposition, and has been met with a lot of interest. Online dating and now even speed dating sites are opening up to this concept. So what are the drawbacks?

Some people tend to be more shy and reserved, especially around new people. If there is a gregarious, fun person in the group, he might steal the attention away from other great dates by leading the conversation or suggesting what to do next. It's hard to compete for attention. The beauty of a one-on-one date is that there aren't really any distractions and you can focus on each other.

But there is something to be said for a relaxed, no-pressured group date. There isn't an expectation of sex or romance by the end of the evening, at least not with one particular person. You don't have to plan the date in terms of picking the place and paying for both you and your date - the dating site offering the group date experience plans a location to meet and each person is responsible for her own tab.

If you're new to dating or if you've been through a recent break-up, this might be the best way to dip your toe in the dating pool. Instead of working up the nerve to go on a date, a group date is like dining with new friends, which may or may not lead to romance.

The power of the Internet has certainly changed how we date, especially with the popularity of online dating. Social media has made it really easy to access information about your dates, too. A lot of your dates will be checking out Facebook and Google to learn more about you before you actually meet in person. And chances are, you'll know more about them too.

I encourage people to do some research before the date. A few of my friends were horrified to discover their matches had engagement websites for their upcoming marriage to someone else, yet they were still online dating! Another saw that one of her matches had a police record. You don't want to be caught off guard or misled, so research is important.

Police records aside, how many of you research dates a little more than necessary? Do you really want to know what junior high school he attended, or what he ate for breakfast yesterday morning?

A quick look at Facebook or Twitter can tell you a lot about a person, but dating should be more mysterious. Don't you want the excitement of getting to know your date over time, discovering little quirks and habits for yourself? Or would you rather everything be out in the open, like her background in conservative politics or his experience growing up in a commune?

There's another argument to be made that sometimes we know too much, too soon. When you spend so much time researching someone you haven't met in person, building this idea of who he is in your head, you'll likely be let down in real life when you meet and there's no spark. You might even feel cheated. After all, you thought you really knew him.

But seeing someone's online persona - who he is through social media - can be a bit misleading. A person's social media presence isn't typically who he is in real life. People are much more complex. It's better to think of someone's blog or Twitter page as just a snapshot compared to who they really are as a whole.

It can also be misleading if you're emailing a potential date back and forth several times, becoming more emotionally attached to a virtual relationship. Maybe neither one of you feels compelled to meet in real life, at least anytime soon. But when you do this, you're not getting a complete picture of who your match is. You're falling for an image that you've built up, and one that might not even be real (catfishing).

Instead of getting hung up on your virtual interactions with dates, it's better to meet them in person sooner rather than later, and it's also good to learn about him in real life as you date, not just over Facebook.

Dating would be so much easier if someone else always made the first move. Even better: if their thoughts and intentions were broadcast in a thought bubble above their heads, like a comic strip. We’d know if we should approach and strike up a conversation. We’d know if they were looking for nothing more than friendship. If they were single, we’d know if they were truly ready to move on past their last relationship. We’d know if they were interested in us, too.

Alas, we don’t have those powers of telepathy or projection. And even though women are approached by men more frequently than the inverse, there’s no hard and fast rule about who should be making the first move. Thus, we’re all forced to take that blind first step from time to time.

Here’s the thing: it’s hard to do. It can be wrenching and awkward to be approached by someone you’re not interested in and turn them down, but making the first move requires extra elements of courage and adrenaline. You’re willfully making yourself potentially uncomfortable. Regardless of your gender or orientation, it’s tough.

Thus, it’s no wonder we seek to avoid it as much as possible. By using online dating sites, we hope to dull the sting of rejection. In person, we search for tiny clues, even subconscious ones, that might give us insight before we approach. We get surly about having to make the first move, whether it’s our first time doing so or our fiftieth.

And it’s exactly for these reasons that we should all make the first move when we can. Because our potential matches feel the same fear and adrenaline, but one will have to win this game of chicken in order to ever meet and fall in love. Instead of keeping score with how many first-contact emails we’ve sent, we should continue to send them, because we should take responsibility for seeking out potential love. We shouldn’t miss out on opportunities because we’re pouting and think it should be our turn to be approached. After all, what if your potential match is in the same boat?

Making that first move can be hard, even in online dating. No one likes rejection. But perhaps recognizing that we all have those same basic emotions and fears will make it just a tiny bit easier to approach someone next time. There’s always the option of ignoring your opportunity, too, but the outcome is predictable: you’re passing up a chance at love.

Long-distance love isn't something most people seek out. After all, you want to find someone who lives close enough so that you can spend time together. But sometimes, we meet people outside of our desired geographic locations and we want to try and make it work - to create a long-distance relationship.

But how do you actually do this successfully?

Long-distance relationships do come with many challenges. It's hard to be apart and removed from each other's lives, (but it's also very romantic every time you're reunited, which helps keep the desire going). To avoid conflict and misunderstanding, it's important to communicate with each other on a regular basis.

Following are some tips to help build your long-distance relationship:

Take it slowly. If you met online, or had a brief fling while you were visiting a friend in another city, you don't really know the other person. It takes time to build a relationship - to get to know another person. So don't dive head first into romance. Talk to each other over the phone. Make plans to see each other in person, sooner rather than later. If you haven't yet met in person, then make sure it happens before you are too emotionally involved. The other person might be misrepresenting themselves and deceiving you (a term known as catfishing). Proceed with caution, and if your love keeps making excuses and avoids getting together, likely she has something to hide.

Communicate regularly. Texting is great and easy, but long-distance relationships require a little more involvement since you don't see each other face-to-face so often. Schedule time to Skype with each other or even talk on the phone. Tell him/ her details about your day, to include them in your daily life as much as you can. If something is bothering you, like the fact that you're the one doing all the calling, it's also best to share sooner rather than later. You don't want misunderstandings or resentments building up, and you do want the reassurance that you both feel the same way (committed to the relationship).

Live your own lives. Don't sit by the phone every Saturday night waiting for your partner to call. Instead, be more social. Make new friends, spend time with family, pursue hobbies you love. Developing your own life is important for long-term relationship success, no matter how far apart you are geographically.

Have a plan. Don't enter into a long-distance relationship without talking to each other about the end goal. You both would like to end up in the same place, right? If one of you is going to school, make plans for after graduation to relocate to one city. If your jobs are taking you away from each other for the long-term, one of you might want to consider moving should the relationship keep moving forward. Make a plan to assess things six months to a year from now.