Sex

Across the board, so-called “hookup apps” have a certain reputation. It's right there in the name. While plenty of singles use dating apps like Tinder to find actual relationships, popular perception skews in a much more sensationalized direction.

No group falls victim to that melodramatic media coverage more than the gay community, who constantly catch flack for the use of Grindr and similar apps. The common refrain is that these applications encourage risky sexual behavior and exist only for easy, no-strings-attached gratification, but a new study may have people rethinking that narrow-minded assumption.

Garrett Prestage, associate professor of sociology at the University of New South Wales’ Kirby Institute, says 80% of gay men now find their boyfriends through apps and dating websites.

According to his research, published in AIDS and Behaviour and backed by the National Health and Medical Research Council and LaTrobe University, showed that only 14% of gay men met their partners online in 2001. Fourteen years later, things are drastically different.

Today, the numbers of gay men who meet long-term partners at bars, at sex-on-premises venues, and through friends have dropped dramatically, and the changing landscape of gay dating is forcing safer-sex campaigners to rethink their strategies and assumptions.

It's long been said that men who using dating sites or mobile apps are at a higher risk than men who do not, but Prestage casts doubt upon any studies that seem to confirm that theory. “This data show that this is faulty logic because most gay men meet partners this way… be that romantic or sexual,” he says. “If they’re comparing it with men who don’t use apps they’re comparing men who are sexually active with those who are not.”

Prestage adds that “the myth that an online hook up is only just about sex” could mean that health organisations using apps and websites for HIV prevention outreach could be falling short of their goals.

“A more sensible approach is simply to accept that men are more likely to meet via online methods these days and make sure that there are appropriate online interventions and information,” he argues.

A more effective tactic would be to target specific users based on what they're looking for, providing different messaging for men looking for relationships and men looking for casual sex. Ultimately, while apps can certainly help increase awareness around sexual health campaigns, they aren't a sufficient strategy for serious engagement.

Health organizations must adapt to the changing landscape of gay dating if they want to remain relevant and engaging.

Ah, the much-maligned hookup app.

It gets a bad rap. Naysayers act like “hookup culture” is a recent phenomenon, like having smartphone access to hundreds of possible dates suddenly made people want to have casual sex with each other.

It sounds silly when you think of it that way, doesn't it? The hookup app didn't make people more inclined to hook up, it just made it more efficient.

We talk about tools like Tinder in a very specific way. The media says they've “revolutionized” how people date and mate. “But,” Mic notes, “what we call modern might not be so new.” The Tinders of the world wouldn't exist if it weren't for one “humble predecessor” that started it all: Craigslist.

Cragslist got its start in 1995, as an email mailing list in San Francisco. It wasn't long before it became more than a marketplace for products and services. Soon it was connecting individuals, spurred on by the opportunity for free, uncensored, and anonymous connections. The site's sparse layout, faceless profiles, and near-endless options made it a perfect destination for those looking to explore.

Craigslist created a uniquely candid atmosphere. Openness between strangers was encouraged. Users felt comfortable sharing their deepest, darkest desires – maybe things they hadn't even acknowledged to themselves. It was, and still is, a place to get honest with yourself and honest with others. Users can be fully themselves, the ultimate freedom.

Like the so-called hookup apps, Craigslist is about more than just sex. Out of that vulnerable environment springs actual emotion. Something casual can lead to dating and even marriage. The basic premise of CL's “Casual Encounters” section and a hookup app is the same: “connect people who might not have met otherwise and facilitate real-life meetups for sex or dating.” In that sense, Craigslist is the ancient ancestor of every dating service we have today.

Now Craigslist is a fish in a much larger ocean. It's lost a significant portion of its audience, who have turned instead to the booming dating market and its enhanced technology. Image-centric profiles and geolocation tech make it easier than ever for users to quickly connect in person.

That being said, Craiglist has yet to lose its appeal. While other dating services become progressively less private, Craigslist retains its strong sense of anonymity. That's an invaluable commodity in a world that increasingly shows little regard for privacy.

For more information on the original hookup app take a look at our Craigslist review.

Dating can be fun, but it can also be confusing and even a bit demoralizing. Regardless of whether you meet someone online, on Tinder, or sitting next to you at the bar, you can have an instant connection. And that connection can also go wrong if you don’t adhere to a few simple rules of good behavior.

I don’t mean The Rules, as in playing hard-to-get. I mean that despite the pull of chemistry between two people, there is still the fact that you two don’t know each other, and so it only benefits you to be on your best behavior.

If you’ve ever had one too many drinks and fallen down from the bar stool you’ve been perched on next to your date, or gone off on a political rant in the middle of a nice conversation, you might know a little about making a mistake that you regret because it cost you a future date.

Following are some guidelines in how to avoid a dating disaster (and moving on if it’s already happened):

Curb your drinking. This might seem obvious, but many people like to have a drink or two to “loosen up.” Know your tolerance before you consume. A few drinks can quickly turn bad – like if you suddenly feel sick and have to leave before you throw up on your date, or you can’t remember what happened past driving home in an Uber. There’s nothing sexy or appealing about dating a drunk stranger, so know your limits.

Avoid touchy subjects. Although politics is your passion, it’s good to avoid talking about Congress on a first date when you don’t know each other. Your date could mistake your passion for self-righteousness, especially if you try to convince him that you’re right. Instead of getting carried away with an argument, try stepping back, asking questions, and listening. This can quickly turn the conversation around.

Don’t get sexual right away. Despite all of the pick-up artists’ proclamations, women generally don’t like it when a guy comes on too strong, especially at the beginning of a relationship. Recognize that most women get hit on when they online date, and they don’t appreciate it – especially from a stranger. Instead of trying to seduce her, get to know her. That is a sure way to guarantee a second date.

Acknowledge and move on. We’ve all made embarrassing mistakes, especially while dating. There’s no reason to continue to beat yourself up over mistakes of the past – instead, acknowledge what happened, see what you can do differently, and move on. Regret has no place in future relationships.

When guys ask me for dating advice, it’s usually because they are frustrated and feel somewhat baffled by women. Most men are content to take a few rejections and move on (more so than women), but if a woman does something they don’t understand, if they are interested in her at all, they have to know:

What does she want? Or more interestingly: What did I do wrong?

This should be an eye-opener for women. Men are more aware of your actions, thoughts and feelings than they are given credit for. They are also more interested in what they can do better, how they can make you happy.

(An aside: Yes, men love making women happy. It’s what keeps them going in a relationship. We just have to let them know what we want.)

A man recently asked me about a woman he’s been dating for a few months. He just got out of a relationship, and she seems a bit standoff-ish, though he’s not sure why. She claims she’s interested in him, but then she pulls a disappearing act. She acts flirtatious and touches him one minute, and the next she pulls away or rebuffs him. He’s kept in a constant state of confusion, wondering what exactly she wants.

While I don’t know this woman and can’t speak for how she feels, I can address her actions and also how he can help himself in this situation. First, she might be a little skeptical of his intentions since he just got out of a serious relationship. In fact, he admitted he wasn’t sure how he felt about her.

When you don’t know how you feel about someone, you can’t expect her to love and be clear about her feelings for you, either.

This was tough for him to hear. After all, she was the one playing games and pulling the disappearing act. And it’s true: she wasn’t exactly giving the relationship her best effort, or maybe any effort at all. But neither was he.

Until you are clear on what you want from a relationship, don’t expect someone else to tell you. If you need time to assess how you feel, take your time. But allow your partner to take her time, too. Not everyone is certain about how they feel right away. And some people are more cautious with their hearts than others, because they don’t want to get hurt again.

If you are waiting for the other person to drive the relationship, you are letting them take control. It’s a partnership, not something to control. If you decide you want an exclusive relationship, let her know. Don't be afraid of having an intimate conversation about how you are feeling, or not feeling.

Somewhere along the line, every argument in favor of mobile dating apps claims they've made it easier than ever to find a relationship (even just a one-night relationship, if that's what you're looking for). Everyone loves the idea of a quick and easy matchmaking process, and why wouldn't they? In our era of short attention spans, we expect everything to be as fast and convenient as possible.

On the other hand, plenty have said that all that swiping left and right doesn't actually amount to much. Dating apps have taken a complex, time-consuming process and wrapped it up in a package that requires almost no thought or energy. Can something so easy accurately recreate the intricate experience of meeting and falling for someone? Can true, lasting romance ever come from a dating app?

Well, let's see.

When it comes to popularity, dating apps certainly aren't hurting. A current Radian 6 analysis shows that buzz surrounding dating apps is very high, with a total of 2,094,611 mentions. Breaking it down, Tinder comes out on top (1,383,012) followed by Badoo (505.611), Grindr (137,779) and Twoo (63,733). The vast majority of what is being said is positive, so users are clearly finding something of merit in this modern-day, digital approach to dating.

Looking deeper, we start to see another trend. The consensus amongst users seems to be that dating apps are primarily used for hooking up rather than serious romance. Search the keywords “love” and “lust” and you'll find that the latter is more closely associated with app-based interactions. Grindr, naturally, leads the pack with 86.3% “lust” to 13.7% “love” mentions. Tinder takes second place with 81.3% and 18.7%, respectively.

When another sentiment analysis is performed, it's revealed that negative sentiment is higher for lust-related interactions and a higher positive sentiment is associated with interactions focused on finding true love.

So is there any grounding to the perception that dating services are just for hookups? Seeing as there's strong negative sentiment attached to the lust angle, most seem to be opposed to using dating apps for casual sex. Sure, it's out there, but more singles using mobile dating services are looking for a happily ever after that lasts longer than one night.

Admittedly, it might not be something you find right away, but hey – when is it? Sorting through the weirdo's takes plenty of time online too, and just as much time in person, so embrace it. It's all part of the process and once you have what you're looking for, it won't matter where you found it.

Today in “Yes, there’s even an app for that”: Healthvana, a new service helping to halt the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

These days we do everything online - from paying our bills to booking appointments to meeting the loves of our lives. And it’s great. There are clear benefits to living in a faster, more connected world. But where do you draw the line on going digital? Would you store your STD status online?

Healthvana is banking on the answer being “yes.” The service launched earlier this summer in partnership with the AIDS Health Foundation to offer people easy access to their own health records. Healthvana sends patients' results directly from the laboratory to their smartphones, via their website or their mobile app.

Healthvana founder Ramin Bastani told ABC News "It's a digital version of, 'I'll show you mine if you show me yours.'" Armed with your results on the digital device of your choice, you can show potential partners and new doctors a time-stamped status on prevalent STDs like chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and HIV. (Note: Though common, HPV and herpes are not currently included in the app’s interface.)

"It's no different if you went to the doctor and got a printout and showed [your partner] that," Bastani explained. "We want to eradicate that idea that no news is good news."

Whitney Engeran, head of public health at the AIDS Healthcare Foundation, is also predicting a bright future for Healthvana. "It allows us to move faster with our patients and gives them a lot of quick information," he said. "Because right now if they're negative, we don't necessarily call them –- because we see so many people, we really only call them if they’re positive."

The problem, of course, is one that plagues everything in our digital age: security. What happens if Healthvana is hacked? Or if you lose your phone?

The service supposedly follows U.S. patient privacy laws known as HIPAA, because users can only access their results after entering through a secure portal, and no sensitive info is sent via email. Patient records are stored in a secure data center that only a limited number of Healthvana employees have access to.

Of course, Healthvana can only reveal the results of someone’s most recent test - which isn’t definitive proof of a clean bill of health and is no guarantee it’s safe to skip using protection. Still, if this app makes users more aware of their health, helps people approach a sensitive topic, and encourages more responsible sexual practices, it’s a welcome step in the right direction.

So far the instant record feature is being tested in three locations in Florida, and the AIDS Healthcare Foundation plans to roll out the updated app nationwide within the next two months.