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Getting a good chuckle over some of these comments... I suspect that EH might do better if they included a couple of make-or-break items. I went through the entire process (it's great to find that you're in such a minority that nearly no one is likely to be attracted to you - too bright, too active, too independent, too non-traditional, too... etc. Guess I need to dumb myself down and size myself up a bit).

I received a couple of interesting matches - but one make-or-break for me is my horses. They are, and have for a long time been, my life. I never could have children (and was all too familiar with the barren-broodmare-syndrome), so the horses, and the effort I put into rescuing horses, are far too large a part of who I am to find appealing any comments like "I'm allergic to horses.. get rid of them" or "where is there room for ME if you have all of those dumb animals". Yes, definitely a make-or-break.

Common or compatible traits are all well and good, but common or shared passions, interests, and dedications are even more critical. That's presuming folks even HAVE passions, which I'm beginning to suspect may not be a common case!

I suspect that the bottom line is that anyone at the extremes of the various and sundry bell-curves will experience the same limited success via net sites as they already have using conventional methods.

I spent just shy of a year using eHarmony, so I thought I'd throw in my two cents. For my money, it's just not worth it. It was interesting to fill out the profile, but I pretty much know myself, so there were no surprises. :-) The first thing I noticed after completing the profile was that I received absolutely no matches. That's right: none. A couple of days later I received one. In the coming weeks the number of matches I received started to grow until I really couldn't keep up. Normally this would be great, but the highly structured communications process is really limiting and stagnant. You have no real freedom to communicate outside of multiple choice questions. I eventually did go out with several of the women I was matched with, but none of them were even close to beaing a real match. Just as an example, I rarely shy away from an opportunity to try something new, but I was matched with a girl who was afraid to try Indian or Vietnamese food because she was afraid she wouldn't like it. Granted, food is a small thing, but this attitude permeated her entire personality. Anyway, enough about her. The point is that the "advanced mathing" system is not that advanced. I've done much better on my own, either in person or on other do-it-yourself dating sites. (i.e. Match.com)

That said, everyone's experience is different. Plus, I'm a guy, so my experience may or may not be useful to you. :-) Although, I think the main problem I was facing was that most of the girls I met were wanting to find a husband, while I was looking to meet a friend with no preconceptions or limits.

Good luck to you - whatever your decision.

Had to type back again.. You all are too fun.. I'm glad I stumbled on this through CNN yesterday..

HorseLady.. You sound like me.. I don't know how many times I've done the "love me, love my (furry, feathered, and scaly) kids" number.. Check, check, and double~check on the rest, too.. It's that confidence thing, that air of self~sufficiency, that can be a real deal buster for us, I think.

One personality match quiz I just happened to come across last night, a year after I took it, said that 95% of the opposite sex would basically adore someone like me, but that I'd only be happy with about 5 or 6% of them myself, if that. Still trying to figure that one out since I am seriously an easy keeper who enjoys sharing equally with her significant other. Plain and simple. No expensive tastes.. Nada.

Just would like to eventually find someone who is faithful (whoops ~ there goes, oh, say 60%+ right off the bat), kind, and considerate. Someday my prince will come..

To Tony.. It's great to hear a man's point of view. Your comment about meeting women who were husband shopping front and center sure hit home. I had wanted to toss that in earlier but couldn't quite find the place for it in my soliloquy.

The word "suffocation" comes to mind like right off the bat when I think back on most of the men who typed to me. Over and over the feeling I got was that we were two~thirds of the way to the altar, and that was their opening email.

Maybe over time people will be able to teach each other to not be quite so anxious about spending some quality time alone with themselves, do some kicking back and enjoy the ride for a while. Out of the blue, things will happen more in the way you said, out there accidentally one day when they least expect. (A girl can dream, anyway.. )

Happy hunting to us all..

MO

Ok, it's time for me to add my two in. There is nothing wrong with girls husband shopping. I'm at a point in my life where for the first time I'm considering life partners and as a result, eharmony is perfect for me.

Also, I haven't had the bad exerience some have had with minimal matches. I get tons of matches..sadly, less than half ever communicate -- probably because they don't pay.

I think eHarmony is well worth the money. Remember, it is basically religious dating service, so keep that in mind. I meet my wife on eHarmony and she is fantastic. She is just the woman I had always hoped for and much, much more. eHarmony matched us so completely that we can almost read each others minds and finish each others sentences. eHarmony is great.

I thought it was awful! I ran it on a free trial and I only got a couple of matches. These matches were too old (I was 28 at the time and they were 40), too young (come on... what would I have to say to a 23 year old?), politically and socially conservative (I'm a very active political liberal and independent woman), and lived an hour or more away from me (I live in a major city, it shouldn't have been that hard to find someone closer).
I talked to a couple of these matches anyway (since eHarmony is convinced of its ability to find highly compatible matches) and we had absolutely nothing to talk about. Now, perhaps we had similar underlying personality traits, but we had NOTHING in common -- not activities, not favorite movies or types of music, not our family backgrounds, not favorite places to travel, not ideas about what we want over the next 5-10 years. One guy even went on and on (despite my tactful attempts to stop him) about how city neighborhoods are scary because of all the black people and that women need to be protected by men. Yuck!
So much for that.
I had hoped that online dating would be more about who you are than what you look like (I attract enough guys at clubs who come over because they think I'm cute and then spend the evening talking to my chest), but so far, in my trials at different sites, that has not turned out to be the case. My online dates haven't been any deeper or more personality-driven or better in any way than the ones with guys I meet out and about. It just increases the odds that you'll meet someone decent because you meet more people.
But I persevere... I'll just keep going through my toad-quotient and living my highly fullfilled and interesting life until I meet the right one.
Good luck to everyone.

I am currently a member. I did a 3 month period. Yep, $100. At first, I did a nationwide search. But realized that I would probably never meet any of the women I would communicate with.
I changed it to something like 200 miles from me. That is a reasonable distance to look.
Have had about 7 matches total in the shorter distance. Only 2 replied. One closed after the 3rd stage I think. The other, we had open communication, and even chatted outside of E-Harmony. Then she stopped writing. I reviewed the emails we exchanged, and I know I didn't write anything obscene. I guess I wasn't what she was looking for.

So, is it worth the more money that you spend? Not in my opinion.

I don't recommend the eHarmony questionnaire for people with Attention deficit disorder. Even with their constant email reminders to finish it, I never did. I'd spend a lot of time analying my answers to make sure it really described the way I felt, then get so bored, I'd just check the next 10 without much thought at all. Just when I thought I was nearing the end, it was '"Oh crap, MORE questions???"

The dating services that let you browse are hard for me too. I start out with good intentions of staying right on track, but it's not long before I'm thinking of anything BUT what I'm supposed to be doing. Like this post--I started it at 10:30...it's now 11:57. And yes, I do know what that says about my prospects of ever meeting anyone.

Wow, I am interested in the perception of others on E-harmony. I have had a very good experience with the program. I signed up for 1 year and within 4 months asked if I could close my account because I had already met someone. As someone mentioned earier, the personality profile done for me was very accurate. I was matched with and e-mailed many guys. Not everyone I was matched with was "my type", and I was closed out by some too, I guess I was not "their type". The guy I met and I are often amazed by the things we have in common. Looks like I will be engaged or married by the end of the year... About the money thing... very interestin, e-harmony allowed me to transfer the remaining 6 months of my paid time to a good friend who was not even on the program yet. Since I had signed up and paid for a year, they really didn't have to give me anything. I have been told that the average person on e-harmony has to be matched up with and meet about 9 people before meeting someone they feel able to spend the rest of their lives with. Most of those who posted on this account do not seem to have given the program much of a chance.

You're very fortunate that you even received your profile. Still waiting for mine..


My opinion, but.. If things are that perfect and wonderful, why wait?!


Again, consider yourself very fortunate. A quick search of something like -ripoff- and -eharmony- brings up people out there trying desperately to dislodge eHarmony from their credit cards but to no avail. Instead they are finding additional charges added.. Really not cool..


Actually, when one really reads consumer~generated complaints, one sees that people DO give the program more than ample time to succeed if that is indeed its ulterior motive for existence. As above, a search on a combination of words like -ripoff- and -eharmony- shows it's not just -this account-.


Oh, goodness, I certainly hope that's not a major promotion point with all the loud complaints about ripoffs and related.


Thanks for the giggle.. I'm finding most to be quite shallow myself. Something that just now occurred to me is that those who demand to immediately see a pic may be doing a quick check to make sure they are not dealing with, oh, say, their own spouse or something.


Had the same thing happen to me just this past weekend but in reverse (he stopped writing completely out of the blue). We were having a blast writing back and forth, too. I guess Life happens.. Too bad. He was a really, really nice guy.

Leaving it on that note.. Well, save for this one more.. Some interesting reading over at RateItAll as well as what one finds when one plugs this in over at the BBB Online..

Happy, safe hunting to us all..

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