What You Don't Have to Share
- Sunday, January 05 2014 @ 07:15 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,211
Everyone knows that being genuine in online dating is helpful; you want your potential match to be drawn to the real you, after all. But is it really necessary to pour your heart and soul out into a profile? More importantly, what should you be holding back?
We tend to place quite a lot of emphasis on writing our profile. It’s natural; it’s the one element of the dating process over which we have complete control. We can’t always control the first impression we make on a date; maybe we’re caught in a rainstorm on the way there, or we’re coming down with a cold so we’re foggy-brained and weak-smiling at best. An online profile, on the other hand, can be meticulously constructed so that the reader sees us at our very best.
But ultimately, the profile is just a way to assess whether we want to send a first-contact email to someone. And the response to the first-contact email isn’t a proclamation of love; again, we’re mostly just checking for red flags to see whether we want to meet in person. It’s in person that the real evaluating can begin. Profiles are helpful in assessing potential - and rest assured, many red flags can show themselves even in the simplest of profiles - but they ultimately aren’t that helpful in assessing chemistry.
So maybe you don’t really need to stress over your profile. It can be unnerving, leaving more up to that first date, where you have less control, but it’s focusing your energy in a more productive direction. In the meantime, you can control what information you do - or don’t - share.
Obviously, you don’t need to share your home address or physical work details - that’s just common sense in safety. What you might not consider is that you don’t have to share your favorite locations, either - the coffee shop you love or the park you visit daily. While it may feel comforting to be in your element on your first date, it’s not so comforting if the date doesn’t work out - and your non-match now has a new favorite spot.
You don’t have to share any details about your life that are particularly private or sensitive. Remember, you haven’t even met on a first date yet. If your potential match is encouraging you to get “close” before you’ve even met, it could be a red flag for a scammer (remember, the goal is to meet, not fall in love with a pen pal). Even if there’s no ill intent, it’s a waste of time and energy - you can share all that later when you’re sure there’s a connection in person.
You don’t have to add them to your social networks; in addition to the fact that there might be personal information there in the form of pictures, comments from friends, and so on, it’s just another tie you’ll have to sever if that first date doesn’t work out. Or a connection you’ll leave awkwardly open. Again, save it for later.
It can be exhilarating, corresponding with a potential match, forging a potential connection over a shared passion. It’s tempting to emotionally jump in with both feet before you’ve even met. But by being aware of what you can keep to yourself, you might keep your feet a little more anchored to the ground - and thus ready to spring in when you really do have an in-person connection.
We tend to place quite a lot of emphasis on writing our profile. It’s natural; it’s the one element of the dating process over which we have complete control. We can’t always control the first impression we make on a date; maybe we’re caught in a rainstorm on the way there, or we’re coming down with a cold so we’re foggy-brained and weak-smiling at best. An online profile, on the other hand, can be meticulously constructed so that the reader sees us at our very best.
But ultimately, the profile is just a way to assess whether we want to send a first-contact email to someone. And the response to the first-contact email isn’t a proclamation of love; again, we’re mostly just checking for red flags to see whether we want to meet in person. It’s in person that the real evaluating can begin. Profiles are helpful in assessing potential - and rest assured, many red flags can show themselves even in the simplest of profiles - but they ultimately aren’t that helpful in assessing chemistry.
So maybe you don’t really need to stress over your profile. It can be unnerving, leaving more up to that first date, where you have less control, but it’s focusing your energy in a more productive direction. In the meantime, you can control what information you do - or don’t - share.
Obviously, you don’t need to share your home address or physical work details - that’s just common sense in safety. What you might not consider is that you don’t have to share your favorite locations, either - the coffee shop you love or the park you visit daily. While it may feel comforting to be in your element on your first date, it’s not so comforting if the date doesn’t work out - and your non-match now has a new favorite spot.
You don’t have to share any details about your life that are particularly private or sensitive. Remember, you haven’t even met on a first date yet. If your potential match is encouraging you to get “close” before you’ve even met, it could be a red flag for a scammer (remember, the goal is to meet, not fall in love with a pen pal). Even if there’s no ill intent, it’s a waste of time and energy - you can share all that later when you’re sure there’s a connection in person.
You don’t have to add them to your social networks; in addition to the fact that there might be personal information there in the form of pictures, comments from friends, and so on, it’s just another tie you’ll have to sever if that first date doesn’t work out. Or a connection you’ll leave awkwardly open. Again, save it for later.
It can be exhilarating, corresponding with a potential match, forging a potential connection over a shared passion. It’s tempting to emotionally jump in with both feet before you’ve even met. But by being aware of what you can keep to yourself, you might keep your feet a little more anchored to the ground - and thus ready to spring in when you really do have an in-person connection.
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