When Self-Doubt Sabotages Your Profile
- Tuesday, November 30 2010 @ 01:03 pm
- Contributed by: Jet
- Views: 1,531
It probably won't come as a surprise to you that confidence and high self-esteem are invaluable assets in the dating world. Confidence covers a myriad of flaws and can literally make you appear more attractive. When we speak of confidence we're usually talking about face-to-face meetings and first dates. However, you may not know that low self-esteem can actually make your online profile less attractive.
Low self-esteem works its way into every aspect of your life, and this can be quite apparent when you're writing about yourself. Even before the viewer gets to the text, they look at a picture of you – and to put it bluntly, an insincere smile looks exactly as fake as it is. Try taking a picture of yourself on a good day, when you know you're looking great, and one on a day where you feel poorly. Night and day. As a result, even pictures that aren't technically perfect – with messy hair or eyes closed from laughing – can have more positive results, if they're genuine.
Then we get to the sections of self-description. Here's where the red flags can really sneak in. First and foremost, the very words you choose might reflect bitterness: “baggage,” “drama,” “playing games” all paint a picture, and not a very happy one. How you describe yourself can be much the same, even if you're trying to give it a positive spin: “chubby, so deal with it,” “skinny nerd,” “more personality than conventional looks.” Here's a hint: if you feel you need to add “ha ha” to anything to take the edge off, it's probably best to scrap it altogether.
However, let's say you've gone through and meticulously edited out all traces of insecurity. Your low self-esteem could still be peeking through. Simply put, if you don't feel you're a good catch, your very profile will be lacking warmth and come across as “flat” and insincere. Yes, it can be hard to toot your own horn – but how else are you expected to set yourself apart?
Raising your self-esteem is no easy task, but it can be done. Just as poor self-esteem can spread into all areas of your life, so can good self-esteem. Focus on what you like about yourself, and play up those attributes. Before you know it, you'll be giving yourself the credit you genuinely deserve.
Low self-esteem works its way into every aspect of your life, and this can be quite apparent when you're writing about yourself. Even before the viewer gets to the text, they look at a picture of you – and to put it bluntly, an insincere smile looks exactly as fake as it is. Try taking a picture of yourself on a good day, when you know you're looking great, and one on a day where you feel poorly. Night and day. As a result, even pictures that aren't technically perfect – with messy hair or eyes closed from laughing – can have more positive results, if they're genuine.
Then we get to the sections of self-description. Here's where the red flags can really sneak in. First and foremost, the very words you choose might reflect bitterness: “baggage,” “drama,” “playing games” all paint a picture, and not a very happy one. How you describe yourself can be much the same, even if you're trying to give it a positive spin: “chubby, so deal with it,” “skinny nerd,” “more personality than conventional looks.” Here's a hint: if you feel you need to add “ha ha” to anything to take the edge off, it's probably best to scrap it altogether.
However, let's say you've gone through and meticulously edited out all traces of insecurity. Your low self-esteem could still be peeking through. Simply put, if you don't feel you're a good catch, your very profile will be lacking warmth and come across as “flat” and insincere. Yes, it can be hard to toot your own horn – but how else are you expected to set yourself apart?
Raising your self-esteem is no easy task, but it can be done. Just as poor self-esteem can spread into all areas of your life, so can good self-esteem. Focus on what you like about yourself, and play up those attributes. Before you know it, you'll be giving yourself the credit you genuinely deserve.
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